dynamite2012:

Your question is a complicated but important one. I'll try to do it as much justice as I can. In most Nigerian cultures, being first born is not just a biological accident, it comes with cultural expectations and duties. First born children are raised to be surrogate parents from very young; parents and society at large expect them to look out for their younger ones and take responsibility for them in small but important ways.

However, you can't feel responsible for a sibling that doesn't respect you. You can't be a big brother or big sister to a sibling that doesn't recognize you as one. When a younger sibling disrespects the first born, it strains the implicit bond forged by a sense of responsibility and it forces first borns to either break that bond or try to re-establish that respect. It's not surprising the first born typically turns to the parents, the ones who have implicitly made first born children responsible for their younger ones, to restore the relationship/respect.

I want my sister to respect me because I am her big brother and I am ultimately responsible for her. If she can't respect me, then I will simply start regarding her just like I regard my extended family. She is a full independent adult now and she doesn't need me to be her daddy. However, if she still expects me to play "big brother" when she needs it, then she needs to respect me! If she's too big now to respect me, then she needs to just leave me alone jeje, no be by force.

I have been very much enlightened. Muchas gracias

punta: Did I marry the wrong person Yes!!! He was not a bad man but we were just not meant to be. I didn't seek the face of God and I was simply excited about being married since all my friends were joining the club at the time. Besides I was only 24 and in retrospect, I have no idea how we ended up married because we have different orientations and ideals. He would certainly make a good husband for some girl out there. I hope we become friends again one day. He is still bitter with me for throwing in the towel......don't blame me, I tried hard enough.

How do you find out a guy's orientations and ideals? It is so easy to make ur mistake. I empathise with you.

Has anyone noticed that it was actually a curse God placed on Eve that is causing some of our male folks to think they are superior. "Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you" Guys pls we have been liberated from this...you don't hold the reigns anymore. Let go and let God

No uncles or aunties stays in my house for more than a week - my GOLDEN rule. Most abuse cases I hear about are perpetuated by family relations and househelps. So say no to extended family visits.

9ja-ninja:


just to hear their voice.

maclatunji:

I love you?

I guess I could do that but it feels mudane to do that everyday. I would even get tired of hearing my voice talkless of them.

dynamite2012:

I am glad to read that you and your sister are fine. This post was a true God-send. I had been feeling badly about my relationship with my sister lately. I am beginning to see things from her perspective: she's just wired differently and I can imagine that she feels a bit left-out and unloved. I'll do a better job of being nice to her going forward. To be honest, I would hate for us to have a bad relationship. Despite her minor flaws, she's a great girl and a pride to the whole family. I just need to stop getting angry anytime she disrespects me and stop reporting her to my parents. Hopefully, God will heal our relationship.

LOL....you report her to your parents. That is what my sister does to me. And she says I disrespect her..I seriously don't understand why she says that because I have younger siblings and they talk back to me and I never see it as disrespect because they have the right to say what they are feeling. Moreover, I dont think people should be entitled to respect just because they where born first - something they have no control or made any contribution to. Respect should be earned. Please explain how you see it because I have tried to no sucess to see things from her own point of view.

@OP...same thing happened to me with a stranger. I did a good deed for her and she said God will give me a husband..I was so mad! I promptly asked her why of all the things in the world she could pray for did she have to mention a husband. I am not saying it is not a good thing to marry but I am like in my early 20s and its not like I look or am even close to desperate to get married...it is only God that saved her from me that day..mschewwww

These stories are scary to me! OMG I practically don't do anything when am home for holidays...my family have always had maids because all of us went to boarding schools..I wonder how I would cope cuz I don't manage stressful situations well. I am very worried about the whole marriage thing.

Is her son financially, physically or spiritually impaired that he cannot provide her with money to go visit his siblings?

On the other hand maybe she regards your friend as one of her children and so feels it is right to ask her for money.

Your friend should tell her fiancee.

It really amazes me that in this day and age MEN still think they are superior to women.

I call when I need stuffs. It sounds bad but what would I be calling my parents to say everyday?

agiboma: There is no predefined age, she can date when she feels its right for her to do so. Also when she meets someone that is datable by her standards. Dont try to rush her it's her life she is living. My sister started to date oficially @ age 27 and although we found it strange we just allowed her to be herself, without being judgemental and as her friend you should do the same.

Very true...I guess the pressure to date as she is currently in nigeria is getting overwhelming.

Nothing in the application process has changed but if you were thinking you could work after completing your course forget about it.

Why did the UK government have to stop PSW! It is truly not fair. After all the money international students are pouring into their system. They must and will suffer the consequences of this.

dynamite2012:

This is NOT true. I am the oldest boy and my younger sister (the oldest girl) and I are not close. She thinks we are mates because there is only one year and a few months between us and that I am our parents' favorite. To be honest, I am only the favorite because in addition to being the oldest son, I am nice, generous, jovial and very openly loving towards them. My sister is quiet, loves to keep malice and is very stingy. I am the type of guy that can give all my life savings to my parents if they need it but my sister is the type of person who can't buy $10 pant for my Mum without agonizing (of course, like all stingy people, she loves receiving expensive gifts). We just have very different natures and it's too bad that her nature is not the most lovable one.

To be honest, I am tired of her already. I want to love her but it's just so damn hard to love this girl, especially when she won't respect me as her older brother. Thank God that we are both pretty successful. I don't need her and she doesn't need me. These days, I pretty much just leave her alone. The only thing I am waiting for is for her to find a husband so I can stop feeling responsible for her. I am just tired of faking closeness because of blood ties. I wouldn't even be talking to her at all if not for the love and devotion I have for my parents. It's the sad but true reality and at this point, only God can intervene to reverse the situation.

Your description of your sister seems like what my elder sister could say about me...except I think and strongly hope I am not stingy (I also agonise over every penny I have to spend).

Favoritism should not be an excuse for sibling rivalry. You can choose to ignore it. Like in my case, my elder sis receives more money from our parents than I do cause she spends money quickly. I don't get angry because I don't need it. It has not caused any problem between us.

pidgin is just too razz...u can speak it with ur friends...but definitely not to me!

it has greatly reduced stress. i am happy with it...pls do u have any information on exxonmobil skills test for chemical engineers?

REALITY101:

OP your thread came up right on time. I meet this girl, she just turned 19 known her less than 2 months why she decided to give up her virginity to me last Thursday night? I don't know. Inside my heart I feel sorry for her because I have a girlfriend and you know what that means? I'm gonna hurt her giving her first bad experience I was surprise when she told me about being a virgin, she the real definition of the word "beautiful" I tried not to do it but I couldn't. My point is, make sure you're giving up your virginity to someone who really deserves it.

About your fear, nothing to be scared bout, it took me about an hour to penetrate thru gradually no rush. I told her to lemme know when it hurts her or want me to stop which she didn't, I guess she already made up her mind. Bleed? Yea but not much. Was kinda frustrating n sure use of lubricant is important. Good-luck

I am sorry but I have to say u r very wicked to do that to a teenager! My goodness and u even said that u had a girlfriend at the time. Did you tell her that? when we see all dis 9ja gals behaving morally loose we 4get that it is things like this that make them so. Can u imagine how she wud feel when she realises u were just using her? SMH, May God help u!

@OP, it is your decision to have lose ur virginity, i think it is a very bad decision but its your life.

This is is truly one of the best threads on NL

ayodele123:



@TV01
   You want to know why the man must also submit to his wife?
   The man is the head while the woman is the neck. right?
The head cannot turn on its own without the neck turning just as the neck cannot turn without turning the head too
The man who wants real peace in his life,home and marriage must not see himself as a God ordained dictator who must compel submission from his wife. If a man wants to enjoy his wife's submission, coming voluntarily from her, he must first of all know how to attend to his wife's details. Attending to his wife's details is to place her interests above his and that is what love is all about. What is love? Love is a self-sacrificing loyal concern for the welfare of the other. This means that the welfare of the other, the wife comes first.
The husband who sees himself as a dictator is the one who strives to enforce Ephesians 5:22 ahead of Ephesians 5:25.
Sounds strange? Get more from the signature below www.maritalsuccessresource.com
This is the reason why many women are not submitting and many marriages and husbands are groaning.
Every husband is his wife's first son because he sucked her bosoms first ahead of the children born n the marriage.

U r 100% correct! pls r u married?

ppl especially men like enforcing verses of d bible dat favour dem

it is so funny that even unbelievers expect submission 4rm dier wives after fornicating left right center

d only ppl dat deserve submission r does who r wholeheartedly living 4 God and can sacrifice EVERTHING for their wives, as CHRIST did 4 d church.

jellybean:

I don't use it much cos I'm braiding, it doesn't help my braid last cos it makes the hair grow faster lol

I do use it when the braid is gone and before rebraiding.

does it itch? From the reviews on amazon, i got d impression that it was itchy 4 some folks . . . my hair itches something fierce when i use some products.

No, I mean wild hair growth

@jellybean, I thought u said you stopped using it.

@queensmith
LOL! me too, I hate hearing it

^^^I have tried dr miracle's range of hair products, it did nothin 4 me
my hair also breaks easily, even now dat its all natural

lol, romance where naijaa, lol, its better u save that money for something useful, sha it depends on ur taste too. but nigeria is the least romantic place i hve ever known.

What is the maximum age a lady can be before it becomes strange that she has never had a boyfriend or been in love? A friend of mine told me her aunt told her she should start praying because at her age of twenty something she has never had a boyfriend. Mind you its not like she does not have guys asking her out everyday and she is smart, schooled abroad, pretty and all.

I detest traditional marriage, afterall how many times have I gone to and who do I know in my village. Church wedding all the way.

@chiteny, ur reply is just how my future hubby will think! Some nigerian men are just too agressive when it comes to the matter of submission, I will find it hard to submit to a guy who lords over me and always brings up the topic of submission.

Ladies, what do I do to thining crown hair to make it grow, I am in my very early twenties and should not be suffering from baldness now.

This problem started when I used an organic root stimulator relaxer that came with a dye shampoo, before i could say Jack Robinson all d hair in the middle of my head fell off, I gathered up courage and shaved all of it off to start growing from scratch. Its now getting to a year and the hair at the middle is still not growing! Please help! *Sobs*

I love that Book!!! "Boys Meets Girl" is a must read 4 christian youths, and yes I concur with d poster I love d concept of courting so I only date with courting in mind and I always say it 4rm day 1.