₦airaland Forum

menaxe:
Something happened in my house this evening that’s been bothering me, and I’d like your honest advice.
My wife went out for a girls hangout. When she came back, she didn’t notice I was in the parking lot watching. She called the gateman over, brought out her leg, and told him to remove her shoe. He took off the first canvas shoe, then the second. She didn’t notice I was there. After he removed the shoes, she told him to take them to the cobbler for repair. I just watched and didn’t say anything at the time. It looked to me like she was overusing the gateman, and it didn’t sit right with me. Later, I called her aside and told her what she did was wrong but she said she didn’t know it was wrong and didn’t see the issue. I asked her what she meant by “it’s not wrong,” and she just repeated that she didn’t know.
Now I’m confused. I don’t know if I’m overreacting, overstepping, or making too much of it. Nairalanders, please tell me honestly — is this wrong, or am I out of line here? Thank you.

I hope you do not already have any house help? If yes, please send the innocent soul back to his mother and father make we don't have to read a horror story next. 😒😒

WhiteIverson:
➜Did you even read the post? You just rushed to comment 😒 They have no kids The 6 kids belong to her sister in law

I generally prefer to assume that married people will have kids at some point(even when it is indicated that there are none). My main purpose of doing that is to see that the practice of shared child custody is normalized over the alternative, full custody. Shared custody benefits both the parents and the children in situations where violence and harm are not expected.😒

WhiteIverson:
➜ 6 children ke. Instead of leaving the marriage, why not discuss with your husband? If he can afford to feed his sister and her 6 children, then he can rent an apartment for them. The sister and the ex husband should sort out any other expenses by themselves.
➜ If married couples cannot talk and find solutions to issues like this, then wetin una dey talk about for the marriage? On top this very solvable issue, she wan leave marriage? What will now happen when the real challenges come. This is just 2 years of marriage. Talk to your husband and express your displeasure!!! His response will guide you on what to do.

1. This all sounds great until you consider the fact that the money the man would use in serving his sister's life. All of that money would have to be sourced from the shared marital property that OP's children would need for their education, needs, and future-- it is money that should go to greatly advantaging OP and her children, not outsiders in the marriage. Renting an apartment for and feeding 7 people no be joke.😒

I am not against individuals helping out their relatives when they are in trouble, but when marriage is involved, we should not simply take it as a given, but rather consider the ramifications of those expectations. 😒

2. mmhhmm!😒

Deeprooted:
➜I won't bore you with unnecessary details. My immediate younger sister is less than 2 years in her marriage with no children yet. On the 13th of February, this year, her sister in-law moved in with her 6 children. My sister thought it was just a visit only to be informed by the husband that his sister was divorced and would be with them for a few days.
➜Since her arrival with her children, my sister lost everything that has to do with privacy in her matrimonial home. Dishes unwashed, a bag of rice lasts less than a month, the sitting room littered with dishes. My sister has become a stranger in her home as the sister in-law now advises her husband against being too loving.
➜ I love my sister so much and I'm already thinking of taking her away from that toxic environment. I want my sister to leave the marriage since the husband is not helping matters with her sister. This 17th of May and the sister in-law and her children are not making any arrangements of getting an apartment of their own. What would you advise my sister to do?

1. Your sister's husband, not the woman in question, is the problem. Your sister should address her husband's lack of respect and possible complete disregard for her opinion directly. 😒

2. Again, the problem is that the root of your sister's marriage to her husband is fraught with no respect for her in the marriage, and all these points back to her relationship with her husband. If she is tired of being disrespected, she can move out of the marriage. However, if the man is not a violent man towards his own children, I suggest your sister work towards getting shared custody of the children as opposed to full custody. That way, the man will also need to make time out to take care of the children who are also his. 😒

3. Your sister needs to make the decision herself. She needs to be tired of the disrespect enough to want to change things for the better for herself. Otherwise, she may come back attacking you, claiming you made her do what she did not want to. So, leave her alone to do this for herself. Only help out where you are able to. 😒

Naya261:
➜I have asked her this question countless times and her answer is that she doesn't want the marriage again but she said if she can have custody of the children or at least custody of one of the children especially the youngest one she will be fine. For now she's not financially independent and she currently stays with me. So bringing her child or children into my place won't be a good idea.

...

Naya261:
➜She's not in contact with the children because the man has blocked her using their phone both on WhatsApp and phone calls.

She should go to the courts. When she files for divorce and submits to paying child support in the meantime, the courts should be able to mandate that the children be able to stay in regular contact with her while she gets her financial life together. Again, court records must exist to follow the situation. This way, your sister does not become just a deadbeat mother who abandoned the children or something. 😒

Wizardslayer:
America is not like any how country like Russia, china and African countries that'll have one dictator imposed on them for decades.
Donald Trump is doing what the Americans elected him for not selected.
In the next four years the German chancellor's view will change drastically and positively toward America.

That is what most people don't understand. Europe, including Germany, has been implementing, for the most part, policies against what the people elected them for. And that is something that brings down nations and civilizations. 😒

IsraeliAIRFORCE:
Nigeria will be worse if estimate is listed. Ask Aboki all kinds of mixture to take to be high and see if it wouldn't be enough for book series publication.

Even Boko Haram and ISWAP are rumored to take drugs to stay high much of the time, despite their religion insisting it is haram to do. 😒

Basic123:
➜Na that RELIGION!...GOD IS OUR SOURCE OF HOPE. If na the entertainment,USA has a more thriving entertainment industry

. Neither entertainment nor religion solves the problem. If your source of hope does not cure the problem, then that hope is merely a phantom you hold on to, and it is only a matter of time before the problem completely overwhelms the phantom, as we have seen in numerous cases of religious people eventually ending their lives. 😒

2mch:
➜UN is known to not say the truth about so called developed countries. I am saying the truth because almost everyone is medicated for some sort of mental issue over like someone else mentioned.
➜ You think people who visit or travel over there dont notice. It may be normal to you which is why you are in denial but mental health issues is unusually high in first world countries.
➜ Even when you go online almost everyone in the comment section is talking about one medication or the other they are on. Many on psychotics and all from a particular part of the world.

The UN is not saying the truth regarding Afghanistan, but we are to believe you, who have no evidence, are speaking the facts? 😒

2. Here's someone who had not noticed that right there in Nigeria, the mental health epidemic is responsible for drug use in Nigeria. 😒

3. Because people who are getting help for their mental health issues are talking of one medication or another, you take that to mean the problems they are treating do not exist in Nigeria? This is atrocious reasoning at best. 😒

Yemmysworld91:
➜First, I didn't mention that I'm depressed. Depressed kee . I stand strong irrespective of the challenges. Last year was the most difficult of my life and I didn't fall into depression. I won
➜ Second, you only reiterated my point that religion helps prevent it by giving us hope. Hence you haven't said anything special.
Shalom

1. You are not depressed and have probably never experienced clinical depression, but you are ABSOLUTELY SURE that it is a problem that can be easily resolved by looking around Nigeria. Typical black man mentality... the very reason why Africa remains the shithole it is to this day. 😒😒😒

2. I see that a lack of comprehension happens to be a major problem of yours. I NEVER SAID that religion gives hope, which prevents depression. I instead posited that religion delays suicide, not prevents it. Delay in the sense that fear of eternal damnation, which is preached by religion and not meant as any form of hope, could lead to delay in the carrying out of suicidal ideations, but ultimately, the sickness, if not taken care of, even then, tends to win out in the end.😒

There are more than enough stories out there of pastors taking their own lives in the end. Even the notorious TB Joshua is rumored to have taken his life in a bid to avoid prosecution for atrocities he was accused of. His religion did not prevent that.😒

judewrites:
Hmmmm....
I wonder why depression is so great in developed parts of the world compared to Africa nay Nigeria!
Religion is a big factor, because common man depend on God mostly in Africa than in Europe or America where government is concerned with needs of its citizens.
There are no sorrows in God's presence.(Psalm 16: 11)
While Africa has many challenges, we are joyful 😁 because we know to pray and worship in our problems.

Depression is not greater in developed parts of the world. Rather, clinical depression goes largely undiagnosed for obvious reasons in underdeveloped countries such as Nigeria where the health care system is nothing to write home about.

Women and girls in Afghanistan account for a disproportionately high percentage of suicide attempts and deaths in the country—constituting up to 80% of reported cases. While exact national figures are difficult to track due to deep social stigma and the suppression of official data, human rights organizations have reported an alarming surge in female suicides

happney65:
➜A cousin in the US tried commiting suicide. Twice or so. Told them to send him to Nigeria where he wont have any cause to wanting to commit suicide
When he sees people wey no get light for weeks not being bothered. Or people with no hope of what they will eat tommorow not being bothered about anything. He will see reason to what to live

First of all, your cousin may not have been clinically depressed to begin with. Second, every day in Nigeria, people commit suicide. If sending people to Nigeria were indeed a cure for all depression, then suicide should not exist in Nigeria at all, don't you think? 😒

Women and girls in Afghanistan account for a disproportionately high percentage of suicide attempts and deaths in the country—constituting up to 80% of reported cases. While exact national figures are difficult to track due to deep social stigma and the suppression of official data, human rights organizations have reported an alarming surge in female suicides

If seeing the suffering of others is cure for all kinds of depression, then how come women in Afghanistan are not cured by the fact that their suffering is shared by most women in the country? 😒

blabulu2000:
Whoever is taking antidepressants in Nigeria is not serious...because everything around us is a joke...you can be depressed in a natural joke environment like Nigeria.

Stop spreading misinformation. Those of you who do are part of the problem that is Nigeria today. 😒

ChizzyBuna:
I no fit envy Oyinbo for this life Africans in the village are enjoying life more than these European people. When I was in Rossiya The number of advert for different drugs on the TV is crazy. Drugs for this , drugs for that
I enter recording studio, our sound engineer a white guy showed a pills he takes before he goes home. I ask him why. He say because of his wife 😂😂 That she is a witch😂😂

If at this point in your education, you believe that clinical depression is about oyinbo, then your education has failed you. 😒

Lanruze:
➜Nigerians dont take anti-despressants, they take Weed and drink Gin till they pass out or sleep.
Anti-Depressants for where ? They are expensive like the trams and codin@.

I believe this is the real problem. People who suffer from clinical depression are mostly unable to get the help they need, hence the high reliance on unregulated drugs. 😒

2mch:
➜The mOre advanced a country the higher rate oF mental illness and depression because of bills and the financial trap of never really being free. You own nothing. Just a well dressed slave.

There is no truth to this. Reports have it that 80%-90% of women in Afghanistan are highly/clinically depressed, and by all metrics, Afghanistan is one of the many shit holes on the planet. The UN tracks these things in places like Afghanistan, where UN presence has been almost constant for at least the last 50 years. Now compare that to Nigeria, where there are no reports or records on such things. 😒

Please stop spreading misinformation! 😒😒

Yankiss:
➜Nigerians and Africans arent as depressed as these advanced countries. Stuff happens.
➜ Yet we are flocking to their countries due to hardship here. Funny world.

That is not true. That an issue goes largely unreported or tracked does not mean it is not prevalent. Clinical depression is not your "stuff happens" scenario. It is a mental illness, and mental illness is typically induced by trauma or biology. I compare it to being stalked 24/7 by a demon that you cannot shake off no matter how much you try; the harder and longer your efforts, the heavier the burden becomes.😒

2. Clinical depression has nothing to do with location. Right there in Nigeria, a comparable number commit suicide every single day. However, because of the poor healthcare system, many of the sufferers continue to go unnoticed. 😒

Yemmysworld91:
When I'm not happy, I take a stroll; the moment I enter the streets for Nigeria or enter social media, I will see something that will make me happy and take away my pains
➜ Our being religious has also been helpful. We keep hope alive irrespective of the difficulties. I love my people. Great people bad leaders

Then what you are dealing with is not clinical depression, but your everyday depressive thoughts. There is a huge difference. 😒

2. Religion does not cure clinical depression, which is why you will find that within religious circles, the suicide rates are no different from those outside of religion. Religion as a factor can be said to delay suicide, but it does not cure or prevent it. 😒

AntiChristian:
✓ Biblically, what is the way out for married Christians who suffers domestic violence?

Are you struggling with comprehension or something? I am being serious now. 🥱🥱

Why the expectation that violence in marriage should deserve a special kind of solution? 🥱🥱

AntiChristian:
✓ What was Jesus's opinion on divorce and the conditions that necessitates it?

What do you mean his opinion? Jesus Christ of Israel said He and His Father are one and that He did His Father's Will implying He followed that which His father had laid down for all of Israel which he happens to be a part of. 🥱

I posted all of Jesus Christ of Israel's commandments regarding divorce earlier where you pretended you understood well that he indeed did not consider divorce as sin/crime/unlawful against YHWH. 🥱🥱

AntiChristian:
✓ Biblically, what is the way out for married Christians who suffers domestic violence?

I don't know about what religious people would rather do in their own lives but again, as I showed you, divorce was never sin in both the old and new Covenants.🥱🥱

As a matter of fact, in the new Covenant, marriage is not considered more of a cultural choice individuals make. It is not encouraged. (Your marriage is of tos world and not of the Kingdom of God.) For those those who are in this world but not of this world, foregoing the traditions of this world is of greatest benefit. 🥱

Naya261:
➜ The children are with the man and he wants to use them as a bait to lure her back. The only reason why the man wants her back is because of house chores, cooking, school runs and taking care of the children.
➜ Could you believe that this man hasn't slept with her and stopped eating at home for 8months+.
➜ He went and rent a single room for himself claiming that its where he normally goes to pray. Out of 7days in a week he sleeps their twice or three times.
➜ My sister doesn't have a single say in that marriage.

1. All the more reason why she not only should make her divorce official by way of the courts, but also file papers relating to custody so it is established that the marriage is indeed over. 😒

2. Yes, I can. Many Nigerian women are in sexless marriages with husbands who instead get their sexual needs met by women outside of the marriage, while the wives simply serve as maids/and nannies to their children. Nigerian wives are majorly endurance wives, literally women who suffer some of the same treatment as slaves would in the name of marriage. 😒

3. That is probably where he goes with his sidechicks to get his knobs shined and polished by other women, while his wife (maid and nanny) takes care of his children and DNA goals at the other home. 😒

4. While your sister may be a victim in this case, remember that she, too is an adult and chose to stay in a marriage with a man who did not appreciate or value her as a human being all this time. The question is now whether she is truly done with being undervalued or if she wants more of the same subjugation and humiliation. 😒

Explore2xmore:
➜One of the most overlooked problems in Christianity is that Jesus himself never wrote a scripture, supervised one, or left behind a compiled body of teachings.
➜ He preached in a first-century Jewish oral culture where expectation of the imminent Kingdom mattered far more than preserving written texts. Instead of producing a book, he appointed followers and living witnesses.
➜ Even theologically, he presented himself as fulfilling prior revelation rather than introducing a completely new scripture, so the absence of a founder-authored text is not accidental ; it is built into the movement from the start.
➜ What Christianity later produced came afterward and in reaction to circumstances. Paul’s letters were not systematic theology or scripture manuals; they were responses to disputes, discipline problems, and doctrinal confusion inside scattered communities.
➜ The Gospels themselves appeared decades after the crucifixion, at a time when eyewitnesses were aging or already dead. The canon Christians now treat as fixed did not descend fully formed from heaven either. It emerged slowly through centuries of disagreement, debate, and church authority deciding which texts counted and which did not.

1. Exactly who made it a problem that Jesus Christ of Israel did not directly author his own scripture? Where is this a requirement for such a problem to exist?

Also, where is this idea that he never supervised or left behind any compiled body of teachings from? The Gospel authors were men who lived and walked with Jesus Christ of Israel himself, and they all wrote and made public their works (the books were in full circulation in Judea and some other provinces), containing almost 100 detailed commandments and teachings of Jesus Christ of Israel before the End of Days in 70AD. Clearly, you have never read any of the Gospels, yet you are convinced that you, in your ignorance, are some sort of expert on them. How come? 😒

2. Your summation of what Jesus Christ of Israel did makes no sense when considered against the details of His teachings and commandments as well as the works he did while he was on earth. Again, why do you insist on pretending that your ignorance should override the facts? 😒

3. Jesus Christ of Israel was not a theologian; He fulfilled prior promises made by His Father, YHWH, ushering in the End of Days that was promised by His Father as punishment to the nation of Israel, at the same time condemning the religion and religious leaders of the time as being against His Father, who never gave them religion nor commanded it of them. 😒

4. Judaism and Christianity(as well as Islam, which came from it) are not of YHWH. They are, all 3 of them, founded on doctrines and traditions removed from the Torah, the Tanakh, and the Injeel, which are all Israelite-only texts. If you wish to argue religion, do that in the context of religion alone. However, when you project your ignorance onto the Bible, you reveal yourself as a noisemaker seeking attention for the sake of it and nothing more. 😒

5. Wrong! There is no evidence revealing that the Gospels appeared decades after the crucifixion. From the accounts in the Gospels, as well as the letters of the disciples, we know that the Gospels and the letters were in circulation within the years after the crucifixion. We know that there were numerous copies of these documents available in the hands of churches(collectives) and possibly individuals. There was nothing Oral about the Gospels and the passing of the message. This is the reasonable conclusion from the content of the very books contained in the New Testament. Even the book of Revelation reveals that it was written(not spoken) long before the fall of Jerusalem in 70 AD. Read the books carefully to learn this for yourself. 😒

Think carefully about what you read and know. 😒

SecretofDNA:
✓ You've totally dodged the point of the post and now you want me to join you?

I don't see any point in what you posted. 🥱

Naya261:
✓ Thanks alot. As for now she's staying with me in my 3bedroom apartment. I am also married with 3kids. She's staying in one room in the apartment. She was a full-time housewife and was 100% dependant on the man, but i have enrolled her in a place that she's learning graphics design and printing because that was her job in the village before she got married but the man didn't allow her to work. I want her to upgrade her knowledge and learn new things.

✓ Considering the issue of shared custody, she doesn't have her own place yet and the man said that i am his sworn enemy for life because I allowed my sister to stay in my house instead of allowing her to go to the village and stay with my parents. He might tell the court that his children are not safe under my roof.

Women without financial independence are preys to the wolves masquerading as husband material out there. 🥱

2. Well, it is his word against hers in that case, right? Are the children with the man or with your sister? If they are with him, then she should still go to court to ensure that she at least pay her share of child support to him in the meantime. That way, when she is finally becomes financially independent and then files for shared custody, there would be court records to show that despite not being able to care for the kids,she was at least doing her part as there parent. 🥱

If the kids are already with her, she still should go to the courts to end the marriage, and to work on the custody issues. So long as he is not violent towards the children, he should make contributions to their card and education.

Whatever decision, getting the courts involved is a good way to go, in my opinion.

chopnaira:
https://punchng.com/nigerian-professor-jailed-70-months-in-us-for-1-4m-fraud/

Only 70 months? She should be forced to lay back every dime of what she stole and get at least 10 years for fraud.🥱🥱

DanOkonkwo:
This was the severe body injury that was inflicted on a man by the wife's brothers because he beat their sister and gave her permanent body injury.
The story went that the man beat the wife, leaving permanent marks on her body,she was sent back to her father's house by the man.
After some weeks the man started having feelings of loneliness for the wife and went to the inlaws house to bring her back.
When he got there,they welcomed him,gave him good food and he felt that he was at home only for the wife's brothers to tie him up and inflicted this injury on him,the wife inclusive on dealing with the husband.
In this case, should the marriage continue?
Did the in-laws overreact?
What should the man do? Opinions please.

He is lucky they didn't press charges against him for this nonsense. I don't understand for the life of me why women do not know that they help prevent future abuse of even their own daughters when they charge and prosecute their own abusers. ,🥱🥱

Naya261:
➜My sister said she doesn't want the marriage again but they have 3kids together. 13, 11 and 8 yrs. Its only because of the kids that she's considering going back but I told her that she can always see the kids and spend time with them.

If she is trying to use the children as excuse to get back with a toxic man such as that, then your sister is still not connected with reality. How does her going back to such a toxic man help the children in this case? How can children be happy living with a man who denigrates and humiliates their mother every chance he gets? Ask her to make that make sense to you.

Assuming the man has never abused the children in any way, there is a way for the two to remain involved in the lives of the children without the two parents living under the same roof. If she is legally married to the man, she can take him to court and file for shared custody of the children, where the children spend some days or weeks out of each month with either parent. That way, they can spend equal time out of each week or month with their father and then their mother, while ensuring both parents are involved in the lives of the children.😒

SecretofDNA:
✓ The difference is the ancient Frankish and Israelites killed all who violated the laws of Sodomy, rape, pedophilia, cross dressing whether man or woman and false witnesses. To create a holy bloodline you must be willing to kill your own relatives.
Y'all did not kill the Boko Haram that the CIA paid $2000 US dollars to wreak havoc on your northern border. I distinctively remember the objections to it. Did you know that in Royal Thailand any amount of drug offense gets the death penalty?
In France during the reign of my ancestor King Louis any sodomite caught was paraded before the public then set on fire? The term f@ggot means a pile of sticks tied together for the base of a fire.

After the overthrow of the French the English took over Europe and slowly decriminalized Sodomy, witchcraft and idol worshipping which is that White Jesus.

I am not interested in ramblings. 🥱

Again, are you insinuating that there are no Israelite rapists or criminals in prisons around the world? 😒

2. Are you the one to give him/her the land in question? 😒

3. Stop with the blind quoting. It never helps. 😒

AntiChristian:
✓ How is this relevant to the question in the OP?

If you would ever pay close attention to the context of the book of Malachi where that came from, you would find that YHWH said that in regards to his marriage to his Israel. (Yes,the entire book of Malachi is directed, not at individuals but the Priests whom He established as the government over his people.) Following that you will find that when He said He hates divorce, He literally meant divorcing of His nation, Israel. (In the book of Isaiah, YHWH made reference to his assumed divorce from her, Israel.) He hates divorce is a reiteration of His forever Covenant with Israel. He is there God and they are His people forever. This message is repeated time and time again through His prophets. 🥱🥱

1 This is what the Lord says: “People of Israel, you say that I divorced your mother, Jerusalem. But where is the legal paper that proves I divorced her? My children, did I owe money to someone? Did I sell you to pay a debt? No, you were sold because of the bad things you did. Your mother was sent away because of the bad things you did.
2 I came home and found no one there. I called and called, but no one answered. Do you think I cannot get you back? Do you think I cannot save you? Look, if I gave the command, the ocean would dry up! I can turn rivers into a desert. The fish would die without water, and their bodies would rot.
3 I can make the skies dark. I can cover the skies in darkness as black as sackcloth.” - Isaiah 50 vs 1 - 3

AntiChristian:
✓ I don't think it was called a sin anywhere in this thread.

Well,the gist of having a criminal code that as part of a constitutional framework is making clear that which is unlawful (sin/crime) from that which is. 🥱🥱