₦airaland Forum

ZIINI:
I'm stupid niyen O

The write up is quite interesting. As you read along, it gets more interesting.

ZIINI:
This shit is too long kilode
Can't you brief it

If you want to hide something from a black man, put it in writing.

1nairaland1:
Introduction
I have read and watched many stories about immigrants moving from Nigeria to Canada, US, Australia; and the many comparisms about Life in the West vs Life in Nigeria. Many have argued that if you are doing well in Nigeria, you do not need to make the move. Well, many different people are motivated to move for different reasons. We were motivated to move, based on my personal understanding and conclusion that Nigeria can never make progress by the way it is setup, and I was convinced that Nigeria will implode in the long/short run. I hold the opinion that the only way for Nigeria to move forward is either through True Federalism or Break up the Union!

Just to let many of us know that many upper middle class Nigerians already have their foots outside Nigeria. Most have visas that will allow them exit Nigeria at the slightest bang. The upper class Nigerians you see everyday are not really loyal Nigerians. They all have secret citizenships or long-term visa to different countries around the world. I have been privileged to roll with only a few of them, so my view may be limited. But know that if they don't have a way out, Nigeria will obviously be working. A little proof is the amount of repatriation of funds you see/hear about whenever anyone of these politicians fall out of favor with the government of the day. They have these citizenships either by themselves or through their children or confidential spouses abroad. I laugh whenever I hear us arguing for or against these guys - Bros and Babes - dem no send you, they will cut off your neck in the presence of your family to secure the next 10k dollars for their concubines...

My Background:
On a good day, I will share how I changed my career path: How I failed WAEC/GCE/JAMB a couple of times - ended up studying Marketing from OND - HND - PGD but now working in the cybersecurity space by the grace of Jehovah!

I was working in Nigeria for a Cybersecurity firm in Lagos. My monthly pay was 250k. I had other incentives as well. The company was paying for my rent of 1.2m in Lagos for 3 consecutive years.... I only used 9 months of that rent before I migrated to Canada. I no do again!

I also had businesses I was managing - specifically 3 Petrol Stations in Port-Harcourt that I was running on my own. Every month, I was making cool good cash that I could afford not to do my secular job and still have peace and rest. However, I was constantly struggling with the thoughts of Nigeria not working for its majority, and what that could mean for my kids in the next 30-50 years.

Life in Canada
I arrived Canada about 1 year and 6 months ago. My journey may not be the kind of journey for many of us - as I consider myself a child of grace. Although I am a human and a sinner, every time I feel Jehovah around me. While in Nigeria, I prepared my resume and uploaded to few sites like Indeed.ca and Monster.ca, I did not apply for any job. When I arrived, I said to myself that I needed plenty rest to recover from the choking hold of Nigeria before I can start looking for opportunities. I forced myself to sleep most of the early days to help me recover from Naija stress. Behold - Jehovah is by the corner. I got an email for an opportunity of 90k (N35million naira as at today. Sure I had to pay taxes and bills and have plenty savings). It was my first, I was to work with one of the biggest pharmaceutical companies based in the US - and I naively jumped on it without negotiating and asking for more, when they were repeatedly asking me if I am ok with the pay and the move(lessons learned). I did two different interviews and got an offer letter 10days after I landed in Canada. The job role required that I move from Ontario to another province - the company paid for all relocations costs for my family and helped us settle into the new province. They had someone in the new province who was coming frequently to help fill any gaps we had. The company got me a luxury big home to stay, which was taking a big cut into my net income... I moved out after 2 months to an apartment, this helped me cut my previous rent in two - great savings.

3 months after arriving in Canada, I started car exportation business to Nigeria. This is to help me grow my earnings and also increase my tax savings. This business have been going well, as our export counts are going higher. Honestly, I refused many potential businesses, as it is my side hustle, so I have to prioritize things rightly.

9 months after arriving in Canada, I had to incorporate my business, as I need to start keeping things clean. Everyday, I was keenly looking for opportunities to do more for myself. I recognized that I am a late starter as a new immigrant, comparing what nationals who are my age have achieved - so i needed to do things differently in order to close the gaps, even if I cannot catch up.

11 months after arriving, I was referred to a new job opportunity with the government which offered 500hrs contract (120/hr.). This required us to move back to Ontario again. I was excited about this because it is a government project - which will give me top security clearance and add great credibility to my skillset and improve my bragging right to other potential employers. I was dazed but concerned with the job being a contract, as I was unsure of what/where the next job will be, following the 500hrs. I began to move the conversations towards a permanent role, and I was able to argue and negotiate my pay from 105k they offered to 135k(52+million naira, sure I have taxes and bills to pay). I did 3 different interviews and was given an offer letter. The job has been great and even less stressful than my first role, and I still had time for other things. My previous employer was unhappy that I was about to leave and was keen to do anything to keep me. They offered to increase/match my pay and allow me to work from anywhere of my convenience around the world. Well, I loved the manager I was reporting to, but refused the offer as I saw it as an entrapment. You should know one when you see one. I felt that they will try to get someone else who will be happy to take my previous pay and kick me out, as the difference in pay was really huge.

Few months after, I was notified by someone in the US that he is doing 2 fulltime jobs collecting mega payouts monthly, and he's been able to juggle both seamlessly for months now without conflicts. I started thinking in that direction as well. I started using my company to seek out more opportunities intermittently. I had many rejections with different opportunities along the way - but those did not move me because I was simply looking for more, not lacking. Finally and fortunately, after 1 year and 6 months of landing to Canada, my company got our first big remote 12 months extendable contract @ 80/hr.(60million annually, sure the business will pay taxes and its bills too) with the biggest Telecom in Canada. This new opportunity for my company is super exciting for us, as it open a new chapter and gives me the pathway to start growing a company outside Africa. I already have my wife and kids as potential employees - hoping to grow and start extending the grace outside my immediate circles.

My big plan is to start getting entry level jobs for new Nigerian/Canadian immigrants to help them break into the employment market and have a great head start. Honestly, I must also say that working with Nigerians here is really tough, as I had a more difficult experience working with Nigerians in my auto business than working with non-Nigerians.

While these may sound impressive, it looks like I am doing them with a pinch of salt - Thanks to Jehovah. I hope to see myself in a position where I will no longer have to think about the fears of the next day. Irrespective of my relative comfort while in Nigeria - I always had some unbelievable fears around me, as there was proof everywhere that one small irrelevant thing could throw me into some irrecoverable crisis. Example, I once slept behind a police counter overnight because I refuse to give bribe. Since we arrived Canada, I have never been stopped by the police. In fact, I sometimes take my kids to the police STATION here to have some interactions with the officers, just to demystify my notion of the Nigerian police.

On the side note, I spoke with a Nigerian who migrated here in 2018 with his family - he mentioned that he arrived with near zero funds as his POF was borrowed. He bought a modest home last year and is living wella, with easy mortgage. His wife is done with school here, the government gave her a grant of 20k dollars, and that is the money they used to add up for their home down payment. We have not succeeded to buy a home yet, as the cost of homes during the pandemic went off the roof. I missed a pre-construction home last week which was selling for 1.1million dollars, which will be completed in 2023. God has always been on our side, I am certain he is lining up something better for us.

Summary
Migrating will definitely mean and hold out different unique things to each of us. However, in our own case, it has really been a blessing to us.
Did I mention that the government gave me a grant + loan for my MSc programme in the UK?
Did I mention that the government will be giving my wife a grant + loan for her academic programme here?
Did I mention that the government still pays my wife monthly for childcare, an amount which is far more than we need for our groceries?
Did I mention that my wife is also working and getting income bi-weekly into the family?
Did I mention that my kids are attending world class schools without me paying a penny? This will continue till they are ripe for University education.
Did I mention that we have been seeing my family doctor for absolutely free? Personally, the tests I have done so far as recommended by our family doctor will cost me a couple of millions if I was still in Nigeria - all for free?
Did I mention that since I arrived here, i have never seen a day with electricity blackout?
Did I mention that the only routine money I spend on my car is to change oil? No Kazim or Umoru to finger my car badly in an attempt to have me coming back again and again.

Did I mention to you that people living in our neighborhood are always excited whenever they see us and are happy to know more about us - not to know how to kill us

Did I mention to you that our lifestyle have not changed, even with these seeming progress? Don't let little successes move you to irrational decisions, the act of discipline is an art. Our luxuries will be funded - not from personal income, but from business revenue.
Did I mention to you that I sleep 5 hours or less to keep these dreams and hopes growing?

I am sure we can all make the call ourselves. Can an unknown commoner achieve these strides in Nigeria? Absolutely no!
Canada is filled with opportunities and the potentials are unlimited. People may sometime be on the wrong track and find it difficult to realize that they are on the wrong journey and unfortunately refuse to make the needed change.

While many people may have their doubts, many more are keeping their heads above the water - as in our case.
I am neither demotivating or motivating you to immigrate to Canada ASAP. Look - Pray - Think - Act.
Our story is just to share that some people can come here and start breaking the chains with quick gains - we hope to sustain and grow these early wins. Do not be swayed by people's opinion - everybody has his own race. You can be the only success story in the journey where everyone else had failed. Be focused and challenge yourself - Do not be contented with your current status - Always push your limits.


See you at the top people!

Oya mo na come o. People that always paint abroad as bad.

Neurosci

PoliteActivist

TheGift

MantisShrimp

Cybercop2002

Ayrastarr

DrAkpa

Solatium

Buliwyf

ThierryJay

Childofthelord

LordOfTheGame

All your lies had been exposed by this thread. Those bad mouthing life in abroad. This thread don expose Una.

It doesn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for another person.

Grace differ.

Nice thread.

Golden147:
I already planned registering her where she can acquire the It skills after her ND next yr , we discussed nd she agreed to it , as mesef no get time to go learn..I already got knownlgde in patient medicine (chemist).
Thanks bro.

Invest in yourself bro. The IT skills the guy mentioned is you that should acquire it not the girl.

Why are wasting your money in a girl that will dump you tomorrow?

This is unncessary comparison because you ain't even considering the purchasing power of each country currency.

swedbase:
I know how difficult it is and I pray for God to help those who are willing, trying and fighting for greatness. If you have something to sell, Sell it and you won't regret it in the future.

We need more of your type to debunked all the false rumours of how bad it is living abroad.

We don't always see you guys when we need you in such threads. There had been threads where some failed immigrants who were not able to make it over will always adviced those aspiring never to relocate abroad.

Only few persons come out to debunk them.

Those are the type of threads we need you.

Some will tell you, don't try relocate, that they are suffering over there.

When I see such threads, I see such persons as failed people.

gbemishile:
hello nairalanders.

I am thinking of getting a decent self contain partment in lagos that is close to my work place. I am currently employed with a salary scale of about a 100k, and for now I have no alternative source of income except my current job which is a govt job. I am just scared I might not be able to sustain the rent cus I only have my salary to depend on for now, and I will still have some other commitments like family etc.

I was thinking of getting a decent one room, like a face me I slap u, till am able to gather my home furnitures, and also try to develop myself in terms of certifications, or learning some IT skills, then I can move to a decent self contain. The only fear is the last time I lived that life was my University days.

Can a salary of 100k sustain an apartment here in Lagos?

Your comments are highly welcome

One room like face me and face you where they share bathroom, toilet and kitchen?

Why not just make do with a bed sitter where you have your own bathroom, kitchen and toilet inside your room?

That's better for you if you are single. A self contain is never a face me and face you. What we call self contain is actually a one room apartment not a face me and face you where you will share toilet and bathroom with other tenants.

Go for a bed sitter till you can afford a one bedroom room apartment.

Gallant men of self confidence, don't let anybody tells you, you can't do it. Nobody has ever done it. You can't achieve it. People limit themselves even before trying.

Whatever you believe in, never let anyone with little faith tells you, you cannot.

Those are people that believe in failures. They believe once another person fail, others will fail too.

They will tell you how their friends and unknown uncles , sisters and brothers were unable to achieve something, hence nobody else can achieve it because others had failed to do that.

They will try to convince you how you can't do it because others had failed in same attempts.

Just know yourself and believe in yourself. Some persons are just borned to accept failures in life. But don't be one of them.

When you fail once, make another attempt. Keep making attempts until you get it right.

This applies to all areas of one's life. In your business, in your education, and in your day to day life. Don't give room for failure and the sport of I can't.

Let your I can be more than your I can't.

Solatium:
You are jolted that i know all these?
Hahahahahah.
when I been telling you say you be learner wey no gree learn,you still dey tell me say na assumption,
Those things i wrote an in public sphere,let anyone challenge me if na lie I dey talk


Nairaland na one big classroom, don't argue about what you don't know or what you don't have full knowledge of.
You can learn so much more by keeping quiet.

Hehehe I like it when people try to intimidate me based on my belief.

At this point in my life, I don't back down on what I believe. If you like, go and call all your friends to quote me, I will still defend myself.

It is my belief that the fault is from the individual not because of one's skin colour.

We have our own culture here so the whites also have theirs.

When you get to a place, you learn about how the people live there so that it won't be a culture shock to you when people ignore you. They ignore their own family how much more an immigrant?

But is that supposed to make one feel depressed and lonely?

Words from people can't make me feel bad as a person. The action of someone can't make me go into loneliness.

They never born that person wey go make me feel bad about myself.

Solatium:
Why don't you be quiet for once and learn.
What you have in this part of the world is Dearth of Social Amenities, Yes they have it in abundance and it has been paid for by some people before you and some are paying for it and future generations will still pay.

Do you know that for you to be educated to the level of First degree you will be in debt of nothing less than £15k or DOLLARS? if you are unlucky and careless you will rack up around £20k.
When do you think such a person is gonna finish up paying?

Do you know they pay as high as 25% of their income monthly? You can't dodge it, it's taken directly from the source.

Do you know that that unemployment benefits that they are being given Comes from the sweat of some certain people? and it is not one fantastic money i think is about £35 a week or so in UK and you are not entitle to any unemployment benefits in the US if you haven't contributed anything? that is you must have paid income taxes at some point before you became jobless,that money is just to augment your savings before getting another job.


Before you show the indices of living in Nigeria and elsewhere.
How much are you owing your bank here as Mortgage repayment? how much are you paying back to the government on student loan? How much are you paying back on your car loan? Do you pay car or home insurance? How much do you pay as PAYE or business tax here in Nigeria?


I Don talk am severally na people wet never go Togo before dey always know how things work out in Western countries,they know more than those migrants who had been on the struggle for decades and yet to quit.

Una matter be like thief wet dem never catch,him go dey think say him wise pass those wey dem don catch,na when them come catch he go come know say na him mumu pass.

Carry your passport go Eleke crescent make dem stick Visa for you,enter Road come go perform all those magic wet you don rehearse for here.

Yèyé dey baff you

First of all, are you in abroad or you simply just being unreasonable with your assumptions?

If you are, what's still holding you from coming back to Nigeria?

Be sincere with yourself.

Solatium:
Which communication skills, òyìnbó careless about how good your spoken English is,even when your words are as poor as that of jennifer they will still be patience with you to understand you.


English or whatever language they speak there is nothing other than language,they don't see how verse you are in it as anything.
No take that one fool yahself, eastern european,chinese,Somali and Afghan people full for london,dem no even understand much of english.



just go sit down
No think say you be one Superstar.

Communication skills in the context of my write up doesn't mean speaking good English. It is all about your human relation.

How well do you relate with people that's what I meant by your communication skills.

Do you know an old woman from the village can relate very well with people even with poor English? Your human relationship matters alot. It has nothing to do with how much big grammar you can speak.

It is your ability to make people feel at home with you. Ability to make people comfortable with you. That has nothing to do with your certificate and how much of a big grammar you can dish out.

That's what makes most marketers garner enough customers to meet their targets. That human relation skill is what's helping them achieve that.

You have to take a cue from that.

Solatium:
Western Countries citizens aren't like African's,they mind their business,they are use to not making friends with people,they don't care who you are, people who do not bother to call their families will be glued to you?


From which planet did you descend from?
I have friends who had been nin Europe and America since 1994,i mean guy's who went to college's and university there,they have lived greater part of their age there,yet they can't change it,but learn how to live with that situation.
You wet you dey Okokomaiko dey wait the day wet you go cut wan teach them.
Sorry to burst your bubble this ain't hollywood romance/comedy movie

How hard is it for you to understand that's their way of life and culture?

Having friends doesn't mean speaking with them all the time. There are someone of my friends I have not spoken with for a year now. But I have their contacts. I am not white. There are people like that.

Even my own people complain I don't call them. But that's just me. I simply apologize and promise to make it up to them.

I can stay in the same compound with you, you won't even know I am around. You don't expect people to always bug you simply because they are your friends. If we speak once every six months that's enough for me.

Most people expect too much from friendship. Too much expectations. That complicates friendship, that's why they feel like the person is not giving them the attention they want.

Keep it simple and you will enjoy any friendship you have with people.

Childofthelord:
This has nothing to do with self-esteem. Approaching people is not even the problem and striking up a conversation is not as difficult.
The issues are:
Are they interested in having a conversation with you? Do they like you enough? Would they foster a friendship from that short convo?
NO matter how you want to socialize it never works out well if its one-sided. When all the energy is coming from your end alone. When they make you feel like you are pestering, all in a bid to socialize.
Applying for a Job is different, there is a need and a want from both parties.
Its not about just reaching out to people, do they want to be reached out to?

You honestly have a lot to learn. Be open minded and you will understand things a lot more.

In Peace, I come!

I am opened minded that's why I still believe the issue is not because of your skin colour but the culture. You can't tell me you don't have any single white friend. That's really bad. It is the culture of the people there. It has nothing to do with your skin. That's how they live.

Just talk to people if the need arise for that. Holding yourself back because one white girl ignored you makes you weak as a man.

If non reciprocate your friendship, you move on. You don't need to force things. How hard is that?

It most not be only female. Have you taken your time making friends with white guys? Haba! How can a full country turn a guy down?

100 whites babes can't turn you down na..Except something is wrong with person spiritually.

DrAkpa:
[b] I don't normally respond to watery posts like this, but your desperation to continue to pass a point even when It is not what generally obtains abroad is appalling. You hide on top of your bed in one dingy neighbourhood in Nigeria with a tekno phone and begin to make statements that alludes to the fact that you think Hollywood is the same thing as what obtains abroad in reality.

You have never left Nigeria in your life, and you believe you can tell people who live there how white women perceive black men or interracial relationships. Are you normal?

Guy, you need to bind your fingers somewhere, because you have absolutely no idea of what you are writing. You just depict the average Nigerian who believes he has the ability to turn water into wine, but when given the opportunity eg. Buhari, they fumble big time.
Now let me pass this as a final rejoinders to your half baked unresearched fallacies... White women, especially the high achievers and very beautiful looking ones hardly date a black man, except for flings or sex which is very rare. Most black men you see who date white women, date the rejected and shapeless ones.

Except you are a black superstar or world renowned black man, no white woman on that high class level will agree to date you. Even our black men who manage to marry the available white ones, are able to achieve that, because most times, the lady is going into menopause and needs to have a child asap. I challenge you to send me details of hot white girls of 26years and below who date African immigrants who migrate in their late 20s.... Of course I know you will fumble.

Guy, once you migrate to the west at an advanced age as an African man, no be everything your eye see, you go fit get. Argue with me at your own peril. [/b]

Taaaah! You can't intimidate me with your naive assumptions.

Tell me the type of phone you are using that I can't buy.

How many countries have you been to by the way to be making assumptions that don't count?

Your inability to mingle with the whites has nothing to do with your skin colour.

Do you believe the white is better than you? How can you look so down on yourself? So you believe the whites hate you and why are you not coming back to your country?

That is if at all you are not in Nigeria. When people are travelling, they travel to where there is a multiculturalism.

You simply went to a country where no culturalism is being promoted and you are crying foul that the white hate you.

I still see your claim as mere assumptions. There are lots of blacks who are married to white girls. You can't be 100% right with your assumptions.

Your ability to date a white girl lies in your ability to make her fall in love with you and that depend on how well you understand women. It has nothing to do with your skin.

Ogbeni, it is your fault. Not the whites.

ThierryJay:
You are talking like a greenhorn. E.g at the emboldened, that's not the racism blacks are complaining about over there. Racism is you sitting down in a bus seat and the white person sitting near you standing up to go to another section of the bus no matter how uncomfortable. Racism is when you are the last person to be served in a restaurant simply because you are black. Racism is when fans throw bananas at black players on the football field implying they are monkeys. These are not cultural shocks as they are outright rude actions anywhere on earth. Please stop mixing issues up and argue reasonably.

There's a difference between what is ideal and the reality on ground. Of course you can choose to ignore or not give a f *ck about racism like you have stated, but this does not mean racism is not rampant. Sadly, that's the reality on ground and it is one you'd have to contend with if you are a black person living abroad, regardless of your confidence level.

Those things you mentioned as racism don't occur in a multicultural society. Relocate to a multicultural country. Some of you will just wake up and don't plan your movement before embarking on a journey.

Go to a country where there are different people from different walks of life and you will have no issue of racism.

That's why I said we cry too much. A white getting up to sit in another seat means nothing. You merely reading too much meanings to such a harmless gesture. It may be the person just prefer the other seat than the first place he or she sat. Now as a black, you will feel it is because of you he left that seat to the next. Why not just do your thing.

If I don't like a seat, I will definitely leave for another irrespective of who is sitting close to me.

We read too many meanings to mild gestures like that.

That's a blatant lie, no white will throw banana at you in a multicultural country.

Those were in those days, not any more in this 21st century.

Mention anybody who had experienced that and I will tell you ,those are just your mere assumptions.

Solatium:
So you can not speak authoritatively until you have experienced it.
i have experienced it,i have a handful of friends who are on it.
wait till your time,as far as I am concerned you are not even qualify to speak about this topic.
Good day

Up your communication skills and you will have no problem interacting with people of all sorts. And that inferiority feeling most of you have before the whites due to your skin is a mere delusion. You just need to overcome it.

Walk like a king. And be proud of your skin. Telling me your skin colour is preventing you from making friends with whites due to how they view you is a mere delusion of the mind.

Work on that and you will find no hinderance talking to whites. It must not end in friendship. Just talk to someone. There are people I talk to, laugh with but it all end there. No exchange of contacts.

Talking and communicating with people doesn't always mean it must end in serious friendship.

First learn how to communicate with people . When you master that, you proceed to the next.

I don't keep too many friends. There are people that know me. I can't remember how many times people holla at me when on the road. These are people that I laugh with or gist with when we see but I don't have their contacts.

Laughing with someone doesn't mean it must end in serious friendship. When you know that, you won't have issue talking to people whether you know them or not.

Solatium:
How sure are you that those guy's live abroad?
An average White youth have more problem than you here, he's thinking about how he/she will pay back the educational loan,how to raise a deposit for their mortgage,pay car hire purchase and insurance,pick bills and save for a decent holiday,na your friendship dem go come dey worry about?
Mtcheew

But you believed the guy complaining of not being able to approach whites lives abroad but those that debunked his claim don't right?

The average Nigerian has more problems than the average white.

Do you know in some western countries, the government pay those that are jobless? Do they complain of the usual basic amenities our government can't provide us here? The many issues we face here in Nigeria, do they face them over there?

Do you know the average Nigerian live below a dollar per day? Be real with yourself. So what problems are they facing there that make people never to make friends? The average white live the life of politician. Everyone can afford and live comfortably well.

In essence, you meant those abroad live like animals isn't it?

You are merely just being hypocritical.

Solatium:
...and how many whites have you made friends with?

Until I get there.

You have no single excuse not to dine with whites. You simply lack games.

Sharpen your sense of humour and social skills and you will find no hindrance relating with white babes that is if you are abroad cuz I know you are still in Nigeria.

Solatium:
Western Countries citizens aren't like African's,they mind their business,they are use to not making friends with people,they don't care who you are, people who do not bother to call their families will be glued to you?


From which planet did you descend from?
I have friends who had been nin Europe and America since 1994,i mean guy's who went to college's and university there,they have lived greater part of their age there,yet they can't change it,but learn how to live with that situation.
You wet you dey Okokomaiko dey wait the day wet you go cut wan teach them.
Sorry to burst your bubble this ain't hollywood romance/comedy movie

If you read some of the replies, you will see that up to 3 people who still live in that abroad had debunked the stereotype claim of whites always keep to themselves. You can not use that guy scenario to judge the rest.

neurosci:
Isn't it your inferiority complex in the first place that is making you want to make friends with white folks? Have you seen white folks thinking about how to make friends with black folks?

No it is inferiority complex that makes you always read meanings to everything white folks do.

I am not the type that dwell over little things people do.

Inferiority complex is what is making you think it is out of this world talking to whites when both of you breath same air.

You don't wanna approach a white because you feel she will underestimate you. You look down on yourself and make unncessary judgement on your race and skin colour.

In a sane society, people network and build relationships irrespective of whatever you have been brainwashed to believe regarding whites.

Talking to white means you see them as not supernatural beings out of your reach. Relating with whites means you have high self esteem on yourself not the other way. It is only those that feel they are below the whites that always read meanings to every little things they encounter with the whites.

They are human beings like you. Learn how to relate with them.

doxijaw:
You have refused to grasp the depth of the argument.

Your points about self confidence is correct and will help a lot anywhere.

The argument is really about how insular European's are in general, it doesn't mean you won't get the odd white punna or some temp freindships, but if you stay long enough and look back, you'll discover no solid relationship's were built.

It's what it is.. Europeans also mature quickly, after their second year in college, they get serious about their life choices, unlike Nigeria where over 30s still behave and party like kids.

The routine ..once you get passed a certain (max 18-20) age, ... work, then outings on Friday, sat.. that's even if you're social.. now add extra responsibilities and you'll almost prefer to stay indoors.

You can craft the life you want but the west is just a closed in society and you'll have to live within those limits.

We are two different persons o. I have only one account on Nairaland. I don't do those shit of replying with a different account. So don't take us as same person. That's simply another real man who knows how to game and relate with people.

Solatium:
Don't mind the irritants,they always feel they know it,if you press someone's too much out there they might even report you to the police for harassment.
Their Number is part of their privacy,they won't release it to you and if you are lucky to get it they might end up ignoring you like you earlier said.

As a guy I have learnt never to be desperate when making friends especially with the opposite sex. I will still tell you talking to girls is a skill. A girl will reach out to you based on how you make her feel.

If your approach sucks and all official, you can't pull such a girl off.

Do you know getting someone addicted to you is a skill? If a girl doesn't reciprocate your gesture, the rule says ghost her.

She will remember you based on how you make her feel the first day you met her and she will by her self reach out to you. That's why men who know what they are doing relate with people.

You don't force yourself on people. If you don't have any single sense of humour, forget it. Whether white or black, you simply have not been able to create a mark in such a person that will make him or her reach out to you again.

If you know how to create good impressions, people will always want to see you after the first encounter.

Simply create an impression that will make someone to remember you. It is the same for job seekers. It is the impression you create with the HR that will make him take you for a particular job. Same goes with when relating with people. What is it you have done really impressively that should make me to keep in touch with you again after our first encounter?

Have you been able to create a value to make me reach out to you again?

Simply create an impression that will make people want you and want to see you again and again.

It is that impression that many don't know how to create. Relating with whites and not reaching out to you has nothing to do with racism. You simply didn't create any value that should make the person to make you a friend.

Solatium:
Park,gardens, beaches outing can only come during the summer which is just less than 3 months in a whole year, some some times some summer period are even cold that you can't go to those places.
You can't hang out in a hotel in europe or North America if you don't have a business there,you will be thrown out and might end up at the back of a police van most especially you are a nigga.without their accent


Guy this your writing indicates you don't have an idea at all.
just keep quiet and listen to those who have been there and living it may be you will have some take away to apply when it comes to your turn.
This your ITK no go let you see reason

I see too much exageration in your write up. Be yourself and you will have no problem making friends with white folks.

Inferiority complex is what is killing us the black race.

Ayrastarr:
Educate him?
The other people educating him nkor?

Your ignorance reigns supreme

Come out of your shell. Reach out to someone. Stop the stereotype of Whites mind their business.

A white lady will be more likely to help a guy than our fellow black ladies. Why so? That's how they were brought up.

If that same white refuses to talk to me the following day, I won't take it personally or read meanings unnecessary meanings to that. Maybe she has so much going on in her life. But most of us will just conclude it is racism that's why she refuses to speak to us after acting all friendly the other day.

Why always reading meanings to everything whites do? Let's stop that shit. It is simply their way of life not racism.

lastchild:
oga, your problem is that you are speaking based on Nigerian perspective

I used to think like you till I found myself in Madrid, oboy, white people don't reason like us

another problem is that, Europe is too developed that you can see one street being occupied by one or two persons

space is way too bigger than crowd, thereby making it look scanty and boring, unlike Nigeria �� where crowd supercedes space

As higher mammals, we are created to adapt. You simply experienced a culture shock not racism. That's how they live even within themselves.

ThierryJay:
Oga, maybe I may admire your tenacity a bit, but there's intelligence in knowing when to give it a rest in face of overwhelming evidence and learn a thing or two.

I see that most of your comments lack a practical application. Just like some motivational utopian school of thoughts. Imagine your statement at the bolded. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Are you saying that Lebron James, one of the GOATs of basketball, does not have confidence Doesn't Idris Elba have confidence or isn't he handsome enough? These are just few examples of the many blacks that have spoken out openly about racism. Please desist from making assertions without justification. And resist the urge to reply my points from your personal sentimental point of view - else, you'd be advertising your illogicality on a global scale.

Those people you mentioned are freedom fighters or motivational speakers? Learn never to give a fvck as a man and you will have no issue living amidst any set of human beings, being whites or blacks.

Don't give a damn fvck. Just live your life. If you think too much about what others think about you in terms of your color, you will have high BP.

The issue of racism is becoming stale day by day. Blacks should lay it to rest and live with the whites in whatever way they want blacks to live with them. We are now in the twenty first century. Not 100 yrs ago when racism was predominant.

Don't forget it is a culture which every black should adapt to.

Gisting and laughing all high with someone today and the person sees you tomorrow and refused to act like he knows you means nothing.

It is just their way of life. But most of us will cry foul it is racism just because he laughed with you the other day and acts like he doesn't know you today.

Little things like that shouldn't be a reason for blacks to be crying foul when you know that's how they live.

If a white man come to Nigeria, the same way you experience culture shock in oversea, that's how they will also experience culture shock here. Because some of the things we do here will look strange to them.

We can't always attribute things like that to racism which we blacks always cry about all the time.

lefulefu:
even in the same nigeria there many ppl who still cry about being lonely
some ladies in nigeria still cry that no man has their time and they have been so lonely for yrs that they even beg their pastors to give them husband
some don become constant for shiloh sef
some guys tool also complain that no matter how much they beg a girl for attention and friendship she still ignores them
someone created a thread yesterday about having difficulty in making friends with the opposite even though he has a good paying job and he is very generous and yet na naija im dey
it has nothing to do with your locality
it has nothing to do with nigerian govt
but it has everything to do with the person in general if he or she is finding it hard to make friends

Chaiii I watched one sermon where a pastor called out a group of men and women. He goes like this: if you know you are single and have been searching, come out now. See where ladies were tripping out.

The ladies were more than the guys. They all stood and the pastor asked the ladies to choose. They are rushed one guy man whey be like player. Haba. Big confusion for that guy cuz he himself was confused. He didn't know who to choose.

That made me understand that there are many ladies dieing in silent for lack of man in their lives.

If I be lady, na me go approach the man I will marry. cuz men for marriage are scarce. Many ladies too dey do shakara. They don't want to be bold and go for the hunt. Always waiting for me to talk to them.

And some of us are looking for how to break up with our girlfriends.

This world no balance o.

But op there must be something you are doing wrong. Why not be yourself. Don't spend money on any girl you meet.

Just know how to sweet mouth them. That alone is enough. Don't be needy or desperate or make request. Give order and allow them to either honor it or turn it down.

Don't use the word I love you. It is a turn off to some girls. They see it as desperation. My babe have been begging me to tell her I love her but I haven't used it on her. She has been asking me why I have never told her I miss her. I don't use those words. They make me feel like a desperado and weak. She is the one doing all the I love you , I miss you while I repay her by making her feel like an angel once a while.

To be frank, I am tired of ladies. Cuz if I talk to 5 ladies, 3 must enter the girlfriend zone.

So, check yourself, what's it you are doing wrongly?

Randy91:
Bro, very true(There is no place like home)..This also happens to everyone who migrates to a new country...You will definitely miss home...But the loneliness part of it IS DEPENDENT ON INDIVIDUALS regardless of the white man culture of "minding ur business"...

If white peeps no agree for you, there are other African groups one can join to meet great people.

Exactly. If one is not good with whites, there are other blacks from Africa countries one can mingle with. At least they won't cry foul of the color of their skin.

It is simply an individual thing as you rightly said. No matter the culture of a place, there must be persons one can make as friends. If people work Monday to Friday, weekend is always a good time to meet and reach out to others. Except those that are doing over time at work.

So no one will give an excuse of not having time to meet others. Weekends are mostly for reaching out and balling in the west.

Any guy feeling lonely abroad is his fault. For ladies, their matter dey their hands. They are still waiting for the Mr right to come approach them instead of reaching out to other Africa guys in their cities.

jesmond3945:
typical naija man.

That's why if you grow up in Naija, there should be no place in this world where you can't survive. We adapt to anything and any culture.

Our Naija folks should stop that crying and complaining attitude of every little thing they experience abroad. If their country is good, they wouldn't have travelled abroad.

Crying over little things that shouldn't even bother one, simply show some are deceiving themselves.

They should come back home where loneliness does not exist.

They have everything a good society should offer but still finding fault with everything they encounter.

I am simply asking those that ain't finding it funny with the whites to come back home. We will receive them with opened hands.

Dybala11:
So your take is that all the individuals that talked about difficulty in building friendship with whites easily are all suffering from "inferiority complex". You're beginning to dismantle your opinion with your choice of words sir, oya tell us more.

My point is that they cry too much like babies. Why should a black give a bleep about what a white human being thinks about him or her?

Those abroad should stop crying foul for every little encounter they have with the whites.

Even here in Nigeria, people mind their business. They receive a casual stare from an albino, they will attribute it to racism, we are not wanted here. I am black that's why. Oh my employer didn't answer me this morning cuz I am black. Oh my neighbour gave me an angry stare yesterday, I want to go back to Nigeria.

They should stop crying like babies. Thy should learn to cultivate that I don't care attitude and stop making a mountain from every mole hill.

That's how I live my life. I don't give a bleep. Whether I greet you and you refuse to answer me or not, I keep living on. That should be the mindset of every black living abroad.

It's not today people start keeping to themselves. In that same abroad, there are some people whose friends are just whites all through.

Black abroad cry too much over the culture they experience abroad. That's culture. They should adapt rather than crying foul.

Cocao:
I am doing very well honey and not lonely at all. You on the other hand is far, far far away from reality.

You are doing well but fail to understand that you can't use a single scenario to make a generalization. Are you truly not lonely?

If you keep to yourself as a person, you still living in loneliness.

The thing about most of you that live abroad is you make too much of simple things. A white man smile at you, you call it racism.

You greet a white women and she refuses to answer you maybe she is engrossed in something else a d couldn't hear you out, you call that racism and an avenue to stop talking and relating with people.

Don't use yours to judge others. There are people in that same abroad that have Bunches if white friends.

If you can't be tactical to know how to live and relate with the whites, don't use that as an avenue to paint them bad as people with fake smiles.

The issue is from you making a mountain out of nothing.