Xolokristo: The Rains are down, Lagos is flooded, Akoka is sinking,
I pray there are no casualties!
On a serious note which area is free from flood in Lagos?

Festac!

Ilekokonit: For personal reasons, I stopped going to church in 1999 and decided to from then on communicate with God one on one.

With the following scandals involving popular pastors, my decision is being justified on a continual basis.

What does one make of :-

Pastor Albert Odulele scandal and jail term (I used to go to his church in 1993 but stopped as I couldn't concentrate due to the amount of mini skirt clad ladies that strutted their stuff around at the time)
Bishop Eddie Long scandal
Bishop Eddie Long's wife filing for divorce
Creflo Dollar's 15 year old daughter calling the cops on him
Benny Hinn's lenghty seperation from his wife
Pastor Douglas Goodman debacle and jail term

All of the above named were highly respected men of God in christian circles that their predicament calls into serious questions whether they still hear from God or whether they are now operating in the flesh after the annointing has departed them.

Only God knows the truth.

One has to be VERY CAREFUL who one CHOOSES to be ones pastor.

The days are really evil and some so called pastors are yielding themselves to filthy lucre and outright immorality. They are falling right left and centre.

Stop placing your pastors on a pedestal.

Some pastors (a.k.a entertainers / fund raisers) are no better than a musician who plays every Sunday in an Auditorium (a.k.a Church) to music lovers (a.k.a church goers) who have paid their gate fees (a.k.a tithes / offering / pledges) to watch the entertainer / pastor strut his/her stuff on the stage / pulpit.

Some church members actually have a higher calling from God than the pastor that they subconsciously worship and idolise.

when you're invited to attend churches that hold on to the bible like Assemblies of God, Apostolic Faith, Redeemed, Deeper Life, Foursquare Church and a host of other sound churches, you were attracted to the churches on the other side, who have no history to call them to order.
Please do not desert church altogether, but try out the aforementioned and some others that haven't lost their head and attend with your eyes and ears 'wide' open.
Cheers.

Marriage doesn't answer all your needs.
This same man that told you to leave might become irritable when the financial burden becomes too much for him to bear.
Are you sure you love him enough?
If you do, then you might need to postpone the wedding till you get a job in Abuja. If he refuses, without any cogent reason, you might need to reconsider his proposal.
Incidentally, I just read a newlywed's account about her pre-marital expectations. You can check it below:
http://www.startmarriageright.com/2012/05/12-things-i-didnt-expect-from-marriage/
Cheers.

drnoel:

I am rather repulsed by how u chose to think. Did u really read her thread well? If u did, please don´t tell me u would write that kind of shit. As for me, it has nothing to do with insulting her cos she turned a guy down cos of what he had. It had everything to do with the type of mentality she used to write the thread. The thing is, this mentality is very obtainable in many Nigerian men and women but its shouldn´t be so. The mentality, the sound of the thread and how she ended and still tried to defend herself is what I detested and called immature not that she turned the guy down. I actually do applaud her for what she did but she has to work on that mentality.

(smile) then you should have commended for positive aspect, instead of focusing on the negative ONLY. I commended her stance (applaudable whether people agree or not...even Honda 2000 has girls dumping their carless bobos/fiancées) and then pointed out where she went wrong.

You would also get defensive if only your negative areas are pointed, while your positives are ignored always.
Cheers.

Royal-VII:
This thread isn't about men vs women...smh

Clearly there are women in here who see the flaws in her ways.

There are women here who have criticized Her as well.

Some might be the gold diggers you men have always complained about.

MsDarkSkin: Tisa,

When rocks are thrown aimlessly, those hit will scream out in pain.

As you can see, you've managed to bruise the egos of many men who are like him - MINUS THE MONEY. <<<

Their ONLY 'power' after slaving to make a living, is to then put down strong women who do not fit in their ideal small minded box:

- I am THE/A man...if I call to her, she must come.

- ALL women are the same

- NO WOMAN is to refuse me, or the material things I offer to compensate for my lack of character

You, Tisa, broke 'the rules' by rejecting him and questioning him. Period.

Oh, and I am sure to some of these guys on here "calling you out", that you must forget the other threads declaring women who DO want men who have nice things/rides/money as being "gold diggers". How convenient would that be, right?

A man CAN own a Maserati and can indeed be humble, only interested in know who Tisa is - NO DOUBT. But at the end of the day you will only know by his actions and the fact that his "game"/approach would be totally different from a chauvinist. For one thing, he would introduce himself in a manner that clearly aims to separate himself from his wealth.

*MODIFIED*

Versus the clown who while talking to you, checks to "see the time" every second just in case you hadn't seen his Rolex the first 30 times he did. Not to mention only interested in "informing you" of how great he is, his achievements, what he has and not caring if he's caught taking a few glimpses of your bodily features/shape.

These are the things REAL women watch out for, and determines whether or not they consider a man. IT'S ALL IN THE APPROACH. It's not about singling out men who have things/money....as I have always said..."If I see a FLASHY man, I go the other way"...I stand by that.

Growing up, I remember my mom telling me as a child "When hungry, NEVER lie on your back, lie on your belly". Meaning, "a woman with dignity would rather suppress her pain/deal with reality rather than spread her legs for the highest bidder for a way out."

Wow! Are you a relationship expert?
You just said it all.
Men open threads on gold diggers, and a decent lady opens a thread specifically countering what they said, and they throw tantrums like 2-year olds. The sad thing is that these men are going to be heads of a home (cringes at the thought). I pity women that end up with them.

The funny thing is a lot of them are pushing their legs to the limit, while others have a Benz 190 which isn't a bad thing in itself, but to insult a lady because she turned down what you don't have, is despicable.
Besides, this thread has garnered 9 pages already, despite the complaints about this thread being pushed up.

TisaBone:

are you the type of man who prefers them young and dumb?

that way its easier to run weak game?

that an older woman would balk at, laughing in your face

before going on her merry way?

That's a perfect reply.
Keep up the good work sis!
But I'll like to chip it in that you shouldn't pass up the chance to meet your true love by assuming that because of the age difference he's looking for a play thing or has a wife or girl somewhere. Doesn't always work that way as life isn't all about black or white, as there are also greys.

There was a Christian family friend who was 39 year old doctor, and was interested in me (I was 25 at the time). Over the years he had spent most evenings at our house, so he didn't have any girl or wife. So be careful about making assumptions that isn't based on facts.

Wish you the best gurl...and don't be tempted to let go till you're married.

TisaBone:

are you the type of man who prefers them young and dumb?

that way its easier to run weak game?

that an older woman would balk at, laughing in your face

before going on her merry way?

That's a perfect reply.

TisaBone:

are you the type of man who prefers them young and dumb?

that way its easier to run weak game?

that an older woman would balk at, laughing in your face

before going on her merry way?

Ouch! That's

Funkymallam:

U must b 20 really. Who still uses credits to browse? There are data plans.

As for the netwrk problem u mentioned, i bother only about my ntwrk but u bother about ur ntwrk and RIM servers.
U see, u bother more

It's immature to make fun of someone's 'youth'. He's 20, so what?
Forget whatever foolish thing you did or said at that age, and ask yourself this "would you have been happy if people made light of your comment based on your young age?"
Please learn to think twice before making light of someone's comment.
Cheers.

chellsee: I tink I've fallen into d same shoes wit d lady. I'm a virgin or at least I used to think so. I've only ever had 1 boyfriend. Our relationship has been on for 2yrs and counting. We r actually making plans to get married. I've never been wit any oda guy, he's been d only person. We smooch and all dat and we jst started dat recently. Afta reading dis, it occured to me to go for medical check-up. And I found dt my hymen has been broken. When? I dn't know. I dn't remember anytime we smooched and I saw blood so how would I tell him dt he's d person who actually deflowered me. He's a very jealous person. Wheneva I come arnd, he asks questions. Like: dear, I hope u've not been wit any man. He always wants to know all d guys dat ask me out and all dat. But I jst make light of it or else, we'd end up having issues. So, if on our wedding nite, he finds out dt there's no hymen. He'd probably tink dt I've slept wit someone else. And d trust would be gone. Cos, how would I tell him dt he's d one who broke d hymen wen even I didn't notice blood @ any point in time. Dis is a very confusing matter. I'm even in a dilemma as to whether or not to tell him abt it. I tink I've fallen into d same shoes wit d lady. I'm a virgin or at least I used to think so. I've only ever had 1 boyfriend. Our relationship has been on for 2yrs and counting. We r actually making plans to get married. I've never been wit any oda guy, he's been d only person. We smooch and all dat and we jst started dat recently. Afta reading dis, it occured to me to go for medical check-up. And I found dt my hymen has been broken. When? I dn't know. I dn't remember anytime we smooched and I saw blood so how would I tell him dt he's d person who actually deflowered me. He's a very jealous person. Wheneva I come arnd, he asks questions. Like: dear, I hope u've not been wit any man. He always wants to know all d guys dat ask me out and all dat. But I jst make light of it or else, we'd end up having issues. So, if on our wedding nite, he finds out dt there's no hymen. He'd probably tink dt I've slept wit someone else. And d trust would be gone. Cos, how would I tell him dt he's d one who broke d hymen wen even I didn't notice blood @ any point in time. Dis is a very confusing matter. I'm even in a dilemma as to whether or not to tell him abt it.

Please tell him. Better now, than when you've tied the knot.

As for me, I would relate this story to whoever I want to marry, and wouldn't go for a medical check up (I can't stand the pain of any probing down there before time, Abeg); if he insists that there must be a hymen (although I suspect there is from taking a swab year years ago) I'll tell him to take a walk jo. It would mean I've been delivered from spending a lifetime with an immature man who can't see beyond his nose.

To why your hymen might have broken, it could be due to wear and tear as you walk (for those with thin hymen), you might be among the lucky few who weren't born with a hymen (I say lucky because you've been saved the pain, afterall, there are ladies who have a minor opration for it to be broken before their wedding). Also, during your monthlies, have you had a petting session because blood from the hymen might have been mistaken for menstrual blood.

Just know this, hymen or no hymen, you are still a virgin. What if you were raped as a baby? Does that make you less a virgin? It doesn't. Enjoy your virginity, and give it to the man who deserves it, after he's placed a ring in your finger.

Finally, I don't know why you aren't having sex before marriage, but if it is because of your religious beliefs then you are still sinning with all the petting and such.

Wish you the best,sis. Chin-up and smile.
Cheers.

queensmith:
This is your truth not mine- I'm not religious.
So long story short, op should read the bible and the quaran to accept, but not actually justify that it is her duty in this God given world to stress and suffer while her husband puts his feet up as the Lord your God has intended it to be. All things not being equal women should be subject to slavery.
Kinda makes me wonder what the incentive is for being religious. It's not like religious men have good qualities compared to non- religous ones.

I beg to disagree.
A man who is TRULY following the bible would help his wife.
The man's role, according to the bible, is tougher than the woman's being that he was instructed to love his wife the way Christ loved the Church, and sacrificed His life for it. Christ served the church by loving her so much that He gave His life up.

The man's role is to ensure his wife isn't made uncomfortable even if he has to give up his personal comfort to ensure this.

For the woman not abuse this privilege, she was admonished to submit to her husband, in the hope that he loves her more than he loves himself. But trust those Nigerian men who attend church to warm the benches, or who are hopelessly selfish to quote only "wives submit into your husbands" without getting an indepth understanding of their major duty.

Baawaa: That means you are lazy,no kids for now as you said just for you to go to office and do domestic chores you are complaining.Is better you adjust yourself now so that the complain will not much when kids comes-in  

Same way a man is lazy if he comes back from work earlier or same time with his wife and can't cook or clean up.
Rubbish!
Most Nigerian men only know how to say "I'm a man", yet they are butt lazy.
Where's your conscience when you expect your wife to contribute financially, while you wouldn't make things easier for BOTH of you by cookin, washing or cleaning?
Kudos to the men who aren't like this.

Sagamite:

The locally raised ones are still better on average than the L'OReal shytheads we have in the UK, but some of the urban western wannabee ones (ala Lagos babes) are getting close to their UK peers.

That said, [b][/b]the local West African ones are still inferior to Southern African women.

Every time I have met Nigerian girls raised in Continental Europe, they have always been absolutely gorgeous specimen of womanhood. There must be something in the water they drink outside UK and West Africa that is divine.

It's unfortunate that your encounters with Nigerian women (those are who I can speak for) hasn't taken you to where you can find intelligent, classy and very decent ladies. I'm fortunate to have met and associated with such women, same way I feel blessed to have met and been friends with men of solid character (if not for these men, I'll have had a flawed perspective of all Nigerian men, like you have).

You need to look beyond what everyone sees.

afosam4real: Let me sound EMPHATICALLY here to the poster to tell his friend that not all virgin girl bleed at the first intercourse. The poster's friend just need to trust his wife and go ahead to enjoy his marriage. Please,the young man should spear his wife of the mental stress and take good care of his wife. Let me conclude by saying,experience is the best teacher. I won't say more than that. The young man involve should send me a message into my facebook inbox,while I tell him some facts about virginity. Here is my email address;afosam4real@yahoo.com. Thank you.

Reminds me of the man that beat up his wife because he was intimate with her using a condom, only for hour to get pregnant. Fortunately, her son was his splitting image right from birth.

Bottomline: if your spouse has given you a reason to trust him or her, do so wholly.

I love the family section. It gives insight to various situations.
I also enjoy posts about dogs.

harakiri: @Topicr coz there's no fun or excitement in marriage.Ask married and divorced couples! ! !

You've been hanging around the wrong married people, I assure you.

No way!
The chap in that picture isn't the 'just came from America' dude.
Please can someone tell me Wakili isn't the one behind this disgusting 'I'm so fly' post. Just convince me there was a software malfunction or whatever jargon, that put the wrong pic on his profile, and I'll agree.

At-all at-all na im bad pass! I've finally seen it live.

Ps: can't stand 'tude from anyone, but from a Wakili...

I feel so ashamed that men who are supposed to head homes, can sink so low as to view a lady they do not know as the woman "who said no" to them because they are broke, or their "girlfriend who left" because they couldnt afford to give her money. You take pleasure in finally being able to bash a lady because you've got no balls to tell off your exes face to face, so hide behind your screen and have fun at a vulnerable woman's expense.
Shame on you!
Please start acting like men, and stop being petty.
I'm sure most of those ladies left you not because you are broke, but because you are poor and very sorry excuses for men.
Please grow up.

For Jesus to have stood by an adulterous woman, and forgave her, who do you think you are?

@OP: your post is vague. What exactly is the issue? Why are you tired of the marriage?
What do you miss about your ex?
Were you sexually intimate with him?

There was a woman who shared her soul tie story. She had been sexually involved with only one man before getting married. She had also become a Born again christian.
Into the marriage she began to feel a strong sexual pull towards her ex and was afraid she would be tempted to cheat with him. She knew she wasn't in love with him any longer which got her perplexed.
Fortunately, she was blessed with a real man, which led her to share the challenge with him.
They both realised it was a soul-tie, she went for deliverance and got set free.
They are from the Western country.
Could this be your case?
Enlighten us more.

Pls remember that "marriage is honorable, the bed undefiled". Please don't defile your marriage bed.
The devil is strongly against marriage and fights even the strongest of them.

Na wa o! NL is a world on its own.
There's something surprising me though: why would a married woman get on her computer some minutes past 5am to reply to a post on NL (UK's still on GMT)?
This is the very thing that scares me about being housewife.
I don't want to have mainly faceless friends, nor have my husband talk to me like I'm the housemaid ("you didn't iron the collar of my shirt well. What do you even do that you can't complete a simple task like this? Guess you should have studied Home Management rather than, ". Of course, being a housewife would he much easier for me, but who I would become is what scares me, though some others can cope better than me.

@OP: I tend to question even my actions, so I'll like you to personally question your husband's reason for sponsoring your Masters degree simply because he wants to brag about the education of his wife or because he wants you to work with it.
Also, be certain of his love for you, as a lot of people equate care with love. Care is when you assist someone by making them feel better; while love is placing someone's need before yours, more often than not (men are not likely to do this that's the bible states that husbands should love their wives by giving their lives for them). Thus, you can care without loving, but you can't love without caring. For example you can care for your car by taking it to mechanic.
If you've been able to establish that his love is genuine, and his intentions without guile, then you could go ahead with his idea, without ignoring the pointers from ftmom.

I do sincerely wish you a happy and successful marriage.

Goodness! I can see a lot of jealousy on this thread. The truth is some people here envy your degrees (men who wonder why a woman should have what they don't, and women envying a fellow woman for having such), and they would give you advice based on that.

Ftmom stayed home also, but she isn't advising you to tow her line; instead she's giving you areas to examine to ensure things turn out right like it did for her, unlike some others that just say "stay at home".
One lady here also gave her sister's example (I'm grateful to that lady for sharing because it will also guide me too) which you can learn from.
This reminds me of a man in my office (top oil and gas company) he was earning big (by oil and gas standard o not Nigeria's standard), but he fell ill and died. This man was very very nice, but he still died, leaving behind a housewife and 3 young kids. I wonder what their fate will be.

This is a very sensitive issue.

There's something I'm quite concerned about- your husband referring to your kids as HIS. This shows that he's willing to place his kids above you and doesn't understand the meaning of marriage i.e leaving and cleaving. You are both one, the kids are just extras but you both own each other as partners. If he's this way because he doesn't know better, then you could try educating him through books or the Facebook page "truly faithful" run by a couple worth emulating. A lot of us just need to understand things better, and this might be his case. On the flip side, he might truly have the I-own-them mentality, which could prove to be a problem if you don't take this job.
Are you certain he wouldn't leave you cold and dry (it's happened before) for another lady (kids don't always follow their parenta' footsteps and vice-versa)?
If you stay home, you wouldn't have much to talk about and he might find the office ladies more interesting, as you'll only have mundane things to talk about. You would also yearn to talk to him more after a boring day and he might find thta irritating after a while.
Also, that sharp office look might be one he would end up missing and could send him out.

A friend told me of a man he knew and visited who sent 1 million naira home monthly as he wasn't based in Lagos. The wife wasn't working. the man died and his wife is now living in a community without electricity. His family might have come to take up everything (this is my own assumption).

I was reading a book written by a woman who believed in women staying home. She gave an example of a woman she trained and ago decided to be one. She would tidy up and prepare gourmet for her family. this lady became so depressed with being a housewife that her husband and 10-year old son told pleasdec with her to get a job. She did and became happier; they benefitted from this.
the brain grows smaller with lack of stimulating mental activities.
Would your children give you the respect you deserve as their mother?

A lot of us have benefitted from our mothers working because of those times their fathers lost their jobs.
You can get a nanny and fix cameras all over your house for monitoring.

I'm not telling you to work, because that's pretty challenging. I tell you the truth, you would find it difficult some days, especially if it's a bit far from your residence.
You would also be able to bond well with your kids if you choose to stay home.

My advice is this: after weighing all, and you decide to work, put it before your husband humbly. Tell him how much you love him and that you want to do this for your sanity so it wouldn't affect your relationship with him. Let him know how much you respect his mom and wish you had her strengths. Talk about this gently, while holding and caressing him.
Make his head swell. All this should be after a tasty meal (if he's sentimental, candle-lit dinner with no light but the candles, lingerie etc). You can massage his feet or an activity he loves so much- not limited to sex, just be creative.
Tomorrow's environmental so you gave enough time to get the 'car' warm before the grand finale (dinner et al) in the evening.

Really wishing you the best.
Do let us know how things go.

I'm amused by NLanders. Are Nigerians this insultive?
I believe we can pass across our message without being insultive.

I'm left-handed also and I've had to learn to use a fork on my left hand (duh) while using a knife with me right, same way I've learnt to use the mouse with my right hand.
The truth is I wish I had started out like this lady instead of trying to follow so-called etiquette, because I can't switch over now, yet using a knife on my right hand has not been easy. In other words, I've allowed myself to be a slave to etiquette.
I battle with my chicken as my right-hand isn't that strong, and there's been a time I think my chicken fell off me plate or so.

I have this close friend of mine that probably understood that my right hand wasn't that strong (I was a partial expert by then). Whenever we go out to eat, together or with friends, he would offer to cut my chicken or beef for me, or start cutting them for me while I was eating. It's just occurring to me now that he was being sensitive to my need. I just thought he was babying me then.

Synthesis, would you have done this?
Do you care more about the meaning that people would attach to your action than helping a sista out?
Please think on this.

Smh, Tinubu HAS a great strategist. He just single-handedly won over the naïve igbo people with this speech. I know him well enough to know that this is a 'win-over' speech, and what better time to launch it than when people have been made vulnerable by grief.

Whenever I read the comments of the yorubas, with regard to him, I stake by head at their ignorance, but for the igbo people to also be bought over means he has won over the the whole south; lest I forget, he's also a Muslim and would use that to win over a large amount of the Northerners.

The thought of the future of Nigeria, in light of all these, and more, makes my heart bleed.
Please don't be deceived.

I don't doubt those who scored so high. The test was a piece of cake for those who prepared adequately. For me, I'm not that interested in the job as someone applied on my behalf, but I went for it without preparing one bit and was surprised at how easy it would be for someone who prepared. Scored 50% in it. I've heard unpalatable stories about union bank, hence my lackdaisical attitude.
Wishing you the best.

It's so sad when people complain about someone vouching 100% for their husbands.
I can never ever have anything to do with such a man. Yes, we are humans and are fallible, but when your mind is made up on something of this nature, then you would not find yourself in such a situation.
Fela Durotoye told God that the day he cheats on his wife would be his last day on earth. He then went on to say that he looks at any woman who wants to sleep with him as an assassin he Must FLEE from.
Once we give cheating an I-hope-it-will-not-happen place in our life, then there will be a day it will happen; but once we say "I respect my wife, creator and body enough to NEVER make it happen, then it will not.

If you also have a 'I'll tell you everything' relationship with your spouse, then you are on the right track.
A woman was tempted with adultery, and emotionally, she had committed it; she was to take the client to visit a house the next day (she was into real estate), but she knew that if she did, she was going to commit adultery with him. That day, she got home and confessed everything to her husband, and with tears, asked him to pray for her.
I wonder what you, as a Nigerian man would do in that situation. To know the husband's account of what he thought and how he felt, visit their Facebook page "Truly Faithful". You would see transparency in action.

Ps: I wonder why the only verse Nigerian men know about if "wives submit unto your husbands" but they never see the verse that talks about sacrificing even your life for your wife or the one that talks about committing adultery when you've looked at a woman with lust.

, read everyone's mind and still keep a sealed lips. but what I'd love to do is to love God with all my soul, all my strength and with all my mind.

*too uninteresting to share*

[flash=200,200]http://restless[/flash]

if a woman and her child r abbandoned by her husband/boyfriend, she should put all her efforts on bringing up the child in a decent way. and to do so, theres no place for another man in her life. a new man will never accept a child wich isnt hes own.

I disagree with you. there's nothing like NEVER . There are men, albeit few, who would love the child like his theirs. It takes a matured man to do so though, same applies to women.

why am i always stuck with ?
i bet when you find the woman of your heart desire,your father will come and teach you how to do it while your mum will hold her legs for you,
first son my foot!
please grow up

@Annawhite- you took the words right out of my mouth.

@poster- If you've engaged in an activity that could have resulted in you having a child, then I think you should quit complaining and act like a 'real man'. But if you haven't, I [i][/i]might just understand your pain.