₦airaland Forum

Which kind lie lie story be dis. 8 years not talk

CrimsonLove: Recently, I ended a 2 year relationship and I realized for the second time I have loved someone and never told them so. Granted, he never said it either. The first few months of the relationship he would ask me if I was in love with him and I would laugh because at that time I wasn't. I showed it through actions just not words.

I knew for quite some time yet I could never bring myself to say it. I say it to my family members, my friends but never to a bf. Has anyone else ever had this issue and overcome it?

It's because you don't trust the person enough yet to say it. No big deal. By next time remove the fear and say it if you feel it. Carpe diem!

mee42: well, i got 2 kids, but not officially married...

See your life and you are proud hissss. Better go and settle down and stop philandering. Disgust.

mee42: yeah, most of em are too materialistic, the annoying part is the fact that some are so dumb, that u cant keep up a conversation with them for 30 minutes, cos u will end up being the only one saying something meaniful, show them a picture of michelle Obama and ask them who she is, they will be asking u if she acted osofia in London , thats why i am excited most times when i see a lady on NL making reasonable comments/contribution to a contoversial thread... not a picture of Jim iyke eating corn in paris ...

And in your head u think you are worthy of such women. U attract what you are. That's why u will meet the so called dumb/ materialistic girls u are complaining about.

Sex freak! Smh if you did not want to help her say no simples. U did not want to date her u wanted to sleep with her.i wonder so friends can't help each other out again. It is men like u that wen u get to high positions will ask a girl to open leg before anything if they ask for help. This society disgusts me.vomit!

So the pastor said disobey God because he does not impose his will on you. And marry ladyA and have a life of pain and suffering because you made a wrong choice by promising marriage to ladyA. This pastor is serious ooo.

gree-die:
they say sometimes u have to fight for who you love
i may be wrong but i dont believe that i have to fight hard, fight other girls to keep the guy i love
i wont love who dont love me and if he loves, he ll try not to cheat.
if he cheats, he shouldnt expect me to fight to keep him, if he walks away then it is for the best
i wont fight anyone for a guy!!
i have tried to imagine wat my reaction would be if i caught my man cheating on me..im cool and collected so i definitely wont fight or shout
but i will make sure he is aware of my presence and then.... walk away!! some may call me a coward, if i am, there is no shame in that.
i may tear my hair and cry, but he will never know. i dont know if i ll give him a 2nd chance but i definitely wont give him a third.
if i catch him cheating, i wont go after him or the other girl, i will be the coward who walks away



my reasons are not purely emotional,they are logical too.
as controlled as i am, my emotions are consuming... if i decide to flare, the effect will be volcanic!!!

Thank you my dear sister. Love can also let go. A lot of women need to love themseleves first. Before u can truly love another person, desperately inlove smh. That thing they call love is soultie. If he is not treating u right and you have to call another girl to fight then my oh my.....if he loves you he would shut her out completely. If u love him, u will love him enough to let him go, because he needs to grow up.when u enable anybody how will they stop simples!

luvmijeje: Op u want to stop d intimacy in order to nudge him to marry u?am I right

Hmmmn well if that is what she is doing I feel sorry 4 OP. Girls/ladies/women. Manipulating, guilt and other forms of coercion you use to trap a guy does not help in marriage. It can get you dumped even before marriage, you might get engaged but never get to the alter. Or you might marry into misery. If you want to stop premarital sex stop because you fear God and want to change your life. Tell your bf if he acts funny or dumps you that's a great sstepping stone for you. There is a better man for you who is your husband and will understand the concept of no premarital sex.

Wizard_of_Oz: Í think uv hit the nail right on the head .- it's easier to fight someone one doesnt love.

No that's not hitting the nail on the head. Its called fear, they are scared the guy will leave them and won't fight with him or ask him point blank to stop communication or they will be leaving. Hence they have lost their identity or have low self-esteem.so they fight the other woman. And its also desperation to hold onto a guy. Whatever you try to control you will definitely lose.

Kmt can u imagine so I just dey waste my time advice hissss....love matter sweet me wella btw am oveer the ex I just use my experience to advice people.

Why do people think God is so small or impossible. According to christainity my bible, tells me to seek him with all my heart and I will find him. Truth is we don't need a middle man to hear from God we all have the holy Spirit. Believe pray u will get ur answer. If JESUS says we will do greater works than he did and even gave us authority to cast out demons and gave us the Holy spirit to guide us then what are we going to middle men for. Am just saying God is bigger than that please don't make him small in your eyes he is above that. That being said if OP wants to go to other pastors he thinks are strong men of God for confirmation then I think he should also. But marriage also requires work whoever your wife is life is not without trials. So that's is why I always tell people if you are having doubts there is a reason. Even wen I think abt it 7years u did nt marry her this whole time. If her parents had to kip poking u 4 date it means u ave had doubts 4awhile.its unfortunate it took this long.but men are d worst wen it comes to change they are complacent beings she was ur comfort zone. And really you should also let the second girl go also if you have no intention of being serious with her. Start afresh don't force anything because of pity or who is funny. It is about when u are stressed out who is ur safe haven you want to be at peace in you marriage becos when the bad times come you will need it(I suspect ur quarrels u pick with girl1 is not doused as u put it might be one of ur many reason for falling out of love at least there is no violence that is another topic). Am saying seek God too u can hear from him.God is bigger than what @baldman is saying. If in doubt you can seek 2 or 10 more pastors from different churches for confirmation(you don't have to tell them ur story just tell them there are two girls and you need confirmation you don't even need to give names sef if they are that strong they can call the name for you or tell you none of them. Just make sure these pastors you go to don't know you or your family.my opinion sha is you can hear from God on your own through Jesus Christ you don't need a middle man.


@baldman so you are saying if God says that he should marry girl1 and a pastor tells him she can't have children for him then he should make his decision based on that and not marry her. Then goes for girl2 and then they are not compatible and one day she kills him or he kills her I know dis is extreme.but we have to be careful. I know somebody that married his young love and after years of marriage and 2children she cheated and committed suicide. Why? Because they ended up together for the wrong reasons. They had dated for long e.t.c even though they where both christains. Marriage is not beans so OP be careful u don't marry for the wrong reason seek God urself u will find him. If in doubt I guess u can ask for confirmation.

luvmijeje: eeeyah,op sorry 4 dat rant.Is just dat am feeling 4 dat lady.
Since is like this,u just ve to followed ur heart and op u need her 4giveness.

See how you two just made up oya make I join the hug too naa. Me too I feel sorry for all 3 of them sef. Esp the girl1 sha but the truth is she will meet someone who actually is inlove with her, after this heartbreak God won't leave her. Am talking from experience. I have been seriously heartbroken before. That is why I believe the earlier he let's her or them go the better.time heals wounds and it would let them meet whoever they are destined to be with if not him.

Osareime: Whatever you decide you would break a very nice girl's heart. And prally many more if you decide to dump both and find your eldorado.

Why have two relationships in the first place?

It's ppl like you than end up wi nasty wives because you hurt nice girls and you have no conscience about it.

Do not promise marriage when you are not sure.

He has a conscience he has said that already, he is looking for help not judgement why are people so judgemental. At least he is not being a coward like some men. U know u r not inlove with someone u end up marrying. Some end up comitting murder, cheating without remorse. Its better to be sure about marriage when u go into it. Let's hope he does not end up with a nasty wife sha...cos from what he said he seems to have to nice girls. But its true OP you should have ended one relationship before u started the new on.

[b][/b]please i would appreciate advice form people that heard one or two negative prophecy about their union.how they were able to turn it around and carry their family along into accepting their their partner..thanks once again y'all


Take it to the famil section also you might get more help there.

2sexy: Technically, he did not kill her but emotionally, he did. The worse part is that he just refused to have a one on one discussion with her just because he has arrived.

Most times in a situation like this, what the other person could be yearning for is just that communication to explain the reason for his action.

To every one reading this, even though you dont want to marry someone, please... give them the best you can. Make them feel yes, they had the a good time with you. If you have that money, spend it on them, especially if you they truly love you.

The decision to marry someone comes with a lot of factor... so please, make them have a happy life no matter what.

I know what u mean, I have been there my ex boyfriend never gave me the closure I needed. So I have been where she is. It takes having God to be able to handle such. He stamped my heart with his feet crushed it and bined it. Am still living and stronger for it. So OP was wrong. I have been where is ex gf was. Am saying she had an issue, that resulted in her suicide. Its a lot more than just this heartbreak. We just have to realise in this world we can't always get what we want,and that we create our own happiness. And people are very evil, so we should not expect anything from people. What u and I regard as upright and moral another person could careless. I know what it means not to have closure.

lola.luv:
Did she commit suicide?
I hope not.

Btw, what made her feel so hopeless that she thought a man leaving her is the end?
May she RIP.

This is what I mean, people should stop blaming the OP. Most of us have been through serious heartbreak I know I have been. Its a mental illness. If she had married him and he was cheating on her and she was miserable because he was treatng her bad in the marriage u think she won't still kill herself. Its a demon. Girls and guys don't think you can buy love. You cannot force somebody to love you. If they leave u and u have a good heart let GOD's will be done. There is a reason they are leaving don't put the person in bondage abeg people should be logical with commnents he was wrong he made a promise he could not keep. If you have never made such or sinned keep teing him down. OP go to GOD ask for forgiveness pray for her and her soul. You did not kill her don't listen to that rubbish. She killed herself because she felt hopeless and what she felt for you that soultie that should not have been she was not whole. If only people around her recognised she needed help. I know what am talking about. Does every girl inlove who was promised marriage or jilted at the alter commit suicide.my mum was jilted at the alter did she kill herself. What am trying to say is she needed help if it was not this that caused it another big trial in her life might have.

charles009: hey people, i was here some days back telling how a certain girl was thrailing me around cos of the fact that i promised her marriage.

The girl passed on yesterday night.
The sister called me! all my world has crashed, cant believe this, cant concentrate!

I wronged her, and yet did not apologise.

Can she ever forgive me!

Please i need your prayers, May her soul rest in peace.

Pray for her folks, she deserved more!

My heart bleeds!

i know she is happy where she is!

may her soul rest in perfect peace amen!

May her soul rest in peace. If you told her you don't want her anymore you have done nothing wrong. What you both had was an unholy soul tie, this is why bible says no sex before marriage.she was not okay and would have committed suicide for another serious reason that affected her life the way she did nt want it to. People around her should have known this, she needed to know GOD well that was her way out of this mess. Do not let guilt hold you down. Pray and ask GOD for forgiveness and pray for her soul. Thje devil seeks to kill and destroy the moment fornication started u opened doo for demons to operate in ur lives.you should have apologised and compensated her somehow.

amdrowning: i have always been in control of things and never thought i could ever find myself in the situation am in right now.

i have been dating a girl for over 7years now and in between,we've had our share of good times and bad times over the course of the relationship.the relationship became stronger over the last 4 years as that was when i got serious with her since i had finished school.i have this problem of not being able to stay with her for more than 4 days when ever she comes visiting cos we live in separate states( i would always find a reason to pick up quarrels with her)even when i don't intentionally set out to cos i feel she's choking me and i need my space.she's the most loving,forgiving and generous person i have ever known

i decided to try out another relationship with somebody else to see if i would feel the same way about them(not being able to stand them for more than some couple of days).i met this very gorgeous girl and i initially didn't want it to be something serious,but along the line,i fell so in love with her.(i still felt she was encroaching in my space and needed space when she's with me but she very lively and playful that she just turn our quarrels into plays and douse the situation before it starts)

the first girl has made a lot of sacrifice for me and am highly indebted to her.despite the fact that i don't feel strongly about her like i feel about the second girl,i just feel like i owe her a lot and i could start loving her back the way i used to.the first girl is well known by my family and everyone around me but am not well known to her folks until when i went for her elder brother's marriage some months ago. i was asked when am gona make the relationship official and i said December(that was a grave mistake i made as i was given a list).Last month,i started developing cold feet and i told my girl i don't think i wana come for the introduction again.she was devastated to say the least.she is Igbo and am Yoruba and she had to fight for me and she stood her ground just for her people to accept that she marries a yoruba guy(now it's like i have disgraced her and ridiculed her before her family).

i told my mom about the 2 of them and how i feel about both of them so she asked i send their names to her so she could pray over it which i did.the amazing thing now is i got a call from my mom that i should leave both of them as they are not my wife,that God has provided someone for me and i'll meet the person soon.my mum being very spiritual has said she's not gona have anything to do with any of them(after i called off the introduction with the first girl,she called my mum and she was crying.my mum told her not to worry that she would talk to me.my mum called me thereafter and told me we would go do the introduction on 27th of December even if it's against my wish).the first girl is known and loved by my mom that she calls her often to pray for her before now.

both ladies are one of the best lady any man could ever meet but they are very different in their own ways..one is taciturn and the other is Sanguine

i have had sleepless nights and day since she told me last week.i have only loved these 2 ladies my whole adult life

Now my confusion is do i break up with both of them and wait" for the lady God has provided for me" or just stick to the first girl and ride it out with her since she stuck to me too when her folks were against it and damn whatever the pastor has seen?
pls i want reasonable contribution from people who have been in situations like this before
.
please note that am from a close knit family as am like the father of the house now since my dad is late.

Wait I just read this thing again. Abeg your mum is not marrying her ohh better listen carefully.the fact that u have second thoughts about the first girl like this is a big redflag, free her dnt put u and her in misery she will pick herself up the earlier u let her go. From ur write up u are not inlove with her. As for girl number 2 ur conclusion really is pastor said she is not ur wife. Read what u wrote again. Girl number one u gave us a few reasons why u dnt want her, plus pastor girl number 2 is becos of just pastor. U go to ur maker by urself and ask for confirmation if it is someone else you are meant to be with.besides from ur story ur mum seems biased because she knows girl 1. (It could have been her plan that u must marry girl 1 .like u said she loves her.) Doesn't make sense that she will say she won't have anything to do with them only to say by force you must do introduction if you like it or not. Don't end up with somebody that will irritate you marriage is for life.

Am becoming addicted to nairaland romance. I hope my advice is helping ppl sha

olamideayodeji1: Firstly let me correct one belief most people have dat u also mentioned in ur story. God does not keep a particular lady for a particular guy. The book of proverb says 'He who finds a wife find a good thing and obtain favor from the lord' u have to find ur wife urself u only pray to God dat the holy spirit should guide u. U hv 2 women in ur life its up to u to determine which one u will be happy with for d rest of ur life. I understand dat kind of "choking" u r talking about I do feel it too even nw with my wife but I always remind myself hw much I luv her and hw much she means to me. Like I said its up to u. U can't marry a girl cos u owe her and u can't also marry a girl cos she is funny n lively. What u consider is her character, is she God fearing and most importantly are u in love.

This person has said it all.....who are you more compatible with. Don't marry somebody because you feel you owe them. U dnt want to be in a miserable marriage and be cheating. And don't marry because somebody makes things lively. Who do you rather spend your life with. Let me add just go and fast and pray your own self.its better you let this girl go now the first one especially because you are not inlove with her. You may love her because of your history.if you want a peaceful happy family I can tell u right now dnt marry out of pity. And don't string girl 2 along either if you are not sure about her. Better go to GOD on your knees and ask him who is for you.

mumumugu: I noticd that patners who quarrel constantly tend to maintain their marriage for a longer time. The patners, after d quarel stil accept themself.

However, couples who dont quarel ,normaly hold a lot of grudge . They are silent and pretend that all is well. However, when a little problem starts, they remember the past, history and pour it on each other. This folows wit sieres of insult and blows and finaly break up. Why is this so?

Na wa ohhh people need help so many warped minds. Its all about communication which one be quarrel again. U communicate hash out the problem and move on.

Mynd_44: He means if it was someone else apart
from his immediate family that did what
you did, the person will be lying in an
hospital bed breathing with an oxygen
mask.
By the way did you pass your O'level
English?[/quote]

apocalypse: "the person WOULD be lying" , your English isn't top notch either.

Could be a typo. Its only missing an "
A"

Mynd_44: He means if it was someone else apart
from his immediate family that did what
you did, the person will be lying in an
hospital bed breathing with an oxygen
mask.
By the way did you pass your O'level
English?

Buahahahaha

I.CHINONYE:
[b]¤Boys are morons = accepted

¤Boys are careless = accepted

¤Boys are cheats = yeah sometimes

¤Boys are messy = No comments

¤Boys are big time liars = may be, yeah, (depends on the situation)

¤Boys are flirts = Yes (when they are single) / No (When they’ve got their dream girl)

Girls Stop stop stop. . . . . . don’t think that you know everything about guys. There are numerous other things which you girls are unaware about, especially when they are in "LOVE".

Do you want to know?
Here they are……

¤Guys melt when you stare at them with your angelic smile.

¤Guys look strong but actually they are more emotional than girls.

¤Guys may stare at hot chicks all day,but before they go to sleep,they would always think about d girl they truly love.

¤When a guy tells you about his problems that time he just needs you to listen and support him.

¤A guy literary doesn’t bother about their clothes and hair style once he gets his angel.

¤When a guy gets angry he wants you to hold his hand and make him calm.

¤Guys get jealous when you talk to other guys in front of them and what annoys them even more is when you say “we are JUST FRIENDS”.

¤Guys love it when you say "Take Care of yourself" after a long conversation.

¤A guy would start lying when you become dominating.

¤Guys love to see you play with your hair.

¤Guys hate it when you mutter and “hmmmmmmm”.

¤When a guy sacrifices his Sunday morning sleep and health just to be with you, that means he really likes you and will do anything for you.

¤A guy will expect you to support him to fulfill his Big Dreams.

¤Guys would try to act normal but their day will be incomplete without listening to your voice.

¤When a guy loves you to the core, he would go against this world to get you on any condition.
^
^
^
^
Do you want to test all these traits on guys?
^
^
^
====> You just need one guy to prove all the above lines. Then you decide whether boys are morons or emotional, loyal and sweet to their angels....!!!<====

Boys and girls agree?? ♥[/b]

This is utter rubbish. Sounds like something a girl that has been brainwashed by a guy would say...I laugh in spanish. There is no rule book simples. A girl can do all of that to avoid wahala and he get want he wants and still cheat. Its an individual thing joor.

2sexy: Are you serious? I dont think this your story is real... and the way you demanded for the front page thing sef ehn, e clear!

NEXT PLEASE!

Lol I find it funny @op am not being horrible but seriously??

k2039: Bro,wake up and face reality,it's the reverse

No its not, because the nigerian girls or girls that live in nigeria are usually desperate all they care about is marriage, more than half of them careless abt anything else, apart from finding husband.

pizzle234: If I go through his phone and I find something,I'll def ask for an explanation,if ur wrong explain n be honest and apologise. Nobody is perfect!

U expect him to tell u d truth

Some females lack wisdom, I dnt blame them. The one I don't get is why a man will leave his messages knowing fully well his partner will go through his phone. I think its lack of respect and he knows no matter what she will be in his control and is going nowhere.

myboo: Hi peeps,

Met this lovely chic and chatted her up.....thereafter i collected her fone numbers and tried following up but the thing is she never picks her call (she has my fone number so she knows quite alright who's callin her). Tried using another number but she still does'nt pick. I have talked to her about but she gave some excuses. Tried callin her after then but no change.

Guys what do you think?

Whats on her mind and when can a bro back out?

She doesn't like you and is politely telling you, you are nagging her by asking her such questions abt picking ur calls and am guessing she does nt even want to pick up to hear another I have been calling you why don't u pick up sheesh!!!! Leave her and move on she isn't interested.

binger: Seconded...also give out your car,house and virginity(if you still have that)...blessings await you

Buahahahahaha party pack give away, @OP happy birthday in advance

pslm23: Hello everybody! Wow! it sure has been ages since my last post here.

By God's grace I am doing well, getting stronger emotionally as each day goes by. I have my good days and bad days but thank God the good days are more than the bad ones!
My divorce was final on Oct. 31st, my ex got engaged to someone else, Nov. 21st
I visited Nigeria in November and it hurt so bad to see how large my family has grown! I have nephew and nieces I had never met!
I have decided to leave the United States for good and return back to Nigeria in 3 months! There is nothing left in the US for me! I've come, seen, lived loved and suffered and now it's time to go back home!

To everybody that reached out to me in my time of turmoil, thank you! To everybody that advised me, thank you. To those who criticized me, thank you; your criticisms actually helped me take a deeper look at myself.
I got a lot of love and prayers on this forum and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart!
As for my journey to have a child, all i can say is this, as the sun rises and sets, my heart desire to be a mother will surely be a reality!
Much love!

Wow read your story thank God u are getting better you will be fine and meet a good man. Women really suffer. But just know your pain and suffering was for nothing. What awaits you you will be bigger and better than any happiness you have had in the past.

babe4chi: My sister,dat guy is nt ready for marriage.... I tink u shuld tk d next step... "ENGAGEMENT is when a man proposes to marry a woman in a few months not when he proposes to chase other men away 4rm her 4 d next 5yrs.Dats witchcraft"

Nairaland commenters won't kill me with laughter kai!

A-town:
When you finally succeed in rushing him into marriage and he starts cheating/maltreating you after 6 months of marriage, you'll start crying. If he is not ready, he is not ready. If you can't wait, tell him. If the two of you can't come to a compromise, then move on and find someone else.
I'm assuming you are the friend hence the "you"

A lot of girls/women/ladies don't understand this at all. They wonder why their men sometimes go haywire. Am nt saying some guys r not real devils. Bt u actually create an opening for men to misbehave when u coerce, manipulate, guilt them into committment. U shouldn't be with someone u r nt on the same page with simples!