₦airaland Forum

nairalife2013:
My wife doesnt cook sh1t but she is the sexiest lady ever liveth! Her lack of cooking dexterity is an enigma to me, a big fun to see her lick plates when on a good day I manage to turn a few spoons in the pot on the fire and it turns out nothing but potty but she eats and lick her fingers clean and envy my kitchen ProWess, which to her is a masterpiece! She dotes on my elder sister and worships her and keeps the pots empty and ready whenever my said sister is visiting and make friends with all the girls whose cooking prowess has filtered into her ear in the neighborhood! Her stunning beauty and her weakness in cooking is an inspiring contrast that is one of the funs of our marriage. I jokingly tell her "u carry diz kinda bweests n booti come fine like this u no sabi cook nothing, I go collekt bak d bride price from ya mama and I go dey fu-k dis ya eva eva fresh C-nt for free!" She is improving now. I cant stay a day without her without having cramps in my head. Lov is thicker than everything.

Cool story bro.. ##straight face##

benedictnsi:
@Op marry the number 2 and use d number 1 do maid shikina

Haha.. I knew before hand that there is going to somebody who will want to eat his cake and have it..

So you wouldnt mind doing your maid??

beautycrush24:
OP if i hear say u chose d second one

Lol. Why not? Not all men rate sex above every every, you know.

cozy7:
Since my entire dating life, I've ended 3 relationships bcoz they were bad cooks. Who is a woman without d ability to cook? What impact can her mother claim she made? Which mouth her papa wan take collect bride price foe my hand? What then makes her special? Who will then teach our kids how to cook? Abi nah outside d whole family go dey chop?

The bible says "faith without work is dead". Any woman who is useless in d kitchen, is worse than corpse......SHE'S GOT NO DIGNITY, JUST AS HER MOTHER HAS GOT NO PRIDE.

Well, i personally understand how important it is for a woman to know how to cook but dont you think saying one who cant,has no dignity a lil too harsh?

There are other fine qualities that make a woman too, you know.

b3llo:
I will choose the one that will make Me happy.

And what makes you more happy- sex or food?
No lie..

I was listening to a radio show that just ended few minutes ago and the lady presenting asked this--- Which would prefer as a guy,
a lady who is good in bed or the one who is rather good in the kitchen(knows how to cook)?

I thought solving calculus was tricky not until the lady asked that question. I was/am still literally caught between the devil and deep blue sea but after several permutations and combinations, i think i ll settle for the second lady cos I no dey take food play lie lie.. .

Atleast,there's masturbation to kinda fill in for sex as a close susbstitute but i cant think of any for a bad cook..

Guys, which would you go for and why?.... One more thing, lets also assume you are not allowed to cheat on your lady and you are also not allowed to eat outside..

Eissh!! E don tey wey man brawl.. ##cracks knuckles##

After my exams i think i ll battle 5 glads to stay in shape.. Hehe

1.. *a*******
2.. *r***
3.. ****a*****
4.. ***b****
5.. ****a*******

Lets see how that goes. Omo no time..

dominique:
Lol, the only blunder I saw was park instead of pack. Just seeing the 'your all belongings' part

Lol.I knew many would miss it on the first read. Anyperson that spots it on the first read takes life too serious.. Dont ask me how i know.

Am i the only person who on the first read saw "park all your belongings" before reading it again only to notice the blunder "park your all belongings"?..... Funny how the brain works..


But if on the first read you didnt notice the blunder, "park",i no get wetin to tell you..
On another note, i don try try but i still no fit see the two canceled words.. .. Make person help a brother abeg. Curiousity wan kee me..

chrisgurl:
lolz..I'm with you on bernadette the "squeaky monster's" issue!! Hope she gets pregnant in season9. The gang needs a baby!! Let's wait and see how evrything unfolds.. BTW. I think howard will make a good daddy.

@the gang needs a baby.. Gbam!!

I would kill to see how sheldon relates to the baby..

simdam500:
Alright so what season are u currently watching? Or u are up to date?

Yea.. Iam up to date.

Yay!!! So my people dey here..

simdam, pls dont stop posting those quotes... Sheldon is an inspiration..

dj5naira:
Your water sprinkle is no league for this oppressor techs/ u can't think on your own, or throw fresher texts/
Anini, yu keep “stealin' peoples idea”, like a “bad side of Professor X!!”/

I sorry for the so-called poet mother/ he can easily be smashed by this chauvinist monster/
He's such a softhead ...a 'crack, liquid comes out of it' like 'coconut water!'/

Now he's just smarting ..then, an idle beginner/ D's test proved the model not grimmer/
Pointed the gun to the skull n his bone froze, ground was soaked, 'K piss' like 'Nigerian idol winner!'/

Gap btw I & u? no need to stress, its widening/ comparison list out, u and the rest be retiring/
You're good in writing, better at structurin' but the best in recycling!/

She was frustrated ya joysticks not tasty, 'tis dead/ would rather straf a dog and get rabies instead/
Ya wife renamed you that name 'cos she's never seen a Kat So Selfish n Lazy In Bed/

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This oppression text... will brings his depression near..nd he aint even on pressure yet!/
Bow down, iam ur mentor here/
you fit use juju but iam that limit to which ur protection gets/
Rod runs into his skull.. grey matter splashed all over his 'joystick'... thats the real mind 'control'.. Professor-x/!
Imma cash in on your ignorance...young money/
Babes dey die for lib like i love you..pls talk something/
so i looked at dj's pic again nd later realised he looks like bugs bunny/ with the swag of a gored monkey/
I kid not.. any babe wey dey 'trip for dj' ..must be on a long journey/!
Legend of the seeker..i give him black eye..like a confessor vexed/
My lines connect..there's no limit to which the connection gets/
Got a bank of knowledge..na we dey come lecture vets/
And yall asking if he wretched or rich?imma end the conjecture here/
Truth is..if dj say he 'money dey waste'... picture a tax collector's belt/!
Dare measure up to me and the magnum will divide you/cos the handgun will incite doom/
Biiches know i gatda touch..my handjob redesigns boobs/
Lazy in bed? how come iam bleeping ya ma and 2sisters..
My d1ck ...'on the 3' of em.... zacchaeus in the bible/!

dj5naira:
I'd cast him out with my deathly pure scripture/ if he was a dj, he'd be one out o' those many poor mixers/
Tz either u have worm, drank poison or an imbecilo, ...you are no heavy spar spitter/

An info fa you, your boo is a merry w.hore stripper/ what he claims isn't sickness, this is clearly fear, rigor/
He's just re-editin' dopes' lines, he's not in anyway sicker/

I'll eat him . . . berry, pear, Snickers®/ large mistakes on the go, this fairy err bigger/
Like the feelings of athletes when they lose ... he'd be weary, sore, bitter/

They rep cele4life, u never see him or his cherry wear slippers/ in freestyle ur slow, ya barely near quicker/
Most o' ya ideas been “overused” like ya “hairy tar knicker!!”/

Gargle gin, then spit on his face freshly clear liquor/ his laziness stirred with his foolishness, a very rare mixture/
K is gentle, he a baby parrot in the costume of a scary bear figure/

His 'structure' rarely scare Jigger/ i'd breakdown the teddybear 'villa!'/
What's Gwan? Open your eyes to these razz key~monos, Mr. "see everywhere" nigga/

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Nigga, iam cold hearted like every winter/... The bars motivate.. making em gees ginger/
You stalk me...keeps sharing my post at every slim chance/
you ll think dj was 'preggy' the way he 'carry my issue' ..so technically speaking...i guess am afterall a 'heavy spitter'/!
Nigga,i take your soul like the handjob of evil cobblers/.. Kill your fam..crush ur ma..i run tractors on peoples mothers/
My spitting's on point..i never retract or even stutter/
Your bars are '2 common' .... factors of even numbers/!
I make all vets,rappers bleed/ Like thor vexed,hammer spins/
Lands on his fore-head...skull messed,scatters it/
Iam miles ahead of da game.. Dj's always behind... Like top ten rappers list/!
No one can take this ogas place/ Unlike him ion need emphasize punches in upper case/
the sword drops dj's head on the ground like he visiting theoba's place/
Bars so striking..i got tha thunder crase/
Raski mono...razz key monos??..
its evident..dj is 'wacker' than pointing five fingers in someone's face/!!

dj5naira:
Its not that they 'bear same nick', each wants the holocaust, so its a big lie if the Docs says 'tis for 'name sake!'/
Those fantastic four shouldn't film us the pretense, cos we know ...one if not all has been struck with headache/
The intent to outbattle they opponent is givin' them more “sleepless night” than “phuck till daybreak!!”/

Recalled my visit to a lounge with old skools & dears/ shocked to the bone, caught flus plus tears/
While every kept mum, 'Satzenbrau' said hi, 'bench' hailed wassup . . . Was greeted by 'boos' and 'cheers!'/

What I saw next siftered the cold/ this sister is bold/
Smilin' at me, I saw her teeth sparkle . truly, "...not all that glitter is gold!!"/

I plan direct schemes that left u producers n actors behind/ you monks lack foresight, yu kinda blind/
Brains in shackles & chains, slaves to your thought . . . im the mastermind/

You can form strong, I know u aint that alpha boss that's smart/ ya bitchy attitude lackin' hygiene like Lara Croft that farts/
You weak on the inside, an xray showed a piece of an unused Always sanitary very close to ya ribcage ...no wonder ur so ultrasoft at heart/

I still remembered some stalked, others flew/ I did feats ...u did yours, fell ill, vowed not to treat u 'til I talked ya doctor through/
Those who want to retrace my footprints in this thread are in for a big suprise, I walked on water too!/

Real, down-to-earth ...ma gene thinks so/ I rep my 9ja, what do you rep teens, queens, bro?/
To hell with your money & danger slang, in our country red means ten naira and green means go/

Go on im hearin' u don't become afraid/ .............marchpast us in a short bum, charade??/
Shut up! Your parents were flittin' insects, cos you told us your mum parade/

You once dissed me on that 2lines thread..
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Claiming i couldnt, but you ryhme better..though we knew you totally feigned it/
So its only right you end up in a tragic setting/
Nigga i could forgive but 'never forget'.. i gat a photographic memory/!
The uzi's like a perf... imma grab one and spray something on ye/.. if a nigga ever yells talking to me/
Always vexed to bone... ..the anger keeps boiling within/
Dj told me to [i]' leave rage' ... but i quickly reminded the bittch.. he 'gat nothing on me'/!!
We spitting harzard bars/...that make bastards scar/ .. Ion need lacasera to chew ya gala bars/
You couldnt drive ur point home even with ya papa car/
cos like an abomination.. we know the only thing you riding.. is ya mama back/!!
Iam the real shiii bra.. eryone wanna see this vladamir klitcho spar/
Biitches hailing...this baba fine oo... like i was phyno's dad/ dj is wack.. we hide when the weako spars/
cos honestly.. like ur standard was 'trapped beneath your father'..its below par/!!
When i saw dj's pic... my face was met with an instant frown/
Nigga looks like a sacrificial ram/ teeth like dracula... .rabbit... no!infact rat/
Dude! even if ur sisters were lined for free.... i sure as hell 'wont take a pick'.... like i was beefing instagram/!!
You couldnt best me even if i decided to loose/
Pull the trigger... now the lead guided at you/ the type ta infiltrate ur dome even if you were guided by goons/
The grenade goes off in dj's crib.. ya'll gon see '5 everywhere' ... thats 11111110 divided by 2/!!
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#easy#

007Bruce:
dope!!

one love

Quick one..
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Am @ the top of the ladder but still... i climb higher/murking gees on the mic.. i rap tigher/
A dragon's nemesis.. hunger games.. i dey catch fire/
The type to surround emcees with petrol.. light fire/ then my goons position all round the circle... thats a barb wire/!!
The thug displays... nigs show appreciation/ I let the lead fly with no agitation/
Only nerds loathe beef.. i aint the type to quickly patch things up like a calibration/
Cos the truth of the situation.. we let bullets 'go round your waist' ...aint no enviromental sanitation/!!
I Bleep babes like i do my battles..hardly pulls out/I treat battles like tight knots.. reason i hardly loose bouts/
A beastly spartan..i badly wound glads/ You agberos need ta seriously chill..cos effortlessly, i calmly bruise touts/ .
And the glock takes out an offender from '18yards' .. now thats a penalty shoot out/!!
Any nigga believing he plays tight/gottabe sipping his lame lies/ Iam he who be giving these gays strife/..
Their throats i be slitting till they die/.... bury em corpses at the airport.. cos like 'harry potters garment' .. I gat 'bodies hidden in plane site'/!!
Lets face it..my concepts..too complex/ I use concepts scatter my lecturer head..till the dude con vex/
Hes a wizard..the witches too, confessed/
My babes pussy too concave..so i touched the right places.. her cl1t 'curved outwards' ... cos guy!! i too 'convex'/!!
See, like madmen having fun..my plays are cray/In combat i let the sword engage dudes.. my blade na g@y/blood gushing outta ya throat..chest...face,rib cage/
My swordsmanship 'reveals too much skin'.. 50 shades of grey/!!
I could be caught inna shoot-out anymoment so iam retiring swords/....... And reviving guns/
Thugs know our weapon always by we side.. its highly loved/
even on the picth....
pistol's tucked in stockings....bullets buried in the captain's arm band.. Fifa calls my team...... the firing squad/!!

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#Raaa#

ELYMAXiimus:
Ksslib nd geoxpress.. Thanx bruvs.

You welcome

safarigirl:
yes o, long time. I'm good, you?

Good to know. Iam good too.

safarigirl:
no worry. No kain hungry wey neva sama me before so it won't be uncharted territory

Lol. I kuku trust you.. iron lady..

Longest time,hope you good tho!

safarigirl:
hahaha. Lynxx over Tinubu. Even if he's in extreme poverty, I won't be, I can always help out with funds at the early stages. If he's educated and has the other qualities (smart and funny) he could either turn out to be another Lalong or the next Basketmouth. Many wealthy people came out of extreme poverty and some types of wealth are unhealthy eg Tinubu's kind.

lol.. You go fear excuses na..
Babe, no worry! When better hungry sama you, you go reconsider..

safarigirl:
hahaha, I didn't choose number 6 o. Too expensive abeg. Some things are more important. I'll take a Lynxx or Blossom Chukwujekwu physique over a Tinubu bank account. Call me stewpid

Hmmn, i see..

But what if the Lynxx physique like you called it happens to be in extreme poverty and is presented alongside a Tinubu look-alike who owns a Tinubu bank account-- would you rather ogle at the former night and day ontop hungry belle or look past the former's flaw and enjoy the money?

No lie.

Any girl that does not choose number 6 is either pretending or the image didnt display well on her phone..

Happy bday .. Elymax.. Have fun

Giyaz was good but mail was equally as good and almost better.
. if not for one or two things,i woulda given him the win..

Mvgt------ tie

kr0ne:
E don get one time wey I wan use u do one punchline/metaphor > yeast/rise quickly. But I no get time. U forget say u win ur first battle, even when u no sabi rhyme at all?

Lmao! Yea, that was against testerfuze..

Time flies sha..

kr0ne:
If you'd take my advice, I'd say don't give up yet. Your kick-off is far doper than Ksslib's, but look at him today. A few months back, Laykorn was just a no-rhyming poet but go look at his last battle....dude was doing four-syllabic rhymes.
We all have a beginning in this textcee business and we were all once wack. Consistency and perseverance did it for us. So don't say it's tough, coz it's not.

Bia krone, e be like time don reach wey you go begin pay levy on every instance you use me as a case study ..

Is it so hard to obey simple instruction and behave like normal civilised people do?

If youre not a judge,shuut da hell up and allow the chosen judges do their thing.. Haba..

kinglahkay:
Respect boss

Ffr with the verse wanna feel my eyeballs

There you go.....
..
He ll know why iam called hitler..the most wicked and mean/why the book of revelations speaketh of me/
why iam the strictest on script/... defeating me is 'a goal he cant achieve' ... he's mikel obi/!!

My bars re ill, crude and brash/iam oliver queen.. these arrows make ya wound and crash/top of the foodchain.. My scripts brute and harsh/
but for top 20 list,we no see you.. top 50 sef, we still no see your brake-light ...Guy! you be 'flash?'/!!

in this bout,its you i gon surely cremate son/ your soul from body i gon surely liberate son/my goons ll storm your fam's house in an un-goldly invasion/
you ll watch ur siblings all 'drop down' dead.. do you now understand the 'gravity' of the situation?/!!

Aint started yet..but iam already roasting the gay like fella/r..i..p to obj's boo but she testifies my plays are steller/guy ,you no fit use me shine....you's plaugued by nepa/
my point is.. we dont see de value in ur spittings.. thats the 'current state of naira'/!!

And if he wants a beef over nothing/cos he gat a weapon or something/or he wearing a bullet proof vest hid under cotton/
.... yall gon call me gay cuz when i aim with a remotely controlled ak47.. dude gets undressed faster than the 'click of a button'/!!

This aint no bout.. Iam just flogging the wackest lad here/..so next time you visits nl, you'l respect the baddest glads there/ the cable go peel and pierce your back so bad like na spear/
... but since you no gree hear word... call am 'secret service' cos with the next whip.... wire go land for back of ya ear/!!

Iam surely taking him apart/a trained american sniper, iam aiming from afar/and the lead be like koboko cos when e pierce him spine..
... Lakhay go put 'two hand for back' .. He's a bittch taking off her bra/!!

Peeps scamper when this glad vexing/ i kill with that okaragbe swagger.. omo na blessing/ iam never afraid to ...trade... blows cos all na marketing/
.... so when this knock-out 'drops him in a box' ... you fit call am 'packaging'/!!

You aint fly nigga.. I slap and scold you/claimed he ll have me bodybagged and ovened/but when the chicken truly felt bars that hold doom/
the first punch tore his anus.. Cuz like breeze... When i blow.. Fowl nyash dey open/!!

Lakhay, after this bout, i ll always be around in your fears/yea!i scary like that... .evil thoughts keep lurking about in my head/
i murdered him in so many ways.. even i was aghast with my flair/
... This brawl should be named....'$20bn saga' .. for even Cbn ll 'struggle to give an accurate account' of his death/!!