₦airaland Forum

PASTORS

Three Pastors an Indian, an American and a Nigerian, were engaged in
a discussion as to how they share the proceeds from offerings they
recieved after each sunday service.

I draw a big circle on the floor and toss all the money in the air",
said the Indian Pastor "the notes and coins that fall within the circle is for God and the ones that fall outside it are mine"

The American Pastor said "Well, I draw a long line on the floor. The
notes and coins that fall on the line are for God and the ones that fall out of the line are mine"

"Well in my own case" the Nigerian Pastor said, "I simply toss all the notes and coins in the air.

The ones that God catches are his and the one's He allows to fall back to earth, He leaves for my own welfare!"

THE SMUGGLER


Joseph comes up to the Cotonou border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The Customs official stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Garri," answered Joseph.
The Customs official says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike."



The Customs official takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but garri.
He detains Joseph overnight and has the garri analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure garri in the bags.
The Customs official releases Joseph, puts the garri into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The Customs Official asks, "What have you got?"
"garri," says Joseph.

The Customs official does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing

but garri. He gives the garri back to Joseph, and Joseph cro! sses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Joseph doesn't show up one day and the Customs official meets him in a beer palour in Cotonou.

"Hey, my friend," says the Customs official, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Joseph sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

Five Nigerian Surgeons

During lunch break at LUTH-Lagos, five (US based)
Nigerian surgeons on exchange program from the State
Dept,USA are discussing who has the best patients to
operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see broad street accountants on my
operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is
numbered"

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try Oshodi electricians!
Everything inside them is colour-coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think University librarians are
the best;everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like
construction workers.

Those guys always understand when you have a few parts
left over at the end, and when the job takes longer
than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he
observed: "You're all wrong. Nigerian politicians
especially those residing in Abuja are the easiest to
operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no
brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

Yeah, u don't sound pretty sure of yourself. well since u r already married, there is no need to cry over spilled milk, permit the use of my adage, just make the best of it. i'm sure u guys would grow to love each other that is if u don't already. Think positive!

Ew, I hate eggs!

Em..........Aren't we a lil too blunt seun?

opposites attract innit?

Happy birthday gina, sorry i haven't had the chance all day to say so. Actually i sent a reply earlier but for some funny reason it did not show up and i had to go. But now i've got the chance. So Happy birthday darlin and i hope u have a fun filled day and all your wishes come true. Leave my piece of cake O!

Yes O! i heard too. i wish them luck. they are really trying.

I have one annoying one right in the middle of my forehead and it's sooooooo embarrassing. Anyways, i'd just use a bit of facials and in 2-3 days it would dissappear. I only get them like one or 2 a month.

i pray in jesus name that it shall be well with me, my future husband and children, and that we shall never lack in jesus name. We shall be the head and never be the tail. Amen!

Em........ let me think about it..NOPE

Ah! I don't think so O! It's just one of those "not right" things i guess.

Oh my God, mckaycee, so sorry to hear that. Don't worry, it is well. You know what? really, you shouldn't really put all your trust in man and don't expect too much from people so that when they dissappoint you, u ain't taken by surprise. That's the attitude to life i take, so nothing fazes me as such. Don't worry, there's light at the end of the tunnel. that much i can assure you

yeah true sha, but i did not find it hard to find my friends, well i guess it depends.

Rather than demanding money from my boyfriend, i'd rather want to know how he makes his money, so i can make mine too, and possibly even more!

mannerisms

I know inner beauty matters but i'm pretty sure you have to be attracted to the outerbeauty to be able to reach out to the inner beauty. You are not going to see an ugly girl at first glance and say" Oh my God, check out her innerbeauty"

Eh! sister's boyfriend ke? Ah! that one is no go area now.

I want not only to get married but to get married to the beautiful one that i truly love, so that i can experience happiness for the rest of my life. I'm really looking forward to that and most especially having my beautiful kids as well as raising my own family in the way of the lord. i think marriage is a beautiful thing when the lord has blessed you with the right person. i claim this in Jesus Name (Amen). Yeah enough of the emotions

No! No! Listen, this is the best one." You should be locked up for looking this good". More like you should be locked up for sounding so stupid... Guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so so lame

@ Kenya.....A break...girl i think you have said it all. But the painful truth is that i'm afraid there isn't a man without at least 3 of these qualities. So tell me where u get your ready made men from o! i might just have to go shopping with you.

@ Mckaycee; What's wrong with fat women (OROBO)? Eh? They keep you warm in winter and serve as shade under the sun in the summer so what's your problem? At least u could have the best of both worlds ;

The quickest way to find friends is on www.hi5.com. Not heard of it yet? Check it out. it's a really cool website, and you could also get to see what ur old friends look like now

Em....who cares?

i think that especially where children are involved, the parents should try as much as possible to sort things out. Counselling, compromising etc might help. As they say, when two elephants fight, it's the ground that suffers. i think providing a good stable home for the kids is highly important and a serious determinant of their outcome in life. Believe it or not

Thank you o! Owen. Tell them O!

I'm not married (yet at least), so i guess this conversation ain't for me, but i'm waiting to hear your responses so i can listen and learn

Thanks seun, i really needed an unbiased opinion.