₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Sexyolori post=65032574][/quote]Thank you, but writing doesn't give money

The year was 2013, I was on industrial training, attached to an Engineering firm in Lekki.

My lunch throughout my attachment period revolved around Gala and La-Casera, Coke or Sprite. I never dared to eat from any of the very few canteens in the site area because there was every likelihood of purging.

So this particular afternoon after our lunch break, the chief Foreman of the company kept on with stories about a certain Calabar lady that dished him his lunch. About how wonderful her cooking prowess was, he went on and on about this Calabar lady.

So because the reviews of this lady were too much, the Engineer I was working under decided that we go and check her out towards the close of work.
We left the site and trekked to the canteen at some minutes to 4 O'Clock. We checked her out and one thing led to another, plastic chairs and tables were carried out, we sat down and my superiors declared the floor open for the bottles of Beer that was now before us.
For some very uncanny reasons, for some very mysterious reasons, I went ahead to drink on an empty stomach. My breakfast that morning was tea and I skipped my usual lunch that day.

Because I was drinking on an empty belly, I got tipsy after the first bottle of Star. Then I needed to impress the people I was with, I needed to show them I could drink like a man, so I stretched out my hand and accepted the second bottle as soon as the option was made available to me.
After the first round of drinks, the foreman with us got angry at nobody and started saying stuff that he wasn't supposed to be saying on a very normal day. To be sincere, I was surprised.

How could just one bottle make him start ticking?
Who knew I was next in line to tick.

I stood up to go and urinate after I had gulped down half of the content in the second bottle and I felt what Neil Armstrong must have felt after he stepped out from his space shuttle. I was levitating.

Who took my legs?

I staggered to and returned back to my seat after doing what I had gone to do.

The Engineer smiled, I am sure he must have noticed that he was now two men short from a company of three. I refused to go another round after I finished my second bottle.

Getting drunk two hours away from home was one thing, the other part was getting home in one piece.

That's the difficult part.

The Engineer offered that I could come crash at his house if I couldn't make it home by myself.
I told him I will be fine.

How could I have agreed? There was FIFA13 at home that was waiting for my arrival. Even, my reputation was at stake.

The engineer entered a bike and off he rode towards his house. He lived not too far from the site in the Igbeafor area of Lekki.
I was now left with the chief foreman, we boarded a bike together and went towards the junction where we would board a bus.

In the midst of my drunkenness lay a fear.
The fear of crossing over the Lekki-Epe expressway.

On a daily basis, people who were in full control of their senses get knocked down on this road and here was I without my senses with someone who entered the ecstasy state before me trying to cross the road.

For a long while before this day, I had forgotten what a guardian angel meant. If guardian Angels used mobile phones, his battery would have died from my calls and text messages.

Till this day, how we walked across more than 15meters of paved asphalt and no vehicle even came as close as screeching for our sake is still a mystery to me.

This particular act of ours qualified us to get featured in an episode of "A thousand ways to die".

I parted ways with the Foreman, entered the bus that was heading straight to C.M.S park, bent down my head and slept off instantly like someone that was sedated. If the driver and the rest of the passengers had decided to change their mind and drive us to Abeokuta that night, I would have been the last person to revolt after we must have reached the destination.

If you've ever been to C.M.S Park, you'll notice that there is a portion of the wall that has "DO NOT URINATE HERE" written in almost all the languages of the world. Motherfvckers even had it engraved in Braille.

You will have to be a dead person for you to disobey this warning.

I have witnessed twice what happens to the unlucky people who decided to go that wall to urinate.
The first was a nice looking guy that was dressed on suit, he was still doing his thing when this huge Ape looking, Macho, like man dragged him away from behind. Even the Jews during WW2 were never dragged like that in their concentration camps.

It wasn't the embarrassment that was the issue, I am sure the Ape-like man must have forcefully taken away some of the other man’s prized possessions.
The second was an old man who could pass as my grandfather. After he pleaded and pleaded to the Ape-like guy that the last money on him was for his transportation home, he took his watch and still collected the money.....

The green and white bus that had me in it roared to a stop as we entered Ajah park, the time now was some minutes to 8 pm. 8 pm or even 8:30 pm at C.M.S park looked 11 am in most eastern states. I came down and crossed over to C.M.S Park.

Then it happened........

My bladder beeped...

I needed to Pee!

I needed to urinate.

My next ride was from C.M.S to Aguda Surulere through Eko bridge axis, because of the free nature of the traffic system of Lagos, a journey of less than 30mins will be clocking around 2hours. But I needed to pee and my only option was on that "wall".

I had 700naira with me. One 200naira note and one 500naira note. I separated the money. #200 for my ride home and #500 in the case the universe decided to turn the tides against me.

The kind of morale I had at this moment would have been able to make me stop bullets if someone tried shooting at me.

I walked towards the wall and stopped some inches away from where all the warning was boldly written. I unzipped my Jeans, brought out my other self and released the chains that were keeping me in bondage. Upon all the morale I claimed I had, I expected someone to come from behind and slap the two bottles of beer out of my head.

I finished urinating, zipped up and turned around. Nothing happened. So I quietly walked to the bus, paid, sat down and slept off immediately. I didn’t know when the bus got filled up or even when it drove off from the park, the vehicle passed my bus-stop and took me to the last bus-stop which was Kpako-Aguda.

Bikes charge as much 100naira from this place but who enters bike when he still has a leg?

The conductor had to shout before I woke up, I was the only left inside. He asked me if I wanted to sleep in his bus.

Immediately I stepped down, all the contents in my stomach surged up immediately towards my mouth. They wanted to be free and so I allowed them. I opened my mouth and damaged the surrounding ground with my internally generated waste. I felt better and walked gradually back home to like a ghost that was looking for someone to possess.

After what seem an d like eternity, I found the house. Opened the gate, climbed upstairs and fell down on the bed.

No one knew what transpired and why I didn't bother to ask for night food that day.

It was after some days that I narrated to them my story.

...The End.

Anyenmoney:
$50,000 on my mind...

When did you get your Bib and at what time of the day? Went there today around 10 am and the multitude there overwhelmed me.
I had to turn back.

Choi!

This Hero chill die!!

morikee:
wow spending money on HQ Photography. Who noticed her security details is now whites

Aunty's level has changed

seunny4lif:
Story don start again
2018 new me new story

Kill this
kill that
[b]then you go endup in Jail [/b]

This made me laugh really hard. Thanks for this.
Happy new year!

MatricNumber:
I had a female friend like that during my service year, she had a fiance back in lagos but we're still banging cos she's a nymphomaniac. Everytime i go over to her side i usually buy stuffs along e.g sliced bread, cheap wine, fruits e.t.c. One day she called me while i was still in my ppa that she's Hot and she needs me, so i got a bike and went straight to her place like that. On getting there the first thing she noticed wasnt my erection but my empty hands and i explained why i couldnt buy anything this time around. Like play like play she change am for me and was expecting me to apologise before we can smash. I endured my hard erection and walked out with my integrity. No way i will beg for kitten in my lifetime. Aint happening

Hahahahaha

dingbang:
Wait.. Does the birthmark shift from left to right?

Yes, e dey use remote control

ChiefPiiko:
At 28, I already built a house, constructing another one at Lekki, own a nice car, I'm in a serious relationship and I own a business worth over 50 million naira. Well that was before the alarm woke me up this morning..

You are Groot!!

ubunja:
dont drug them.THATS RAPE.throw spanish fly away
do this:
snatch something she is holding.her fone or pen.or purse.whatever.put that thing behind your back.dont run away.just stay there.she will try to wrestle for that thing from behind you.and as u struggle against each other bodies touch.skin contacts happens. just watch magic happen.that struggle with take the two of u down a different road than the one u thought..
this is the tactic most gals use to initiate sex with guys.but most guys never see the signal.
if someone grabs something u holding and puts it behind their back or runs off with it ITS ON.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baba!!

At 1:10 - I think I heard .......and so many great niggers...

mckazzy:
Lol........ Abeg, is 'SIAMESE' a town or a city in lagos??

Lol! So you saw it too?
Ikorodu and Abule Egba na twin brothers naa. I think that's what he meant.

blackboy2star:
Okada Okada Okada... the only ride that knows no traffic, free air condition but straight to hell if not careful (accident)

Well said, bro!!

Achilles from Edo state

That Nigga looks like Hushpuppy, e fit be his brother.

I can't really remember the particular class I was in or my age then but this incident will forever be evergreen in my memory.

One day, I was in the kitchen with my mum and some of my siblings then I don't know the kind demon that pushed me or village people that pressed some buttons, I stood over our drum that was filled with water and spat inside. I poured spit inside the drum.

There was no cane around in the house that day, my mum used her comb to drill the living daylight, Amadioha and Agbasa out of my life.

Till today, I still respect that comb, it was blue in color.
Comb image is attached..

Divay22:
Lol
I know say he no go die, if he hard well well na faint he for faint
I accepted my defeat, but him talking about it made me retaliate..

But i don't do stuff like that anymore, A moment of patience when angry saves one from future destruction

Abeg oh, it's good that old things have passed away

Divay22:
I no fit explain how he happen, na for school, abi for house, or for Well when we dey fetch water.... but i know say i don chop beating way make me wan commit suicide

I run reach river make i jump enter water, omo I see death run go house back go cry ..

It all happened when we were fetching water from the Well, and a boy i was at least a year other than was dishing out words to me, only for the rest kids still waiting to fetch water to tell me i was afraid of this small rat, that i couldn't beat him..

So out of over confident or (make i no fall my hand) i went to him and slapped him, na so fight start o, the guy beat me ehn, I was just on the ground crying and when i stood up, gathered the Lil courage i had and with shame i cried home,and i made a mistake of telling my mum, she added her own beating that made me wanted to commit suicide and i went to bed without eating that day, in her words "It useless feeding me "


Days later we met at the Well again, now this boy was using what he did to get back at me, other kids around the well were just hailing him, my spirit was so angry, i really wanted revenge..
I asked him to stop talking that it was okay, he matched to my front and told me what will i do if he doesn't stop, out of anger and pains, I carried my empty rubber bucket and use it to hit him hard, boy landed on the ground and i kept using the bucket to hit him, dude say his blood and he was weak and they took him home, only for the mum to match to my house later that evening to report to my mum.... One word i didn't say..

And not until we left that location, the boy never talked to me again, he eventually became scared of me....That's one among the things you see when you grow up in the Street

Na so them dey take kill person be this oh

darlingtonemy:
I left school and went swimming with friends,not a swimming pool, but a river,a family friend saw me while going,ran home nd told my dad who stormed to the river and gave everyone the beating of their lives.as if the one he flogged me there was not enough,hr gave me another 200 strokes later that night. That was how I developed phobia for water.

Hahaha!
Waterphobic

JamesReacher:
You have started your foolishness again. So God sinked Titanic?

Lol! I just weak

micxwell:
Nice one. Firstly, the English test really has nothing to do with whether you'll be admitted or not. Just score at least 40 that's all.
No test from the department. They process admission based on your transcript. Although, applicants with First class and Second class upper are considered first. If anyone amongst the admitted applicants refuses to accept the admission then, they fill it up with others on the queue. God factor is very important too bro. I wish you all the best and I pray your time spent on the program will be less than a year like ours too . God bless.

Thanks man!

micxwell:
Wow.. 200k?. I just finished from same department and I spent a lil bit above 400k.. Project, miscellaneous inclusive

Quick question bro, I just applied for this same program against 2017/2018 session.
I scored quite well in English test.

Please, I would love to know if the department conducts their own test before one is offered an admission.

I look forward to your feedback.

Many Thanks!

Boko Haram base is now mud house?

Nigerian Army be deceiving ya self there

Happy Birthday, Wene Mighty!

zagadat1:
nothing of such for that dept yet. But you know anything can change any moment especially if they had too many applications and other factors. I just learnt that they use your school( federal, state, private uni, poly have a particular point), degree grade, dept test grade(if they really conduct any) and ept score to pick applicants.

Thanks man!

This your moniker make sense oh

zagadat1:
not all... civil don't do dept test but anything can happen this time around.

Okay, thanks man!

What about oral test/interview?

zagadat1:
Anyone here applied for civil engineering?

Hello, yes I did.

Is there any news?

motun2017:
Cooked every weekend for him and his hungry friends,when i say cook i mean varieties ranging from rice to yam to efo riro etc etc abeg. i was doing housechores lik im his housemaid, arrange his wardrobe, wash plates. idiot boi. may Thunder fire ur left balls whereever you are now.mtcheew

I apologize on behalf of all those who have wronged you.

And yes, I found what I went looking for

Before they started swallowing frogs

I need an Upwork programmer for a quick job.

I am building a Landing page and I need to make sections clickable when it's hovered over.

Shoot me a message at eluoma91@gmail.com for more details

MhizzAJ:
Warri names are very unique but difficult to pronounce...

So many consonants in the names *V,W,H,B*

And they generally have to shout to be heard...Must they talk at the top of their voices.

You mean compared to Yoruba people (tribalism apart)

CHIVIR:
I've forwarded the material to you

I would appreciate the materials too
eluoma91@gmail.com