₦airaland Forum

Coollegend89:
In my area in Lagos, it’s #800, so since I barb skin and to cut cost, na Aboki I Dey patronize now......they skin it well and shave me well also, for just #100

I tried it once and the kind rashes and CrawCraw wey I get for head after the barbing ehn Omo I regret am! I just don't know why I get reactions whenever I use a blade to barb my head. I have a clipper so I barb skin so this has saved me a lot of money from going to the saloon to barb! But clipper doesn't give me the Shiny Skin cut I would love to have!

tensazangetsu20:
Lordally recommends a good idea but see instead of dorm account use your money to buy USD tether or USD coin but are crypto currencies pegged to the US dollar. The Nigerian government can close domiciliary accounts anytime or prevent access to common Nigerians so best to avoid it.

9ja matter tire me I swear to GOD!

veneza:
I don't mind following tourist then maybe get a work and then apply for work visa and do a reentry.

You would have to check for countries that would allow this that's why I said RESEARCH is key. Cos getting a tourist visa isn't sure and it's a gamble when it comes to US , Canada , Australia , New Zealand etc. With what you just stated , UAE is your best bet. People still go there and find jobs and please if you have an IT skills e go pay you pass.

veneza:
Yes scared of losing money due to stories on nairaland but I have now to till this month end to make a move.

See when it comes to travel matter , dem no dey rush am o! Cos when you rush such things you'll loose money together with your sanity! For God's sake travel requires patience and proper planning if not you would make mistakes! Please make more research and study the countries of your choice well and please make sure any move you're making is legal so that when the chips are down you would at least be at an advantage.

Secondly which route do you want to follow? Student , work or what? So these are the questions you need to ask yourself and sort out.

veneza:
Well I have done so many difficult things for my self but never sick for help.
I have always dreamt of leaving this country but have been financially handicapped.
Finally talked to family we could only raise 1million so I can find my way but the thing was that I was having Poland on mind last year until they started changing things.
I have the money now but am looking for a low key country please advise me only on travel, reason is that
I have a on going business so that is out of it because to make good money in Nigeria is not easy.
Secondly I already have a building on rent with little ROI.

So Na travel advise I need my people.

First and foremost , change that your 1 million naira to Dollars and keep it in your Domiciliary account in any of the Nigerian banks while you think of what next to do as per travel matter! Because the way the Naira has been falling ehn! That money in few months from now fit no worth anything again so better change am to Dollars first before anything.

Nancee4love:
UPDATE UPDATE HERE...
Thank you all for you candid advice and i hid to some and i took the bull by the horn and i asked him who am i to him after all he had said to me. He looked into my eyes and said to me i am special in his eyes and that our friendship has gone beyond friendship, that he was actually going through the healing process and he planned to ask me out on my birthday to be his girlfriend and ultimately be his wife. He explained all his plans to me and asked me if i will stand by him and support him, and that i should promise him i wont let him down.
He told me that their is only one guaranty he will give me in this life and that is God in ur future we are secure together. He may not have it all now but he said it with confidence that he can never be a failure and never be poor in this life. But we have to start from somewhere.
He went to his wardrobe and brought out a gift he bought for me and handed it over to me. It was a perfume.
Tears came out from my eyes and i told him Kay i love you, and i will always love. I left his house by 9pm last night me that use to take bolt always found myself hopping on ogada, because that was what could get last night because of time. Who cares the guy i loved has already voiced out his intentions and plans towards me.
Thank you people i am grateful sure our wedding pictures will be posted here by his grace. I am moving away from my friends and getting new friends, i have not even told my mom yet about this development, same with my aunt. I have to rush here and say it.
Just keep us in prayers. Kay i love you and i will always love you.

My prayers are with you my dear!! Godspeed!

Nancee4love:
Smiles i am just saying it as it went last night. Honestly i feel for this guy... He has been through alot. I am willing to stand by him and build with him.
i already sent him an sms this morning that he is special to my heart.

Gbam!! Una relationship don start be that!!!

qtguru:
llol we all know what you will be doing tomorrow. wasting your time as usual. All the best my brother

Baba Q this person might still be writing Jamb please free am na abeg! For you to even comment on am self na privilege

IamGreen1:
Yes women change after marriage but in most cases men are the cause. Some women tend to tolerate alot from men while courting or dating but won't let it slide in marriage. So if there's anything you think you're doing and she once complain about it but you're still doing it omo she dey reserve her anger still when you're both married ni o but that won't make her a bad wife as far as you both know how to settle your disagreement when one rises.

Lols that was funny dou thanks a lot

salisuammy:
Everything will fall into place for you. God bless you both. Also understand that there is no perfect marriage but you guys will do well with understanding and patience.
I have been married for almost 12 years and I won't say we don't have our weak moments but we are both ready and willing to make it work.

I don prostrate for you finish! I appreciate the kind wishes and prayers! Please don't leave Nairaland! Cos I'll be inviting you for the wedding when the time comes! I appreciate!

Nancee4love:
1. What my Pastors wife told me.
Hmmm Kai. My pastors wife told me things this guy never told me in 18months. Maybe because he feels that he has not known me enough to voice out.
She said he has been with them for over 9yrs and stayed with them for 3yrs in family house before he moved to his own apartment.
She said he is not in any relationship for now that all his relationships did not work out majorly because of sex and money. That he had dated some couple of girls in church but did not work out. Actually 2 ladies. The first one tore his heart apart and wrecked him financially. She said they were both in relationship with this church girl, he sponsored her to school, sent her on a skill acquisition program. They were already in premarital counseling both families were involved and preparation were going on for intro and traditional marriage.
Before the the girl went and got pregnant for another guy, she the girl told him no sex relationship not knowing she was having sex with another guy which resulted into pregnancy because the guy had money the girl is just greedy and ungrateful said my pastors wife. Because if this girl my church guy lost about 2.4m due to pressure she was putting the guy financially. The relationship has to end and it created another drama in the family that I will talk about.
She told me that d guy is an orphan and has been fending for himself for years and does not have entitlement mentality even though he has brothers who can help him. Everything he has today came by favour and labour.
My pastors wife Said the guy is a very nice and calm person that he is the only one they can trust in the church. He has never betrayed them in 9yrs, others have betrayed them but he has not.

@Nancee4love this guy is a rare gem! No waste time abeg!!! Cos if your friends Sabi this kind person dem go snatch am!!

Emperorlanky:
I won't. Na you pay my school fees?

Nancee4love:
Na, I can't post my picture at all. A lot of people know me in Abuja because of my type of person Job. I come in contact with many influential people and bloggers won't make money from my head. I am using my second name Nancee which most people don't know when this whole thing is over and marriage is in view sure I will come back here to show case us.

@Nancee4love Can I send my CV? Who knows this influencial people might be of help with a good job?

salisuammy:
This is not a red flag. She just tends to worry over things but not react violently over things she is not pleased with.

i remember after giving birth to my second child, I added weight and couldn't get anything to wear to church. My husband finished dressing and met me crying. He quietly brought out my box and got something for me to wear. I can't forget that he helped me out instead of seeing me as childish.

Worrying is different from anger issues. I think you have a good woman

Thanks for the response. The reason for my question is that the person I quoted said he dated his wife for 4 years and never saw any red flag of anger so that kind of triggered some fear in me cos I've been reading things about marriage since I turned 18 so many gears ago. I just don't wanna fail in marriage that's why I spend more time listening to married people.

I started to listen attentively when I discovered you were married! And yeah my girl is great!! Thanks I'll wife her the only thing holding me is a stable job!

luvmijeje:
In this day and age you are waiting for a man to ask you out. What if he doesn't know how to woo a babe, you will just wait till eternity.

Babe, buy 2 tickets to a show. Tell him someone gave you these tickets free of charge and you don't mind if he tags along. When going out dress sexy. Dress to kill. Hmmm okay, you are religious, dress beautifully. Go to a professional makeup artiste, tell her to do natural make up for you.

After the show, tell him you are hungry. As you are eating in a fast food, that is when you will begin the story of your life. The first thing you will ask him is why he is not asking you out. Babe go straight to the point. Doesn't he like you. If he is a time waster, you will get to discover it that day.

Most Importantly when you start dating show him your true character. Don't pretend to be who you are not

Choi!!!! See better pikin! Omo a standing ovation for you abeg!!!

Tampa6246:
This relationship thing works differently for everyone. My quick story. My gf brought me to Abj when we were just friends. She had a bf then and I had a gf. Rented an apartment for me to help me start life. I was unemployed for 8months. It never bothered her. She fed me, cloth me, etc. Till I got a remote job with the biggest design company in the world. Life's good now.

My ex (then gf) left me and got married and my friend (now wife-to-be) broke up with her bf just to be with me. We are engaged now

Pray and follow your heart. Don't listen to ANYONE. If you know the guy has feelings for you, ask him questions. 18months is long enough for a man to make his intentions known. Listen to him carefully not minding what you feel for him.

I hope you make the right decision.

God go bless that your Fiancée 10 Billion times! She's an amazing personality abeg no joke with am ooo!! Kai!!! Better women dey this country abeg!!

pansophist:
Young women do not give good advices, they are still at their prime and haven't been in the other side closer to menopause, so they have the tendency to be dumb. Dont listen to your friends. Your aunt and mum are matured, and their advice is solid. His earnings are fluid, it can change tomorrow. So why focus so much on that? He is not even comfortable with his earnings and wants to improve, that should be a good sign. If he snacks all day, and satisfied being a looser, then I'll advice you to avoid him, but he is a good man and focused on improving his income So why not?

If settling for less is financial only, then you're lost. Settling for less should be about his character, contentment, integrity, maturity, honesty, uprightness, altruism and being morally upright. These are lifelong qualities that will take you through thick and thin, not money, besides, he can earn big tomorrow easily. Once again, your friends are dumb, albeit, naively because ironically, they seems to believe their advice is good. How else can you prove to him that you live him for him, if his income is a big deal for you?

So far, its obvious your heart accepts him. And you can't keep waiting. So it's simply a case of choosing your battle. You can't avoid the battle, but at least you have a choice to choose. Instead of waiting for him to ask you out, why not do it yourself? Yea do it yourself. At least you'll know where you stand. If you should move on with your life, or show him that you're OK with his earnings and ready to go through thick and thin with him.

Tell him you find him attractive, it can be via text, or tell someone to tell him. Just make your intention known. You're a lady and time is your worse enemy, don't waste any more time. Something tells me this guy loves you too, and see no reason to rush since he is in for the long term. Usually guys want to sleep with girls they don't see as a keeper, but when they meet the one, they will be at their best behaviour.

@Nancee4love Read this!

MansoryMX:
To be honest with you I don’t share my contact in Nairaland. What happens in Nairaland stays in Nairaland. I come here to catch cruse a lot and pick one or two wise comments and give mine. You already said thank you the moment you said all I told you won’t be taken for granted. One love bro

Appreciated!

MansoryMX:
You have a case study right under your nose and that case study is your Dad. Bro! the truth is we have two type of women. Quarrelsome, anger or calm. Most times as a man we can never fully know about a woman until marriage. This is the truth we as men don’t want to admit. My wife never exhibited one bit of anger all through our courtship. One tools I use on people aside my wife is that I expect the least from people, that way I don’t expect too much and not get disappointed in full. A woman’s character sometimes is like that of a Lioness with Cubs. I highlighted something you said. “ she lets little things get to her.” That’s an anger factor in a person and not just a woman. People with this character are usually stubborn people who loves to have a pound of flesh back when someone hurts them intentionally or unintentionally. They are usually loving and have a golden heart of giving but once they put on that coat of anger, once anyone flips that anger switch on by accident! All hell will let loose and you begin to ponder if this is same loving person. MARRIAGE ISN’T FOR THE WEAK AND FAINT HEARTED! I will continue to say this because I am in it and I know how it feels. You said your dad’s patience helped saved his marriage to your step mom. That is one of the best tools in marriage. Another important tools is learning to keep mute when angry, learning to ignore words that might trigger you into a beast mode rather listen to her when she is angry. If you are angry and can’t take it, take a walk and listen to some good music. Me personally I read books a lot. I am not saying I don’t get angry, I do. It’s human nature but I keep quiet as much as I can because once you say something nasty to someone you love, you can’t take back your words even if you apologize. Women differs, some are so attentive that if you cut your nails they will notice! My wife is such. She monitors the shit outta me despite 3 kids to distract her attention towards me so I dare not mess up. She will definitely caught my ass! So that aspect is a no no for me. I have friends whose wife don’t know their phone password. Friends whose wife isn’t attentive towards them to know when their husband is cheating on them. Mine will catch me so I don’t do what others are doing because I know it will be the end of my marriage. The girl you are dating right now might be the attentive type or not. That’s for you to find out. For you be to a good man in your marriage even if you marry a quarrelsome or quiet woman. You need learn some things like patience, learning to control your mood, never use abusive words or yell at a woman on your own and build yourself. Lastly never hit a woman, the day you do that you become less of a man and it take a great deal for any woman to forgive you. I don’t know what else to say. Just be good.

Thanks for the timely response. All you said won't be taken for granted. Secondly the part I said she takes little things people say to heart is for instance she couldn't go to church last week because all her clothes couldn't enter her cos she has added! So her dad drove off with others now she called me feeling bad that her dad would get home and start saying bad things to her about how she doesn't wants to go to church without trying To understand she that's it's because of the fact she has outgrown her recently sown clothes! Last last , the man came back and didn't even say anything!

More like she gets worried over little things. That's the only issue I've noticed she has.

Secondly, she's the Calm type and even if I cheat she wouldn't know cos she has this 100% trust that I don't cheat( I'm also 95% faithful ) so she doesn't go through my chats like, she has never done that .

Omo abeg I need to call you on the phone , it would be a one time call only it's a promise

MansoryMX:
I understand everything you said. In my own case 3 adorable offspring is in the middle of all this crisis. If a man stands and argues or quarrel with a woman it will lead to fighting and hitting which is usually the mind game of every troublesome woman. Me personally don’t have that time. I married a stubborn woman who has anger issues. She never showed it in 4 years we dated, not once did we quarrel but after two months of marriage everything came out and i almost lost my sanity. She is a good wife, yes. She is th best mother to my kids, yes but she has anger issues. Do i divorce her or repair? What about our kids? Am I ready to walk down that line?

You I hope someone read this. When it comes to marriage love, sex and money isn’t enough. If anyone wants to go into marriage because of these 3 things I just mention then that person is making a huge mistake. Especially love, love is not enough when it comes to why a marriage works

Please educate me!! What are the necessary things to make a marriage work?

I'm asking this question because you said for 4 years you dated your wife she never showed any anger issues while people say we would always see red flags during courtship!

I have a Girl I've been dating for 4yrs now! We do have little misunderstandings once in a while and settle. The thing for now about her I don't like is that she lets little things get to her. For instance you would run to my girl now and complain of how hunger wants to kill you and this my girl fit carry all her money give you! Now since she's always the business type and at the same time waiting for Nysc she spends most of her time making research about possible businesses she can do then one day her brother came in and told her she's always wasting her time every now and then. Next thing she called me feeling bad telling me what the younger brother said soni just have to constantly tell her that whatever anybody does in life there are people who would always talk! The issue now is could there be any other bad side she might have that might spring up after marriage?? Omo I don dey fear this marriage thing!

PLEASE I NEED YOIR ANSWERS!! I DONT MIND CALLING YOU ON PHONE! I have always craved for a successful marriage all my life. I grew up in a loving home where my mum and dad lived a happy life then my mum died and my dad had to remarry Omo my step mum is an amazing woman and supportive but she has anger issues!! And that character almost broke the marriage. Well they've been married since 2005 and I must say my dad patience has been the reason they're still married although truthfully she has reduced her madness but I don't wanna go into that kind of marriage!

pansophist:
If you will be honest with yourself, you will admit that you are responsible for the situation that you are in. There is possibly no way she didn't show these behaviours before marriage, but you ignored and ringed her fingers. So why the shock? Marrying her was you implicitly acknowledging that her behaviours were acceptable. But there is a solution, and it is to divorce her. It is even easier since you do not have a child together.

Women from an existential perspective are weaker vessels, and the characteristic of the weak is exploitation, which she is doing perfectly well. Tolerating, ignoring, and leaving the house, etc won't make her stop her disgusting behaviours, instead, she would double up to determine the extent of the abuse she can get away with, while assured that you will tolerate it from her. It also seems that she does not have any fear of losing you, which is a problem in itself. For example, my spouse may decide that she would torment my life henceforth, but she knows I won't accept it, and that would instantly end our relationship. The fear of losing me is enough deterrent to keep her in check. And for a woman to fear losing you, she needs to see the value you hold.

The battle is usually won before the war, and if you lay your mat right, you won't be passing through these problems at all, since it's a foundational problem by nature. You know your situation better, so go and iron it out. You need to look at things honestly and be sure you want real changes. If there are any bad behaviours that you do to her, and you know to be genuinely wrong, stop it. You can not point fingers at her, while immune yourself from your wrong deeds. And do not relent in those qualities that made you attractive to her, that is what will bring respect, keep her in check, and makes you infinitely attractive. Stay strong.

@Pecoleee345 please read this.... This is obviously from a married man of many years

dacblogger:
I'm telling you.i was actually feeling for him until he lashed out on me...
I am married so I know how it goes,I was only trying to help him resolve the issue rather than advice him to divorce. He might have withheld some useful info in this post.
I loved your last reply to him,it shows you're mature n learned.kudos

You say he might have withheld some useful information... Wait do you expect him to Wash his whole family issues online? Habah nau and you say you are married! Please you should know better nau

Yusufisraelj:
Hmmm you made us believe your wife is the problem, but from this little fracas with dacblogger, it leaves a lot on the table.

I think you should learn to see things from another perspective and more importantly be accommodating and stop being offensive and throwing words at people bkos you don't like their opinion. I'm no counsellor I'm just stating the obvious.

What you're stating is not the obvious bro!! Lemme ask you are you married?? And if you are have you ever been in an abusive Marriage?? Did you grow up in one?? If you ever experienced any of that then you would understand that this is a man speaking out of Compressed frustration!!! Guy e no easy!!!

dacblogger:
You're not paying me to do jack,so you DNT have the right to order me about.
I was only trying to help but I can see you have serious mental health issues.i will leave you your problems,adios.

Habah! When I was expecting to see a response liken to those I watch in psychology Documentaries this is what I'm seeing. It seems you just studied psychology in school and I'm 100% sure it's definitely not what you're practicing as a Career... No offence intended please

dacblogger:
You're quite rude,I only asked a simple question which you might have lied about in your post.
No wonder your wife is always abusing you.learn how to talk to people,I was only trying to help out

Madam go and read the whole post again!! It seems you were distracted while reading it. And looking at the way you responded bringing his situation into play using it as a tool shows that even if you happen to be a psychologist as you claim then you might likely not be a professional at it or you either allowed your emotion get the better part of you.

dacblogger:
Are you beating her
If that's the case,I will have to advise the both of you ,not just you alone.

Please read what he wrote? He didn't say he was beating her , he asked a question

dacblogger:
What makes you think that the next person he will marry will give him peace of mind?
Whenever she starts abusing him,he should just leave the house for her or completely ignore her.she will do it n get tired
You have to apply psychology in marriage,when you notice that the person you're abusing is less concerned,it's not somebody that will tell you to close your mouth.i am a psychologist n a counselor so I should know better.
Divorce is not always the solution please

For 3yrs he has been leaving the house! Maybe you didn't read that part! So for how long will a man continue to leave the house he's been paying rent for? Yeah Divorce isn't always the solution that I agree but for him to always leave the house is what I don't agree with! I feel a temporary separation might help

GeeConn:
Good day my guy, pls I'll be returning to Naija next month thru Lagos.

Pls I'll come and collect this from you. Thanks Bro

No wahala my Man!! We go chat for whatsapp

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Guy you no dey tire to spam?? Get a life bro!!

tensazangetsu20:
Op I just got certified as a salesforce developer. Looking to grab the admin certs before the year-end lets chat.

This man!!! The way you dey move with the speed of light ehn!!! Omo I tire ooo!!

tensazangetsu20:
If you are leaving nigeria, get the ten years passport. I repeat get the ten years one O.

This is the same thing I told one of my guy here... Say once I finally have the whole resources to Jakpa!! Say na the 10yrs passport I go get so that before e expire I don become citizen of another country!!