₦airaland Forum

TV01:
Two different issues. Spouses should always practice and be held to high levels of financial prudence. Property acquired during marriage - and in many cases even before - becomes marital or community property. The 2 issues are not mutually dependent or some how interwoven.

And it's wrong of the man to think of it as "his home". Its their home, or the family home. "Bachelor pad" mentality .


TV

SlowlybtSurely:
Mine is the complete opposite. The first impression people have of me is that I'm from a wealthy background. Dem no know say shishi no gum me.

Even when I try to point out my #1,000 darling yaki hair and fairly used shoes/clothes, they go "yea right, you're just trying to be humble".

So here I am, enjoying my virtual wealth.

5minsmadness:
This section is crayziie.
Dont know why its called the family section.
It should be called Aggression Output section.
Or something like that.

bukatyne:
My thoughts too.

However, what kind of marriage do they have? Is there a silent understanding that husband is in charge of finance why wifey handles domestics?

5minsmadness:
Nah, nigerians just enjoy sensationalism.
Each nigerian gender claims that the other is the worst in the world, yet they won't stop marrying each other.



At op, gold-digger alert.
I wont be surprised if the wife is hiding a drug addiction habit.

Dyt:
I am an angry woman so I can relate to OPs wife

Sometimes a woman just keeps quiet so as not to be seen as a nag
You def ain't be fair on that woman

5minsmadness:
No they saw it. They just enjoy arguing.

shegxi:
i will never understand how adults would have issues bordering them and wn't speak up and expect the other person to just figure out.
going further, even when the partner knows and dn't talk about it, the onus still lies with the aggrieved partner to air it. if u have choosen to be quiet, then dn't go around like a bread dat has too much yeast in it.

tiniyata:
OP, are u single and living with your parents or living alone, or are u married?
If you are single and living with parents, do u work or not?
If u work, then how much do u save in a month?
If you don't, how much pocket money do u save in a month from what your parents give to you?

If u stay alone, my guess is that you are working, and if u are, how much do u save in a month?

If you are married, and not working, ho much do u save from the money your husband giv you fo foodstuffs?
If you are working, how much do u save the month. And plea include th number of people that makes up your household.
If you can give me answer to the above question truthfully, then I know where to start from.

But I can guarantee you that the best you can save from 200k salary for a family of five including u and your spouse in a month can not be calculated.

vikkyboboski:
Imagine

bennyrazz:
kikikikikikikik my eyes are closed to this.



@op, managing a temperamental person starts with knowing what makes them angry in the first place. Your wife can't just wake up and be angry all of a sudden. You are definitely doing some things that are pissing her off. She is bottling them up. my advice to you, be more caring and understand. Start to pamper her.

orbis:
I've tried ignoring, talking and walking out for a beer or two but it seems not to be working. She doesn't say out her issues but you can clearly feel the air is thick with something bad.

schumastic:
smiles, if you say so and i trust your day went well

Nancy2016:
@Op: I would say your analysis is very flawed for the following reasons
1. It does not take into account taxes and other income deductions. How can someone be earning 200k and be taking home 200k?
2. It does not take into account regular expenses such as clothing, transportation, toiletries, medical bills, holidays, cable/movies
3. For ten years the first couple will be merely existing and that's not a good life to lead. No entertainment, no extracurricular activities for the kids, no holidays to go and see family members. I am sure you cannot expect a family to live comfortably when they have to forgo the simple pleasures in life. They need a social life too.

tiniyata:
OP ur analysis na die o.

200k a month:
you give madam 100k then you hold 100?
then from your own 100k u will save everything abi? smh.

now in a month, there are lots of bills to pay. u pay electricity bills, water bill, refuse bill, pay for transport fare, buy fuel for your car, service your car maybe. buy some gift for your kids or wife once in a while within the month. pay for medical bills, send money to friends and family maybe, buy a new thing in the house, repair any bad thing in the house, pay for security, pay for this and pay for that, and at the end of the month u will have nothing left, and u are here saying he will save 1.2million naira in a year. let me take a guess...its either you are still living with your parents and don't know how running a home is like or u are jobless and wishing saving was that easy.

schumastic:
same way those guys will say, I just feel guys that act thus way goes beyond what you and I can judge them of..more over it might me karma that's taking effect against those girls, who knows who they might have hurt in the past..so that's what I feel.

schumastic:
so are you holy? if no, where do you think you will fall under.

AlphaHandMaiden:
My sentiments exactly!



Cc. Freshvine.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to marry someone with whom you have the same cultural values but Unless one can trace their bloodline back to Amadioha or whoever is the main character in their culture's creation story and confirm that there has been no form of 'mixing' whatsoever, any talk of being "pure bred igbo" or any claims of ethnic or tribal purity is well.... quite laughable!.

Cultures that want to preserve their bloodlines or have a pure breed have been known to marry within the same family with a lot of inbreeding... ie. Between Cousins, and even siblings!

In most nigerian cultures you cant even "cut eye" for your hot 3rd cousin without you having to sacrifice goat and bath in the market square to appease the gods and cleanse your family of the curse your roving eye has brought down on them!

BellaElla:
The thing is that people that are not in inter tribal marriages see it as one big deal. It is not biko. I am a full bred Igbo woman married to a full bred Yoruba man and honestly our tribal differences are the least of our problems. Maybe it's cos of our backgrounds, or we are just two kpomo hearted people that care less about what people say . When my husband is on the phone with my in-laws, he speaks Yoruba, when I am on the phone with my family, I speak Igbo. We tell each other what was said and convey regards. I honestly haven't had a hard time in my marriage cos of tribe. I dated Igbo men b4 marriage but we conversed in English. Marriage is so vast that tribal differences should hardly matter. That's how I see it anyway. I married my husband cos of his heart. It is not easy to see someone in this our time who is ready to come back from work and still cook for you, while u stretch ur tired feet with remote in ya hand . Someone that insists on ur input before decision making. These were the kind of qualities I was looking for and once I saw them in him, tribe was a non issue. Most of the men I dated from my tribe expected me to wait on them hand and foot. Kolewerk o.there were objections from some of his people and my people but we were footing our bills by ourselves, we couldn't be intimidated. Now everyone has come round especially his people after my dad collected 100 naira as my bride price. They Cldnt believe it as their main objection was that Igbo girls are too expensive to marry. The funny thing is that he had broken up with his Yoruba gf before we met, so between both of us I don't even know who is more detribalised. The only thing I miss is not traveling to my village every Christmas

AlphaHandMaiden:
I meant "you" in a generalised sense. Not specifically refering to you as an individual.

Atomizer:
nice one op... Even 100k sef is enuf

EfemenaXY:
I think it really depends on the personality of the person one intends to marry and the family.

There are marriages from hell where both the husband and wife come from the same village / street, and there are enviable marriages made in heaven where the couple come from completely different backgrounds / countries / continents.

Cc: Mindfulness, Ngokafor, Damiso

freshvine:
I married igbo cos I wanted pure breed.

thorpido:
If there are things we need to talk about that my wife doesn't need to hear while she is present(not necessarily a bad thing or discussions about her),then we don't even discuss it at all.We can always find some other time to discuss it or make calls later.

helovesme:
It's just not worth the hassle and the friction. Too many tribal bigots in nigeria. There will always be that one person that would stand against the union or bring up issues.

It's always best to marry from one's ethnic group. If there's any issue, we can easily drag ourselves to the Aalafin's palace and speak the same language

babythug:
Love can be a bit tricky; in that the heart doesn't really choose* whom to love, you just find that you are in love with a particular person i.e despite your deep desires of being with someone from your ethnic group you may end up in love with someone from another!!!!

That said it is easier to be in love and end up with someone from the same ethnic group. Differences and issues may* be easier to manage seeing that the couple may/should have the same orientation as regards general issues. But then again as long as one isn't from the same family there will always be differences as per outlook to life and opinions and general relations so i guess it's more important to focus on the individual and character beyond ethnicity.

My two cents!

This seems an interesting topic, lemme invite some people to the discourse.

CC: tearoses, EfemenaXY , onegai, sambarry, bellong, edwife,cococandy, alphahandmaiden, helovesme

schumastic:
i guess the place reserved in hell for ladies with multiple partners will be larger than that of the guys with lots of gnashing of teeth n torments for them for their deceptive acts

AlphaHandMaiden:
Sooooo babythug, you have hoiked me into family section.... me that has been eating my imaginary puff corn jeje by the sidelines.
I am watching you!.....


If people talking in their local language is going to be pinching you, You learn the language! simples!! Life is sometimes not as complicated as we make it out to be. I know a few women that learnt their husbands language and now speak it fluently. You wont even know they are from another state!

Infact one of my cousins was told bluntly by her MIL, that she doesnt speak english, and she will speak ibo go her grandchildren! And kept speaking ibo to her, around her, about her, tease her!!!! So we quickly got with the program and learnt ibo sharp sharp.... now they are best of buddies! Problem solved! Disaster averted.

She had the option to let it get to her, sulk and escalate it to a huge issue of MIL, not liking her but she didnt.

You havent seen where in laws will bad mouth you in a language you can understand and to your hearing!!!!
speaking the same language or having your parents share an adjoining fence in the same village , your fathers sharing the same mango tree to smoke pipe in the evening or even your mothers belonging to the same meeting or osusu club, does not guarantee a happy union or an easy ride with the inlaws.

If an inlaw decides not to like you, the reasons are sometimes baseless such as the fact that a girl might just be the wrong shade of yellow!

That being said, you shouldnt go into a marriage with the anticipation it is me vs them.

A man and woman in marriage form their own family unit. Their home, their rules. If either party starts doing things to please extended family, na there k leg wan start. As long as both individuals are happy together, understand eachother and share the same values and have peace of mind, what region of the world your ancestors decided to settle in should not be an issue.

I have also seen cases that the family pressured their children to marry " local" frustrating the relatioship with the "outsider" till break-up and the local marriage were disasters from the local men beating the women to stupor or the local girl that will nag the man, bad at money management and even insult the parents inlaw for no reason and essentially scatter the family!

Both parties are adults..... and should be able to speak frankly to and respectfully stand up to their parents/family on behalf of their spouse.
If you cant do that, then you have no business getting married.

thorpido:
Exposure,level of education and orientation........very important.
If you decide to go the inter-tribal route,you need to meet the family and assess their level of orientation,and education.How do they see other tribes(or your tribe)?

As per speaking their language when you are around,again it depends on how you have built your relationship while dating and being confident of your position in your in-law's family.You need to know they love you,want you and respect you.
I travelled to my in-law's hometown last christmas,they held a family meeting and the uncle being the head said I should sit with them as a member of the family.Before he started to talk,he apologised to me and said he was going to speak his language so he could express himself well.He said my wife will 'download' for me later.He jokingly said I have to learn the language too.Did I feel lost and insecured as they all spoke?Naaaa.Like I said,I earned their respect and I know they love and want me.
When my siblings and mum come around too,we speak our language even when my wife is present.I there's anything she needs to hear or be part of the discussion,we speak english.
They key thing is knowing the family.

It's human nature to want to stay close to home,marry someone who speaks your language and understands your culture but hey,the world is a global village now.......this is 2016!Africans are marrying spouses in Asia,Europeans are marrying Africans.Cultures can be imbibed,languages can be learnt.You shouldn't give up on love for the sake of ethnicity.