₦airaland Forum

Forwetinnah:
Thank you!! The question most times one should ask some these women complaining about their marriages is "how did they get into the marriage?". Some of them use all kinds of tricks to get settled in and then when it backfires..they invade the cyber space with all kinds of sob stories. When a woman settles down with a man who never loved her..what should she expect?

She was 14 when her parents gave her out to a man 31 years older than her to settle a debt.

Women are an endangered species, with this kind of evil men, what are we not going to see.

Chai!!

oyeludef:
you are totally wrong to think i am living in an abused home. I am building my own home and never intend to ever abuse my wife (still fiancée now sha). D man attemped suicide, do you think he is completely himself? Do you believe in prayer at all? If you do, den wat i am saying shouldn't sound strange to you but if you don't believe in prayers, den good luck to you.
She has 5 children for him already dat means dey must av been married for a while now. If he changed suddenly, den something is definitely wrong somewhere

That scumbag of a man is a lying piece of rat, I could bet you he made up that suicide story to find an excuse to bring in a mistress to his matrimonial home
A man of this selfish egotistical character is never the suicide kind of people, he will instead work so hard to make sure the wife has suffered until she commits suicide.

sandland:
Madam, those children are your best weapon.if you have 6, then the 1st should be about 12 years. Use them well. Men are devils when it comes to the other woman who is younger. Do not blame yourself. Stop looking for his face because you wouldn't even have it. Use any other authorities that you may have. Your parents, his friends. His parents. The church even if he does not go to church. Forget about the woman. Like be on your own. Just know that woman Will be like you soon. Once she takes in, that will be it.do not let him lay his dirty hands on you sexually. Tell him that woman is enough for him for now. That you want to bear the pain of having those children. Make sure people who matters knows so that he will not be the first to cry lauder than the the person he beats. Op reply if you need more advice. Please do not pity yourself. You are a complete woman. Your primary job is to make sure you have children him and you already have have too many. He should go to Hell. Those children are your pride.

I wonder which woman will go become a mistress to a man with five kids and one on the way and not even feel some shame, some women need stoning to death

papauju:
In family matters you don't conclude from one side, you have a car, you live comfortable yes, but you sospect your husband of mistress, he is building a house, meaning he is a successful man, if you don't like the marriage leave or stay and please your man, but I will advice you to think before making any move, before ladies are watching and waiting to take OVER shine your eye

You need to read all her previous posts, her husband has already moved in a mistress and expects her to be maid to both husband and mistress,

oyeludef:
God bless you sis. This is the most realistic reply i av seen on here. Although am not in support of the acid part.
It's not natural for a man to leave all he has built for a gold digger. @op, take the issue spiritually. Bombard d spirit deceiving ur hubby wit seriou prayers

You are probably leaving in an abused home to advice someone to endure physical, mental and verbal abuse from a so called husband.

You want her to pray then what, How about she packs out of her home and pray in a safe area like her parents home with a peace of mind.

Marriage is not the beginning and end of the world, she can repackage and regain esteem somewhere else

torddy4u:
well in this story, let's not blame anybody, cuz if we allow the man to give his statement too n d mistress, I don't think that any of u will be free.
It is a known fact that two women cannot stay under the same roof without a problem. cuz any little disobedience of d mistress is term something else by d woman.
Also, know that you are the woman of the house n u r not doing you duty......... some time some women are naturally lazy n they kept sending d mistress on errand n may be stress up as d name implies "mis-stress" but they will never seems to understand which would result to one act or d other.
Now solution to your problem=
A good woman control her home with prayers not a selfish type or going to prayer house, but when it get worst, go to d alter n pour it there n see d results as soon as possible.
You have to deal with anger prayerfully.
You have to pray for understanding between u n hubby, that whatever that is not of God that is causing turbulence in your marriage should be removed.
You can go ahead n say sorry to d mistress but that doesn't make u a fool but wise... because when u do she will feel relax n cannot harm u as expected but creating much time for u to tell God to Re-arrange ur marriage.
Advice:
Men are like baby, any little reaction pushes them away to the next person that can listen to them.
Men loves those that gives them food, so if u hv not be serving ur husband repent.. this is Africa... if u don't some1 wills.
Pls do not think of divorce but think of enforcing more prayers....
Am married n had this similar experience.
if u care u can contact me on WhatsApp only(08038952129)

What is this one saying? Jesus of Nazareth! Women don suffer, what kind of nonsence is this.

balash:
Everyone is asking her to leave the marriage even after she clearly stated she is unemployed. I would have loved a stay in the house or pretend everything is okay and gather capital from him to sustain you well like getting you a place and if you can move out with the car he probably gave you, though it's just a material object but it would help you alot.

You have 5 kids, the eldest would notice this and be sad about what the Dad did to you, get closer to the kid, put the hate your Dad and Mistress into his or her heart. Though it's not nice to let a kid hate the father but even if you are leaving you need a part of you in the house so the mistress don't get your husband plus the kids because kids loves easily so you don't lose your husband and the kids as well.


Don't you dare leave the house first with kids. Go and get a base well, am sure you wont dare need more kids or another marriage again now, at least you would have a good friend that has been following it all and someone who has been giving an helping hand in advise and everything. Be close to the person for future purpose.

Don't give anyone any hint that you leaving and go dust your CV and start submitting into firms! You need a go out in the morning and back home in the night really tired kind of work. You will forget about them all. When you get to that stage, come back we will find a better solution

I think it would do her a favor to move immediately before she commits suicide or poison that wicked man and his mistress of a witch

The situation is not conducive at all, if her parents are alive, all she will need is transport back to her people with her kids, from there she can

Pick herself up. in this kind of situation one needs parental love to even lift your head up again.

Ama80:
I don't like women like u and no idea suggestd here wil b carried out by u cos you are weak n very low.im sorry.All u need now is to ask God to liberate u somehow,anyhow.

It's obvious she has lost all self esteem from the husbands maltreatment

She does not see any self worth in herself, I mean if your husband mistress moves to your matrimonial home and you have to serve them, you would loose your mind.

That man has stripped all humanity over this poor girl,

This evil men will kill us with there wicked ways

Pregnant with the 6th child at 27,

Don't they have family planning poster in your location,

Your major mistake was dropping kids as if there is no tomorrow

I pity this innocent babies

chinoify:
Madam... I have followed this case from the first thread and have deduced the following.
1. You are the cause of ur problems.
2. You come here to seek what you can't have.
3. You are a prayless mum.
4. You are not fit to be a pastor's wife, you where never in support of his ministry.
5. I see you as some1 who gossips slot.
6. I see the whole problem as you. Until you change, this whole mess remains.
7. I see a nagging wife.
8. I see a woman who assumes (falsely)a lot.


In Africa, they say there's no smoke with out fire. Making ur story incomplete. You have lived with this man for some years, you alone knows where it went wrong, what went wrong, how it went wrong and who went wrong.


All the people asking you to leave your home will still insult you tomorrow for not been patience.

Finally my recommendations...

1. Have a personal retreat, retrace the whole saga. Search to seek where you missed it.
2. Seek to get back the heart of your husband, you know him better, you know the man you married, he has not changed and won't change.

And who are you to make such assumptions, you sound like that jerk of a husband,

How can you blame her if the husband has moved a mistress in to the matrimonial home

Do you have a reliable person to watch your baby? If so you can resume work

Poster what is preventing you from going back to your parents house?

With this your mentality poster am already crying at how innocent five kids will suffer with this kind of parents, and you are pregnant right now for a sixth one from your recent post.


Poster take your kids and go back to your parents home, are your parents still alive,
Why let someone abuse you

And that mistress May God help her chai!!!
God help us all

[quote author=Nkasiobi87 post=42330734]Good morning everyone. If you have been reading my previous posts then you will know very well how my story has been. After getting a job and trying to ignore My husband'S cheating and other cruel characters towards me, he cheats with a female church member and promises her that he will marry her as a second wife.

After much talking which could not bring any positive results, I decided to let them be And mind my own business. He still enters my room when he feels like doing it with me. Now it happens that am 2Months pregnant after 5 kids. I told him about it he was happy at that given time. I then thought that maybe he will change this time to become a better father.

On Sunday while the morning prayer was going on, I couldn't stand up because I have started showing signs of pregnancy. I was feeling very anemic so I decided to sit down. My husband came out and stopped the prayer and started saying that I sat down because I wanted to show his mistress that am pregnant and that am doing drama for her mistress, something that I have never thought of doing. He started calling me all sorts of names all to calm the mistress down incase she notices that am pregnant. All to show the mistress that he is not happy with me being pregnant. All to make me feel bad and not happy of my condition.

While the congregation and the mistress were watching and laughing. When I couldn't take it anymore, I decided to walkout of the church. one of his workers ran after me and forcefully drew me back which left a mark on my neck. His claim is that I shouldn't move out while his pastor is talking. I pushed him out of my way, he slapped me inside church while my hubby watch. with the little strength in me I fight back and leave the church premises. I was so hurt that I want to revenge on my husband and his worker. how will I be proud of this pregnant now that he has said in his congregation that all am doing is noting but a show how painful. how do I pay him back.I really wish the worst on them now.God help me that I didn't do something unlawful to them.[/quote


This is posters previous post two days ago

Beg a mistress

Pack your kids out before he and the mistress poison you, leaving your kids to suffer

Did you beg him to marry you?

And five kids already, with his kind of behavior

I only hate that the kids will suffer

teevodaprinz:
You shouldn't disrespect your mother to please your wife... Meaning you shouldn't place your wife over your mom likewise your mom over your wife so that none wil not feel rejected... A man is always a man and one of the worst thing that can frustrate a man in marriage is to incur enmity btw the wife and the mother if care is not taken it will cause him a great loss either on the wife part, the mother or his siblings... I think you should just try to make you mom understand your reason for doing that... Be wise

What is disrespecting a mom in telling her carrying a wives handbag is no big deal, that is a hypocrites mentality you have.
I have no problem telling my real mom whatever I want, this does not change the fact that she still remains my mom.

peacengine:
I pity women at times, most married men have side chicks, some go ahead to secretly marry them and have kids with them. If you tell your mom you may end up destroying their marriage. Guy, I have experienced something similar, I didn't tell my mum.

Don't you think the husband has destroyed the marriage already. Poster will just be a messanger in trying to protect his mother from the worst.

That is pastors for you, very wicked people

Double post. I thought we already discussed this topic

I just tried to offer my suggestions,

I hope things work out for them.

The younger sister though, anytime am helping my sisters and brothers I don't even count it as maidhood( but that's just me)

Trust me tables will turn tomorrow the younger sister will be the one with young kids and lo and behold she

Will wish for any immediate family's help, because apparently most people do not trust childcare raising babies abroad is hard,


I only see the main problem here is taking care of kids, otherwise for a person with a car, bundle up those babies in the car go look for work.

Lizypumping:
Now you feel me! They return from work around 6 when offices are closed! I want her sister to be realistic, get her kids baby sitter and not use her sister.

What will you do if you are the sister or my friend??

She just needs to sit down with sister and have a conversation, let her sister know she is glad to help but would like to have employment and will continue to help sister when she is working,
She can ask the sister to try get some days off which she can dedicate to looking for work ,
After that she can bring in a need for going back to school or something so sister can make plans for childcare or something.

Lizypumping:
SHE is not new in America, she just new in that state. She has her own car and savings. But she needs a job. Her sister needs to put in place a baby sitter and let her sister get her self. she doesnt need ride from her sister or anything.

Read my post thoroughly she has her car, even her sister use her car for dropping off the other kid to school

Has she spoken to the siste, what did the sister say?

Lizypumping:
Just so you know, she has her car. she doesnt need the sister money for gas. Her sister uses her car sometimes and send her around to drop older kids with her my friends car o

If she can drive, she should wait for sister or hubby to get home, grab the car and go job hunting.

And where does she intend to make friends in this US?

People here don't even know their immediate neighbor let alone help a stranger or make friends, tell her to take a chill pill, be patient with older sister and they can both forge a plan to find work.

Gaborone:
I have a younger sister, and I can't imagine adding to her stress if she came to stay with me for the purpose of getting a job. I cannot even conceive the thought.

One would have even thought that it is part of her responsibilities as elder sister to show her the way in the new town/environment. But hey, that's my opinion.

The sister is busy working to put roof over their head, with her work schedule she probably does not have extra time to run around go looking for a job for her,
I just gave her an option look for work online, when they call you for an interview, knock sisters bedroom, be like I need a ride to this location for an interview.

bukatyne:
Na was for you o!

You just added Maggi to the soup after it is ready

How does job search work there? Does she have her own cash or is her sister going to raise her everytime she wants to pursue her interests?

I agree with you, you will be surprised the older sister payed for her ticket and visa fees to U.S and now this person with the entitled mentality is eager to leave even without helping the sister.
Those of us in US know you need a car and gas money to be able to go to work.
You need someone to drive you around, it is not easy,( a lot of preparation is needed to help a new person) so poster should be patient with the sister.

Poster give me the state, I will show you how to find work.

Lizypumping:
Your recommendation is fair enough. However, i dont think her sister will want her to take few days off. Here in the US, childcare is very important so perhaps her sister gets mad for asking days off. But why should it be more days watching kids? She then cant find a job soon

In U.S, he don't have to go anywhere to look for a job, the internet is full of jobs. What state are we talking about.does he have the right papers.
Why should he not help the sister, it his nieces/ nephews?

It is hard to find job in Kenya please don't be fooled.
Don't intend to find work within three months, you will join the many jobless people there.

Let me get pavore to help you.

She or he is getting help plus free accommodation, free food e.t.c so she has to contribute her own quarter to the house by helping the sister in return.

She just needs to talk to the sister and work something out/ maybe spend a few days job hunting more days watching kids

Are you doubting her pregnancy?