₦airaland Forum

He didn't deny it but he wasn't completely forthcoming with all the details. I had to get the additional details from the other woman. When I confronted him with the full detail of their relationship he did not deny it and gave the excuse that he did not want to aggravate an already bad situation

Please in serious need of help. I would have loved to see a marriage Counselor but that's hard to find in these neck of the woods. I found out my husband has been having an affair. He's apologized profusely and promised to end the affair and work towards rebuilding the marriage. The problem is that the trust I had for him has completely dissipated and I don't know how to rebuild the trust I have in him. I don't even know if it's possible to rebuild the trust. I really want to give this a try but don't know how to go about it. Any suggestions will be appreciated as well as a referral to a trained marriage Counselor based in Abuja. Thanks

happywife:
Why will i divorce the father of my kids he is a great father and a good man. i m not that selfish the kids deserve a life with their father.

Like i said before i will stay in d hopes that things will go back to the way they were be4. in the meantime will i die in misery. no i will find ways to make myself happy

I am not the enabler here i m just fighting against a society that tells men its ok to cheat. men ve polygamous tendencies what rubbish . women ve been programed from birth by this same men to think in this stupid manner i will not

I can definitely see where ur coming from. In a marriage it's no longer about u but the children involved. I'm sure if there were no kids she would have taken a hike a long time instead. She's decided to take her own happiness into her hands and I don't see why everyone is still making a raucous about her wanting to stay. I'm quite sure staying with her cheating husband is probably the biggest sacrifice she's making not because of society but because of the children. So dear do what makes u happy because u have given ur husband enough permission to make u feel unhappy. Notice how I used the word "permission" because to be honest we as individuals are the only one who could give someone the permission to make us unhappy.
Please note that this by no means excuses the husband from his perfidious ways. But is leaving him in any way punishing him? If this was somewhere in the West, I would say u divorce his ass and sue him for everything he's worth but being ure in naija abeg don't mind the fool. Live ur life like he's not even around. That's should be better punishment for him. When he realizes that he's not the source of ur happiness. Take vacations with the kids, take up new hobbies, etc.

Jesus should sit in front at all times. Case closed!

U could try Garki or even Wuse. The good thing about Abuja is that everywhere is relatively close and the traffic isn't that bad. As long as you live within town, you should be fine. Unfortunately depending on the type of house ure interested in, ur budget might be cutting it close.

tchiwinnie:
Its well wt u my dear.Placenta previa s one of d causes of bleeding in pregnancy.Ur dr s rite, depending on d exact position, u may deliver via v*aginal delivery or cs.Just follow ur dr's directive.D most impt thing s for both u and ur baby to b fine, and God ll grant u dat.Cheers dear.

Thank u. I'm praying and hoping for the best

I've been following the thread for a while and I've gained quite a lot from reading everyone's input. I'm at 30 weeks and was diagnosed with a low lying placenta or placenta previa. I was told that my option will be a scheduled CS if my placenta doesn't move up as I approach my due date. Has anyone been diagnosed with this before and what can I expect as I approach my due date

I can't believe ppl are blaming govt for this tragedy. Abuja especially wuse has very decent roads. This is just bad driving and seeing that the accidents involved cab drivers this is just pure wreck less driving. Cab drivers are the worst drivers in Abuja followed by regular citizens.
Govt. no get hand for this one. We should learn to take responsibility for our actions too.

I appreciate your honesty and since you know this about yourself well don't get married. I know society (especially Nigerian society) frowns at unmarried people but seriously who ever said marriage was for everyone? Remain single and keep tasting all the different flavors out there . A word of advice- pls make sure you are honest with your partners and let them know you are not interested in any thing long term

carefreewannabe: And despite your RECURRING NIGHTMARES when you finally set foot on Naija's soil, you discovered honesty in the cab driver's beautiful eyes and realized spot on that he can be trusted and that not everything is lost?

Anyway, I doubt the authenticity of your contribution to this thread but there is no need explaining yourself any further.

Never asked you to evaluate the authenticity of my contribution. You have your perspective, I have mine. End of story.

coogar: •family planning
•GSM
•witchcraft

Hahahhahahahahaha. I don't think witchcraft is that effective anymore hehehehehehe

Babymama1: Did you read that from me?
What eventually became of the DC sniper and his accomplice
Tell the readers how it ended and how the ones in Nigeria end
If anything I have written is false please point it out
Don't ask questions regarding claims I didn't make

I never said anything you said was false. The DC sniper was apprehended after killing a number of people. But I'm trying to point out is that crime exists every where the problem is the way its handled. U make it sound like America is the safest place on earth and there is zero crime. Yes, the ones in Nigeria are never investigated and no one is brought to justice. But dead is still dead anyway you look at it.

carefreewannabe: You contradict yourself my dear. First you were naive on your arrival at the airport leaving your luggage with a stranger and now you had recurring nightmares before you finally got back to Naija. What now?

Nne how is that contradicting. Yes before I relocated I had nightmares about Nigeria based on what I read and heard about Nigeria but when I was finally on ground I saw things the way they were.
The nightmares were in my head and were based on an unfounded fears I had based on what I read or heard about Nigeria. I saw that things were much different that I assumed.

Babymama1: Hehehehe
Are you done?
There is no developed country that started like you
They improved,you regressed and continue to do so
As a child I turned on the shower and took a shower,later I had to scoop water from a bucket till they dug a bore hole
Other countries didn't do that they got better and better
We had books in our library at a FGGC and a book store that sold books at discounted prices
What do you have today
There was a trash truck that collected the refuse in the refuse bins at the corner of the street
Now,na to pour am for street or pour it in your neighbors yard
We turned on the switch and had electricity
We could walk down our street at night without fear,we even had street lights
Stop consoling yourself your country stinks

You will abuse me finish and go to all the embassies including burkina faso looking for which one to flee to and run away from the disaster called Nigeria
Eediot

We have internet now

carefreewannabe: I like your attitude. Keep it up.

Thank you. I had to change my attitude once I experienced and saw that there are still some few good men left in naija.
I used to have recurring nightmares of Nigeria before I relocated.

coogar: lagos will shame any city in the world. there's corruption everywhere you look. everybody commits crime. from violent crimes to alcoholism, fly-tipping, selling fake drugs on buses, children buying alcohol & tobacco for elders, unqualified drivers on the road, law enforcers begging money from drivers, etc.

tell me which state in america is 1% as bad as this. we don't even know these things are crime in nigeria. mama bomboy has no qualms selling a bottle of stout to a 5 year old as long as her money is complete.

abeg, lagos is hell on earth!

I honestly can't say without any crime statistics to compare with America.
Did you see the recent crime stats for Chicago over the July 4th celebration. I think they said that close to 80 people were killed during the july 4th weekend alone.

If I had the Stats from Lagos to compare with that of Chicago that I could boldly make a statement that crime in lagos is indeed far worse than that of Chicago but we don't.

P.S. I completely agree with Lagos being hell on earth. I dread visiting that State. I can't believe sane people live there lol

Babymama1: How many people on this thread in Nigeria have been victims of crime and armed robbery in Nigeria
I bet you almost 100%
There is hardly a nigerian living in Nigeria that hasn't entertained armed robbers in their home or had a close family who has
some more than once
Upon the high walls and Mai guards
The insecurity is unbelievable
Enter church na so so die die die everyone go dey shout and the shait ain't dying

I've never had that experience (Thank you Lord) and pray to never encounter them in my lifetime. I'm not saying there isn't insecurity in Nigeria but the insecurity we experience in Nigeria is also in America. Just because you haven't encountered it or non of your family members have does not mean it doesn't exist there as well.

carefreewannabe: You have a very positive attitude and I do not want to take it away from you. Stay positive but keeep in mind that people complaining are also NEEDED to make a change. To voice your opinion is a step to change. She unfortunately has very little hope that change is possible but maybe this is the part thatis left for you to take.

Babymama speaks from the perspective of someone living in the diaspora and being used to, let us say, different standrads. She would most probably rather be shot down by a mad person than the police or military who are suppossed to protect her life IF she had to choose between the two, which I pray she never will have to. Her position is understandable and so is yours.

Someone open a thread that is about constructive criticism or in other words SOLUTION ORIENTED.

And I understand that. I'm also speaking from the perspective of someone who also lived and worked in the diaspora and decided to come back home (because I had a temporary lapse in judgment lol...kidding) we can choose to see only the bad or only the good in things. I like to see the good. Nigeria is bad because we are complacent. When she stood up to the customs officer after refusing to part with 10k that was her taking a stand but how any Nigerians would do that.
Everyone just wants the fast way. Just give them money and things get processed faster.
We have a voice in naija but no one wants to use it.

coogar: the crime rate in lagos alone is 10 times that of america. laws aren't even enforced in naija. how many people do you think will go to prison in lagos if only DUI & child abuse laws are enforced thoroughly?

Really? Where's the data backing your statement? Unless if you follow all the reported crime trends in Lagos. Keep in mind that a majority of crimes in America goes unreported and what's being reported are the only crimes that were captured. I get that Lagos is dangerous and what not but I'm sure if we had accurate data in Lagos or Nigeria for that matter and compared it to big cities like New York or even Detroit we would be shocked at the disparity.

Babymama1: Isn't that a huge world of difference
That an investigation is carried out thoroughly and culprits apprehended in many instances
Is there any machinery to apprehend criminals in Nigeria
Where is the fingerprint database?
DNA and blood analysis is a long shot
All I need to get you arrested in Nigeria is go to the police station and pay money to get you arrested and I could have you locked up as long as I wish until your family members come plead for mercy
Unless if you have bigger connections and you can retaliate
The place is useless
I can't find any other words

It would only be a huge world of difference if it resulted in reduced crime rate which unfortunately does not translate to that. The next day the same crime occurs

Babymama1: My own husband was going from the airport in Lagos and two cars blocked them with guns drawn and his laptops with all his work and cameras and phones stolen with SD cards containing all our family memorable occasions.
My friend and sister's husband,a handsome young man in his prime was shot down on that same airport road by robbers
That story has repeated a thousand times
People go home for Christmas and are kidnapped and killed
Yours is an exception
A cab taking you to an ATM and you are boasting about it
You took a huge risk,you better listen to your mother next time or they would be eating jollof and singing " God be with you till we meet again" on your head.
Don't try such foolishness again

My dear I'm not boasting about it, I'm just saying good and bad people abound everywhere. Are you saying that no bad people exist in America too, that people don't die senseless deaths in the States? Imagine going to the movie theater or walmart and you wondering if some crazy person would jump out and start shooting. Remember the DC sniper who just shot people randomly for absolutely no effing reason. He just got on a rooftop and decided "hey this seems like a good day to kill people".

Abeg you just make it sound like nothing bad ever happens in America. The people who get killed by stray bullets, or robbed and killed, raped and killed, tortured and killed are just like the examples cited above. Again the only difference is that the law enforcement actually do their jobs. Does that prevent the crime from being committed? Hell No!!!

Babymama1: I have a brother that believed in Nigeria and he was the only one that stayed
We wanted him to stay because of our parents
He got into business,was doing well then the series of threatening emails,people wanting to be paid off
Then a gang of thieves arrived my father's house asking for him while he visited
My father at his age,a respectable man in the community,in his own house was begging these eediots to spare his son
They took everything valuable and every dime he kept ,spared my brother thank God and that was the day he decided to leave Nigeria for good

I read the gut wrenching story of the civil rights lawyer murdered in his own house in front of his family
Imagine that?
Many others have gone the same way and life goes on,always unsolved
The police can't do any investigations,there is no crime database
In this day and age,they will give someone a dirty piece of paper to write a statement
There is no database to track criminals
No national ID card or number
No way to track anything or anybody
I can go to Ogun state now and tell them my name is Shola Ogunbiyi and get a passport in that name and it becomes my name
I can go over to Abuja and get a driver's license as Laraba Musa and it becomes my name
The place is useless
Any body can assume any identity they desire and change location and be someone else

By the way,my father went to the police after the home invasion robbery and they asked him for 5k to make a statement
Then another says oga thank God you people survived o

The only thing different from the bolded part is that law enforcement in America conduct investigation and the culprits are brought to justice if found. Otherwise the same dangers also exist in America. I lived in an Apartment complex in America where armed robbers visited a neighbor threatened them at gun point, they were lucky and escaped with their lives. The culprits were never found.

Another incident in which a mother and father were both found dead a day before the mom graduated with her Social Work degree. They were a young couple with two kids. The dead parents were discovered after neighbors saw the children wondering about unattended. The culprits were apprehended after police investigation.

Carr brothers killing Spree- this happened a year after I moved to Kansas for school. The only difference is that the culprits were brought to justice. But the victims are still dead.
http://murderpedia.org/male.C/c/carr-brothers.htm

Babymama1: Another experience that stands out in my mind was on a trip from Nigeria with my mother.
This customs lady told me to my face to give her N10,000 or my bags will be searched.i told her I had nothing to hide,I didn't even have palm oil with me so she could go ahead and search my bags.
She got very furious and commanded her boys to search my bags ,I said go ahead
She wanted me to lift the bags to her table,I asked the nosy to held do it,she was furious
After the search,she started the delay tactics and one of the boys spoke in Igbo that I should stop being tough and just ask the woman to reduce the money and I said never and I responded in Igbo that the witch will not get a dime from me.
I was ready to make a scene if need be,the frustrations of the corruption in my country had gotten to me
My own mother said I should just give some money so we can leave ,I said mommy biko let me handle this Itshekiri or Urhobo witch that confronted me this day.
All the anger of the police checkpoints
All the anger of the sweaty ,dirty police man that jumped into our car and commandeered us to osisioma station and the one that hit our driver with the butt of his gun rose up within me and I was ready to give a piece of my mind to the shapeless amoeba before me
Jesus stepped in sha

Because you had a number of bad experiences in Nigeria does not mean that the country is useless. Perhaps you just seem to attract only people who look to cheat you. The first time I returned to Nigeria after 10 years of living in the States I had a most pleasant experience which made me rethink my long held hatred for Nigeria. I landed at the international airport in Lagos chartered a taxi and made my way to the local airport upon my arrival I realized that I was short on cash to pay the cab guy. Being a JJC and the oyibo accent flying out of my mouth even though I tried my best to cloak it, I had to find a way to pay the cab guy. Keep in mind I was in Lagos and all my luggage was in the cab.

The cab guy suggested that I go inside and look for an ATM to withdraw money from while he circles the airport (if a cab guy in Naija and Lagos for that matter suggests that to me today, I won't even try it). I left all my luggage inside the cab and went into the airport to withdraw money without even blinking an eye with full confidence that when I get back the cab guy will still be there. I went in got the cash and came back out and guess what the cab guy was still there waiting for me.

Men when I told my mom what I did, omo the woman was shocked. Momsy told me plain and simple my dear you are no longer in yanki ooo. This is naija and everyone na 419.

The moral of the story is that in every society you will meet the good, the bad and the ugly. So coming here and bashing an entire country because you had one or two bad experiences is wrong. Yes we are not the most honest people but having stayed in Naija for close to 4 years now I can honestly say I have not parted with money that I didn't have to. Off course there are some frustrating points peculiar to naija but we are the ones to change that.

You can't tell me that you've never received bad service in America or being duped. Staying in America and complaining that Naija is bad is pointless. What have you done to make it better

The only reason I would side with the complainer would be if she had little kids in the house. Doing the chores and keeping up the home front would be equally tedious. I mean she also has the right to request for some time off.
However, if she has no kids and making such complaints thats really in bad taste.
I'm currently enjoying my annual leave and its just me and hubby and life is sweet!! Why should I make him lift a spoon when he comes back from work?

OMG!! I going thru the same problem. I'm 13 weeks but just started feeling stronger and regaining my appetite. My mom was my saviour, I don't know what I would have done without her. There were days I'll just eat once a day and stay in bed all day. My parents and even coworkers were lamenting on how skinny I've gotten. Please tell her to eat whatever she can. If her mom lives close by ask her to cook for her or you could cook for her. I literally had to force food down my throat and this coming from someone who eats anything and everything. If she can only eat one particular food let her keep eating it. Even if she pukes it out she should try eating again. There are times I eat breakfast, lunch or dinner twice because I end up vomiting everything.
I hope her blood count isn't low too because that could also be a serious problem
For now I can tolerate bread and tea and if I'm feeling adventurous rice with stew but small portions. Wish her a safe and healthy pregnancy

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Meddler: Well its really your choice. Application of any chemical on the hair kicks u out of the natural hair club hehehehehehehehehe . Just joking lol. But texturizer is a chemical a less harsher form of relaxer but chemical nevertheless. So if your aim is to remain natural hence chemical free, I wud discourage it.
But before u reach for that jar of texturizer. Try this first and see if it works for u.
* Shampoo hair
* Deep condition - any conditioner (but u shud really look for a conditioner that works for your hair type), coconut or olive oil and honey. Mix up and apply to hair. Cover hair with shower cap leave on for 45 minutes to an hour
* Rinse out and apply regular conditioner, Rinse out.
* Blot hair with towel.
* Now is the time to apply your leave in conditioner (if u have one).
after the leave in I follow up with my homemade moisturizer (shea butter, coconut oil (can be replaced with olive oil)and castor oil. I usually detangle my hair in sections so as I detangle I apply my mix to each section and twist it up.
I do all this on damp hair. My hair is better at retaining moisture when its still damp and twisting it traps in the moisture as it dries up.
It looks a lot but it really isn't. Give it a try and lemme know if that helps. But u shud still keep in mind that every hair is different. This routine works for me and it took me 4 years to figure out. So if it doesn't work for you. Keep trying different stuff and u wud eventually get it (I know its not very encouraging but don't give up yet)
During the week to maintain moisture, I mist my hair with way so that its damp not wet and reapply my mixture.
I would also advice you check out youtube videos of natural hair. They are very informative.

@onegai I understand how you feel but not all naturals are like that. See my previous post above. I learned how to maintain my natural hair from taking advice from other naturals and adjusting it to fit my lifestyle. I might be considered an oddity in the natural hair world because I'm not too excited at trying new stuff especially those involving ingredients I can't source locally or pronounce lol. Natural haired ladies would give advice but would tell u to do what works best for your hair type. What works for me might not necessarily work for you. E.g cowashing works for a lot of naturals but it just isn't for me. I've tried it but only end up with massive buildup which I hate. So take advice but tailor it to your own needs.

TCUBE: at least it aint that bad , come to the us and u will be shocked !!!!

I lived in the US of A and Nigeria is really bad. truth be told I'll rather raise my kids in the US than Nigeria.
the problem with Nigeria is that we leave in denial. Everyone sweeps the ills of the society under the carpet and refuse to talk about it. or when we do talk about it we look for every excuse under the sun to justify our actions. And lemme not start on the hypocrisy of our society. It's really bad.

girlsupersonic: Finally o

your hair is gorgeous!! I love it