₦airaland Forum

drstranged:
➜There's nothing childish about generalizing an action just because of a singular experience she had?
➜ A smarter/intelligent lady would know how to approach and intellectually adapt based on the individual and situation she's dealing with. But a lady who has little capacity to intellectually adapt to variety will always remain rigid in her thought process. And that's the key sign of a child. Intellectual adaptability is a key sign of intelligence.

She didn't generalize. The many masculine movements out there that supposedly provide cheat codes to men on dating literally suggest that men should interpret a woman's niceness as interest. Crime statistics have literally revealed over and over that women are more likely to be victimized by men whom they are nice to. Yes, there are literally reasons why a woman should go slow on being nice with men in general to protect herself from potential victimhood.

2. Actually, smartness is prioritizing one's safety and security in all cases.

drstranged:
Just look at the childish kind of reasoning. They're called fish brain for a reason

There is nothing childish about it, actually.

Emeskhalifa:
She go dey mean to her brothers and the simps wey go date her, she carry that madness near some other men, na uppercut she go collect

Will her brothers misconstrue her niceness for romantic attention? That has to be the answer to your question.

➜thats how my female coworker was massaging my back and making coffee for me if its not shes married with kids, i for don think say na green light

What is sad is that a great many men out there take such niceness as green flags when they aren't meant as that at all. And that is why many more women need to resort to being mean to mean so they are not misunderstood by them.

Jman06:
➜Fibroids is a common problem among women in this part of the world and it is largely responsible for cases of infertility among couples. There's a trend of married ladies not conceiving after years of marriage. I can count many of such couples that I know personally. This trend is a reflection of the fact that ladies now delay marriages sometimes to their 40s!
By the time she gets married, it becomes difficult for her to conceive. Her husband is now dragged into the problem and sometimes even accused of being responsible. He's made to start gulping different medications both orthodox and herbal. This is because, the couple is usually "treated" together. Some go from one herbal treatment to the other, taking all sorts of concoctions in the name of herbal medicines. To make matters worse, many people believe that the so called herbal medicines are more effective treatments for infertility than orthodox medicines. For this reason, they rather continue taking herbal stuff than go to hospitals! These herbalists do not know how to properly diagnose the condition to know what the issue really is. It is usually based on trial and errors while the condition is given different names like "infection", "staph", spiritual problems and so on.
However, many of these cases are usually due to fibroids which have grown and taken over a huge part of the woman's reproductive system. Some of these fibroids are so terrible that even after surgery, conception is still not achieved.
So, in order to avoid all the hassles of trying to conceive, getting married on time can help ladies who are desirous of having children to avoid all the problems and emotional trauma associated with infertility.
There's also the benefit of witnessing your children's successes as they grow and thrive while you're still alive. Therefore, you'll most likely live to enjoy your children's wealth and not have others rip the fruits of your labor when you're gone.
Therefore, the next time feminists groups come to discourage you from having your kids early, pay no heed to them as many of them are frustrated bitter women who want to project their inability to marry and raise great families on unsuspecting young girls.

This is, in many ways, very unsound advice. Women should never listen to or accept this nonsense, particularly given what has been recently revealed in the area of women's reproductive health.

Also, for one, in most cases, removing fibroids does not cause infertility. Studies have shown that the likelihood of infertility after fibroid removal is generally low, around 5-10%.(This variation depends on factors such as the size, location, and number of fibroids removed, as well as the surgical technique used.)

Irrational fear of fibroids or infertility is not a reason enough for a woman, any woman out there, to sacrifice her youth and freedom to have babies.

Salt06:
➜You're always responding on every post talking about God or MOGs. Just curious 🤔

Curious about my need to debunk the claims?

Hypnotise:
➜Women shaa, always ready to make excuses for one another Look what I found in 1 Kings 11:4:
“For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods; and his heart was not perfect with the Lord his God…” That’s the moment where the Bible say's that his wives led him away from God, something like what Eve did to Adam in garden of Eden

When reading, always have your thinking cap on so you can understand the message contained in the context. 😏😏😏

The same book of Kings(1 Kings 11vs 6) says," So Solomon of Israel(not the many foreign women) did what the Lord of Israel said was wrong. He did not follow the God of Israel completely as his father, David of Israel, did. In the same chapter, 1 Kings 11 vs 9-10, you are told: "So Solomon of Israel did not remain faithful to the God of Israel, even though God of Israel had appeared to him twice. The Lord became angry with him. He had told Solomon of Israel that he must not follow other gods, but Solomon of Israel did not obey the God of Israel."

Clearly, to the God of Israel, Solomon of Israel was not a victim of deceit, but the actual defaulter of the Law he was supposed to be in charge of enforcing. That is what is revealed from the reading of that entire passage. Add to that the fact that Solomon, not the women, was the one ultimately punished by the God of Israel—read the rest of the chapter— further solidifies the fact that Solomon was not a victim in all of this.

Hypnotise:
Whether strong or rich, one has to be careful with the weaker sex because they require constant attention.
Even Solomon with excess wisdom was deceived to turn his back on the living God by his many wives.

Nonsense! ,🥱🥱🥱

The story never said anything about Solonon being deceived. The man has only about 4 children in total (or was it just 3) all of them probably from the same woman. He married and chose political wives/concubines against the very Law of Moses he, as King,was meant to guard and that, from what is written of him,may have been the beginning of his downfall. The women were chosen by him hence it the as his choice to abandon the God of Israel as he did.

WantsandMore:
you no go understand because you no dey go gym.

Na simple question I ask. Your reaction to the question suggests to me that you are not at all a victim in any way of form as suggested by your previous comment.

WantsandMore:
✓ I have since switched my gym sessions from mornings with crazy numbers of women dressing in seductive ways to evenings with way fewer numbers but even at that I’m not safe. God help me from these daughters of eve trying to pop my cherry. Ain’t gonna let them though🥱

You are not safe because these women literally stalk and harass you clearly marking you a victim in this, abi wetin?

BigYash:
➜Hi You never know women,even the one in a so called relationship will do same.
➜ They will tell you,it was a mistake when you get to know.
➜ And most of the guys will never even know, because they have become too emotional in dealing with her,cux he thinks she loves him.

Women are not a monolith; they do not all react the same when in a relationship, so you need to be clear on what kind of relationship you are in with the particular woman you are talking to at any point.

2. * If it's cheating in a committed relationship you are referring to, then we all know that ain't never a mistake. And no, it isn't only the women who use that excuse when caught. So, let's be reasonable in our submissions.

3. The same applies as far as women who find themselves in such situations.

* I should add that if you are in an undefined relationship—non-committed romantic relationship— with a woman/man, you really cannot classify it as cheating.

YoungLionken:
➜Don't mind them. Even in relationships too, they would tell their men about the other men disturbing them (the ones they don't like), but you see the ones they like, they would never let you know. And the moment you find out, they would pick up an argument...

That depends on the kind of relationships they are in with you. A situationship, maybe? Definitely does not sound like a committed relationship to me.

kosboy45:
Oga you read but you lack comprehension ...

All your typing up reveals is that comprehension is indeed far from you. Before responding, take time to process what you have read. Again,

Kobojunkie:
Stop posting stewpid nonsense! The story instead has it that Samson was destroyed by his refusal to acknowledge the place of the God of Israel in His life. From the moment he took to marrying a Philistine woman — his first wife— on, he had been slowly drawing himself away from the God of His people — his very own decisions. His ultimate choice to give away the one secret of his birth and strength was what ultimately did him in, not the woman.

kosboy45:
According to the Bible, The strongest man on earth (Samson) which gender destroyed him?
So who is NED NWOKO? Even Adam got his own share! Una no go ever still learn. A Woman can bring down any man she wants to if given an opportunity and she can help in making a man successful in life if she wants to.

Stop posting stewpid nonsense! The story instead has it that Samson was destroyed by his refusal to acknowledge the place of the God of Israel in His life. From the moment he took to marrying a Philistine woman — his first wife— on, he had been slowly drawing himself away from the God of His people — his very own decisions. His ultimate choice to give away the one secret of his birth and strength was what ultimately did him in, not the woman.

If you need more proof of why Samson was to blame, then it should be of note that there is no indication that the woman — Delilah— was ever punished for giving away the secret she obtained from Samson. However, Samson not only lost his eyes, but he also had to lose his life to accomplish the goal of his birth as a result of his act of disobedience.

Gideon490:
Apostle Johnson suleman explain in details how armed bandits attacked his family .

Are we to take it that those who were not protected were abandoned by Johnson Suleman's god? Because I can assure you that bandits also killed off some members of Johnson Suleman's own church— they too worship Johnson Suleman's god.

Stop spouting nonsense abeg!

Xso666:
➜Well I don’t think she would be interested in joining this forum but I will talk to her about it that’s if I don’t bore her with my advice

Show her some of the posts from the Family section so she can get an idea of what people come on here to do. There are also places on other forums, like Reddit and Threads, where many women go to talk to each other and share experiences, she might be interested in as well.

Xso666:
➜Put yourself in my shoes please

I am also putting myself in her shoes as well. So, what keeps you from helping a woman whom you confirm you married as a virgin at this point in getting advice that may help her see her world better?

Xso666:
➜She doesn’t know about this forum and even if I don’t think she will be in for something like this. I get this is to my advantage to seek more knowledge from various people

You know of this forum and are on this forum complaining, right? Therefore, you could tell her about using this forum to air her grievances and get advice from others who may have been in her shoes in marriage.

You are close to dumping her, are you not? So, what have you got to lose?

Xso666:
✓ ... To cut the long story short my wife has been pregnant for some months now and all I can say is that this past months have been hell for me as I barely even have 10 minutes conversation with my wife as she nags about everything and anything I do. I stopped getting jobs since my wife got pregnant and since then I have been at home but my wife has decided to make the house unbearable for me and this time she goes out to see the guy with her pregnancy and sometimes makes some secret calls and when I try to confront her she tells me to my face that I’m boring and making her uncomfortable. I have decided to send her back to her parent but I’m considering if I should wait till she gives birth before acting or I just take the bold step now. Please guys I need mature minds to talk to me on how to go about this and also she has refused having sex with me due to pregnancy and I have started masturbating too much and I am not having it again and I am ready to loose my mind and act otherwise but I don’t want to act based on emotions which is why I came back to this faceless forum to seek advice and also I need assistance in anyway just to stand on my feet as a man especially during this pregnancy before she gives birth.

Can you please tell the wife to come on Nairaland to tell us her side of the story since you seem to have taken to condemning her without proof and all. 🥱🥱🥱

lajid:
➜Mehn…..
It’s been a crazy journey so far. On my bed thinking of life… I am 25. Turned 25 in July and suddenly my age sounded serious. Realizing that I don’t really have time on my side.
I am just looking at life, my dreams and all of that. Looked at my account and all I have is about 3.5M savings. No girlfriend (had only one gf all my life, a distant one and got crashed), I can’t even approach girls cause I feel I am not settled. I mean my pay just got increased to 800k/monthly recently but just thinking, is this how I wan make am? Also cause I don’t really enjoy my work even tho some seem to be comfortable with it. I want more out of life…….
The dreams and all of that. On top of that, first son and first born. Just a lot going on my mind. Staying in lagos isn’t even making matters easy. Accomodation and transport expensive here (prolly will have achieved more outside here)
I’ve thought of starting a start-up by the side but then my mind has left this country man. Also cause I think it may take time for the start up to get off the ground.
➜As it is, I am just thinking what next. Getting closer to God to get a clearer view of my life. I am currently applying for MBA in the USA. I think the best think that will happen to me this year is getting a fully funded MBA program in a top school and getting visa, by December I’ll know my date on that. I know my life will rake a huge turn after this.
I just want to vent out using this my unknown moniker. Crazy stage in life. God help me.

As someone who is almost two times your current age, I can assure you that you are doing OK for your age, and you have absolutely no reason to become anxious about where you are in life at this point. Life will continue "life-ing" and time will continue time-ing, no matter how anxious you work yourself into, so you gain nothing from being anxious about anything... literally anything.

Those anxious feelings you have there are literally energy you are wasting on things that will lead to nothing in the end. If having no girlfriends causes you anxiety, you are better off redirecting that energy into self-reflection exercises and/or adopting hobbies that would build you mentally, emotionally, and intellectually — hobbies are skills after all. When I say hobbies, I literally mean anything that is both legal and productive can be a hobby— playing chess, reading books, sports such as biking, hiking, etc., crafts(home development, carpentry, dressmaking, flower arrangements, miniature model building, etc.), volunteering in your community, etc.

If there are no hobby clubs out there that serve what you like, you can create one and invite like-minded individuals to join up with you, so you all can exchange skills, ideas, and also network outside of your regular work lives. This is, in fact, a good way to build lasting non-work-related/school relationships with people, either in your community from across all age ranges.

2. At this point, you literally know nothing about this God word you throw around except for false ideas that your head has been filled with by either those around you or those gods of men out there who are pretty much all fraudsters and liars. Take your time in studying yourself and understanding what makes you you and not someone else. Work on knowing and loving the you that is you, apart from all the ideas that have formerly been thrown at you. You can spend the rest of your twenties and even your thirties on this endeavor. Afterward, you can embark on a quest to find out who this God you have heard so much of truly is.

Living according to the ideas and notions of others is one of the biggest mistakes anyone can make in life. Many of us made it, and I am suggesting you do not make the same mistake.

ravensckar:
Another comrade has fallen on the front line! So, you marry woman for house come still turn house boy inside that house? Like seriously?
➜ Bros, the solution to your problem is simple. If you have a place to go, go there and spend at least a month to see if your wife won't do her chores by herself.
➜ Soldier or no soldier, no let any woman whyne you. In my house, I'm the king. The only thing I do in my house is to eat, trouble my wife, play with my children, watch TV, play PS4 and then knack. I don't even sweep the floor of my room. God punish devil!

So, your wife is meant to be a housemaid for your purpose, right?

2. If the woman won't do the chores, then what? You promise to divorce her to find yourself a new woman who would, right?

3. Basically, marriage is the only avenue where you get to live as a king over a woman? Other men(and women) actually build kingdoms, they then rule over as kings/queens over, but for you na your d-ck alone you been dey use claim kingship over the life of a woman with, abi? Na women wey dey engage people like una I dey always blame.

adamkkk:
➜because as a bachelor, i had a gf that was coming and running the house chores. what is the least amount you c

You had a girlfriend who chose of her own to do all that for you, does not then mean that every other woman out there would do the same for you. No one is obligated to you; not even women are in any way obligated to you. Therefore, if you want to have a woman doing chores for you even after marriage, like your gf did, then you would need to make certain to find and marry only those women who are like your gf, willing to do so for you. Do you see how that works now? 😏😏😏

philkay:
➜ About two years ago, while driving home, I overheard a young lady say to her friend, “I can’t marry a man who does only one job.” Her statement caught my attention. As I looked at her from my car, a deep sense of pity came over me. It wasn’t because of her ambition or desire for comfort, but because of the unrealistic pressure such a mindset places on marriage and family life.
Many people today believe that a man must carry the entire financial burden of the home. This outdated expectation often leads to serious consequences. When a husband feels compelled to overwork himself just to satisfy his family’s needs and societal standards, the result is usually stress, burnout, and sometimes, an early death. The tragedy is that the same wife who once demanded financial perfection may later find herself alone, forced to shoulder the very responsibilities she avoided sharing.
Marriage is not a business contract where one partner provides income while the other only enjoys the benefits. It is a partnership built on mutual understanding, shared effort, and teamwork. Both partners must contribute to the well-being of the family financially, emotionally, and domestically.
➜ In this modern age, women are educated, skilled, and capable of contributing meaningfully to the household’s finances. When both partners share responsibilities, they create balance and reduce unnecessary pressure. Likewise, men should not see house chores as a woman’s exclusive duty. Assisting with domestic tasks strengthens the bond between partners and models equality for their children.
➜ The idea that a man must do multiple jobs just to prove his worth is harmful and outdated. What families need today is cooperation, not competition. The measure of a successful marriage should not be how much one person earns, but how well both partners support each other in love, respect, and shared responsibility.
➜ A happy and lasting marriage thrives when both husband and wife understand that they are teammates, not rivals, each contributing their best to build a peaceful, balanced, and fulfilling home.

1. Are you insinuating that the traditional marriage model — man as head and provider while woman submits and stays home— is outdated, or instead that it is a model that should only be chosen by those who are not ready to submit themselves fully to the requirements that model comes with?

2. I think you are confusing things here. The so-called modern marriage model has been available for centuries. (I am certain that if you dig through history, you would find examples of couples who practiced this even as far as the 1800s.) What has instead been happening is that the modern marriage model has, over time, gained popularity, but that does not mean that the other models have become outdated as a result. I believe you are wrong in trying to present a case for why one model should be considered obsolete.

3. The freedom — not idea— for a man to choose to be the sole provider even if it means he should have more than one job — is protected by his right as a human being; at the same time, the freedom a woman has to choose for herself a man who desires to be the sole provider(working many jobs at that) is also protected by her right as a human being.

4. There is no one face to your so-called happy, thriving marriage.

Emeskhalifa:
➜So your definition of a quality relationship is for a man to turn out as a simp?

It isn't my definition, but the definition of both men and women out there.

Studies have shown that when asked, women reveal that their best relationships have been with men who were intentional(emotionally and socially available) in their approach to the relationship. Men who were asked also revealed that their best relationships have equally been with individuals who were intentional(emotionally and socially available) in the relationship. And this is regardless of the kind of relationship —romantic, platonic, including business relationships. Everyone wants genuine connections with others, and when it comes to men, it is those of them who are typically classified as simps by other men that are capable of having these quality relationships with others and with themselves.

adamkkk:
➜Get A House Help; Well, house help is not expensive here, like 30k although some people would say that is inhumane. Anyways, my wife is totally against any lady entering the house. For the sake of avoided quarreling and long talk. So i compromised for us.
➜What's The Situation ?: Well, i feel like am loosing my mind sometimes. I feel like a woman and i want to hear from the opinion of Nigerians.

1. Get a househelp to do chores that you have been doing by yourself all this time until your brother showed up out of nowhere? Why not invest that 30K in something more meaningful, like therapy to help you realize the reason why you felt what your brother said about you doing chores should matter? We all do chores from before marriage, and you were fine with doing chores until he showed up, meaning there is something inside of you that caused you to begin having issues with something you formerly had no real issues with.

2. When you were living as a bachelor, why did those same chores not make you feel like a woman then? What is it about marriage that suddenly made them about being a woman? Please snap out of that nonsense delusion and get back to enjoying your married life.

WatchYourSix:
➜u sound like u have never dated or just want to drop comment to make being wicked justifiable.... Even if you don't give money at all when are in a relationship, u will always give something that will constitute loss when the other person just walk away in a manner that shows they were using you all along.....like I said u are just being unrealistic
➜eventually, everyone will accept their loss.... My context is blaming someone for being kind to their partner, helping their spouse or boyfriend...y'all justifying being wicked to the person u dated.....

Are you OK at all? There is nothing wrong with giving gifts in a relationship or outside of a relationship. The problem here is pretending your gift is instead some sort of payment that is meant to grant you access or privileges over a person's freedoms, be it in a relationship or outside of relationships. A gift is not a payment, and a payment is not a gift...know the difference.

2. If you give a gift only to then turn around to pretend it was in fact a payment, you are not a kind person at all, but a person with a predatory mindset. If you want to give, then give only that which you can let go. Don't give only to then claim you were defrauded when you were just a fool in your giving.

Emeskhalifa:
➜ So he'd end up as a simp and woman wrapper abi?

From the much I have gathered on this, Simps refer to men who are socially and emotionally aware. Clearly, he is better off as a simp than as a dud, incapable of forming quality relationships with humans in general.

brain54:
➜Those "gifts" weren't given to a random stranger on the streets... They are implied agreements/inference. People ought to be trustworthy enough to keep their words... which takes me back to my original comment here as they is nothing wrong in trusting people to keep their words!

A payment is what you give or make in exchange for goods and services— a commitment is implied.

gift

1. a thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present.

A gift is not a payment!

WatchYourSix:
➜Since when do pple sign contract /agreements or affidavit before expecting reciprocated feelings in a relationship ... ...but if the table turns after dating a guy for years and ddnt marry yall...you won't say this same thing here ....
#....women and double standards.....

There was a recent post about a woman who funded her boyfriend's education, only for him to abandon her for another woman after he got his degree and job. She had to swallow her own "foolishness" after it all.

The fact is, if what you give someone is something with the intention of gaining something in return, then common sense is that you sign an agreement with the other person, making clear what the intention of the payment—not a gift— you intend to make. If the other person agrees to accept the payment based on the terms and conditions set in the agreement, then you are good to claim you were wronged. Otherwise... accept your loss for what it is...a loss!

parags:
➜There are no perfect cultures . Culture is the way of a people . Their beliefs , philosophy and ideologies formed over a significant period of time. Usually based on social interactions , observations and experiences .
➜ On the women and children angle, do you agree with me that it has varying degrees across cultures ?
➜ Culture is dynamic. . It changes as time passes and experience changes . America did not get there overnight . It took time . Respecting the root of why a cultural norm exist is a step.towards changing it . Not by aggression .

No one said anything about cultures needing to be perfect. I instead made clear that absolutely none of the cultures in Nigeria respects the rights of women and children.

2. No, it does not! It is either a culture does or it does not. And none of the cultures in Nigeria respects the rights of women and children. Period!

3. That dynamic nature is what needs to be invoked at this point to ensure that respect for women and children becomes part of the culture— something that has been absent until this point.