₦airaland Forum

eniolorunfe:
➜ He should move out ASAP and speak to a good lawyer. We no wan hear of another stabbing incidence in Canada. Safety and Sanity first! Life first! All other things can be sorted out with time.

Exactly! Before his spirikoko-ism turns to, "Na devil make me do am," he should move out immediately to avoid trouble.

Nnamdipapa:
➜With three kids? No one is marrying her just that the guy is devastated, the lady is n8t even apologizing or remorseful

. Even with 10 kids, she can still get herself married off to some other person out there. That should not be your concern or anyone else's jor!

She already made it clear that she is done with your friend and the marriage, right? What is he waiting for? She confessed to cheating on him, and that is clear grounds for divorce. So, what is keeping him in the same house with her? Na make we hear say one person stab another next?

immortalcrown:
The one that works hard to provide for the home is accused of not spending enough time with the family. The one that gives up money-making opportunities just to spend enough time with the family is accused of not providing enough for the family. The RCCG guy sleeping with her will not marry her when John leaves.

So? That you think all affairs are had in hopes of marriage is the most pathetic thing.

Nnamdipapa:
➜So this is a real-life story and it’s currently happening to a friend of mine. I spoke with him today. What will you do if you were in his situation?
John has been dating Lola for the past 10 years, and she was the love of his life. He met her as a virgin. They got married and moved to Canada. Now, it was very difficult for both of them to get into their respective careers in the new country, and soon the kids started arriving. In five years, they now have three kids. John had to enroll in school while working three jobs just to cope with the expenses. They already bought a home with a mortgage. At some point, Lola slid into depression and had to start taking antidepressant medications. This meant she couldn’t work, and all the financial burden had to be carried by John alone. ...Because of the bills and John’s three jobs, they didn’t get to spend enough time together as a couple, and they gradually grew apart. John was always away working. Unknown to John, Lola had started an affair with a Nigerian guy she met at Redeemed Church. They were already sleeping together. Each time John tried to make love to his wife, she would reject his advances. John, sensing something was wrong, confronted her. She confessed. Yes, she had slept with another man and had lost interest in John and in the marriage.....Remember, they have three kids under five. Lola’s family are here in Canada and they are supporting her in this matter. In her defense, Lola accused John of always working and not having time for her. That was her reason for looking outside for another man’s affection.
Now, John went through her phone and found a search history about “how to accuse and implicate your husband.”
They’ve both been avoiding each other for the past two weeks. John spoke with me for two hours yesterday, crying on the phone and feeling crushed and disappointed. He is already planning to get a new place and move out of their home.
I advised him to file for a divorce. Who is at fault here, and what would your advice be for John? Remember, this happened in real life.

The relationship has ended. So what exactly is your friend waiting for? He should gather separate from the woman immediately, gather all of the evidence of the cheating that he can, along with the search history information, and head straight to the courts, all while making sure the children are catered for mentally, emotionally, and physically throughout the ordeal.

Voltron007:
/✓ What “psychological “ sheet will you go through abroad that supersedes people who face kidnapping, banditry, extreme hunger and poverty?🫤
✓ We are all in the same abroad, there’s no justification to cut off close friends especially someone you supported you in your most difficult moments. Anyone who supports this must be practicing witchcraft. 🫤

Let me start by making clear that mental illness is real whether one is in Nigeria or not. And it does not start or end with your particular experiences as each individual has their own set of worries separate from yours.

2. OP did not say that the friend did not thank him at all. That said, we don't have his friend's side of the story to jump to conclusions here hence the reason why others are coming in to express what possible reasons there may be to the absence in communication. I know mine was mostly psychological.

ernieboy:
don't people who face tough times in Nigeria still communicate with her friends and loved ones?

Not all of them do in Nigeria. Same psychological sheet happens to even those abroad.

I recall some family members cutting communication for many years back in Nigeria after they and we were hit by tough times. Nothing out of place there.

NiceLegs:
✓ The annoying part is those that will be telling you abroad is hard but they will never come back home to noisy generators.

😂😂😂😂Abroad is not hard, however, it is not Nigeria where you can play Oga/Madam over the life and existence of others. That is why, even with all the complaints you hear, people would not dare give up the life they have here for Nigeria unless, of course, they have become fugitives or something along those lines. 🥱

Teeklef:
But wait,let's believe all my write up are false accusations,are you trying to tell us that some people doesn't pay good with evil? Ingrate are real. Stop trying to defend evil.

I didn't say all what you wrote up there is false, I am saying that there should be more than just a couple of, "I am the angel and he is the devil..," texts to the story.

HEAVEN4444:
✓ He is facing depression. That's the only reason people don't call. Abroad causes depression. After spending 20 million of your hard earned naira you get abroad to see that it's not the heaven you thought. Coupled with weather bills and racism and very high cost of living. It causes depression

I myself experienced what you described but it had absolutely to do with money spent; Rather it had to do with the fact that one literally had to uproot and abandon ones life in one place in other to relocate and start over in the other place that got to me.

For years,I didn't have anything to say to anyone who called so I basically stopped picking up an d pretending all was well with me psychologically after the move.

Teeklef:
✓ What do you expect me to say again. I'm not trying to be a messiah or paint him black. But this is not a matter of may be he is still struggling,no. He is a millionaire now. I know wetin I dey talk. I know about his doings here and abroad!!! Ajeh. We were good and cool and nothing like fight between us until I asked for help and he declined,so I couldn't take it again and I move on.
Note: I wish him well!! He is still my friend but just that we can never be best of friends again in this world.

When you are ready to tell your story on another thread, go for it. What is clear is that your story is nothing like OPs or the other guy whom you responded to.

Teeklef:
✓ O tida!!! Kuku bring camera and crew make we shoot am for movie.

Now you are at least getting the gist. Trying to win sympathy by telling a half-baked story of how you are some sort of messiah without faults ain't supposed to cut it in the world we live in, thankfully.

Teeklef:
✓ Done that already. Read again.

You actually believed you told an entire story with that? 🥱🥱🥱

mrksquare:
✓ Not really. I have housed a friend whose working place was close to my house. Some week, he will wear my shirt and trousers just to go to work without even returning it back. Some of his official work as an auditor, I was the one that was preparing it for him. The both of us were classmates in University, same department. Even when we were in University I was always sustaining him. Even gave him one of my phone when he had none. Even bought him goat when his father died as part of my support. What caused our problem? The Rivers state government under Gov. Wike decided to do biometrics, which lasted for over 3 months. For the three months duration Civil servants were not paid salary.
I resorted to my friend for mere #10k to solve a pressing matter. He kept assuring me he will give me the money. After pestering him for like a week, I halted. For a year, he refused calling me after the incident. After a year, he called me to check up on me. But deep down, I knew the friendship is over.

Your story is totally different from the other guy's story and even the OP's. Why assume that two different relationships can be seen as the same?

Also,one mistake we make is we never really confront the other guy but walk away assuming we have them all figured out, why?

Teeklef:
✓ Read

When you tell it!

captianfreeman:
Move on with your life. Most of our people became miserable immediately they crossed the border. When things become well with your friend, he is likely to reach out to you.

Stop lying for a living! 🥱🥱🥱

Teeklef:
I✓ f I tell you my own story you will cry for me. A friend we went to the same nursery and primary,the same town,the same area,the same higher institution,housing him when he needs accommodation and also feed him then. We both live in almost 5 different area together at ondo then. Is it Aluta,newtown,rainbow,ayeyemi?. He even travelled out through the help of God and I.

Go ahead and tell us your own story. When it comes to human relationships,never assume your story is same as another's.

cyberbro:
✓ Why are some of you like this? How can you conclude that he mistreated him just because the friend ghosted him?
✓ Ok he mistreated him, he didn't send him packing but still lived under his roof and the next thing is to ghost someone once you travel out! It's either you're still very young or you just don't have enough experience yet.
✓ When it comes to relocation, Nigerians could ve very unpredictable.

1. The other poster did not conclude but instead gave a possible reason why the friend may have decided to ghost OP. OP didn't say that his friend did not thank him for his kindness before deciding to ghost him. So, there may be more to this story than OP's side..

2. Stop playing the age card for Pete's sake! 🥱🥱

3. Was the friend supposed to take the OP along or something? We don't know how he was able to relocate, given that OP claimed he had nowhere and was probably too poor to get a place of his own, too. So it is essential to get the other side of the story here.

Skyfornia:
✓ Even at that, you should be grateful

OP, did not say the friend did not thank him for accommodating him for all those months he help d him. 🥱🥱🥱

@OP, you need to find a way to leave that toxic environment; stop letting them use you as their punching bag/emotion-dumpster. Let them sort their emotional issues out on their own. Find another relative to take you in if you are not able to find a place to stay with your peers. If not possible, then change your life in such a way that you limit the time you are around them as much as you can. Also, consider professional therapy for yourself. You need to heal from what seems like a toxic childhood and the consequences of bad parenting.

no20022:
1. Ironically, my brother suggested family therapy and my father had a fit and refused therapy. I suggested it too, but things went nowhere. It seems as though I think people in my family love blaming others for everything rather than to look within.
2. It's just me that my brother acts like that towards because I think I am an easy target, but I find it unfair that he never physically attacked my father for how he treated my mom sometimes. My dad is deceased, but I still have mental issues from what I went through.
3. No. She doesn't complain about the sexism against women. I am beginning to think she's male identified because she got upset when I complained about how I hated having large hips and getting the wrong kind of male attention. IMO, I think some older women can be sick in the head when it comes to male attention. She even complained when I didn't want to wear certain clothes that would draw attention to my body.

1. While it is very possible that your brother and mother love blaming others for everything, I think the therapy idea— not necessarily the family kind— is not a bad one. Have you considered going for therapy for yourself at least?

2. I would have said you should suggest professional therapy for your brother, too, but since you describe him as a bit volatile, it may be best you stay away from him as much as you can.

3. Wait... you are 32 and female? And your brother beats you up? WOW... get the f-ck out of that house as soon as you can. Don't you have a grandmother or aunt you could live with to avoid having to be exposed to this much craziness at this point in your life? 😯😯😯😯

no20022:
➜This is why I am refusing to do family therapy. It's not because I don't want to change/grow up, but it's because I think my family will never change and it's a waste of time.
➜ The truth is, I am no longer intersted in a close relationship with my brother because I don't think he's safe to be around when he gets angry. Yeah he showed remorse for it, but I don't care and I still feel a certain way about it to this day. My mom would always blame me for my father and brothers‘ behavior towards me. If I get beaten, it's my fault for not behaving. If I get my brothers angry, it's my fault for doing something to provoke them.
➜ It's funny how women complain about how men are sexist against women, but women do the same thing to each other.

You didn't tell us how old you are. Whatever advice we would give would have to depend on that.

1. Family therapy? Who suggested it, and how is it expected to go?

2. Sounds like a very toxic environment you live in there. Does your brother or father also react violently towards your mother, or is this just a you thing?

3. Is your mother one of those women who complain about men being sexist?

justwise:
There is.. that saying does not apply to modern Nigeria

When did it ever apply to Nigeria?

DiasGodinHeaven:
➜You are not far from the truth especially those harlots who became pregnant. They don't care how the baby feed and grow up. Many times they become criminals in the society.
➜ If every family is good, the communities and States will be great

Did they get themselves pregnant or something? What of the men who, without thinking of how the babies would feed, decided to get those women pregnant? Are the men not themselves harlots and the fathers to those criminals in the society?

2. This all starts with men and women jointly birthing and raising decent individuals; otherwise, all this is just talk.

Klington:
➜I know uncle Jimi better than this. It's all APC twisting propaganda.

When did he become APC's mouthpiece? What happened to him?

nlparrot:
➜Nigerians abroad will soon start running home…That’s the bold statement from veteran journalist Jimi Disu — and it’s turning heads.
According to him, the high cost of living, emotional stress, and tough working conditions overseas are making many Nigerians rethink their choices. Disu believes that with rising opportunities and innovation back home, many will return — not out of failure, but out of realization.
His words? “It’s not all rosy abroad.” Do you agree? Is home truly calling? Let us know in the comments.

High cost of living, emotional stress, and tough working conditions overseas Where?

Theama:
➜I think their bodies' metabolism rate is also a factor in fast or slow weight gain/loss.

Metabolism rates change for everyone at different stages in life depending on different factors. So, it is not necessarily a good excuse to use fo weight gain.

atobs4real:
Na now u come fine? Some people like your spec. U look big and good before now. Good one since that's what u want but u can't cheat nature

What has nature to do with this? You think say na nature dey make people fat abi wetin?

Why don't you go fatten yourself up, then, since being fat is good for you? She would rather be slimmer and fine as she is now. And that is what she wants.

PenSniper:
➜Hello fellow nairalanders. The dilemma of a sister. This woman is a widow with 3 children aged between 11 and 13 years. Her late husband succumbed to a protracted chronic illness after about 3 years. The sad experience the man, wife and children went through during those harrowing period is better imagined. During his last one year in life, the wife had to drive him to the hospital far from their home every other day for treatment. He died leaving a house, a row of shops on another piece of land plus an undeveloped land.
➜It's been 9 years this year that he died. The widow, in her late thirties chose not to remarry but to devote her time to training the children with the meagre income from a few rented property and petty trading. Since his demise, not a single one of his siblings has ever bothered to offer any assistance for the children's education and upkeep. They warned the woman she dared not get pregnant in the house and if she must get married, she must hand over the children to them and move away from the house. The deceased was a salary earner but blessed enough to virtually develop a piece of land belong to his elder brother.
Sometimes, they make demands for financial assistance from her thinking she lives in comfort because of the few property never minding the fact that she struggles to make ends meet. Virtually all these siblings also struggle to survive and hence, none of them can take adequate care of the children. The ploy behind their threat to take over the children is apparently to take over the property and separate the woman from her children.
➜ What would my fellow experienced nairalanders advise this unfortunate woman to do in the circustance ? Is there any legal steps she can take to overcome her plight ? Please advise. Thanks.

1. He died and left the property to his wife, meaning he willed it to her or to his children?

2. Was this condition stipulated in the man's will or a legal agreement between your friend and the late husband's siblings? Or did the siblings make these threats up on the fly? The woman remains the legal guardian of her children by law, so why do they believe she should have to give them up in the case she chooses to marry someone else?

3. Normally, the siblings should have no right or say as to how the woman goes on to live her life— marriage right after or not— while raising the kids. However, you need to visit the man's will to realize any conditions that may have been placed in there to restrict her or not. If there is no will and the woman was legally married to the man, then his siblings are simply overstepping their bounds, and can be legally sued by her for harassment.

MufasaLion:
✓ These are not evidences. I deal with real data and statistics not social media post by random drunkards and ignorants for cheap clout. I will stop engaging you henceforth.
I won't reply you anymore!

Try to read and process a comment before responding next time so you don't end up posting unnecessary ramblings. 🥱🥱🥱

Dottore:
➜Say what you know. Everything is not grammar. Spirit spouses exist. The fact that you don't believe doesn't mean they don't play a role in people's lives negative or positive? Different spiritual consultants deal with the issue in different ways; either by rituals, rites or prayers to either fight it, or separate, others believe that appeasement works better yet there are other that prefer to indeed "marry" the spirit spouse.

Nobody has ever been able to provide proof of their existence yet you are sure that they exist. Doesn't this clearly indicate that you have been mentally enslaved by that which is of falsehood?