₦airaland Forum

@ Activeman (the original poster)

I perfectly understand your post and I appreciate your write up. I feel you on a few things and I can relate to some of those things such as never apologizing for WALKING AWAY and BEING HONEST.

I never apologize for walking away from crap, busllshit and stuff that makes me feel unhappy, I never apologize for being honest about my thoughts & feelings. But I always apologize when I have hurt or wronged someone whether male or female.

I think your thread has been mis-understood by quite a number of people here, and some of the points you made like the one about TAKING RISKS is not very practical within a marriage relationship but on the whole I like the points you've made, they are very reasonable.

Dear House,

PAN (Peugeot Automobile Nigeria) Limited, is currently running a promo tagged 50, 50, 50: which means 50 cars to be won by 50 people across the nation by purchasing 50 naira raffle tickets.

Please I would like to know if this promo is for real. If anyone has information on the authenticity of this promo OR if you have heard of, or seen any winners emerge in this promo so far please let me know.

The Peugeot 307 is the car they claim winners will receive, and this has been my dream car for so long now, but every time I save enough money to buy this car something comes up and disrupts my plans (such as a close relative's illness, rent issues, etc etc)

I am really interested in this promo but I need to know they are for real before I start gambling my money away in the hopes of winning a car.
PLEASE do share any information you may have on this and your suggestions/advice about the whole thing will be welcome.

Personally i think Naija is worth celebrating, though I agree with some posters that @ 50 we are still crawling as a nation, there are a few good things to celebrate.

1. We have more univeristies now than we did at the time of independence and quite a number of them are really good.

2. Good road networks in big cities and even in my home town at least my Governor has given our state a face lift.

3. Splendid places like the Obudu cattle ranch and mambila hills

4. Portable water in some rural areas (at least in my home town, can't speak for the entire nation)

5. Free HIV drugs in FMC's (Federal Medical Centers) across the nation. I remeber a time when the price of those drugs were mind boggling

6. The BRT buses in Lagos and the similar ones they have in Abuja

7. Maurice Iwu's removal as INEC chairman

8. Michael Aondoakaa's exit from office etc etc

I am sure some of you can add a few good things to this list and find a reason to celebrate Naija as a nation and not just the 1st of October

@ Damiso, I grew up in an environment which is very very similar to yours and trust me it wasn't a pleasant experience. The relatives on my father's side are a complete nightmare, my dad practically catered for his grown siblings and their off springs all in the name of being a first born child. Just like you, we always had one relative or the other living with us. There was never a moment when it was just our immediate family living together.

I feel your husband to a large extent on the issue of extended family and our minds are alike in that regard. Let your immediate family (husband & kids) come first then your parents, please parents should be a priority on your list ooh. The extended members of your family can and should take the back seat when it comes to your family & parents. Help them when you honestly can but don't make it a duty or obligation and most importantly don't let anyone take advantage of you or your generosity.

Don't encourage long stays in your home, an exit day must be clearly stated either by you or the visiting relative, don't always oblige every request made of you and so on. In all things regarding your home, family and life just seek God's guidance and wisdom but don't forget to use your God given ability to reason and think things through as well.

Its definitely the personality for me, but am usually attracted by the looks first and then I check out the depth & strength of character of a person. The sad thing though (from my experience) is that most good looking men & women tend to be vain and shallow.

But I go die for a well dressed & well spoken guy who is also courteous & well mannered anytime anyday even if his looks are not G-que

Darkey; None of the above for me. But i think i can manage a smoker but even that will take the grace of God because I can't stand the smell of cigratte smoke and I hate the taste of tobacco its simply horrible.

I kissed a smoker once and I can tell you that has been the worst kiss of my life. It was like it never even happened because I put an end to the kiss so fast even the guy was wonderring what's up. I still shiver at the thought of that kiss.

Ooops; I meant to say make love to me and don't just have sex with me in point number 4 which talks about intimacy

Here is a list of the things I want from a man:

1. Be my personal human teddy bear; someone I can hold, cuddle and play with. I like being held and cuddled, and I love doing the same thing to a guy am dating seriously.

2. Your time, attention and courtesy; Hook up with me and lets spend time together doing stuff we both like.Return missed calls when you see them, reply to text messages and don't ignore them.

3. Generousity; Give willingly as you honestly can without acting under compulsion, surprise me with nice gifts like the latest Sidney Sheldon, etc and don't wait till its xmas or my birthday.

4. Intimacy; Share your thoughts & feelings with me, talk to me about things that really matter to you. Express your emotions, make love to me and don't just have sex with me, for me there is a difference between the two. The love making has got to be great

5. Your respect; Don't kiss and tell on me, don't talk down to me like am a child,don't put me down in front of others. Don't flaunt your affairs in my face, if you are cheating on me keep it on the down low.

6. Neat/Tidy: I want a man to take his personal hygiene seriously. no unshaved armpits, no bad breath, clean boxers, nice cologne etc

7. Money; As for your money don't be stingy and tight fisted, I don't expect you to spend on me all the time and i will spend my money on you by getting you nice gifts and all. I actually prefer to split things 50/50 when i've been with a guy for some time and I'm comfortable with him so no one feels taken advantage of .For instance I can take you out to a movie and pay for it but then you can get the drinks and pop corn.

8. Guys;women love to be taken care of, and this can be done in different ways. For me you can cook me a nice meal at your place and invite me over instead of taking me out to a night club or mr.biggs. Then you can also hold me in your arms while we watch a movie together. Is that too much to ask for?

Taking care of a woman doesn't necessarily mean expensive gifts and you spending all of your money. Its the little and thoughtful things that really count with some of us and not money for weave-ons, perfumes,recharge cards etc Most sisters can adequately handle that on their own.

The physical attributes i don't like about men are:

1. Small/tiny dicks [/b] that is a big NO NO for me. I like the medium and large size.
2. Unshaved & hairy armpits
3. Fat men
4. Pot bellied men
5. Ugly men
6. Long & unkept nails
7. Mouth & body odour
8. Dark lips (from tobacco smoking)
9. Shaving bumps left untreated.
10. Men with big heads or uneven shaped heads

@ poster

I have read through alot of the comments here, and I can tell you that I feel like stabbing some posters like nikkylav & others who are advocating for your silence on the matter.

Do you know how hard it is to change, change doesn't come easy and it doesn't happen in a year or two. It is a continuous and life long process. I have been trying to change simple things about myself like my impatience and intolerance with people who are slow (amongst other things) and I can tell you that its been and still is one hell of a battle. It really does take the grace of God and if you know God then you will know that he is never in a hurry to get things done he always takes his time to do a good/excellent job.

My point is: Your friend's fiance hasn't changed in any way if she can claim to be a virgin after all this time. I don't expect her to spill all of the sordid details about her life or her past because as humans we are entitled to some secrecy in our lives. It would have been nice for her to say i have dated or been with a few men then to claim she is a virgin. For that alone even I can kill her.

I believe in second chances because people always do better, the second time around in most things. But in this case the lady in question does not deserve a second chance if she can lie about her virginity. PLS TELL YOUR FRIEND THE TRUTH

I think you should wear the ring when you are out, but you can take it off when you are in-doors. Your wedding band is a symbol/sign that you are hitched, taken and permanently off the market (to those who do not have prior knowledge of your wedding)

When I first meet a guy I always check the ring finger to ascertain if his taken or not. Now we all know that some men don't wear their rings but the ring does serve as a warning/caution sign to single and decent ladies to keep off (it always does for me).

When I don't see a band, I am very blunt with the question are you married? Just so that i know where we both stand and I know how to proceed from there. Personally I prefer the very single and unattached males, because with them there's no drama about when to call, how and where to meet so we don't get seen by people who know him etc etc.

My point is wearing your wedding band will (in some cases) save you alot of stress such as unwanted attention from female predators

I find most of the posts here very annoying, why should Lagerback be sacked? Every time we (Nigeria) lose a match in any tournament we start screaming for the head of the coach. We have a terrible history of sacking our coaches/technical advisers when we lose. We seriously need to grow up and be more mature in this respect.

Let us not forget that in every competition there will always be a winner and a loser, besides that winning a match is not the sole responsibility of a coach. How the players perform on the pitch, will greatly determine whether we win or lose. Is Lagerback to be blamed for the red card we got today? Is it his fault that Obasi missed a golden opportunity to score the Greeks?

Our national team seems to be living on the past glory of Atlanta 96, even though the team is made up of new players now. There is a lack of commitment on the part of our players to the national team, it seems to me like they prefer to play for their individual clubs than for the nation. If we had Westerhof, Bonfere Jo, Wenger or Jose Mauhrino and we lost a match the outcome will still be the same - people screaming for their heads and asking for the termination of their appointment.

I think President Goodluck may be on the right path by threatening to withdraw Emirate's license in Nigeria, if the U.A.E fails to extradite Ibori.
It will be a big blow to their economy and commercial activities (which am sure they may not want because of the fact that they enjoy heavy patronage from Nigerians).

I hear the UAE is heavily indebted to other nations at the moment following the global recession and all, if they are smart, then this won't be a good time to be antagonizing any nation. I don't even understand why they would want to harbour a criminal like Ibori, I was under the impression that being an Islamic state they would have little or no tolerance for criminals & criminal activities. I guess I was wrong about that.

Anyway I think President JG hasn't done badly so far and he strikes me as a quiet achiever and a man that will not tolerate rubbish from within and outside Nigeria, I think we tend to seriously under estimate the man, and that may be a mistake on the part of some people. He may be extremely quiet and a bit laid back but there's a certain depth him.

The UAE had better dispatch the fool called Ibori to the UK to face trial.

Am amazed at some of the immature replies on this thread, I would like to know what on earth is wrong with marrying your best friend's widow if there has been no foul play involved at any point in time.

If there was no foul play during his marriage, before his death or at the time of his death I see nothing wrong with it. We can never control what people will think or say about us, its so annoying when people don't want to be honest and do the things they like because of what people might think or say about them.

To hell with the people and their talk, so long as you have a clear & clean conscience, you are sincere with God (for he sees the sincerity of our hearts) then by all means go for it and blank out the haters & talkers.

This is not a morality issue i don't understand why some people are screaming abomination.Children please grow up

This is an interesting topic with informative replies. A poor savings culture is something I would like to drastically improve on but how can I successfully do that when I don't get paid on time by my employer and even when I do get paid, I am not paid the full amount.

By the time I get paid my problems/financial issues, usually get piled up to a point where each one is competing for attention.
Am wondering if i should pay my NEPA bill first to avoid being disconnected by PHCN,
Do I send money to my parents whom i haven't sent anything to in a long time?
Do I repair the refridgerator that is broken or
Do I repay the loan I took from a friend, for transportation, feeding,  water (Ooh I buy water where I live) etc etc

The list is endless, and like some one rightly said low income earners spend a higher percentage of their earnings than higher income earners. All I know is that salaried employment can really suck in Naija (especially when you are a low income earner)

Anyway am open to good advise and suggestions on how to inculcate a healthy savings culture under any circumstance. @ poster please pardon me for derailing from the original thread. The truth is I am one of those youths working without saving so I really can't make much of an input to help you

@ naija swag

You may find this hard to believe but I do one man at a time i.e am a one man-one woman relationship kind of person. Am yet to cheat on my man while am in a relationship with him and am not saying am a saint who is above that I just haven't done that yet or gotten to that point in my dating life.

The part of my post which you quoted has to do with flaunting infidelity, now ladies usually don't flaunt their infidelity ( I stand to be corrected on this) like guys do by getting a chic pregnant, but I've seen guys do that alot of the times. All am saying is, if and when you guys do decide to cheat we don't want to know about it at all.

Trust me the suspicion alone drives us crazy not to mention real hard evidence of your cheating like another woman's pregnancy.

Seriously, the boys ( i mean grown & matured men) in the house will have to answer that question for us. I can't figure out why most men all over the globe cheat on their wives and girlfriends.

A male friend of mine once said to me that 90% of men cheat on their girlfriends & wives but how I choose to handle my man's cheating (when I find out) is what will either make or break my relationship.

I don't subscribe to beating up or fighting another woman over my man because like someone said it takes two to tango. So If i do decide to be confrontational then I'll face both my guy and the chic involved but not in a Mike Tyson way and then again I'll most likely just trash it out with my guy and not bother with the woman.

The truth is we are never really sure how we will react in a certain situation untill we actually find ourselves in that situation. I also wonder from time to time if my husband will cheat on me, they say ignorance is bliss and when it comes to our men (whether boyfriends or husbands) that saying or should I say golden rule should be taken seriously.

Guys when you do cheat on us PLEASE keep it on the down low and don't flaunt it in our faces by knocking up the other chic or taking her to public places where people know you and the story is bound to get back to us. it really does hurt.

[color=#770077]Rap music has never been a delight to my ears whether its circular rap or gospel rap, it all just sounds like a lot of noise to me. No offense meant to all you gospel rap lovers and am not hating on gospel rap because I know that some of them may have powerful messages and may actually be praise worthy to God however gospel rap just doesn't work for me.

When it comes to gospel music, that is thought provoking, music that touches my emotions,music that ushers me into God's presence and makes the reality of God's power, mercies, love and entire being even more real to me, nothing does it better for me like Ron Kenoly's music as well as Don Moen, MaryMary, Cece Winans, The Clarke Sisters and so many others.

Gospel rap is however not included in the list above, I can listen to it when am doing house chores and want some noise in the background and not for quiet meditations or reflections.

For all of you claiming TB Joshua is a man of God, he shouldn't be judged etc, etc, etc You all make me mad .javascript:void(0);

His ministry is a very fraudulent one, people who were formerly members of his church and have left, have come out to give testimonies in the media and in some churches of his atrocities such as having sex with female members, performing fake miracles that work for a while and then fail altogether.

PEOPLE PLEASE wake up and stop being gullible about so called "men of god" those of you claiming his good and all what prove do you have to show the rest of us who know better that he is a true man of God. Can you all confidently say that he has the fruit of the spirit?

To all the brothers in the house your honest answers,opinions & comments on this matter would be welcome. Because as a lady I am trying to understand why some guys can't keep thier private affairs private. now this story may sound like a nollywood movie but trust me guys it is a true & real life story.

Recently a female colleague of mine (Gloria) broke down at work crying & lamenting about how her reputation/image had been damaged, by some guy she got involved with in her church.Gloria & Roland are members of the same church and both are in the church choir, Gloria's father is also a pastor in that church.

She slept with Roland and also had an abortion for him,Roland didn't keep his mouth shut about this fact he told a friend of his and a couple of other people about it.His friend first sold him out with this information,now guess what his friend is also a member of the same church and a choir member as well.The news soon became public knowledge and this created quite a scandal in church.

Roland however denied ever mentioning thier affair & the abortion to anyone.My colleague insists that she never told anyone about it so the news could have come from only one person(Roland) since they were the only ones who knew about the pregnancy & abortion at the time it happened.Her story reminds me of my first year in university and my very first relationship.The guy i was dating then had told someone how he was the first man to do me, before i knew it the news was all over campus.

SO SERIOUSLY GUYS WHY do some of u do stuff like this? All i know is that it doesn't honor you the man and it greatly dishonors the woman you are involved with.

Alot of good points have definitely been made about this topic, but one thing I have to say is that Naija is not as bad as alot of people claim. Fine and good we may not have the best roads, best hospitals and steady power supply like most (developed)countries do. But hey guys we've still got some good hospitals out there, power supply may be erratic but its still in existence we are not in total darkness.

However the best thing about Naija (and I think Africa as a whole) is the strong network of relationships we have i.e family relationships and friendships as well. I know that here in Naija even if you are broke, jobless, hungry etc etc You will always find someone out there who will be willing and ready to lend a helping hand, no matter what the circumstance may be.

A friend of mine who had gone to the Uk( back in the early 90's) for her Masters needed 200 pounds to pay her tuition fees and some other debts she had.You won't believe there was no one out there to bail her out, not even the so-called "tight friends" she claimed she had over there (who were mostly whites anyway). She started calling every one back home to help her out and we did. We as in her family members and friends. So I wondered to myself that if things are so good in the Uk as people often claim then why did she have to fall back on us in Naija to bail her out? Those white folks out there who she said were her friends weren't even willing to spare a few bucks to help her complete the money.

In the Uk, and France I know for a fact that the people there are not friendly and like the poster said racism still exists. People in these countries are so individualistic and way too independent,alot of them live and exist as Islands. In the Uk you can live in a certain place for months,even for a few years without knowing your neighbour simply because they choose not to have any form of contact with you, either because of your skin colour or something else.

As for me I'll rather live & die in Naija no matter what. I've visited a few European countries but i love it here.

Am glad to hear that NL is one of the top ten most visited websites, It is good news to me and I would like to congratulate and appreciate Seun for the insight he had for creating and starting up a website/forum like this.

I've found NL to be informative,educative and entertaining I enjoy it far more than Facebook. The housing & job sections is a brilliant idea, NL is a job well done and more grease to the elbows of any one who can improve this site.

To my mind there are two kinds of flirting, the simple & innocent one which is all about leading a man on and generally having fun (but both parties have to understand that is just talk and nothing more).

Then there's the kind of slutty one where a girl just goes about sleeping with almost every man who catches her fancy. Am guilty of the first one,its just for fun and mischief and your real identity never needs to be revealed

Dating a man who is still in love with his ex, is one of the worst things you can do to yourself.Its a very unpleasant experience.Trust me I've been there and I've promised myself its not going to happen again.

The man i got involved in with,was constantly throwing his past relationship in my face and I felt treated like the other woman whose's feelings didn't really count and who came in as second place to his ex. It was always,Ese used to say this,ese used to say that, Ese did this or ese did that blab,blah, blah.He often called me by his ex's name even when we were having a serious conversation.

I often took the back seat in his life when it came to his ex,and he was always so quick to remind me about his relationship with this other lady making comments like technically Ese is still his girlfriend, he still has deep feelings for her, etc etc. etc It was so annoying and i felt more anger than jealousy because he wouldn't acknowledge the fact that we were in a dating relationship, he kept refering to me as "a friend" even though we had gone past the level of friendship.

I soon realised i was dealing with a very selfish man who was only using me to get through the heart ache he was feeling as a result of his broken relationship with his ex,and that even made me madder.I got so angry/mad after a particular incident that i just told him off for good. You wont believe the guy now came back saying he loves me and he has decided to let go of his ex,guys must really think we are gullible.I gave him the boot and asked him to get out and stay out of my life because that was what i intended and planned to do as well.

the guy practically became a nuisance afterwards, he began to harass with me constant phone calls (to my home line),unannouced visits to my office and home.I refused to answer his calls and even changed my mobile number and refused to give him the new number because i was ready to move to on and i didn't need someone like him in my life anymore. I think he finally got the messsage because of my cold silent treatment.

I feel so so relieved and alot happier with myself and with my life now that its over, becaus

Sweetiepie23, you are a very shallow minded person,as well as a racist. YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE

Your arguments are not sound at all. infact u dont have an argument, u are just talking alot of trash & nonsense,your post is one of the most useless ones on this forum.

Take your anger, bitterness and resentment about skin colour somewhere else,u can shove it up your ass.I hope the next time u post a topic it will be about some thing more worthwhile.stupid, stupid, stupid

I totally agree with Nezan's last paragraph. The corruption in this country didn't start with the present AGF but as a member of the NBA I find the AGF's utterances and actions in some circumstances very appaling.

The entire YarAdua administration is an embarrasment, the man himself is too slow and incompetent to head this nation.but haven't said that I must say that the NBA itself has been seriously compromised, the association is not free of corrupt members.

For Maurice Iwu to still be in office as the INEC chairman, then we nigerians ought to know that Aondoakaa is going no where. This govt i think is by far the worst one I have encountered because of its corrupt officials, lack of competence and inefficiency in administration

Am simply amazed at the poster's poor grammar and sentence construction.

I totally agree with the Lagos State Govt that church workers and pastors should be taxed,and that they should be further taxed for books, cds and other materials they sell.These materials are not given out free of charge, a certain sum of money is usually paid for them so if that is not trade i honestly don't what it is.

Alot of our churches have become money making buisnesses/ventures especially the pentecostal ones (no offence meant to people of this sect) and it is really appaling how Jesus Christ and the message of salvation has taken a back seat in our present day christianity.Am sure The Good Lord looks down from heaven with a broken heart on the way and manner in which the church conducts itself today.

I hope the court rules in favour of the govt, so revenue generated from taxing the church will be put to good use for the benefit of every one resident in the state.With Fashola am certain the money will be put to good use