₦airaland Forum

Tztyphoon: Fowl!! Sarosh z gud yes!! Must i tel u abt IBIME? Smh... Mst f.b emcees got dia inspiration frm him ...

must you get yours from ibime!'?

And ffuck you too mofo

GLACIERZ!:
fuc.k u and ur mohammed!
even Allah knws we go beat am. . . .

aint it so ninjas??

A CHINESE GUY CALL TO
U.K
Caller: Hello, can I speak
to Annie
Wan?
Operator: Yes you can
speak to me.
Caller: I want to speak
to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes, I
understand you want
to speak to anyone. You
speak to me.
Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan and
I want to talk
to Annie Wan! Its
urgent.
Operator: I know you
are someone
and you want to speak
to anyone! But
what's this urgent
matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my
sister Annie Wan
that our brother Noe
wan was
involved in a road
accident . Noe Wan
was injured and now
Noe wan is
being sent to the
hospital. Right now,
Avery Wan is on his
way to the
hospital.
Operator: Look! If no
one was injured
and no one is sent to
the hospital!
Then the accident is'nt
an urgent
matter!. You may find it
hilarious but I
don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude!
Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree
Caller: Yes, You should
be sorry, Now
give me your Name!!
Who is the fool?

ILLScripts: aiite,we Want to get bodybagged...tanx 4 ur concern!

you ever heard of the almighty sarosh mohammed ?

Little akpors attended a
horse auction with his
father,watching as his
father moved from
horse to horse,running
his hands up and down
the horse's legs,rump
and chest.after a few
minutes,akpors
asked,dad,why are u
doing that?his father
replied,because when
i'm buying horses,i av to
make sure that they
are healthy and in good
shape before i
buy.looking noticeably
worried,after few secs
akpors said,i think our
gateman wants to buy
mom

Whos is the dumbest?
(1) A Ugandan who
goes to the the
bank with a spanner to
open a bank
account.
(2) A Nigerian who
removes his shoes
to enter a taxi
(3) A Kenyan who went
to bed with a
ruler just to know how
long he has
slept
(4) A Tanzanian who
watches news on
tv and waves at a
news reader
(5) A Zambian nurse
who wakes up a
sleeping patient simply
because he
forgot to give him
sleeping pills
(6) A South African who
lowers his tv
volume because he
wants to read a
text message
(7) A Ghanian who
sprays him self
doom to chase away
mosquitoes
( A Zimbabwenean
who polishes his
shoes to take a
passport size photo...

There were this two
little boys, 8
years Akpos and
Ochuko 10 years
old, very mischievous
and
naughty. They were
always
getting into trouble and
their
parents knew that, if
any mischief
occurred in their town,
their sons
were probably involved.
They boy's mother
heard that a
clergyman in town had
been
successful in disciplining
children,
so she asked if he
would speak
with her boys. The
clergyman
agreed, but asked to
see them
individually. So the
mother sent
her 8-year-old Akpos
first, in the
morning to see the
clergyman.
The clergyman, sat the
younger
boy down and asked
him sternly,
"Where is God?". Akpos
mouth
dropped open, but he
made no
response, sitting there
with his
mouth hanging open,
wide-eyed.
So the clergyman
repeated the
question in an even
sterner tone,
"Where is God!!?" Again
Akpos
made no attempt to
answer. So
the clergyman raised his
voice
even more and shook
his finger in
the boy's face and
bellowed,
"WHERE IS GOD!?"
Akpos screamed and
bolted from
the room, ran directly
home and
dove into his closet,
slamming the
door behind him. When
his older
brother Ochuko found
him in the
closet, he asked, "What
happened?
Akpos gasping for
breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble
this time,
dude. God is missing -
and they
think WE did it!".

Never knew arabs can sing as well, just heard mahin- the number one for me

DAD: What's 10 plus 10?
AKPORS: I don't know.
DAD: Idiot! You can't
answer such a cheap
sum...Your stupidity will
kill you.
AKPORS: Daddy, if you
saw a 1000 naira note
and a 500 naira note
which would you pick?
DAD: 1000 of course
AKPORS: Idiot! Can't you
pick both? Poverty will
kill you.

[b]
#-I AM EVIL SPELT
BACKWARD-#
.
.
.
.
Am da evil..~ Left
backward/ hit ya wif a
sickle...~ 3months after
ya mum wil come den
park worms/ murder
show, kill ya siblings eat
da beef...~ Then stack
one/ am dat eagle on a
clif... Am all there is...
You'll be needin all
medics... Wen i slash
once/...
am d best~ u eva seen/
attach dynamites 2em
vest~, 'mind blowin' ya
chest~ wil later beam/
yall rap mechanism is a
waist~ i choke niggas
throat wif metal
chips/ ... N robbers b
takin ya valuables bt da
flesh is wah i den-strip-
off-peeps/ trust me yall
vest-is-4-kids/ cos
how can yall compare ya
textees-4-this/ wen
my worst rhyme is wah
u best-script-for -
diss/ n while my rap
video's makin dough on
e-bay, we put urs on
youtube... #sigh# so
how can u compare wif
me wen ya best's-seen-
for-free/ am gettin
chicks~lik~damn!! Bt dis
gays outta d picture",
dey gotta
weak~like~frame " but
am good wif
sticks~n~flame, yall
wil just get burnt lik is
ah death,-sin-offe
ring/...
Been readin yall post, n
ya spit's-weak/ or
braggin u r that or this
this/ cos wen u rap ya
fans~doses/ n bitches
dnt satisfy yall flaccid
limb dick/ but trust me,
chicks can even
stab~moses 2 grab ma
stiff-stick/ ...
Battlin me? Go home n
work it out wif sords/
or if u aint know how
bloody u gon get.. Slit ya
vein wif swords/ cos
My flow is da final
'sentence', d jury even-
den-lack-words/ cos u
steppin up2me is lik u
dont fancy da word we
get wen we have evil
(live)-spelt-backwards// [/b]

[b]
Akpos has been
admiring his
neighbor's
wife. The neighbor's
wife always gives
him this seductive smile
whenever they
greet each other.
Akpos didn't know
how to approach the
lady to tell her of his
desires because she's
married. So, one
day the lady herself
approached
Akpors alone in his
apartment.
AKPOS: Hi.
LADY: Hi.
AKPOS: Is everything
alright?
LADY: Yes. Just need
little help from you
(Smiling seductively).
AKPOS: Wow! Anything
for the angel.
LADY: I... I... I just don't
know how to
say this. I'll be so
ashamed of myself if I
ask
and you say no.
AKPOS: Oh my lady. you
don't have to.
I am ready to do
anything for you.
LADY: You know, it's
been over 3 weeks
since my husband
travelled...
AKPOS: Yes! Yes! Yes!
LADY: And even when
he's around, he
has
some... (pause for a
while) he has some
disabilities...-­
AKPOS: Oh poor you...
You must have
been going through hell!
LADY: I know you'll be
stronger than
him...
AKPOS: Sure.
LADY: Can you help me?
AKPOS: Wow! Now?
Sure, I'm ready if
you are ready.
LADY: Oh thanks
goodness! that's why I
came to you. Can you
help me carry our
deep freezer from our
kitchen to the
next street for repairs?
Akpos nearly Cried!!! [/b]

A Teacher trying to
teach good
manners
asked her students this
Question:
Michael if you were on a
date having
dinner with a nice young
lady,
how would you tell her
that you have
to go
to the bathroom??
Michael:"Just a
minute, I have to go
pee.." Teacher: That
would be rude &
impolite..
How about you Sam??
Sam said:"I
really need to go to the
Toilet,
i'm sorry.." Teacher:
That's better but
still not nice to
say the word Toilet..
Oh you Akpos ?? Can
you use your
brain?? Akpos
said:"Darling, May i
please be
excused for a
moment?? I've got to
shake
hands with a very dear
friend of mine,
whom i hope to
introduce to you after
dinner." "TEACHER
FAINTED!!!"~o)~ o)

A pastor announced, "If
you
know your wife is
controlling
you, move to the left".
All the men
in the church moved to
left
except Akpos.
The pastor was
amused and
asked, "How come your
wife
can't control you?"
Akpos quietly replied,
"Pastor, it's
my wife who told me
not to
move"

WHO IS THE MUMU?
Akpors was sent to
deliver a live
chicken for xmas
celebration in
lagos, on his way a
careless
okada made him to fall
off
the bike. The chicken
immediately ran off.
When Akpors saw the
chicken
running away, he
started
laughing. And when
asked why
… he is laughing, he said:
“see this mumu chicken,
where
does she know in lagos
when the address is
with
me.

Akpos joining the Army:
Officer: We need you in
the army.
Akpos: I’ll join but on
three conditions.
Officer: Ok. what are
the conditions?
Akpos: My first
condition is that I’ll not
wear the uniform
because it is hot.
Officer: Ok. What is the
second
condition?
Akpos: I’ll not do the
perade and other
training under the sun
because it is hot.
I’ll only do it under the
shed or some kind
of
shadow cover.
Officer: Ok. What is your
third condition?
Akpos: And my last and
most important
condition is that during
war times, I’ll remain
on leave.

English class:
Teacher: What is a
Verb?
Akpos: A Verb is a valve
found in bicycle tyre.
Teacher: What are you
saying?
Akpos: It is a complete
sentence sir.
Teacher: Are you mad?
Akpos: It is a question
sir.
Teacher: Don't be
stupid.
Akpos: It is an advice
sir.
Teacher: Stop that
nonsense.
Akpos: It is a command
sir.
Teacher: You're an idiot.
Akpos: It is an insult sir.
Teacher: Get out of my
class.
Akpos: It is an order sir.
Teacher: Oh! Goodness,
What a boy!
Akpos: It is an
exclamation sir.
Teacher: May God have
mercy on you.
Akpos: It is a prayer sir.
Teacher: You need to
see a doctor.
Akpos: It is a
suggestion sir.
Teacher: I rest my case.
Akpos: It is ur choice sir.

A guy in a hurry used
the ladies 'toilet
in a posh hotel'.. He sat
down and
noticed four buttons -
WW, WA, PP & APR.
Curious, he
pressed WW &
his butt was gently
sprayed with
WARM WATER,
he loved it so much!
He then pressed WA & a
blast of WARM
AIR dried him up. Still
loving it, He
pressed PP & a
POWDER PUFF to make
him smell fresh.
Feeling
pampered, he decided to
press the last
button
APR.
He later woke up in a
hospital.
A nurse smiled & said to
him, Sir, APR
means
AUTOMATIC PAD
REMOVER.
When the machine
couldn't find a pad
on you, it went for your
balls.
Your balls are in the jar
over there!

NAMING CEREMONY
Akpors insisted that his
first child
must bear his name.
So on the day of
naming...
Rev: Which name would
u like ur
child to bear?
Akpors (with smile all
over his face)
replied; Akpors.
Rev: NO! He has to bear
an English
name.
Akpors: Oh ok...
Akporsking.
Rev (Obviously tired of
the prank):
LISTEN! Ur son should
be named after
a saint in the Bible.
Akpors: Na wa o...
(He thought for a while
and
obviously with an
inspiration and
great smile)
"Ok pastor; St.
Akporstus"

Akpors comes back in
the morning..
Wife: where have u
been? Where did u
sleep?
Akpors: at my friend's
place, thers a
funeral.He lost his
sister!
Wife: Ok.. U can eat your
food, im
going to bath!
(after bathing)
wife: Am going out!
Akpors: Where are u
going?
Wife: To the funeral, at
your friend's
place, to
check how they doing
since their loss!
Akpors:
(Shaking&Scared )..
Honey,
they called
the time u were bathing
and told me
she rose from the dead!

A group of student
scientists in Nigeria
were to hold a
competition to
showcase
their scientific
inventions.
The first boy came
forward & said:
"Am
Adesola Kunle from
Lagos. I invented
a
biro that can write
whatever someone
says on its
own". He practicalized it
and
was applauded.
The second person
came and said: "I
am
Osita Chidi from Imo
state. I invented a
chip that can tell you
the amount of
money in someone's
pockets close to
it".
He also
practicalized it & was
also
applauded.
Then came another
man who said:
"Am
Akpors from warri.
I invented a bomb
that can kill anything
1000
metresaway
and will blow up any
human bodyinto
million pieces,
grinding
up the hardest bones in
the body.
Please
can you all sit down
while I practicalize
it
before you all.
At this point, the
chairman of the
competition
shouted out. "Akpors
dont worry
about
testing it
here. You have done an
excellent job
&
you are
already the winner of
this
competition"

Akpors and Ugo were in
a super
market together and
while they
were shopping Ugo
stole 3 bars
of chocolate.
When they got outside
he showed
Akpors and told "I am
the
greatest". Akpos said to
him "do
you want to see real
stealing?" so
they went back to the
office of
the manager and Akpos
told him
he was a magician and
he
demanded for 3 bars of
chocolate, after eating
it he told
them to check Ugo's
pocket that
it was there!

WHAT IS STRESS?
Stress is when
you give a
beautiful lady a lift and
she
faints in your car.
You take her to
hospital.When
you
get there the Doctor
says that
she is pregnant
and
Congratulates u that
u're going
to be a father!
You then says u are not
the
father but then
the lady
says u are!
NOW THIS IS GETTING
VERY
STRESSFUL!
You require a DNA test
to prove
u are not the
father! Now the shit is
really
getting Hotter!
When the Doctor comes
back
with the results
and say u cannot be the
father
as u are infertile! U
are
relieved! On ur way back
u then
remember
that u are
married with 3 kids at
home!
You are now extremely
stressed!
And ask yourself WHO
THE HELL
IS THEIR FATHER .NOW
THAT'S
STRESS