₦airaland Forum

Winny28:
Pls. Am a corper in Abuja dis is my contact 09050667550, so contact me.

silvermist:
Lol..my sister no vex jare. Just had to quickly update with summary.

Ok...just came back from carol night at church around 8pm..and settled in.I at around 9pm ish I started feeling slight cramping, so I timed it and found it was coming every 2mins 30secs and just 30secs long.

It was that consistent till around 10pm, so we left for the hospital. At the hospital, I was 4cm dilated but my cervix was still thick, as in like 30% effaced. The contractions were still bearable till around 12am ish when I reached 7cm and 50% effaced.

Within the next 1hour, the contractions suddenly shot up and I felt great pressure to wee and poo at same time.
I was in a sitting position all the while, cos it aids the coming down of the baby faster..so immediately I stood up I felt that terrible pressure, and that was it.

I didn't see mucous, discharge or anything.

4/5 pushes and baby was out..3mins after the placenta followed.

I felt great relief/exhaustion and just lay there looking like "lukmon" .. with my legs spread out, and my lady bits became "specimen" and "exhibition" on display.. while hearing my baby cry and the nurses congratulating me.

Women dey try o..and we are STRONG! One love to all you women out there!

So that's it beedam

proudmom38:
Gud a.m mamas,how re u all doing 2day n ur babies? I ve some questions pls. I'm 10weeks today n in d past 2weeks ve been unable to eat well,my appetite is on d downside,i cant eat anything sweet like banana,watermelon,pawpaw n i cant eat eba,rice,ripe plantain,egusi soup ogbono,bread or beans without having stomach upset.d only fruit n food dat is acceptable to my stomach is apple,carrot n orange,den yam n vegetable soup n tea. I don tire 4 myself o,abeg is dis normal? I no fit eat 2 or 3 times a day except once n na yam or apple.hope dis will not affect my baby? Anoda thing is dat my lower abdomen feel heavy when i walk. Sorry 4d long post n thanks in advance 4 ur advices.

Onegai:
You will be absolutely fine.

I've been watching birthing videos and listening to my crazy sisters (one is a doctor, the other a pharmacist, the 3rd a SAHM with the heart of a Lioness), so I've gathered a few tips:

-Please pray. Draw on your inner strength.

- Stay away from that CS, healing time much is longer.

- You can do without epidural, but they will give you Pitocin (because it's your first birth. I just found this out)

- Sit in a bath of warm water once contractions start. It's like water birth, the water does sooth you and the longer you stay there, the probability of softening up your privates happen, which reduce the risk of tearing. So ask for a water bath, get ready to sit for some hours.

- Kneel while pushing, leave that lying down on your back for Hollywood

- Watch videos on practising deep breathing techniques and I read reduce the number of people in the room with you during labour (as it increases your stress). You and the hubby can learn breathing techniques and back massages

-Move around, stay fit. Resist the urge to flop in one place. Most active women have easier labours.

- Watch videos on childbirth, different types. De-mystify the whole process, so you're not so scared.

Be proactive. When people send prayers my way and nothing else, I smile on the outside and stay scared. When they explain things to me and then we pray, I calm down. So learn all there is to know about what you're experiencing. It would help if you had a class of moms-to-be to speak with who would do any small exercises together and encourage one another and stretch together.

here are the links you asked for

https://sheamapo./

http://naturalnigerian.com/

tchiwinnie:
lol dear. i feel u. its better to push wen d drs and nurses re ready for u. if u push b4 tym, u ll most likely hv tears.So wait till d nurses tell u to push.If u re habing d urge to push, and they re nt ready, shout o and let dem kno. they need to b ready for u sha. and yess, u push like u do wen u re constipated.

snazzylove:
@ Ilovenigeria, my dear am by d sideline watching
The issue of cheating in marriage is something I avoid discussing, reason is because, its really hard for me to say what my reaction will be if am faced with the situation. Its so complicated. A lot of pple may not understand this, its easier to rant about what you will or will not do, cause you are not wearing the shoe yet, in reality a 'Margaret Thatcher' or 'James Bond' may suddenly turn to Mother Theresa and vice versa.
Sisi Chaircover made valid points that I quite appreciate, she really understands the intricacies of r/ship in marriage.
@Meddler, I'll advice you take it easy on urself, its not your fault that hussy cheated. HE WANTED TO CHEAT, and he has no excuse for it. Forgive him, try to 4get. This is the most difficult part. I don't know if I can forgive if I find myself in your shoes, even if I do I can never forget, just like madampinkolo said, the thot of them together and stuffs will continue to linger in my memory, and this will always aggravate and wake up anger in me anytime am with him, meaning dat it will be very difficult for me to let go.
Since you have decided to hold on and make it work, I pray for strength from above to keep you goin. Its really a trying time for you but God will see you thru. Its well.

pickabeau1:
Meddler (your last statement made me comment as i sense you are at your tether's end..[size=4pt] i had decided to abstain from this thread)[/size]

Its all well and good being instropective and all.. trying to identify the root cause of the aberration however it should make you doubt yourself, regret the relationship or forget the good times(if there were any though)

Also this is an opportunity to as it were lay the law and set boundaries

There is room for improvement.. make the changes you can make without having any grudge

Dont overthink it

You have already said .. you were taking it one day at a time

Continue forth

Sagamite:
To be frank, this does not sound sufficient enough for the needs of an average man. It really sounds like what women tend to think men "should" want in a relationship. Secondly, some of these might be claimed (and believed) but that might not be the view of the guy.

That said, the needs of different men can be different. I would leave you to judge whether what you pride yourself as giving him is what he wants. You are the one that knows your man.

But that's the thing. If he wants more then he should speak out. I'm not psychic. It's just like women who go around thinking they have a bad husband because he doesn't show some romantic gesture. How is the man supposed to know what you like romantically if you don't say so. No one can read minds that's where communicating comes in.

Give and want can have a deep disconnect. For example, if someone asks me what I bring to the relationship for my woman and I say, I spend a lot of time with her watching football. That might be nice for me, she might even enjoy it moderately but her needs might be extremely different and more complex than that and that is not a typical high-level need of a woman. Of course, I would probably think she "should" like that and not think of what she "would" like and "how" she would like it.

Communication!!! You can't be in a relationship and not be able to express urself freely and openly. What the heck are you doing in that relationship then?


Most women tend to want emotional, financial and physical security as a fundamental need.

Most men tend to want sex, financial success, social position/power, an aesthetically beautiful trophy partner, someone they are sexually attracted to, good conversation, limited/no arguments and little domestic work as a fundamental need.

You have to figure out which of these you provide him with (or support him in getting or not hinder him in getting) so well from your view of making him very happy.

Each gender wants more than those, those are just the fundamentals.

Then there was no reason to continue the relationship and let it progress to man and wife. Breaking up is painful but I'll eventually get over it. Everybody does. I didn't put a gun to his head and insist he should wife me. No sir! I'll rather die as a single woman with peace of mind.

As for you being the love of his life, that might be very true but I also know many men say such rubbish because they think that is what they are suppose to say or that is what a woman wants to here otherwise there would be snide trouble.

And I get that. People say things that they might think you want to hear- I hate that. I'll rather you be bluntly honest with me so I know where I stand. Its not like I can read his mind and know if he's been genuine about his feelings. His actions make me think so but after time I've had to rethink that and I've told him.

I have the philosophy that there are multiple choices for everyone. If a girl is not with me, she would be with someone else and be equally happy. I am a core realist.

Exactly!!!


If I may ask, why didn't you say "No, lets wait a bit till we get married"? Because he asked and want to is not sufficient reason to do it now if he is sure that is what he wants now.

I caved into family pressure and his, forgetting the most important person in the equation- Me. I regret that and not just because of his infidelity. But I've found myself questioning my decision.

Okay.

hispinkolo:
Meddler
Take this,no homo

carefreewannabe:
And that gives them the right to expect their wives to be faithful when they are not?

Sagamite:
Okay.

Why do you want to give the relationship continuation a try? I have a baby on the way. I feel I at least owe it to the baby to work things out with him and I told him that. If I was the baby wasn't on the way I would have left immediately.

Why do you think your relationship is for him? he told me so and Lord knows I have asked severally. I did leave once and he begged me to stay and yes I loved him and gave it a chance and we were working out fine.

What do you think you bring into the relationship that makes you deserve him being exclusive with you? Now that's the tricky question but I would answer as objectively as possible. I give him peace of mind, I support him and his dreams, when he was without I gave him my all, I supported him financially. I guess on the other hand I guess I wasn't always there for his sexual needs and my libido completely dropped with pregnancy but I always made an attempt and even when I was not in the mood I always caved in for him. And he was aware of my sexual appetite before we got married. But I always tried to initiate sex and he was the only declining it.

How do you see your ability in making him happy? I make him very happy and I think that's what got me in trouble. Trying to give him a place where he could relax and knowing that I would trust whatever he says. We had the same likes and maybe some dislikes. And he tells me that I'm the love of his life. And these are unsolicited compliments

Did he marry you because (i) he wanted to marry you or (ii) he wanted to marry or (iii) he felt you expected marriage? [b]He married me because he wanted to marry me. I wanted to move out of my parents house and be on my own but he didn't want me to do that. I asked him severally before we got hitched if this was what he wanted and that I was in no way pressurizing him. I love my independence so much. I was never one to fantasize about weddings or having a child. My priorities in life as follows - a good career, well paying job, being able to travel, being in a long term relationship (if it led to marriage- good) but marriage, family, kids were not necessarily on my agenda. Till now I still feel weird that I would be bringing life into the world and I'll have someone calling me mama. My family knows that I don't have the maternal instinct and getting pregnant this early in our marriage was definitely not the plan but what's happened has happened.

Do you feel you create an environment that enables him to freely express himself? I don't even know if I could give him an environment that's even more enabling. I'm not a shouter. I'm a simple girl by nature. Give me food and a good tv show and I'm good to go. I've supported myself for the better part of my adult life so I'm not necessarily looking for someone to support me.

Note: These are not attacking questions or putting the burden of blame on you, they are root-to-branch analysis of the foundation and configuration of the relationship from your perspective of how you meet his perspective and expectations. Same can be asked of him.

Modern relationship is effed up. Many men are too ball-less to dictate what they want and how the want it, and many women live a life of perceived entitlement.

Sagamite:
Not every woman wants or can handle facts and objectivity like you. Most prefer to be lied to especially in situations they have out of control. It makes them feel better.

It is her private life, so I have to respect it.

I think I've reached a point where I can now communicate with my husband without crying, feeling extremely hurt, disappointed or angry. I'm trying to get him to communicate effectively but he doesn't think it's necessary. He just wants to put everything behind him and just move on. I don't think this is healthy because he's not exploring the underlying reason for why this happened in the first place.
Our relationship started as an office relationship and we were able to make things work and be professional at the work place. But I did notice that there was a girl in the office he had a thing for and when I think back the only reason why things didn't progress with her was because we worked in close quarters and I was able to keep a close eye on him and asked him to break off whatever was going on.
Now he hasn't been in an office setting in a while (he's a consultant) and just started his new job this year and now experiencing having work colleagues again. If something like this could happen so early on at his workplace, what's to say it won't happen again? He's still going to be seeing the girl again and even if he does quit and find another job, there will be females there too.
My problem is that he's taking all this for granted and says it won't happen again. It's like someone trying to lose weight and even though she's made that resolve to abstain from chocolates whenever it's placed before he/she they can't seem to resist it even though they've sworn a million and one times that's they will never touch another piece of chocolate.
I don't know what else to do. Because I'm not sure I'm wiling to go thru all this turmoil again when next it happens.

Itunup:
Good morning all pushing mamas and new mommies, I'm 37 weeks preg today and I'm having a menstruation cramp-like, pls could it be a contraction?all the scans did show December, what do I do?

hispinkolo:
Meddler,
1. Please remember to go for STD screening and insist he gives his own std report..Its very very important as many have lost their life this way.

2. How are you sure he has ended it?You just said he continued even after you'd confronted him.Its very very vital you make sure they are still not carrying on,not that hes now covering his tracks more carefully.
If you feel he's sorry he got caught not that sorry for his act,this sheds a different light on things.It probably means they'd gone very far and are emotionally tangled..This kind of affair is usually harder to end..
I will just say put yourself first..your emotional and physical wellbeing counts first before anyonelse.PROTECT yourself.

3. Realise that over trusting any human being most times ends in pain.Call me jaded but I do not trust anyone.I just hope that people make the right decisions when push comes to shove.And I also try to believe in them but also leave room for human let downs.Weall are fallible,only God is upright and cannot betray.Learn that and life will be a bit easier.

4. Whatever it is that you feel will make you feel better,do it.
5. I hope it's not just you looking for a counsellor,he should also be making efforts to do whatever it takes to assuage your pain.He should fight to win you back.
I'd advise you find an independent counsellor not a pastor or church elder as most times,they try to shift blame to you and tell you to wear red pant and pet.This is my personal opinion.

I'm sure you can't speak to anyone you know..friends and family cos of d shame.Theres Nothing to be ashamed of though,it's not your fault.It always helps to talk it out especially with your spouse first and then an unbiased person(professional counsellor).

You can always vent here too.Soo many have been through this.I haven't..not yet anyways so I only have limited words to say.
I hope you feel better with time.
Sorry

hispinkolo:
Meddler,
Sorry for your pain..It must be really difficult for you.
It is very difficult to own up to an affair,and confessing the nitty gritty bits even more difficult..The shame ,and the hurt it could cause...I understand why you'd want to know everything,it's part of the process of knowing why I guess but I'm sure your Dh wasn't owning up so fast maybe cos he knows it will aggravate an already dicey situation.

You have both decided to work on the marriage,that's one baby step.Truth is you may never trust him fully again..Trust is not something that comes easily..I just feel you should not put yourself under undue pressure to forgive,forget and re trust.Its impossible to build all these emotions just like that.Trust is earned and he has to earn it back one day at a time,it could take 100 years,it could take 50 years,it may never return,you dunno.I can tell you for certain that you will always be suspicious,if he says he's going down the road,you will be paranoid.While you have s ex you may be thinking of the other woman.Unfortunately,this is the price that comes with having an affair.

It's very easy for people to shout forgive,forget..You are NOT a robot..You must be going through so much pain and heartbreak.,it's alright to feel this way,it will ease with time I think..That he's sorry does not take away what he did..but at least it means he may be willing to do anything to work on the marriage.

GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO PROCESS...take all the time you need.There will be days that you will lash out ,you may be angry and bitter for a while..but truth is that with time,it may not hurt as much.If your Dh is a good man who made a mistake,and now submits his whole life for total scrutiny forever,you may be able to rebuild from the ashes faster.The more you rush to forgive forget and move on,the chances of you trying to hide up and cover up emotions which will bust and overflow increase.
The behavior of the offender goes a long way to determine which course the marriage will take.You say he's apologetic.You both could maybe work through it by finding the root cause..It could be anything and it could be nothing,just pure boredom.The cause may lead to at least finding a satisfactory way to heal.It won't happen over night,it takes years and plenty of effort.Many people come out stronger though..How that happens,I don't know.Maybe they insert a microchip into the mans a ss to monitor him..jokes aside,I believe they are stronger cos the partners are now fully invested in the marriage and will sacrifice anything to ease the pain of the betrayal.

Good luck you two.I hope you find the healing you need.

chaircover:
My dear its not that easy to forgive and forget so dont expect a miracle
There will be good days and there will be bad days
Dont pressuruze yourself and dont be hard on yourself
it will take time
You didnt ask for this to happen.

Be open and truthful with him how you feel and explain to him that it will be a long road to get things back to the way they were.


Explain to him that you need him to be open with you and not to clam up. The more he talks, the more you know what happened, process it and can heal.

Discuss what he thinks caused this and both look at ways to close all gaps. For a lot of men, its not that they go out to cheat, but its oppourtunity in which case he needs to be able to toughen himself up becasue there will always be oppourtunity and temptation all around him.

I can imagine how you feel; the betrayal and the pain and the dashed hopes . . If only people who cheat know how painful and how much damage it causes.