₦airaland Forum

hustla242: What is it with Nigerian babes and marriage, what's the rush?

It's a lifetime commitment and sometimes we just need time to be sure of what we're getting ourselves into.

Shior so desperate. One tribe in particular its like that's what they are bred for marriage. I won't mention I don't want war.

[quote author=Love_Decay]She wants to put ur dic+k in cookie jar.

And, let this be ur first lesson never tell a girl u like...that u like her.

Act accordinly[/quote]People like you lose out and good quality women, by playing childish game carry on don't tell a girl you like her. I pity you.

Nairalandi: I love this girl so much that I decided to tell her how much I did felt for her.though she told me that she is not ready to go into any serious relationship but we can just be ordinary friends.but I seriously need someone to call my girlfriend.I have tried time without number to convince her but all to no avail.The problem now is each time she sees me with any girl her mood will change,she will not talk to me through out that day when I ask her what's the problem she will tell me nothing.pls house what's the matter with this girl?

Slow down, you NEED someone to call your girlfriend. This is the first to to people getting into relationships for the wrong reasons. Please you are not ready. Besides making assumptions that she gets upset is a no no if you feel she is acting funny express to her what you just told us if she insists she is fine carryon with your life and ignore.

Joan Johnson: What is the worst thing that your partner could do in a relationship before you call it quit?

Cheat or hit me or both.

Tedpgrass: With the groom's parents in tow and praying for the reconciliation....... don't think so.!!!

Except...... well, wonders never end in 9ja.



Can't they see a counsellor??
By all remit, she's legally married and shouldn't deny him the conjugal rights.
In the same light, he shouldn't deny his responsibility in the event of pregnancy!!!

Hmmm.
.

I have to even wonder 3years no child. Maybe GOD is trying to protect her two times pregnancy scare. If you force what is not meant to be. You are being stubborn and waiting for misery of lifetime. I doubt he is her husband that GOD chose for her.

k2039: She will only be daft to refuse his divorce.

Marriage is all about happiness and I can assure her that if she thinks she will find joy and happiness in this marriage then she is sure wrong and will only be left dissapointed
She will only be extremely stupi.d to ever think he will change or their relationship will be better

Stupidity is seeing the obvious(that this marriage just wont work) but choosing to believe the lies(the lie that it will get better).


She is only 27,she can still get other suitors,but let her know the longer she stays in this marriage,the lower her chances of getting a good suitor because I can assure her she will eventually file for divorce later(that I know for sure)

Thank you sir you just hit the nail on the head. Smh at some people.

HumbledbYGrace: Ladies we watch this stories on tv,read about them,our mother's history is as the same as this one but still we want to try them on our own?

They were both born again christians yet he is the kind of man hu lashes out to his wife wen informed of pregnancy?Why get married wen ur not ready for kids?accomodating ur spause in ur life?

Then after 2years da same christian guy wants a divorce?

Tell ur sister to give to ceasar wat belongs to ceasar,she married da guy only to obey the law not because the guy really loved her.Its time she picks up the pieces and sign the divorce papers

Am telling you, you are so right. Truth is she might have used guilt of him being her first to get him to marry her when he was not ready and then out of pity and he felt was the right thing he went ahead now it has dawned on him he is not ready for this life.maybe wen she thought she was pregnant too that added to it. All the same I don't blame her or him. They should go their seprate ways she has no child for him. You cannot force someone to be with you. If he is your he will come back GOD might be telling her there is someone out there better for her. Its not by force or fire abeg!

lolzie: I would really appreciate if matured advice could be given. God bless.

Its about my elder sister. She got married (legal court wedding) 2yrs ago at age 24 to a born again christian. They were already dating for almost a year at the time and in order for her make it easier to get a transfer to the state he lives in, HE suggested they get married legally and both families gave their blessings and an introduction was done. The church wedding was to follow the following year.She was a virgin on her wedding night and the marriage was consumated. Problem is that the husband has filed divorce papers and she does not want this divorce at all. Their problems started a month after the wedding when the couple thought she was pregnant and when she informed the husband he was very nervous and caught unawares and made certain statements such as "Are you trying to trap me with a pregnancy? I am not ready to be a father etc" He later apologised profusely for this statement saying he was just caught unawares and he wanted to get her to confirm the pregnancy. It turns out she was not pregnant at all , just a late period. The situation was not helped by the fact that the transfer fell through and in fact the physical distance between them grew as the hubby got a transfer to a farther state. The man postponed the church wedding by 5months as originally planned stating lack of funds (he is well paid in the oil and gas industry in eastern nigeria) But understandably she was really insecure in the relationship and insisted they do the white wedding. Only family members knew abt the legal marriage. He was still going to propose LOL (just to complete the lady's fantasy) he delayed the proposal and stopped referring to their marriage as one, instead started saying it is a relationship!! This according to my sister aggravated her insecurity and she started losing respect for him. And she admitted sometimes she would lash out at him in anger. Bear in mind that she does not approve of sex outside marriage, she discussed with her hubby that sex was hurting her emotionally and could they please stop and resume after the white wedding to which he replied "if you do not sleep with me this relationship will not survive". Sometimes last year, the hubby confessed after she confronted him on his seeming state of unhappinness, he said " I do not Þhink the love I have for you is enough to last a lifetime" . Needless to say, she was devastated and she apologised and said he really didn't mean it, he reassured her of his love for her and her father-in-law prayed and blessed their marriage. Again last month, they had another pregnancy scare, and turns out twas another late period, when she asked the hubby what would happen should she truly fall pregnant, he replied "well you will have the baby and the relationship will c ontinue". This really hurt her and she stopped refused him sex during their last visit to him. Pls note, she says their rxn otherwise was ok besides the few hiccups and they talked for hours on the phone. A few weeks later, he sends her an sms saying he could not continue the relationship anymore and wants a divorce stating that she was "unloving " since they had the court wedding. My sister did admit that she was hurt and fustrated at the events that happened and she felt unloved by him. But she assured him of her love for him, and involved both set os parents crying and pleading for a reconciliation. He is adamant and refuses a reconciliation. Both families have talked to him and have suggested that he didn't treat his wife right. If making their marriage public was goin to reassure the wife he should have done it, especially after the first pregnancy scare. Personally I think the man fell out of love with her and was just looking for a way to dump her ! She is DEVASTATED and loves her hubby very muchHer parents-in-law are in love with her and do not support their son at all. And keep encouraging her to pray for him. The hubby is annoyed by family intervention and says she is not the first lady to be disvirgined neither is he the first man to leave his wife. Pls bear in mind he is suppposedly bornagain and a christian leader.

Pls advise as to what to do. Beggin and pleading is not changing his mind. But she wants to stand for her marriage and pray for reconciliation. Well meaning family members and friends are advising her to grant him a divorce and move on. But as a bible-believing christiam she wants to stand for her marriage (she is only 27) pls help!!!!!! Thanks

There are some lies here, why would a man say you are trying to trap me with pregnancy if you are already married by court. Look she should move on and pray to GOD he is nt her husband. I believe she was already having sex before the marriage. He might hasbe disvirgined her, but that does not mean its a do or die affair to stay with him. If she ends up forcing the situation she will be in a miserable marriage. Tell her to pick up herself pray move on and meet new people. If he is her husband he will come crawling back.

Teemah Fashion: I have never cheated and wldn't either. I'd rather walk out of a relationship full of distrust and unfaithfulness rather than cheat on him even if he does.

Longtime teemah. How did ur situation go with ur man?

goodjack: Chairman cheating is bullshit but I am very sorry I will soon indulge in it. I am not too happy now with my woman that tend to believe that she is doing me a great favour by allowing me to touch her. Maybe later i will condemn my actions my guy. I am even working towards getting a second wife. That will help me not to be seen as a cheater or a banger.

You should talk to your wife haba!! What is this getting second wife abeg sir, talk to ur wife naa

claremont: I would use a female age as a determining factor. If a single black woman (Nigerian or not) reaches the age of 28 years, she becomes either desperate for a man, or she becomes a feminist (lesbian/bisexual). Since being a feminist is not really popular in the African culture, we can safely conclude that single black African women who attain 28 years and above become desperate to 'settle'. This hypothesis is yet to be proven wrong.

People like you that reason from their anus is why nigeria will never move forward. Your intelligence level is below par. Please do us a favour only contribute where children are its an insult to the rest of us adults here.

Tamar1: it also entails helping the partner to be better and.drop some bad habits if possible. i didn't mean possessiveness.

Yes I agreed with you. Am saying in light of that the OP should watchout for controlling behaviour too. Partners should help each other drop bad habits.

Tamar1: no it's not a good yardstick, observe her more. a lady dat loves u wont take poo from u, she ll try to build u into a beta man bcz she wants d best for u. if she isn't trying to do dat, then check her well. eg if u r a habitual smoke and she doesn't try to correct u even though she hates smokes den she is prolly saying .... he can smoke for all i care, all i want is dat he gets married to me.... now dats not love.

True but some womean arec controlling instead of trying to help you with the problem as adults they will fight with you and watch your every move. This can lead to violence. Imagine you want to leave her and she says you are not going anywhere and she kills you as a result of anger. A bit of topic but I just thought I add that.bt my point is true love is also freedom. No manipulation, no guilt no possesiveness, possesive is desperate.u get my point.

nice4life: So many men like virgin girls because they believe that the woman will be attached to them only.Is this true in reality? Please let the ladies help the guys out so we can correct this belief.

Think about your question does that make any sense to you? Because a person got disvirgined by someone does that now mean they r glued to that person only and can never be attached to someone else?

RudySmith: U r completely missing the point, delaying the marriage is the only option until ur 150% sure that she is marrying u 4 the right reasons. Just bcuz she says she will wait doesn't mean she will. As I said earlier, ask her why she wants 2 marry u and come give us the answer she gave u.
Luv Dr Rudy Smith

I agree also because a lot of girls are desperate for marriage.as all their friends are getting married. Then they end up complaining and disrespecting their husbands. Also watch out for controlling behaviour and possesiveness.

nice4life: well i am trying to figure out if she loves me for real or just because I intend to marry her.She is very young and beautiful though(less than 25).She is so down to earth and I love her character.I am what you will consider an eligible bachelor, we've know each other for close to a year now.And she is always with me, since i have known her she has practically live her life with me( cos I have known everything going on since then), always communicating with me.Could it be love?

I can't tell if it true love, don't know your story. If you love her why not go ahead.bt you should pray and fast also. You will get clarity if she is your wife.

nice4life: please we need more response.I am in a tight situation now.

Why r u in a tight situation? Are you being forced to get married by your girlfriend?

A woman in love will take care of her man's every need. She doesn't try to change his shortcomings but will understand his weakness and help him if he is willing to change.she wwould never force him to be with her by manipulation or guilt that is desperation.if she has to convince you that you should marry her that is desperation. You should both be on the same page with regards to marriage.true love is help, she is willing to help you in anyway she possibly can. So much to say.

Please don't mislead people. That passage in job talks about the wonders of what GOD does and not asking job to command anything. And there is a book commander of the morning by MFM. It is not right beware people.

Rooneyboy: I'm already in love with u 'cos of this post.

We already know the girls that do wash their boyfriend's clothes .

And a good number of them are regretting it cos the boyfriend ended up dumping them after chopping their kpomo.

We give too much as women when we give. I think closing legs and doing laundry and cooking once in a while during courtship is okay but it should never be routine. Women/ladies need to learn. There are too many glorified girlfriends claiming to be wives and there is no real commitment yet.cohabitating excetra.

[quote author=eagle,eye]I don't understand the noise about wasing cloths, cleaning the house or cooking his meals..... Am still wondering where all these ladies forming superwoman for NL dey.
The point am making is that most ladies I have dated, do one or all of what I stated above for me and I don't even ask them to do it. Neither do I disrespect them for doing it.
As a typing this, my girlfriend did all what I stated above this weekend. And I still have much respect for her.[/quote]The big deal is that like sex you give too much open up to much and you just become a glorified girlfriend. So the OP point is you still remain a girlfriend if he likes the cooking, cleaning and crazy sex then he should have put a ring on it longtime a go. That you can be the best. Hence lady in the street freak in the sheets, the most domesticated girlfriend. It doesn't matter if he hasn't put a ring on it. Guys get comfortable and might even feel no need for marriage.

[quote author=eagle,eye]Please don't feel sorry. And am not a broken human being.
As for changing for the worse..... I was tempted, but then am a Christain. After reflecting/meditating on the word, I got to leave everything at His feet.[/quote]Okay now I understand you better that is good I appauld the reaction to the situation as u have just explained. Its good to be sceptical, and also good you are giving the new girl a chance.in being sceptical don't put it at the back of your mind she will be the same, it might mess things up. Its good to know you are grounded in christ.keep being you, you will attract your own kind.

[quote author=eagle,eye]The ladies are running away from this thread.

Let me say that this thread is not a bashing thread for ladies. It's just that as a good and gentle guy, I have come to realise that ladies I often date will want to take an undue advantage of me.
But recently I have stopped trying to be perfect in the eyes of my fellow human being.

I have resorted to serving them a taste of their own bitter pill.[/quote]I feel sorry for you OP you are a broken human being who needs fixing. So you change for the worse because of what your girlfriend did to you.or some girls? Instead of you to take a step back be patient and wait until you meet the right girl (what you want in a partner).

[quote author=eagle,eye]This is not about game playing...
Imagine a scenerio where the Guy is very serious about his intentions for a girl and opens up himself for the girl.... then later on, the girl feels as if she could get a better deal else where.
Realizing that the grass is not exacly greener on the other side, she retreats only to find out that the guy is actually smarter and not the fool she thinks.
She starts ranting about being dishonest, wicked and selfish.[/quote]Please am not insulting you but do you have low self-esteem? Or you don't think you can get a better girl too? In my opinion its childish there is no need for retaliating, you are saying she can push you to do things you won't normally do. Do you think that is normal? If she felt she could get better why not allow her go, since you are taken as a fool. Let me tell you now that girl doesn't appreciate you.people use love in vain abeg....patience is key in finding the right partner. If you like turmoil I guess you are both meant for each other. Don't be surprised if one day you can't give her whatever her love language is and she meets another guy who does and she either cheats or leaves you for him.

Its interesting how a lot of people end up in the wrong relationships and get married to the wrong people. You see red flags and you still say am so inlove. To be in a relationship you have to be whole yourself and fulfilled. How can you be with somebody and they say or feel they can do better. Let me tell you now when the going gets tough and that person sees better they will leave you. Truth is too many people settle in the name of my friends are all getting married or we have been together for 10years we can't throw it away. Don't you think you should have been married in a year or two. This is how people start hating each other as man and wife.and spouses cheat on each other. The person you are with is supposed to be your haven from the troubles of the world. Not a person who you go home to and nags and argues with you. I tell you, you will look older than you should or even die young because there will never be peace in your house.

benbrains: Well, the question is quite clear... Can U̶̲̥̅̊ marry the opposite-sex-version of you, possessing all your characters, looks not necessarily considered?

You asked the question. So would you marry the female version if yourself?

DonTonero: All ma life I v prayed To see a female me and wen I do I wnt let go cos pple wil emulate us.am nT perfect bt y reject who I am in opposit sex? Its D femal me or nTin

Me toooo I like!! Why would I let him go if I find him.

jookunlaja: God bless you,I can assure you that the determination to know God's perfect will in marrage is one of the best decisions any Christian can ever make in life.
Firstly,I want you to know that some scholars say that we have 4 types of WILL namely:
1.Perfect will of God--this is getting the real blessing which God in His divine wisdom knows is the best for your life,though most times we find it very difficult to agree with God but in the end,one will surely thank God for His foresight,wisdom and direction.

2.Permissive will of God--God may eventually allow his child to have his/her way after many begging and considerations.Of course you should be able to bear the consequences of your neglecting God's will for your life.King Saul was given to the Israelites grudgingly by God.Many old testament saints practiced polygamy which God frowns at but He reluctantly permitted them to divorce/remarry/or marry many wives out of endurance.Believe me,each of them that tried those things came back to regret their actions later.

3.Self Will--Closely knitted with permissive will though this may be completely outside God's plan for the individual.The Israelites decided in their own will/volition to go out and attack the enemies without God's permission and they were massacred like christian chickens,for deciding to embark on an action not sanctioned by God.Samson had a covenant with God not to intermingle with unbelievers in marriage but he blatantly ignored God's directive and slept on Delilah's lap and he met himself in the mortuary.Solomon knew clearly that marrying the daughters of Pharaoh was against God's will for him but he disobeyed and he ended up a wretch.

4.Satanic/Demonic Will--Powers of darkness can super-impose their own will on human beings in order to fulfill satanic mandate or try to frustrate God's plan.

Now knwing God's will in marriage is as simple as A,B,C.
Firstly,the person must be a born again Christian.Who is actively desiring God's perfect will in his /her life.

Secondly,God delights in fellowship and not just ATM card users approach/fire-brigade style.We must get close to God out of love for him and not just to get him to give us just our daily bread.God desires children who will know and obey him in every aspect of their lives.You should not just start becoming spiritual because you want him to give you his perfect will for your life in marriage,career,fruit of the womb etc.Seek God,befriend him and one day even without asking he will surely reveal intimate details about your life to you.

The secrets of God are with those who fear him--psalm 25.
God cannot do anything without revealing it to his prophets(children,lovers and friends in the secret place of prayer)
How do you know God more/better

1.Read your bible,pray everyday--if you want to grow.Abandon any sin that may stand to block your access to God

2.Fellowship and learn to follow God's leading/direction in ordinary day-to-day activities of your life.
instead of just banging into his presence because you want a a wife/husband,job,baby,house,healing,prosperity etc right now.When you begin to follow God's leading on a daily basis,it would become very easy for you to know his mind concerning major decisions of your life.

You are blessed I agree.

sandradavis2: Please I am going through something similar and I would like to send you a message. I look at nl a lot but I don't comment. I really need somebody to talk to

Teemah Fashion: Thanks lady tc, i'll do just as you've written.

I think u ladies should look at the post by gse- integrity the topic is knowing God's will in choosing a partner. I couldn't have put it better myself. Humbledbygrace has shed light on some key things.

sandradavis2: Please I am going through something similar and I would like to send you a message. I look at nl a lot but I don't comment. I really need somebody to talk to

Teemah Fashion: Thanks lady tc, i'll do just as you've written.

I think ladies should look at the post by gse- integrity the topic is knowing God's will in choosing a partner. I couldn't have out it better myself.

First of all if parents don't agree with the union its sometimes best to listen they are usually right. This would later bring problems in the future at first it will be " me and you against the world". Sometimes the parents are wrong the answer is take it to God in prayer and also make an effort with the parents and siblings as you pray fervently.