₦airaland Forum

Poster if that was my son he will never go back to that school


I don't joke with my kids affairs, if you are paying them to do their job and they failed like that they should have a very serious reason, what if

Anything happened to your baby, please find him another school immediately.

Poster if you decide not to forgive him, I will not judge you,
If you forgive him, that's fine too, do whatever you please but let your heart heal slowly.

I think you need to go to a hospital first, you are obviously very ill and running to church
God gives you the wisdom to think and in this case you need quality hospital care first to save your life first
Let your mom watch your kids

Litmus:
During the Biafra Nigeria war, my mum saved many children like this. My mum is Nigerian and black. After the war my mother worked tirelessly in warri, feeding children like this, helping women give birth, dispelling notions of witchcraft against individuals. Her senior boys thought the children of many in the neighbourhood less well of than we were how to read and write. My father took on cases for poor people for free. Nigeria is not in the category that need white saviour. The woman did a kind deed, well done. But that's all. In the North East right now NEMA, or whatever it is called, run by Nigerians is helping thousands of displaced persons. The job they are doing is remarkable and largly unsong. They are Nigerians not whites so please let people not get carried away by one white woman who was even helped by the black woman we saw in pictures washing the child.


The Nigerian doctor that gave her life for Nigerians during Ebola, was she white, did she get this much acolade?

In fact someone needs to kick her white ass to East Africa where she is welcomed.

You don't make much sense, instead of applauding someone that has travelled thousands of miles to save a malnourished, abandoned, innocent, starving baby, you are busy trying to steal the limelight by praising your own family in things that cannot be verified, give the white woman some credit, Nigerial needs a thousand of this white Good Samaritan to help.

I don't even know why you call him a boyfriend yet he has another woman, he is probably lying to both of you.

Then you will hear someone say that she should love her mother in law like her own mum,

How can one like this mother in law, the least you can do is tolerate her.(can this mother in law compare to someone's own mother.

Wicked mother in law and clueless son

So all the epistle we wrote advising you to stay with her went in vain,
I don't have any more comments for your new chapter of life.

Acidosis:

What is the content of the PM you sent me. Please communicate to me here openly I don't do all that PM thing.

poseidon12:
Wow! at her buying a house without her husband's knowledge and she is here talking about the op having to consult his wife before giving things to his dear brother. That is clear-cut hypocrisy right there.

They are the ones having problems in their marriage, note that I never mentioned problems in my marriage.
If anything am trying to help OP have a peaceful home

ijinlove20:
Since u said what u pointed out here is her only, then to me, you do not have much problems.

If you doubt me, then ask married folks here, many of them has this kind of problems and many more yet they choose to tolerate.

Just to tell you that 70 percent of women are like her. It is natural for women to safe-guard that which they hold tenaciously to but I pray she doesn't over do though.

My advice?
I am not in any way supporting ur wife's action, but I all could think of now is for God to give u d grace to tolerate her in any way u could and change her mind-set soon.

I agree with you, you are so on point, especially this being a young marriage they still have a lot of time to learn each other and adjust to each other ways.
Most women are either possessive or over protective of everything, it just takes a whole lot of wisdom and understanding to work together. I don't see this as a major issue.

mizquote:
its funny that women re d first to throw stones at their fellow women.

the woman might not have a problem with d giving aspects but she needed to be informed before her husband gives out those properties.


imagine the man comes to pick her sewing machine or tv without her husband informing her.

Very wise of you, my initial sentiments, maybe she is worried for the future and would rather you invest wisely, I don't think she is a bad woman.

Richy4:
I do not think you married the wrong person. she was just being protective of her territory...most women does.....and some over do it and it became selfish in their own part which I believe was the case of your wife....
It was you who will explain to her that you came from a knitted family and there's nothing anyone can do to separate you guys....How you present your family is how your wife will take them.....
I also suggest that no matter how passionate you are, even in the heat of passion, do not bring your family matters to her anymore. You can always discourse any financial help you wanna render to your family during break in your place of work.... transfer any cash you wanna give to them electronically and avoid letting them come to your place for now
If you want to meet them you can always go to their house... let her be the one to ask you how come you do not go to your brother's house or discuss them anymore...All these was just for peace to reign...
besides, You must have learned that as soon as you get married, there are some sacrifices, adjustment, things that you needed to endure just for the sake of peace....It's not every time one has the energy for heated arguments and shouting matches...

I agree with you, all women are territorial, wisdom is needed here this is not even an issue considering the marriage is only one year old.

yemi16:
Thanks for the advice..i wish it is as easy as you are saying it....you are lady and most likely not married....i am a guy...married with brothers who all assisted me growing up and supporting each other...
She has sisters and brothers....and she helps them often...and i even commend her when she does it...so why should mine be different....?

Most of the items i even give my sibling are items i consider old and outdated and i always buy a replacement even before giving the old them out....!!.To be a bit more specific....during my moveout..i had to leave the refrigerator in my former apartment coz she insisted heavily that i shouldnt give my brother even after i bought a brand new one....

What is her explanation, maybe she wants you to do something like open your brother a business so he can become self reliant than giving him monthly handouts, am sure she has an answer, am just trying to help you put the marriage in place, so you people don't break up, have a heart to heart conversation on this issue.
You are already married it is up to you to find solutions to a peaceful home.

Acidosis:
You need to see a psychologist.

You might need to get married first, to even offer an advice

Poster you just have to go through posts that hit front page especially on kidnappings, terrorist attacks, ritual killings, cult, uneccesary road accidents, fraud, scam etc to make a determination.

Safety should be one of your biggest worry because the system does not work.

Healthcare, you have to be in perfect health to live in this countries, paramedics, ambulance and police will not knock your door in five minutes of calling them. You get a heart attack, only God will help you.

Do you consult her before giving out stuff from the house, maybe she has plans to use them and don't like when you give them out.
You are in a patnership it does not hurt to consult her before giving out stuff,

Some people are not used to extend families, some people were just brought up in nuclear family so getting used to people who have to support the whole village is hard,

People have different personalities, I remember when my sister in law came to my house and put on my clothing without permission, it drove me crazy, I did not grow up with sisters, so I wasn't used to sharing. She on the other hand have 7 sisters and they share everything.

Poster this is not a big deal, maybe she likes hanging on to old stuff, just try learn and work with her.

Kingsron:
@The archangel, it all started when her mum greeted my mum, and she did not answer her, though my mother in law is older than my mum.

But this had long be dealt with,I even queried my mum that it was not right. I have even reported to her mum, that if she does not change, I will start to behave the way my wife is behaving. If she can't marry my family,I can't marry hers rather.

I think there is more to the story than this, ask your wife what really happened, usually it is a chain of problems that led to this, I doubt greeting is the only problem they have.
And why did your mother ignore the mother in law, there could be a problem between the mothers too,

But the warning about all this countries have been here but you will still find some more people heading to Dubai or such countries with no qualification or skills to offer, and not enough money to earn a decent standard of living.

Girl you are in a big mess, if that man lied about everything I will never take him back.
You don't start marriage on such shaky foundation as it will fail
Just tell your mum the truth. Goodluck

How about you visit with him first, access for yourself.
Go to schools, check housing and stuff then go back and make an informed decision.

Just be careful he doesn't give you baby three and disappear
What happened the first time he took off, when you probably needed him most.
If I were you I would be very careful, especially with getting babies

femark04:
my brother i thank God for my life here
Many of my friend here do agent work here lie for the people in Nigeria
For the work then for fill give there family and bring another person there

Poster tell them to return home, that is in humane condition.
So all those men live in one house?

I've never used that kind of formula, usually I check to see who the makers are, if I can trust them I would use their baby food, for instance, Nestle and gerber are good.

Please go back to your parents house,

Wonder why people stay with husbands with no emotion attachment

He seems not to care for you anymore, please pack and go

Dude, return home immediately!

What is your story na?

cococandy:
Did you hear them say this with your two ears?
as in were you there when they knelt to say such prayers? Honestly.

I'm asking because a lot of people keep parroting this same comment about how some ladies pray for their MILs to die before they get married and I wonder who says such prayers in the presence of others.
African magic had spoiled a lot of things for reality such that you find hordes of people like you making such accusations when the the truth is that they've never in real life come across someone who let them into their privacy to the extent that they witness them saying such prayers or making such wishes.

They just repeat what they've heard other people say DILs do.

Now I'm not saying there aren't bad DILs. There must be since badness comes in all shapes and sizes but only an insane person would pray for the death of someone they've never met.
The way I keep hearing this same line repeated over and over like its a norm makes me wonder if I've been living under a rock that I don't encounter these multitude of mad ladies that pray for the deaths of MILs they've never met.

I think they make up this phrase or watch alot of nollywood movies.
Growing up I never heard any one say this words. Who would say such when they've never met their mother in law.its just ridiculous.

Poster the examples you gave seems to be all about bad marriages and not specific to tribal issues.

Haywhymido:
i guess dat include urs too. And why shdnt dey be possessive? After spending 9mths in sumone body, she watch the baby grow up n become a man/lady.Who wldnt be pls after many years spent together? The main problem here is dat mothers dont see their kids as grown ups, no matter how old dey(children) r. Coz, the image dey all see of them is dat of when they(children) r little, needing love n care always. The child most esp. the man shd be the one to keep telling his mother dat he is an adult now n must also behave as one. I will like to knw ur view on dis same issue 40yrs frm now.

And why can't this mother marry her own son since she labored for 9 months, and suffered, and now has to possess the son by fire and force
Dint this mother in law also marry somebody's son, wht happened to leaving your parents to become one with your wife.
Why can't she let go after training him properly and let him be a man, an adult and a father,

This is how I look at my own son, My son did not write me a letter in his womb begging me to bring him to life,
This is a choice me and my husband made, I will train him well since it is my duty and when he is ready to fly the nest and marry I will step aside and trust his judgement, I will not try to impose myself again in his life saying I gave him a life and now he has to drag me everywhere he goes even to the detriment of his privacy.

Rilokiley

I do most of all that mans work,
I take both cars for repair,
I mow the lawn,
I close all the doors and double check them( if I rely on hubby on this kind of security we will sleep with the door open lol)
I clear the compound too, I do everything he can in my house,
The only thing I dislike doing is putting furniture together, just because I hate reading instructions and following minor details,

thelish:
My hubby can't talk ooo. he is scared of d mum. So its either we move to a faraway state or I move alone with my kids. Na money still hold me for this place.

I think moving with your hubby and kids is the best option.
Keep your distance, maintain a lot of privacy, let hubby know to keep home affairs between you two, ( I think I can relate to your experiences thelish)
I only get to see my mother in law once in a few years and that helps.
Do you know the last time she came to visit me with her daughter, my younger sister in law, she instigated so much trouble,
She kept on telling her daughter that I was jealous of her( a girl about 15 years younger than me)
She would say her daughter is prettier than me( I mean such word from an elderly woman) then she would yank my stuff and give them to her daughter without permission and this is when I drew a line with them.
Then they would sit down gossip about me as soon as I left the room,
Anyway this got to my sister in laws head and she started pulling an attitude on me
Guess what I banned her from coming back to my house, she does not even know where me and hubby live and she is not welcomed,
Good thing I have many in laws that I get along with fine, my father in law is wonderful, he will warn you about my mother in laws behavior.
So just do what works for you, keep your family strong.

jayhansome:
Domestic violence is one thing dat must b stopped in dis country of ours! Bt una sure say no b dis woman cause dis problem?
1. For d husband to come hauz arnd 2am mean say d man na night crawler.I.e no b d 1st time d baba dey come hauz late.
2.For d woman to ignore her husband call to open door mean say she sef get her own for body.
3.If truely d man get wound for body(back) as he claimed,then it means d woman stabbed him too.
4.Nobody came to ur aide while he waz beating u could mean dat "u pple ar known wrestlers" or "d man/woman is a violent person.
In a nutshell, d man might av been provoked(pple react differently to provocation) and two wrongs they say cannot make a right.
N:B
These ar nt in anyway my views on domestic violence or abuse of any sort, but I'm only trying to see things frm a different perspective.

A woman is almost loosing her eyesight and this is all you can say,

oloyede252:
but you're not a nigerian.how come your mil is wicked

I don't think it's a Nigerian problem lol. It is rampant in this our Africa due to limited resources.
I think an angry, irate, insecure, wicked person has a potential to be a wicked in law.
I think a good person remains a good person no matter who comes to their lives.