fatima04:


Agreed at all you said. One [b]needs to do research [/b]and all properly when choosing schools. It may not be easy for new migrants moving in with older kids and just accepting what the council allocates. But ensure you don't restrict yourself.
it.

I 100% agree. I was obsessed with researching schools for my kids months before we arrived. When we moved here my husband couldn’t understand why I said no to many rentals till I found one in the right catchment. Research is key.

kaylov12:
So many topics to discuss on this thread but please can we discuss the PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM.

Most Naija parents feel they get quality education cheaply here which mostly is not the case.
I am a secondary school maths teacher and I weep for these children. Lack of motivation, apathy, to mention a few.

Asides creating a safe and enabling environment for students to learn, PUBLIC SCHOOLS IN UK AREN'T ANY DIFFERENT FROM THOSE IN NIGERIA.

Parents need to be more involved in their children's education.

Is this if you compare Public to Public or Public here to Private in Naija? Also are you in England or Scotland?

I agree with you oh, just need some clarity about the comparison.

LagosismyHome:


Taking the children... mentally its the same as jail term

Or worse.

isaacola57:
If someone beats his child what will happen.. Cuz I don't want spoilt children

Your child can go to school sad, be questioned in school = problem for you up to and not excluding incarceration.

Your child could be hurt and need medical attention = double wahala for you.

Your child’s confidence might be affected if you beat them constantly in this environment.

Not saying you can’t loose it and smack them on rare occasions but the target is to completely eliminate the need to use force.

babythug:
Glad for a thread like this. I have three boys and I’m worried lest they pick up the typical British waywardness..
I find many of us Nigerians myself inclusive don’t encourage our children to speak our local languages. The Asians and Indians/Pakistanis do that a lot. It may help the children remember that we are actually Africans and help in this training/raising our children that we are discussing

The language issue gives me headache I won’t lie. I’ve heard the way is to speak the language you want them to learn exclusively at home but it’s not easy. People that are doing it successfully should show us the way.

Something I Just Remembered:

If you’re just arriving the UK, please note that most things here take time and follow procedure. So for instance if you want to see a doctor or even sign your kids up for swimming, you’ll be amazed that there is a very long wait list especially since Covid.

Don’t do the normal naija thing and wait till the last minute to book your slot. Call and register interest for swimming, music, football, even your GP early (excluding emergencies of course), so that you can join the queue. This folks no dey hear abeg oh

Mamatukwas:
I’ve been trying to hold this to myself but I can’t any longer…. I really really want fresh naija ground nut Who can help me please? I’m happy to pay.

The groundnut here tastes like sadness & desperation. Sigh. Just signify and I’ll be in your dm quicker than flash. Or DM me. Thank you.

Here to announce that I just took delivery of super fresh gnuts from Naija. Lagos to Scotland transit time was approximately just < 2 weeks but they are still so fresh! I’m in Heaven

mumzt:


Yes, we all need to unlearn and relearn this shouting issue.

The noise in naija sef won't allow us talk normal. �

Nigeria is chaotic. When I first moved here, I kept wondering why everyone was whispering. Their tone is so soft and low. We can just be unnecessarily loud sha

cdieli:
We live in a three bed flat ohhhh. After the police finished questioning the kids, If Daddy and Mummy beat them. The police apologized that the mail they received is very malicious, that the children they are seeing are well behaved and taken care off

Personally, if you can afford it. Avoid flats if you have small kids. Neighbours can be nosy + kids can be very noisy. So if you get bad neighbors it will be a constant tug of war. Thank God you guys escaped without issue.

There’s a current case now trending in Sheffield where social workers have taken away a couples 2 kids and there’s the threat that her unborn child will be taken too! Have you guys heard about it? The story is too long but so sad.

Endlessgrace:


Instead of putting fear in them to not talk about being beaten, why not try cultivate the habit of not beating them. I know it’s not easy but trust me you can raise a child without the rod.

I agree. It’s not easy but it can be done. I’m practicing not shouting unless absolutely necessary. The most I do now is pull their ears and they hate it. No more beating oh.

If you shout at my son now, he will say you’re scaring him Na wa!

cdieli:
I have been in the UK for 6 months now, my children have started school and its all fun they have been learning new things.
A few advise for those coming with the family:

1) Once you come register with a GP.
2) Report yourself to the council they will advise you on schools nearby.
3) Look for a local white church, here in Scotland I attached the family to salvation army. They come every week to see that all is well, Christianity here is different from Nigeria.
4) Learn not to shout for your children, neighbors reported me and my wife that we are always shouting for the kids and police came to question the family. Always put fear on them that if they tell strangers that dad and mum beat them they will take them away

Its been an experience

What kind of oversabi Neighbour is that? Were you guys in a flat?

[quote author=justwise post=110881021][/quote]

Thank You!!! Whew.

LagosismyHome:

Mamatukwas
This is appearing on the front page .... ... o dear

Is that why we are seeing all these strange posts? Oh dear.

@justwise please help us sanitize if you can. Thank you.

ednut1:
Nigerian women i hail una. Was in the UK recently to see family members and friends. Many of the kids are grown up now. Some have cut their parents off, some battled mental health issues, some still made it sha . Its not easy as a Nigerian parents in uk raising kids in this western world o. Our culture of interfering and guiding children is seen as toxic when they grow older.

It’s not my brother. The environment is 100% different. I think the trick is to catch them young. Let them have respect and still be super close to you as young kids. When they are older it’s easier.

Akorkor:
Thank you all for this thread. Mother of 2 kids under 6 here. We have registered with a GP but council is yet to verify me. How do I go about this? When can I register them for school? Thinking of bringing the little one back in September. Also what is the fate of a child with speech delay? Is there free therapy or is the therapy expensive?

Also for Council verification, I registered into an application called Yoti as I saw that it aids quick verification process but my Nigeria address is being rejected. Don’t know what to do.

I stay in Scotland and I just moved in a month ago. Still trying to find my feet. Thank you mothers and Happy international Women’s Day

Welcome to Scotland.

I’ve never heard of council verification of address? Plus why are you trying to verify your Nigerian address? I’m a bit confused.

Just call or email the council about your kids. They will tell you the next steps to take and forms to fill to get you sorted.

I don’t think you will need to pay for speech therapy. If they assess your child and it’s required you should be supported foc. Don’t worry.

veleta:
@ Sis Mamatukwas, the schools are trying to help the child, these things are funded my govt and are free. A child won't be in SEN register forever, schools need them to get additional funding from govt or council. Once SLT does assessment and feels the child is OK and where he should be, they will be taken off the register. Brits jump at these supports. Some proactive schools do their SALT in school others refer you to the community hub.
It's not like Adhd or autism.

Some children get better with time but the longer it is pushed, the worse the confidence of the child dips.

Okay Sis. As long as we as parents are sensitive. If your child needs it by all means go for it. But not if you just think ‘why not’ or if it’s a case of mis labelling. That’s the one I’m not comfortable with.

When we moved here, because I was alone with 3 small kids (one a new born). My baby’s health visitor in trying to be helpful, told me that if I think my then 2 year old needed language support, she could write it in her notes and they will make space for him In nursery as needing special support even though then he was not entitled to nursery hours. She even said if I tell her we speak more than I language at home it will help her make a case I said no thank you. Cause I know it looked like help but my child didn’t need the support and I’m careful with labels.

That’s mainly what I mean sha. In that context. May God give us wisdom.

After You Arrive The Uk: After getting your accommodation sorted (very key), the next steps to take will be as follows in no particular order:

- Register your family with a GP Practice. Ideally one close to where you live. Try not to register with a GP while in Air B&B or temporary accommodation unless it can’t be helped. It’s way more straightforward when you’re settled.


- Contact your local council and inform them if you have kids of school going age. They will tell you the steps to take in getting your child placed in a school. Note that the hours available to children under 3 as well as school starting age differs for England & Scotland. Familiarize yourself with the law where you live.

- When your kids start school ask if there is a WhatsApp group or Facebook group for your child’s class so they can add you (this info will normally be gotten from a fellow class mum not the teacher)

- Try to be friendly, introduce yourself and make conversation with people when you can. Do not be afraid to ask anyone questions especially in your child’s school. If you think it’s important, always communicate via email. Documentation is important.

- You’re not entitled to public funds. If anyone suggests any ‘benefits’ to you. Listen politely but do not partake. It’s not for you.

- Finally, take it easy on yourself. Don’t try to do too much at once there’s no competition. Once you settle and get stable you can start adding to your plate.

mumzt:
Awesome. We'll done mamatukwas, long overdue thread.

Here alone with 3 kids all under 8. husband is in Nigeria and just shuffles. Schooling and working without breaking a single rule. I hope to contribute as much as possible

Oh wow! That’s amazing. 3?? And you’re alone! Ha. I raise hand for you. You’re a strong woman.

GETTING STARTED

Before You Come: Here are some things to think about/consider BEFORE making the move to the Uk as a Parent:

- If you have younger kids it’s important you have and bring all their medical and immunization records especially. You will be asked for it repeatedly and if it’s missing your child’s records here will have gaps.
- As soon as you know where you will be moving to, start researching schools. Find out which schools have the best reputation (s) then find out which area of catchment they fall under. In the UK, you are allocated a school primarily based on where you live (catchment area). The worst thing you can do is go for a lovely house in an area that has a rubbish school. Shortlist your preferred schools first so it will guide your house hunting activities
- Start reducing your tone (if you’re the type that shouts at kids) like most of us and practicing keeping your hands to yourself. This is particularly important when you have younger kids who don’t have verbal filter as such. Hitting kids here is NOT allowed. The earlier you get used to passing your message across without the use of force the better for you.
- Finally, understand that parenting alone in the Uk if you don’t have family around is NOT easy. It is hard, lonely, can be overwhelming and also isolating. However it can be done and it gets better. Your kids will learn to be independent faster than their home counterparts and things will generally be easier with time.

Note: These are mainly my opinions/ experience and/or gleaned from experiences of others I’ve been privy to. Feel free to add your take.

Thank you.

veleta:
My little contribution with school aged children here in England. Black kids are usually stereotyped with SEN. If offered help especially speech therapy don't resist, we should try to limit phone/ipad usage. It affects their speech and communication especially with first kids and boys. Read storybooks every night, I know it's tough but it really helps. If you can't read, get one from YouTube Biff, Chip and Kipper and so on then play and stay with them. It increases their vocabulary a lot.

Register them for swimming as soon as possible, dance, drama, football, music, rugby etc. It helps boost their confidence as well as their social circle.

Always ask them what they did in school, who they are sitting with in class, who they played with. Schools here group kids according to their ability. A child in Year 3 for instance can be doing Year 1 curriculum meanwhile in the same class, another child in that same class might be doing Year 4 or 5 curriculum or syllabus.

As a parent, you need to reinforce what they are doing in school at home for your child to be in top table in their class. The class size which is 30 is usually difficult so it's basically survival of the fittest except you are rich, you can opt for private.

With time, I might write more if time permits.

Agree with most of what you’ve said, but I’m not sure I agree with accepting speech therapy if you don’t think your child needs it. Most of our kids when they move here have difficulty understanding the accent and vice versa which is understandable. It will only take time.

I refused to allow anyone label my child anything especially as I hear those records stay for a long time and might invite additional scrutiny. Just my opinion though. Might be wrong.

Mamatukwas:
Guys! I finally took one for the team and opened a page for Parenting in this UK.

I heard somethings today that shook me and I was like naaaaa… people need to be better informed. Before you will be faffing around and Uk social workers will use you to play golf.

Anyhoo. Link is here: https://www.nairaland.com/7021004/parenting-uk-nigerian-migrant

All of the people that have been asking come and mark register oh. Let’s see if this works. Xx

P.S- Ancients on this side, your expertise and experience is welcome oh. If you need kola just say so

Specialtee:
Fantastic @mamatukwas. Long overdue. I look forward to reading contributions and contributing.

Thank you jare. You’re welcome.

mex551:
Good topic.

Let me book my space now. Can't wait to explore this topic. My first question is , can a 13 year old boy stay with the younger ones at home after school while the parents go on to hustle? Is it an offence?

Awaiting answers to this as I do no not want the Social workers remembering me

Legally, if you leave your child with anyone below 16yrs you’re still legally responsible. So if kasala bust they have nothing to do with the older child. It’s you. I’d say avoid it if you can unless it’s for very very short periods of time and if possible with cctv in place to monitor.

mex551:
Good topic.

Let me book my space now. Can't wait to explore this topic. My first question is , can a 13 year old boy stay with the younger ones at home after school while the parents go on to hustle? Is it an offence?

Very important. You’re welcome

Guys! I finally took one for the team and opened a page for Parenting in this UK.

I heard somethings today that shook me and I was like naaaaa… people need to be better informed. Before you will be faffing around and Uk social workers will use you to play golf.

Anyhoo. Link is here: https://www.nairaland.com/7021004/parenting-uk-nigerian-migrant

All of the people that have been asking come and mark register oh. Let’s see if this works. Xx

Hello Everyone.

This is a space to talk about parenting, navigating cultural differences, knowing your rights and other general issues related to being a parent in the UK as a Nigerian Immigrant.

For general immigration information and tips on living in the UK, visit the thread below:

https://www.nairaland.com/6719932/living-uk-life-immigrant-part-2

For questions on studying in the UK, please refer to the student thread: https://www.nairaland.com/6712649/uk-student-visa-tier-4#105017249.

Here’s to raising strong families.

Endlessgrace:


I feel your pain sis, i have two sons who did quite a number on her last rental. But as others said it’s greatly dependent on the kind of landlord you have. All my door handles was broken, my sons’ room has massage oil on the walls that wouldn't come off and there’s an iron burn patch on the sitting room carpet but i was surprised when all my deposit was refunded without any deduction.
I did a thorough cleaning though and the house was spark and clean when i left.

Lol I’m here wondering how massage oil got on the wall These folks won’t kill somebody. Thanks a lot. I feel much better now.

Joyousgem:


A landlord can make a claim higher than the value of the deposit to the deposit holding organisation. That said, the adjudicator for the organisation can only award the sum of funds held in their custody, they have no authority to force the tenant to pay the difference between the cost of damages and amount of deposit. Factors such as wear and tear, length of tenancy are taken into account.

A landlord has legal standing to sue a tenant for the cost of fixing damages in a small claims court. The answer to your question is yes, nothing stops a landlord from making a claim higher than the deposit through the court not the deposit organisation. The landlord has to decide whether it will be cheaper to fix the damages or paying a lawyer as it could be a lengthy process. Also you can only use invoice of damage fixed as evidence as to the cost of the claim, an estimate is not deemed acceptable.

Most sensible landlords would have a building, fixtures and legal cover. Thankfully I have only had to deal with claiming off one tenant's deposit at the end of a tenancy. She made a big mess with fake tan on a bedroom carpet. I only charged her half of the cost as the carpet had been in the property for years and she was a very good tenant for 4years. She agreed and the deposit was apportioned in under 24hrs.

Lovely thanks. To be honest I’ve been very worried. I have 3 young kids 2 of whom are boys so they can be a bit much. I told my husband we should get someone to repaint everywhere and try and return the house as close as possible to the original, but his ancestor friend today said not to bother as long as we are ready to leave our deposit.

I sha don’t want anyone to come and claim ridiculous damages for something we can quietly fix ourselves. That’s why i want to be very sure.

I’ll still try and repair as much as I can sha but the fear has reduced small. Whew.

justwise:


Landlords treat issue of damage differently, some will try to make you pay while some will repair without any issue, my last landlady repaired the damage done by the previous tenant, i mean a larger part of the rug was damaged by cat, the landlady replaced it without asking for a penny.

When i was living there one of the door handles was broken and she changed it without asking me to pay for it.

I see. Thank you.

For people who have rented in the UK previously, does the fact that you paid a deposit cover any damage that might be done in the house above reasonable wear and tear?

I’m asking because I was under the impression that the Lanlord could perhaps hit you with an invoice above and beyond your deposit if the damage in the house is above ‘reasonable’ wear and tear but someone i had a conversation with who has lived here for 15 years said they had no legal backing to do so. As long as you’re ready to forfeit your deposit. They can’t charge you more for any damages as a result of your stay upon leaving. Is this true?

Anyone with knowledge of this should kindly corroborate or refute this. Thank you.

sweetoma:
Hello all, Mamatukwas, Justwise and other gurus. I really appreciate all the advise on this thread. My son is about to start school this week, anyone with advice, lunch pack ideas, after school care advise etc. I wish we had a thread for parenting immigrant kids in the UK. I’m a bit nervous LOL

The thread is way overdue. Someone should please do it for the team.

Meanwhile how old is your son?

AltCtrlDel:


I consulted the oracle's but they have not spoken. Pls how do I get items bought on US websites into the UK without robbing a bank to pay duties?

Lexusgs430
TheGuyFromHR
Ralphlauren
LagosismyHome
Mamtukwas
STENON

If you’re not in a hurry buy and ship to Lagos then do Lagos to UK. Otherwise only buy from sites with duties included in the total cost.