₦airaland Forum

Genius100:
Make una dey see women. Instead of prescribing a solution for the poor girl, they will rather "TALK" about it. Anyways, first of all, you need to let him know that you've caught him. Then ask him why he's cheating on you when you are going through hell carrying his kid. Make him promise he won't cheat on you again as he may be putting his family in danger if he contracts a disease.

As a man, the truth is that men have a natural propensity to cheat but that propensity is multiplied in great proportions if 1) the wife is constantly nagging or complaining or just plain hard to deal with and 2) the man is not getting sufficient action from his woman.On the other hand, a man who gets along great with is wife and whose quality of life is greatly enhanced by his wife will try his very best not to cheat on his wife.

So if you are doing anything that enhances his propensity to cheat, stop it. Have a gentle and frank talk with him and let him know that he may be putting his family in grave danger by his actions and you will do your best to satisfy him. If you can't have intimate intercourse, there are other things you can do to satisfy him. Goodluck,

LOL at the first sentence in bold, Na wetin we do you? You know women love to talk. Your whole post made a lot of sense and at the second sentence in bold (i.e paragraph 2) thanks for the insight. As a woman I appreciate it.

Goodluck with your search

Let's see immaturity and naivety at a tender age can also cause a relationship to disintergrate. I still mourn the loss of my very first relationship, If I could go back and do things differently I would.

I am grown and more mature than I was back then in my first year at the Uni,  the things I know now I didn't know back then, But I can't change the hands of time.

Orikinla

You haven't told us what finally went down with your friend and the fiancee who cheated on him with 3 different guys. Did you guys eventually tell your friend the truth? That's the one I am interested in

My Top 4
1. Wazobia FM Lagos: They keep my ribs cracking 80% of the time.

2. Inspirational FM Lagos: The presenters speak well and clearly without faking an oyinbo accent which is typical of Cool FM & Rhythm FM

3. Choice FM Lagos: They play good music

4. Beat FM Lagos: They also play good music

My Worst 4
1. Rhythm FM Lagos: They seem to have lost the midas touch with me, too many adverts and there's too much faking of the oyinbo accent.

2. Cool FM Lagos: I rate them the same as Rhythm but what makes it worse is the female presenters that just go on and on talking instead of getting on with the program at hand, they seem to be in love with the sound of their voices and oooh how I hate the fake accent.

3. Classic FM Lagos: This ones just go waaaaay back in time I can hardly relate to the songs they play, but I guess an older audience would appreciate the kind of music they play. It would be nice if they mix recent classics with the older classic.

4. Brila Fm Lagos: Not a sports fan, so I can't relate to Brila and in Naija if we are talking sports we all know we are basically talking football.

debrief08:
Been married twice. First wedding ceremony was a total show even though I begged for a quiet wedding. Financially draining, cost millions,splashed in papers and magazines the marriage was also financially draining cos we spent loads of money trying to have kids and not forgeting medical bills from beatings and darling husbands drinking and gambling habit. Second wedding was a dream wedding quiet court wedding follwed by a simple candle light reception for 30 guests as lots of relatives who believed divorce is a sin refused to attend, dat was a blessing to me as I ve always hated crowds. The marriage proper, got preggy almost immediately I attend dat house, my dad jokinly told hibby dat it seems he laid ambush for me, got pregnant free of charge. We share expenses and manage resources, second hubby not as rich as first hubby financially but emotionally and mentally second hubby is d richest man in d world. Luckily we don't have younger ones to train. We live modestly and well witin our means, eat at home, create our own entertainment and treat ourselves once in a while. Baby came with extra expenses but we had planned and saved towards dat. So for me I will say depends on the kind of marriage and the understanding and cooperation of d couple

Ouch!! Am truly sorry about the first marriage but am glad to hear the 2nd one is going well though and thanks for keeping it real. Some married folks just won't keep it real by truthfully telling us the reality of a marriage relationship, the challenges and expenses involved.

Da Doctor:
^^^ HOPE THERE WONT BE A THIRD WEDDING/MARRIAGE?^^

BECAUSE E BE LIKE SAY DIVORCE DEY YOUR BLOOD

NO VEX O!

Now why did you have to go and be a jackass by making an insensitive remark like that. No offence meant

Nigerian Christians Are Openly Hostile To Islam   and you wonder why?

Muslims are always the first to take up arms against xtians/innocent people. They are quick to shed innocent blood over insubsequential matters I haven't forgotten the havoc caused in some northen states during the last election. The killings there were senseless because those were states where Buhari polled the highest votes so please explain to me why on earth they went on a killing rampage. This is incident is just one out of many where Muslims maim, kill and destroy properties.

And to think they pray 5 times a day only to end up doing the things mentioned above What a shame and how hypocritical. Personally I've had enough of you i.d.i.o.t.s your cup is full and running over. Gone are the days when some of us will sit back and do nothing when you hurt our own. Bloody bastards and i.d.i.o.t.s

And yes call me one of those hostile to Islam. Useless s.t.u.p.i.d maggots

So that Naija will end up with another case of husband stabbing wife to death?

The natural order of things as designed by our Creator is for a man to work (till the soil/earth ,   can't precisely recall the scripture but I know it's the first chapters of Genesis) and provide for his family, now when that order is distorted or not followed there are bound to be problems.

The problem may not end in the killing or death of one spouse, but there will be problems.  

The matter may be an entirely different one if he loses his job in the course of the marriage. In a case like that every sensible woman will stand by her man and help him get back on his feet, but when a man seems lazy and reluctant to put in efforts that one na wahala.

@ pro01 and tom28

Let us agree to disagree on this issue, because whichever way we swing it none of us is going to completely accept the views of the other. So from yours truly Peace out, I'll catch you on another thread.

tom28:
Madoba i will honestly tell you that there are working class nigerian women who depend on other men for money.In many of these new generation banks their female staffs sleep with some of the rich customers for financial favours and there are lots of comfortable looking working class women who prefer dating wealthy hausa Alhajis and middle aged married men with money.True the working class nigerian woman wouldnt bother you for recharge cards because she would view such as below her but then she would bother her rich men friends for money,expensive clothes items,hand bags,black berries and highly expensive handsets and what have you.For many women in nigeria(not all of them though) the only important things in life are shoes,bags,clothes and they would do anything to get it including spreading their legs wide open for any man.Go to Abuja and Lagos and see the number of working class women competing with female undergraduates in the sex trade and see if i am lying.Try and understand what the OP is complaining about.He"s is saying why is it women in nigeria are so much interested in material things from men and he may just be giving an example of recharge cards and what have you because he"s a student.Lets face it man in nigeria women live and die for money.

Okay tom, first of all I strongly disagree with the last phrase in bold. And secondly I do understand the OP, recharge cards may not be the only things women ask for, but would you rather we don't ask you (men) for anything at all while dating you, even if we are in a fix and seriously need help?

You guys need to realize that is never going to happen with any woman you date. I agree that some working class women are competing with undergraduates and are all about the money BUT some are not about the money or the materialistic gains. Neither are they looking for a mugu who will pick up all their bills from clothing to housing, blackberry internet subscription etc etc

Like I said to pro01, one of the yardsticks for distinguishing a materialistic woman from a non materialistc woman (when dating) is the frequency at which you are being asked for things.

Will I, as your girl ask you for favours when I am truly in need? Hell yes. Will I ask often and wear you out with my requests? No
Will I sit on my backside and expect you to pay my bills? Hell no because my core values are self sufficiency and independence. Every question I've answered here is the reality of some women.

proO1:
Very well put. That one girl demands for recharge cards while another demands for a car, while yet another demands for a house doesn't make any fundamental difference. They're all love-peddlers - just that they operate at different levels; the same principle applies. 90% of women in Nigeria are guilty of materializing/commercializing their 'love' and body - without providing any tangible benefit to the men in their lives. That is just it. Anybody that disagrees with this evident reality we see everyday in Nigeria is either dishonest, misguided, misinformed, naive, deluded or simply ignorant.

Pro, I believe demanding something is different from nicely making a request of someone. Picture this scenario: You and I are dating, my car is faulty and needs to be repaired at the sum of 20K. I ask you for assistance and explain the situation of delayed salary payments at my place of work (which prevents me from handling the issue expediently).

Would you say I was demanding or requesting? Would you also classify me as materialistic because of this request? Bearing in mind that as your girl I am not in the habit of frequently or constantly asking things of you. Or would you rather I take a loan from you to pay back later

On a more serious note my point is:  There has to be give and take in a relationship, and women are bound to ask for favours in a relationship. However when favours are excessively requested then I strongly disagree with that .

Now you make it sound like all women are materialistic no matter what we ask for, how frequently or infrequently. But I think the frequency of requests for frivolous things should be the distinguishing factor between a materialistic woman who wants you for your money and the non-materialistic one who wants you for keeps.

Serendipity:
Okay, I can feel your pain. But it's somewhat fallacious to conclude that all Lawyers earn such pittance as you stated.[b]Outstanding ones in firms like Banwo and Ighodalo, Aluko and Oyebode etc, earn 70k and above apart from other dough you will be getting depending on how smart you are.[/b]In other words, some earn comparatively 120 to 250k monthly. It varies.

Serendipity

Please where on earth did I draw the conclusion in my post that all lawyers earn the figures I stated? Now that's a classic case of putting words into my mouth, or should I say a case of erroneously ascribing a statement to me which I didn't make.

I studied Law in Naija, and I've stayed in touch with more than half of my classmates from university and law school. Those figures I quoted is the reality of their lives and a good majority of them. I don't dispute the fact that some lawyers do earn 70k, 120k etc But on a scale of 1 to 50 how many actually earn these amounts?

Getting a job with one of the prestigious firms where decent wages are paid is tough. Most times you need to come highly recommended by someone well connected or be of a wealthy and popular family background. Now how many of us are that privileged?

What I know for a fact is that the ratio of Lawyers who earn a pittance, far outweighs the ratio that earn a decent wage of 70k, 120k in Naija.

tpia@:
Look up "waka pass" in the dictionary and ma je ki nkan nkan ko e lese as you do so.

LOL  . Tpiah please interprete the bolded part.

@ poster I know it can be extremely exasperating to be around such people, as a matter of fact I've dated one before it was a very very short relationship (less than 3 months old) I realized the guy was just full of bullshit.

Nothing ever happened naturally in his world, every single thing was linked to the spiritual world or some demonic attack. He turned out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing, because with all his spirituality he was hooked on gossip, the sort of gossip that causes real damage to a person's reputation.

He also wanted straffing and I was like what the hell you are supposed to be a born again christian, I kicked his Bottom to the  curb, he was such a jackass

LOL, I want an even smaller wedding and am wondering how to achieve it when the time comes.

Seriously put your foot down and let her know you don't have the money to spend on a big wedding. She can put up the other half of the money that will guarantee a big wedding.

Women are so crazy about a big & glamorous wedding, they spend all their time preparing for the wedding and fail to prepare for the marriage itself.

@ poster no offence meant but who cares about a first class in Law when the freaking profession doesn't pay you well after school.

Imagine working for N15,000 per month, N18,000 per month and even N25,000 per month as a Law graduate (some of my friends actually earn these amounts in law firms) after spending so much on acquiring the so called legal education. It makes me furious

They all have 2:2 but from what I hear/see of this not so noble profession the situation won't be any different or better for a first class material.

Da Doctor and iice what's up with you guys? Are you loving on each other or hating on each other? Just wondering this is the 2nd thread where you are both going at each other.

Orinkila
You haven't exactly said or offered any solutions to overweight people on how to "lose the excess fat" as you put it. And besides the lady in the picture isn't overweight at all.

So do you actually have any practical solutions and how do you help a loved one lose weight, when they aren't making conscious efforts even though they know how big they are.

You provided a service and you should be paid for it. Please collect your money and then find a way to let her know you admire her blah blah blah

This is how some men start a relationship by creating the wrong  impression that a woman can get things (e.g products and services ) for free simply because they like what they see.

Imagine if this were a bottle of designer perfume and you let her have it for free. Now when this same lady starts to take things for granted and makes ridiculous requests of you. You will come back here and start shouting how all woman are just after the financial benefits they can get out of a relationship

Kx:
To your question, i think being alone is a lot more expensive than getting married.

Reason, a wife will appreciate N5k eg. when given to her but a girlfy will treat N5k as a preamble to the main dough

I am sooooooo laughing out loud at the bolded part.

Not married, but from what I've seen marriage (not the wedding ooh) does entail more expenses when:

1. Children are involved
2. There are school fees to be paid
3. Hospital bills to pay because of one mishap or the other, which children are bound to get into while growing up.
4. There are more mouths to feed, besides yours and so on.

Expenses shouldn't become a burden to dread but a necessary evil to be well trashed out through careful planning and combined resources from husband and wife.

The wedding itself doesn't have to drain you financially. And with all the expenses that come with marriage do remember that there are benefits too.

tom28:
Its not only undergraduates who date men for money.There are number of working class ladies who chase after men with money and you can take the female bank staffs in nigeria as an example.What can you say about working class nigerian ladies who still go to abuja and sleep with politicans for money.It seems sex for money is much an ingrained thing in nigeria.

I am not disputing your claims but I honestly(and I mean honestly) haven't come across a working class woman who flashes, fails to return missed calls, requests for recharge cards, and practically pushes her burdens on to a guy. And mind you I did say I was speaking from personal experience and encounters with most women that work.

I can confidently speak for myself, my flatmate whom we share a flat together, two of my sisters and a few female friends I have who do not do the things Freeman complained of. Call me naive but I tend to believe a lot of women who work and earn a living are not in the habit of flashing, demanding recharge cards etc etc

The issue here is about the attitude put up in the course of a relationship as mentioned by original poster. Some women may date a man for his money but they would do it so well and nicely without the annoying habits of flashing, demanding airtime, blackberry etc. So much so that the man himself would start rolling out the money without being harassed.

@ Freeman

Like Babe said, what kind of girls have you been rolling with? From your post it seems like you've been rolling with some babes who are still in the university because the traits you've described are typical of young undegraduate females.

Most working class women hardly (mind you I use the word hardly)exhibit the traits you mentioned especially the part about flashing, not returning calls and demanding for recharge cards. They are by and large capable of handling their own buisness and you do not have to carry their burdens, they are well equipped to do so through decently paying jobs and small buisnesses. Speaking from personal experience and encounters with other women.

Some women may be guilty of your point in number 3, but that's because they sincerely desire to honor their Creator through obedience, to please Him and not man.

Yeah, it happens and it should be expected the same way you naturally expect nightfall and daylight.

It's a given and one party has got to suffer lack of attention for a while, now we both know it definitely cannot be the helpless infant who doesn't know right from wrong, good or evil.

Chuck it up as one of the hazards of married life/fatherhood.

Personally, I have mixed feelings about this topic. A person's inability to speak english doesn't necessarily mean he or she can't effect  positive change. We've had educated men and women lead this country for years yet we are not better off.

My state governor is a lawyer, was once a house of rep member and he hasn't done anything worthy of praise in all his 8 years in office and to think he was returned for another 4 years as governor.    

On the other hand, a person's inability to speak english (in this age & time) does make me wonder about his or her competence to lead in a ministerial capacity. If we were to take a vote on this I guess I would be undecided  . But I do know for a fact that am not impressed with GEJ.

Bros, I never craze reach that level ooh. I can gladly assist my husband with cash and in other areas but give him free hand and access to my bank account   na lie o.

Jkorokoro:
Madoba

Na wetin? Please don't tell me you also think I was flashing green light. I go vex for you ooh

Straffing without condoms is asking for trouble. Your friend needs to ascertain that she is indeed pregnant by taking her to his own Doctor for a test or has he done that already?

I am not for abortion, so let your friend take responsibility for his actions by that I don't mean he must marry the chic, but he must cater for the unborn child now and continue forevermore when the child is delivered.

On the other hand if he likes (I use the word likes because love is often abused) this chic enough then he should go ahead with the introductions and all.

Amya:
@poster. . .Sagamite was just being sarcastic with you, and you totally fell for it. Surprised you totally did not notice the green light Madoba was flashing at you. . . .and to the post, there's something you are leaving out. I can't believe you are searching for a chaste-no-sex-before-marriage-girl. As a girl, i know that every girl wants guys that don't want sex from them as then they become sure of the guy's seriousness.

Amya, Amya, Amya how many times did I call you , Can't a girl be candid on this forum without being accused of something entirely different and un-true. I honestly wasn't flashing him any green lights just stating the fact I am determined to live by a certain standard i. e God's standard and no other.

I don't think you saw my next post after the initial one, but hey no offence taken just amused at you and Yoru-Igbo.

NJV:
I totally understand how the OP feels because i've felt same way a number of times. I once broke up wit a guy cos he was angry i didnt allow him have se.x with me. I had to let him go his way when he told me he's gotten himself another girl to satisfy his desires! I just dont understand most believers these days! They just cant do without mixing the christian way of life with some worldliness. I hear born again believers tell me its not just possible to keep up with the bible's standard of living and i just wonder what then the grace of God and God's Holy Spirit are meant for?! Yea, mistakes happen at times but outrightly adopting and living by worldly standards as a child of God is wrong. I've heard my believing engaged friends tell me they'd like to get pregnant before the wedding and they get upset when i point out to them its not right as a child of God (which they know fully well). God will indeed help our generation.
@OP it is better to obey God than man. There are still godly believers around like you. Just be patient and you'll find one soon.

I totally feel you in every way, especially the part about how we believers are willingly/outrightly adopting the world's standard and then making excuses to justify our actions.

I'll speak from personal experience. To a large extent this is not true because I work to earn a living and I see so many women doing the same thing.  After school I honestly didn't know what I wanted to do with myself or my degree, but I knew that I needed to work to earn a living, and I needed a job to pay my bills.

A lot of working class women are single handedly (without runs or sugar daddies) renting accommodations of their own, helping younger siblings who are still in school and are assisting parents financially and otherwise.

Am honestly not mad at you, but am sick and tired of all this negative talk about  Nigerian women and our lust for material things, other peoples money, wealth etc etc. Why can't the independent and hardworking ones who do not look to a man for money be celebrated?

Marriage for this calibre of women is not about falling into wealth because they are already amassing wealth of their own, on their own, through their jobs, businesses and so on.   And we are strong enough to realize that with or without a man we can still have a means of livelihood and make money. 

Chaaaiii Ebila, does that even sound right to your ears, no offence meant. But like Rokiatu said not in our (africans/nigerians) book of rules Let me just generalize and extend her comment to include "decent and right thinking Nigerian men and women".

Something about it is not just morally right especially if they (your brother and his ex) have been intimate. I hope this answers your question.

omodapson:
The last time I checked, somebody blew up himself with others cause he was afraid to die alone.

Haba, Omodapson these are rare occurences (except in recent times with the boko haram in Borno State). Mind you I said "when faced with challenges we (as in, individuals like you and I) are not prone to committing suicide. In fact suicide is not a thought that even crosses our minds neither is it a last resort when all other avenues fail.

A last resort would be to call upon family and friends whom we may have wanted to leave out of the equation. Forget those suicide bombers causing grief in this nation can't even find the words to describe them.