₦airaland Forum

A teacher asked 5yr old
Akpors the sum of 5+5.
Akpors stretched out
his hands to count his
fingers but the teacher
insisted that he won't
allow him to count his
fingers just for that
simple question.
Akpors withdrew his
hands, put them under
his
locker, he put both hand
inside his pants and
started counting his
fingers without the
teacher's knowledge.
He started counting his
fingers 1,2,3...and
answered in a loud voice
5+5=11!
HOW COME?

Teacher:
Make a Sentence with
Big
Akpos: The Ram Is Big
Teacher: Make it longer
Akpos: The Ram is big
ooooooo
Next joke:
Teacher: Who can state
one diff btw a Bird and
a Fly? ..
Akpos: A bird can fly,
but a fly cannot bird.

Peter : "I want my
money now!"
Tom : "I will kill myself
so thatI won't pay you
*he pulled a gun n shot
himself dead*
Peter : "hahaha..... If u
think u'll get away with
my money ur wrong, i'l
follow u until u pay me
*he takes the gun n
shot himself dead as
well *
akpos was watching
from a distance he
laughed n said:"these
guys are funny, I want
to watch this till the
end"....
*he also took the gun
and killed himself! TO
FIND OUT WHAT
HAPPEN AT THE
END

GIRL: I hate my
boyfriend!
AKPOS: Why?
GIRL: He is so cheap he
cant even buy me a
simple dinner, are all
boys like that?
AKPOS: Of course not,
I'm not like that.
GIRL: I'm going to break
up with him.
AKPOS: Ok but know I'm
available.
[Girl stands to leave]
AKPOS: Wait, where are
you going?
GIRL: To break up with
my boyfriend of
course.
AKPOS: You can't leave.
GIRL: Why?
AKPOS: Who is going to
pay for the lunch we
just had?

Lmao... This is so hilarious. Why you all nagging ? Is this not a joke? Abi una wan hear am from basket mouth before una accept.?

John was a single guy
living at home
with his father and
working in the
family business.
When he found out he
was going to
inherit a fortune when
his cancer
stricken father died,
He decided he needed to
find a wife
with whom to share his
fortune.
One evening, at an
investment
meeting, he spotted the
most beautiful
woman he had ever
seen.
Her natural beauty took
his breath
away.
"I may look like just an
ordinary guy,"
he said to her,
"But in just a few
months my father
will die and I will inherit
$200 million".
Impressed, the woman
asked for his
business card and three
days later, she
became his stepmother.
Hit like if you get it

POEMS written by
AKPOS and his WIFE to
one
another
.
.
.
WIFE: I wrote your
name on sand it got
washed. I
wrote your name in air,
it was blown away.
Then I
wrote your name on my
heart & I got Heart
Attack.
AKPOS: God saw me
hungry, he created
pizza.
He saw me thirsty, He
created Pepsi. He saw
me
in darkness, He created
light. He saw me
without
problems, He created
YOU.
WIFE:.. Twinkle twinkle
little star
You should know what
you are. And once you
know what you are
Mental hospital is not so
far.
AKPOS: The rain makes
all things beautiful. The
grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things
beautiful Why doesn't it
rain on you..?
WIFE: Roses are red;
Violets are blue.
Monkeys
like u should be kept in
ZOO. Don't feel so angry
you will find me there
too Not in cage but
laughing at YOU
WHO KILLED IT?
The wife or the
husband?

KONGI LA BAD TIN
.
.
.
A man was having an
argument with
his wife.
In the heat of the
argument, his wife
called him a fool.
The husband got angry
and said he
can not be called a FOOL
by a woman,
not
even his wife, so, she
must therefore
leave his house.
Neighbours intervened
and the matter
was resolved. But the
wife was still
nursing
anger.
Later that night, it
rained heavily, and it
was so cold dat the
man wanted to
perform his manly duty,
sneaking his
hand to touch his wife's
laps in the
dark, the wife said
"Who is
that FOOL?" the man
gently and quietly
answered, "It's me,
honey"

Mr.T Anonymous:
Lil,i've always luv ur jokes,up til nw,u haven't disappoint me,kip it up

thanks homie, and keep reading. How was your night? For me! La war front i dey with mosquito oh!:-):-):-)

Akpos who was a
prince was put
under a spell so
that he could speak only
one word
each year. If
he didn’t speak for two
years, the
following year
he could speak
twowords and soon.
One day, he fell in love
with a beautiful
lady. He
refrained from speaking
for two
whole years so he could
call her “my
darling.” But then he
wanted to tell her he
loved her, sohe
waited
three more years. At
the end of these
five years,
he wanted to ask her to
marry him, so
he waited
another four years.
Finally, as the ninth
year of
silence ended, he led the
lady to the
most romantic place in
the kingdom
and said, “My
darling, I love you! Will
you marry
me?”
And the
lady said, “Pardon?”
Akpos who was a
prince was put
under a spell so
that he could speak only
one word
each year. If
he didn’t speak for two
years, the
following year
he could speak
twowords and soon.
One day, he fell in love
with a beautiful
lady. He
refrained from speaking
for two
whole years so he could
call her “my
darling.” But then he
wanted to tell her he
loved her, sohe
waited
three more years. At
the end of these
five years,
he wanted to ask her to
marry him, so
he waited
another four years.
Finally, as the ninth
year of
silence ended, he led the
lady to the
most romantic place in
the kingdom
and said, “My
darling, I love you! Will
you marry
me?”
And the
lady said, “Pardon?”
Akpos who was a
prince was put
under a spell so
that he could speak only
one word
each year. If
he didn’t speak for two
years, the
following year
he could speak
twowords and soon.
One day, he fell in love
with a beautiful
lady. He
refrained from speaking
for two
whole years so he could
call her “my
darling.” But then he
wanted to tell her he
loved her, sohe
waited
three more years. At
the end of these
five years,
he wanted to ask her to
marry him, so
he waited
another four years.
Finally, as the ninth
year of
silence ended, he led the
lady to the
most romantic place in
the kingdom
and said, “My
darling, I love you! Will
you marry
me?”
And the
lady said, “Pardon?”

tpia@:
or just look for another job or transfer to a different location?

what if its a well paying job and you need it badly?

Discuss with your ex
If you find yourself being
increasingly thrown into your
ex’s company at the
workplace and feel that
constraint between you two
is too great to work
comfortably, decide to talk it
out. Make an appointment
where you two would not be
interrupted and thrash out
underlying issues. Help him
or her see that what has
happened is better left
behind and that you are
looking forward to being
good workmates. It is not
only important for both your
careers that you put behind
relationship issues but it is
necessary to do so if either
of you are to move on in
your personal lives.

tpia@:
i could comment if the posts were aligned.

you can just comment without quoting

Dealing with an ex who
happens to be a co-
worker
The thing about workplace
relationships that while they
are easy to get into, they
are hard as heck to get out
of. When people spend the
greater part of the working
day together, they are
bound to find someone with
whom they have some
common interests. This often
leads to sharing a few social
moments and if they hit off,
things are ripe for a
relationship.
However when a workplace
relationship goes kaput, both
partners are faced with a
difficult situation. While
professional ethics demand
that you continue to respect
your co-worker and work as
a team, the conflict in your
personal relationship makes
it exceedingly impossible to
be around your ex. However
with the following
suggestions, you and your
ex can continue to be co-
workers without the
underlying tension.
Put professionalism first.
When you’re at work, your
mind should be on the job –
irrespective of the turmoil in
your love life. Avoid dwelling
on the reasons of your
breakup and keep yourself
from stealing glances at your
ex – whether in anger or
misery. Vow to see him or
her as just another
colleague and no more.
Remember your employer is
paying you to deliver on
your work and not to mop
around the whole day.

You don’t want them
back:
Whether you have been
separated from your ex
lover or spouse for a few
weeks or a few years, if he
or she still wants you back,
sometimes a little hint is not
enough. Helping your ex
understand the situation is
key if you are going to get
them to move on. You want
to be gentle with them, of
course, because the
situation is hard enough for
them without you being too
cruel. However, you have to
make the situation very clear
to your ex so that he or she
really understands it.
This is important; don’t ever
let your ex to manipulate you
when trying to solve the
situation! You have to be
firm and in total control
always when you meet.
Obsessed exes will use
every opportunity they get
to start talking about your
past relationship, and how
good it would be if you just
take them back. If you’ve
already told your ex no, or
you are uncomfortable
talking to them about it, you
may want to find a friend who
can tell them that “no means
no”. Sometimes a pining ex
won’t get the picture until
someone outside the
situation steps in. Tell
someone you trust what’s
going on and ask them to
politely inform your ex that
you are no longer interested.
When you have tried every
possible option, and nothing
has convinced your ex that
it is over, you have to cut all
connections. If it requires
changing your email address
and phone numbers, do it.
Getting rid of an obsessed
ex is sometimes difficult. If
you don’t have any feelings
for your ex, and don’t ever
want to get back together
with them, you have to make
this clear. This is best thing
to do, not only for you, but
also for your ex as well.

We all have our
emotional baggage and
sometimes, this
baggage comes with a
sack-full of ex drama.
At some point, we find
ourselves in positions
where we’ve had to deal
someone from our past
relationships.
While some break-ups can
be simple and
straightforward (when it’s
over, it’s over) some can
get a little more knotty. Life
gets more complicated as we
grow and one of the skills
required to get through it is
the ability to deal with ex
drama- be it yours or other
people’s.
In this article, I have
compiled a list of situations
where you have to deal with
an ex and tactful/effective
ways of doing this without
endangering yourself, your
career, current relationship
and even your life.
Dealing with an ex who
wants you Back
This is probably the most
common. Be it Facebook
stalking, ceaseless phone
calls, or showing up at your
house unannounced,
sometimes you might have to
deal with an ex who
relentlessly attempt to make
their way back into your life.
In this case, one of two
things would happen. You
either want him/her back or
you don’t. Let’s take a look
at how to deal with each
scenarios:
You want them back:
Second-time-round
relationships do work,
sometimes. But for it to work
you’ll have to go in feeling
stronger than before. Go into
this with your eyes open and
with a strong spirit. Know
what you want and take the
time out to think about it.
This is an opportunity for
you to look at the
relationship from an
outsider’s perspective since
you are not in the
relationship anymore. Were
you happy in the relationship
to begin with? It is easy to
remember all of the good
times and totally forget about
all of the bad things because
you have an emotional void
that you need to fill. Don’t
ignore the red flags and
don’t trust too soon. Ask for
what you want. Do you have
a reason to believe that
things will be different if you
two decide to get back
together? If you want to give
the relationship another try,
do you honestly believe that
you two can come up with
reasonable compromises?
You should only consider a
second-time-round only
when you sincerely feel that
prospects for long-term
happiness together is really
there. This is what you need
to communicate to them.
Choose a quiet time and
place (please…not the
bedroom) for the discussion,
one where the two of you
can concentrate on each
other and put in words what
it is you want, and what it is
you can and cannot tolerate.
If you’re thinking of getting
back together just to fill the
lonely hours until Mr/Mrs.
Right comes along, you’ll
actually reduce the chances
of you ever attracting
someone who is right for
you, so that is a bad idea.

TELEPHONE
CONVERSATION
BETWEEN
LADIES
Mary: Hello Love!
Sarah: Hello babes-how
are u
today? Mary: Am fine
dear, I ve
missed u a lot.
Sarah: And me too
Mary: I am calling just to
inform you that I will
pay
you a visit this
afternoon. Sarah: Ok my
dear; it will be
a great pleasure to have
you. I
will be expecting you
sweet.
*AFTER DROPPING THE
CALL
Mary: Am going to visit
that dirty girl again.
Sarah: This witch is
coming
here again, she thinks I
will
buy her drinks with my
money again, she must
be
joking. TELEPHONE
CONVERSATION
BETWEEN
BOYS
John: Bastard how far?
Francis: Mad man I dey?
How
ur drunkard father?
John: My Papa dey! Ur
ashewo mama nko?
Francis: You are a fool.
How
far, U dey house?I dey
come
charge phone.
John: Ok! No wahala,
bring money come make
we drink
beer…..
Francis: Idiot like U. Later
now!
*AFTER DROPPING THE
CALL John: That Francis
can be
funny at times but
always
great
companion anytime.
Francis: John is just a
reliable
friend. LESSON: Girls are
always nice
to each other but they
never
like themselves.
Boys are always mean
and
rude but they will
always
have each others back.
TRUE or
FALSE??

Easter Message from
Hon. Patrick
Obahiagbon.
As we join Christian's in
the celebration of
Easter, may we
seminally and clinically
reflect
on the quintessential
modus vivendi of
Master
Jesus.
The Christ who
peregrinated this
incarnation
as an exempli gratia of
eulogisable self
abnegation, mental
magnitude, spart an
discipline, altruistic
effusions, hiero phantic
candour and
puritanical excrescence,
the very qualities that
have become a
desiderata for our
national
resurgimento. - Hon.
Patrick Obahiagbon

Akpos and musa after
an English
exam.
Akpos: How was your
paper?
Musa: men! It was kind
of hard; I
didn't know
the past tense of
'think'. I thought
& thought and thought
for a long time then
finally, i wrote
'thunk'
Akpos: I guess you're
right
because I wrote
thunk after
I thought 4 a while too....
Musa: Shit! And what
about the
past tense
of 'write'?
Akpos: I don’t know
what I wrote;
I think I
wrote 'written'
Musa: That one I didn't
even
bother. When
I saw the next number
asking for
the past tense of 'go',
I just went out of the
Exam Room.
Akpos: i went out too,
when I
reached that
number I couldn't
take it anymore.
Those idiots gave us an
exam
beyond our scope........

Spacodinho: guy y u copy my joke i go report u oh 4 copyright

were you the first person to post that joke? Get lost,after all la you first answer that name wey your parents give you?

if the children of Israel
were
Nigerians,
they would have
wasted d whole
day in d red sea
taking pictures and
updating on
facebook saying "chilling
with moses",
"miracle tins",
"crossing mode
activated",
"cruzing on d red sea on
my
mind"... Is dis True or
False??

Mrs Akpos to her
housemaid:"Oh
Ekaitte, I
suspect that my
husband is having an
affair with his
secretary."
The housemaid(ekaitte)
replied: "I
don't believe it ma,
you're just saying that
to make me
jealous!"
hit like if you get it.

Edward Murders: Its suppost to be 5 bars/10 lines.

Smh... Mikuz got it backwards.

no yawa la we go post friday.

mikuz: https://www.nairaland.com/1245080/nbt-edwards-vs-liljoy

my name is not "joy" please jboy. And lets extend the deadline till friday

Akpors and his three
friends where talking
about their wives. The
first guy said "when my
wife was pregnant she
read, the novel: the 2
cities and gave birth 2
twins".
The second guy said, his
wife read the 3
musketeers and gave
birth 2 triplet.
Akpors stood up and started
shouting like a mad man
and started running
heading home, when
asked why? he then
said "my wife is
pregnant and she's
reading alibaba and the
40 thieves wen i left
home!

Debroslink: RONALDO @ 20 WON THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE? LOLOLOLOLOL. I'M SURE U WERE TALKING ABOUT RONALDO'S GOD-FATHER MESSI. GO AND SLEEP RONALDO'S C.OCK SUCKER.

i told you this gal is wack, you no believe. Later now she go talk say barca won buy van vicker as valdez replacement.

Make una no worry la the same mouth all of them make when we were bout to host a.c milan in camp nou, but wat was the outcome?

mikuz: Yeah Mr Akpors

lmao badt guy

Debroslink: DON'T MIND THEM. DEIR HATRED GIVES THEM NIGHTMARES. D INJURY IS NOT BAD. HE'LL COME STRONGER 2 GV DEFENDERS THEIR WORST NIGHTMARES.

you don ever hear say messi get serious injury? No worry our boy go play next march.

Fussbot: u d only futbal watcher saying madrid wld av beaten man utd without d red card,we al kno d red card helped dem.

If man utd didn't get d red card.wld modric hav gotten enof space 2 operate freely talkless of scoring a goal?

Uefa didn't agree with d red card,dey only agreed with d ref's match report cus dia wasn't an official complaint 4rm man utd,united didn't complain bout d red card dat's y dey didn't take any action

why you dey talk to that stupid gal? She no sabi anything for football. "but remember barca, man u final? Una coach get epilepsy that day no b lie"