₦airaland Forum

I was in Tinapa 3wks ago †̥o compere a show wt Eti messang. B4 my performance, I wnt round town 2 see ђã†̥ funny †̥in I cud gt and add †̥o my fore preparedness. After much walk, I decided 2 chillax in a Bar & Restaurant. While I order 4a drnk, a man I met there kpt staring @ d endowments of d waitress . She got me my drnk and d man was stil staring wtout ordering anytin. She had gone to & fro d aile †̥his man was really carried away by her looks.
Out of curiosity, d waitress askd: Oka(Oga), †̥his one U̶̲̥̅̊ dey rook(look) me tince(since). U̶̲̥̅̊ won Yop(chop) abi U̶̲̥̅̊ funk(4k)? D man answered: I go yop, funk, con yop again.

[quote author=Xymc...]Love letter by
Onitsha big
boy:
Hello pretty
damusel,
I just wanted to let
u
know dat I hav
joined
the muvin people.
Ndi na
aga aga, (the
happuning
guys). I am Aguiyi
international!
Importa &
Exporta. I ownu
plenty
of shop in Onitsha
main
market. As u are
luking
at me, nne a dim
very
solid.
My containers
come in
20s and 40s every
weekly. I hav over
40
boys in my training.
Aguiyi is a bigi boy,
I am
a muver, I am a
shaker.
I yamu a man of
timber
& plywood. I yamu
rich
and by d special
grace
of God, I am the
owner
of di biggest &
powerfulu
boutique u
can think of. I
employ
one lady to
managin it. I
can call her wit my
etisalat phone;
give her
query with my mtn;
fire
her with my glo;
and
hire another
manger
with my airtel. I
wulu
make you di CEO,
president, and first
lady
of di conglomerate.
All di streets in
china
are right here in my
head and all di
Nigerian
boys dat load
market in
there are under
me. As
I yamu speaking to
u
now, they are
making
plan to crown me
eze
ndi igbo nile of
china and
by the special
grace of
God, you will be lolo
ndi
igbo nile of china.
Nne you look like
egg
yolk and for dat, I
will
kill any ochicha for
u.
Nne, ego na esi isi
na
arum. I send
money on
errands.
A dim ok! Is it my
fault
dat I yamu a bigi
boy?
Is it my fault dat at
my
age, I have many
boys
under me? Is it my
fault
dat I have plans of
making u d
president of
d biggest boutique
in
Onitsha.
I wulu repackage u
nne
m and present u to
d
world, pretty
damusel.
Nne m o! Oyoyo m,
Egovin nwa! My
yori yori!
My african Queen,
ashanti m! Nwa
akworo
aka muo! Igbu go
m.
Infact baby, take
me.
Your loving
faithfully,
Aguyi.

Lol​L̳̿☺Ö̤̣̇☺ː̗̀(=)))ː̖́☺Ö̤̣̇☺L̳̿​ . Laff won make me turn kunu †̥o wine(LWMMTKTW). Am sure U̶̲̥̅̊ be Nna. U̶̲̥̅̊ sabi joor. 2 bottles of kunu 4 U̶̲̥̅̊ .

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A lady has bin dating ds guy 4abt 3yrs or so. One faithful day, d lady decided 2b unfaithful and sexually gilt on his acclaimed boyfrnd. Luck ran out of her as d boyfrnd caught her in d act. They broke up becoz of dat.
A year later, d lady was diagnosed with HIV bt she kept faith and keep living. One day, she caught up with her Ex in a mall and invited him over 4 dinner. On d dining, d lady apologized 4her mischievous act but left out d part dat she is presently HIV positive. The Guy feeling kinda lonely decided 2hv a make up sex and †̥hey did d act without latex. 2dayz later, d lady out of curiosity called nasiru (†̥he Ex) and ask " nasi, U̶̲̥̅̊ gt HIV?". Nasiru on d odasyd of phone answered "No! Why U̶̲̥̅̊ ask?". The lady " I just wnt 2b sure, coz I no won cariam twice"

Once upon a relative tym. There are 3 rats who lived independently but have in common; sniffing around Nairaland cookie forum 2 devour wateva food pple took tym 2 prepare. As tym pass, d elders in Nairaland decided 2 eliminate these 3 rats by setting traps and poisoning dia meals. All their(elders of Nairaland) schemes didn't work. They got tired of their many fail attempts and decided 2 reward those 3 rats by evaluating their activities over time and name d 1 dat has elude d most dangerous eliminating trap as "Swaggaliciuos Rat". So they put forward the 3 rats 2 say their escapade so far:

Rat 1: Na me get swag pass. I don dance azonto $ etigi on top rat trap $ he no catch me.

Rat 2: shut up. U̶̲̥̅̊ lazy house-rat. I don chop rat poison $ notin do me

Rat 3: Silence. U̶̲̥̅̊ black midget rat. U̶̲̥̅̊na see dat pussycat over there? Na me give am belle.


My people, which rat get more swag?

As 4me, na d rat wey post †̥his thread nahin gt more swag. Lol​L̳̿☺Ö̤̣̇☺ː̗̀(=)))ː̖́☺Ö̤̣̇☺L̳̿​

[qu ote author=Lagusta]

Please don't mind him dear, there are better things to do than talking to this dude...[/quote]Lol​L̳̿☺Ö̤̣̇☺ː̗̀(=)))ː̖́☺Ö̤̣̇☺L̳̿​ . Dis children U̶̲̥̅̊na no go kill me. Aiit, am jst breaking Your balls. Lagusta hw far? Pretieboni, U̶̲̥̅̊ dey try. Notin does U̶̲̥̅̊. Let's call a tie & go 2bed. I hv a heavy day 2moro. Swt drmz

PretiEbony: Beht dummex, y u dey pour piple spit 4 dis place na

Lol​L̳̿☺Ö̤̣̇☺ː̗̀(=)))ː̖́☺Ö̤̣̇☺L̳̿​ . Preti Ebonyi state, Abeg,†̥ry brush Your mouth. U̶̲̥̅̊ dey alive ur mouth dey smell lyks ds. If U̶̲̥̅̊ con die nko?

Lagusta: If u think say e pain me.... Then get disappointed


Talking to u is a sheer waste of time...


Like I said, go and read your books, and stop failing SSCE...

Lol​L̳̿☺Ö̤̣̇☺ː̗̀(=)))ː̖́☺Ö̤̣̇☺L̳̿​ . SSCE indeed. Lyk I also said "U̶̲̥̅̊ dey learn"

There is no need using strong languages against each other. If U̶̲̥̅̊ dnt believe Christ is God and He came down †̥o take up human flesh so as 2 redeem Man becoz no Man's blood is fit enof; Keep it 2 U̶̲̥̅̊rself coz its really btw U̶̲̥̅̊ & Your faith. As 4me, I dnt want 2 worship a god †̥ha†̥ I can reduce †̥o logic or mere words.

Lagusta: Now bros, let's respect ourselves...

Never call me a houseboy again...

#mat-wetter

#bush-pig

#RoosterDrinker

e dey pain U̶̲̥̅̊? U̶̲̥̅̊'re messing wt d wrng dude. Nx tym dnt mess up ђã†̥ pple tuk tym $ effort 2build. All U̶̲̥̅̊ can is @lst criticize in a funny way. --boy

bunmioguns: ur yoke dry no be small

Ah! Imbe, U̶̲̥̅̊ don rch here? Tell us ђã†̥ we dnt knw

Jojo Armani: dis dumixx guy dey claim he get mouth as he dey attack everybody dat tells him dat his joke dry.

Wat a waste of kilo byte opening dis thread, lets watch and see wat he will tell me.

JojoAmani: Lol​L̳̿☺Ö̤̣̇☺ː̗̀(=)))ː̖́☺Ö̤̣̇☺L̳̿​ . Notin do U̶̲̥̅̊. U̶̲̥̅̊ sef knw say I gt mouth. U̶̲̥̅̊ 2much!

Lagusta: Ok....

GO AND READ YOUR BOOKS!!! WAEC IS ROUND THE CORNER!!!

La-houseboy, U̶̲̥̅̊ dey learn hw 2 talk. See handicap wey won hold hin cap 4 hand

PretiEbony: Haha! Dumexx abeg go read ur books oo, or u wan fail ur waec?.??

See worwor wey dey claim fine. U̶̲̥̅̊ wey black lyk midnyt. Abeg marry who light small odawiz na antichrist U̶̲̥̅̊na go born.

realsammie: young man why
As i read ur joke the amala and ewedu wey i dey eat just tire me. i just lost appetite with dis disgusting thing u call joke.

Realsammie, no vex. Dats d idea. †̥hat's Y it is termed Yukky-yuk! No vex

PretiEbony: so for ur mind u don post joke oo, hmm....

Oteh! Return Your neighbor phone wey U̶̲̥̅̊ take dey browse. Mumu! Lions dey talk fowl sef won play

Lagusta: Yo' jokey so dry...

You can get dehydrated while touching it!!!

DRYYYYYYY!!!!!

Nahin be say U̶̲̥̅̊ waste tym dey read d jokes. Sorry no vex o? Which kind name be lagusta? Ur name be lyk name of houseboy. Abeg go do Your houseboy work dan 2dey tif pple jokes.

I've had †̥his flu 4abt 2days now and my girl out of pity felt to push 2cm $ see how I was doing. After much pity and get well soon wishes, it came 2d tym 4her 2leave. As U̶̲̥̅̊sual, I decided 2kiss her gud bye. Seriously, d kissing lasted for about 3mins or so and she withdrew with a smile on her face saying" hmm! I just swallowed Your tom-tom...sweet" Me-looking surprised said "tom-tom? I no dey lick tom-tom o. May be na my cattarh" yuk!

Akpos returns a missing purse to
the owner in ogan Market BENIN. The Lady was so grateful but when she looked inside, she got confused and said, "I had just a single #1000 note before but now there are ten notes of #100... "How come?"
Akpos said "Na me change am,
because the last time i help person find hin lost purse, she say she for
give me something but change no dey"

PretiEbony: still searching

Lol​L̳̿☺Ö̤̣̇☺ː̗̀(=)))ː̖́☺Ö̤̣̇☺L̳̿​ . d joke is on U̶̲̥̅̊

Lagusta: Please don't let's jump into conclusions, at least abdulsalami abubakar entered aso rock with his wife, justice fati lami abubakar, and they both left hale and hearty.......


BTW, WHERE IS DA FREAKING JOKE!!?!!!?

Na wa o! Who is jumping in2 conclusion oda dan U̶̲̥̅̊? U̶̲̥̅̊ 4 start 4rm d inception of naija dey tell U̶̲̥̅̊s couples wey survive. Mtschewwwww.

teddy2011: Stale joke!!! @ OP is that your plan?

Its jst a thot stale indeed

~vicky~:
no comment yet

Abi! Notin dey happen. Dia is no gudluk wtout patience. She'll be on her feet soon

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»Abacha enter Aso rock with His Wife, only his Wife came out.

»Obasanjo enter with his Wife, Only Obasanjo came out.

»Yar'Adua enter with his wife, only his wife came out.

»Jonathan enters with his wife... Get Well soon Madam First Lady.

Sometimes it gets 2me when pple jst rant over what shouldn't have been given a 2nd thot. What pain is reminded of? ђã†̥ truth or reality are we faced with? I thot pple in the lime-light hv some level of reasoning dat is somewhat above d ordinary man. I guess I wz wrong.
I have seen both versions of "Hold me back video" and reading ђã†̥ critics have 2say, I chuckle. Quick question 2MI/critics; Did U̶̲̥̅̊ listen 2d lyrical content of d said "Hold me back" song? U̶̲̥̅̊ say a 4riner rubbish ur beloved country; was d US version any different 4rm naija's? Wetin d US version con rubbish-Ur dream country abi? Was it not a homo background that was used by d artist (Rick ross) 2 depict his plight.
On a final note, I wish 2tell Nigerians not 2 fret abt this "ish" as d lyrical content preach dat no no matter Your nature or nurture, it shouldn'†̥ hold U̶̲̥̅̊ back.

MsDarkSkin: WHY DO I DOUBT THIS?

Msdarkskin, na wa 4 U̶̲̥̅̊ o. Where is Your sense of humour na? Na jonz I dey jonz jare

Teacher: Class, if I have 8 oranges on my right palm & 7 on my left. What do I have all 2geda

Skudent: Uncle, U̶̲̥̅̊ hv a big palm

Lol​L̳̿☺Ö̤̣̇☺ː̗̀(=)))ː̖́☺Ö̤̣̇☺L̳̿​

I chatted with D'banj 6 minutes ago and he asked me 2 tell his beefing guys to Mu anse! Mu anse!! Mu ansee!!! Ask him d meaning of "Mu anse" wen U̶̲̥̅̊ see d dude. Up D'banj! Up Naija!

Y not? I chop garri well dats Y greater is he dat is in me dan he dat is wt U̶̲̥̅̊. Mumu! I jst discova say U̶̲̥̅̊ blind 4 ear & deaf 4 eye. No go cook 4 house. Dey chop poison up & dwn. This world don spoil finish.U̶̲̥̅̊ sef dey take person out. Imbetus

village head: Ebele, as 4rm 2day, U̶̲̥̅̊'ll be d new vilage head
GEJ: but I have no shoe
Village head: Dnt wori, dia will be no bomb 2blow ur leg. Jst trek $ lead ur pple. There can be bomb wen U̶̲̥̅̊ buy shoe.
GEJ: pple wil criticize me coz I owe my landlord rent
Village head: Dnt wori, wen Your landlord see ur wife patience, he wil be patient with ur house rent.
GEJ: thank U̶̲̥̅̊ Baba
Village head: Oya go & join ur group na, so dat d camera man can slap U̶̲̥̅̊. Tell him 2kp a copy 4me

BBpreye, I no gt ur phone number, I for text U̶̲̥̅̊ slap. I don't †̥nk U̶̲̥̅̊ knw ђã†̥ luv means and ђã†̥ it takes 2handle a relantionship. Let me make it simple 4u. Everytin U̶̲̥̅̊ ever knew & stil revealing hz complements;gud-bad, high-low, death-life, man-woman,kerosine-stove, fuel-car, slap-punch...etc. All co-existing with both depending on each other 2 function.
ђã†̥ am saying is dat since U̶̲̥̅̊'re a man $ U̶̲̥̅̊ hv a complement(woman),d doings of ur other half and ur own doings shd come 2geda 2 produce worth dat will better ur lives as a team. Check d electric bulb in ur room,two wires;a negative charge and a positive charge are connected 2geda 2bring d light U̶̲̥̅̊ enjoy in ur room. This is 2say that-bring ur side $ allow her bring her side, then blend 2produce light.
Abi una no get light 4una ouse? Plus, if U̶̲̥̅̊ be gay, ds theory no go wrk o. Coz two kpakorokpa join 2geda, na 14 yrs imprisonment o. Lol​L̳̿☺Ö̤̣̇☺ː̗̀(=)))ː̖́☺Ö̤̣̇☺L̳̿​