₦airaland Forum

Use the money to invest in skills for your future. The sex was consensual and there was no agreement to marry so don’t be blackmailed into a rushed marriage. If the marriage was important to her, she should have had you put a ring on it first.

Sounds like her family are able to take care of her and that’s why they are in a position to give you ultimatums. Explain to them that your long term future is important to you and to avoid one of the surest ways to lifetime poverty (having kids you can’t cater for) , you respectfully would rather invest in your future right now and provide financial support to take care of the child but don’t commit to marriage. Who knows? You might decide to marry someone else.

The sooner girls realize that pregnancy does not automatically equal marriage or cohabitation, the sooner they take more precautions against unplanned pregnancies that may derail their futures. Same for the boys, you know you don’t have money to cater for a child yet you are not taking precautions to safeguard your future. When your mates are looking for money to better themselves, your own money has to be committed to cerelac and diapers. It’s not village people, it’s your pe-nis. Avoid boys and girls that are comfortable living in lack, they will say “let’s manage “ and kill your dreams. Poverty is not a sin but embracing it to the extent that you are actively perpetuating it is.

Skin to skin is a luxury, it’s not for casual hookups. Unplanned pregnancies leading to unplanned/mandatory marriages/cohabitation is one of the most common causes of poverty, AVOID IT until you have the financial resources.

micgray100:
NEW UPDATE ON THE BOREHORE JOB NOT EXECUTED TILL DATE...

I appreciate the respected Nairalander that recommended the borehole driller for owning up to himself here (twinskenny).

Uptil till today, the job remain undone..
he twinskenny, said he has reported him to a police station.

My problem here is ... I don't know how much longer I can wait before the case get settled.

House, pease I need your clarification on this..
It was because of twinskenny recommendation on this site that I involve this guy.. And I told him specifically from the site that all I want is result... Now that we didn't get the result.. Should he the recommender refund my money.. or I wait till the case that doesn't have an ending period..

My reasons for asking the above question is simple... Everyone including me can start recommending people and getting my commision even if I know the person won't deliver...

there should be rules on this forum on issue like this...
likewise.. I paid the recommended guy through the referrals account...

Do I need to bother myself with the police case or I should get refund from the referal..

I will respect everyone opinion here... anyone can be victim tomorrow... if truely we want credibility on forum...

#300k upfront for a #350k job is 85% down payment, that is not little
What was the purpose of paying through twinskenny’s account?
Why did twinskenny allow you to use his account?
What gave you the comfort to put down 85% and why did twinskenny accept it on the contractor’s behalf?
It is one thing to recommend someone and bow out but when you stand in the middle for money to be channeled through you, I believe you are inferring some sort of guarantor/escrow relationship .

The answers to the questions above would determine whether or not to go after twinskenny for your money

Geminita:
Wow.. Good morning ma.. I don't even know what to say.. Thank you so much ma

Please provide name, account # and bank. You can PM if that would be easier.

sisitito01:
OMG! Thank you very much ma. God bless you.

God bless you too.
Please provide name, account # and bank name
You can PM if that would be easier

Geminita
Sisitito01

Your names came up, I would like to send you something.

.

folake4u:
Thank you very much, I appreciate it.

Hi Folake4u,

Congrats! I saw the salutation above and went snooping, turns out you graduated and law, no less. Very, very impressive
Please permit me to send you something to celebrate the achievement, I’ll have someone make the arrangement.
Kindly provide your account number when you see this. If Folake is your actual first name, then first or last 3 or 4 alphabets of your last name would suffice to verify it’s your account before sending. I’ll keep checking so that you can delete the info sooner than later.

Congratulations once again!

Nigerians have kids for many reasons. Unfortunately, for the poorest amongst us, it’s for the wrong reasons (eg perpetuating your family name, because your mates have kids, for them to look after you in your old age, etc). This thing is naira and kobo, simple arithmetic. It’s 2021, no excuse is good enough when it comes to popping out kids in the midst of poverty. Even the rich practise family planning so what’s a poor man’s excuse?

You need money to raise kids. You owe it to those kids and to society to not expand the population when you don’t have the financial means. Too often, a cycle of poverty continues because each generation does not have the financial means to give their kids the needed breakthrough.

For example, if you have one kid and are able to provide quality education in a good school, leading to long term academic success and the opportunities (foreign and/or local) that follow, chances of that kid being a success and without dabbling in crime is significantly higher. Compare that to having many kids, all getting the same poor education and lack of opportunities. Eventually, many branch off into crime and become a societal nuisance. Because crime doesn’t pay, their sins eventually catch up with them and then we say it’s village people.

Lostchild:
The only thing I like more about Nigeria women is that, they are more mellow because hardship has broken their soul from tender age.

This will enable them to appreciate their hubby

How can you like women that have broken souls due to hardship? That says a lot about your mental well-being and a need to dominate. That’s like saying you derive pressure from seeing broken women and to be brutally frank, that’s a very sick mindset. Brokenness will allow them appreciate their hubby? Men like you are part of the problem.

Naija women like to make a lot of noise about how they love their kids and most do but the truth is for master manipulators like the OP, children are part of the strategy for their own financial comfort which is rooted in getting married as soon as you possibly can so that you can become someone’s liability and live a life of relative ease. This is the naija poverty mentality version of falling in love with a fairytale prince. In her case, it has become a nightmare because her partner is no prince. She grossly miscalculated and that’s why she is where she is.

A woman living in penury and popping out kids is quite capable of exposing them to every form of danger if the price is right. This OP is as bad if not worse than her husband, she’s a master manipulator. Right now, those kids are her begging crutch. No difference from those that sit in traffic with their kids all day, begging for money. With her primitive thought processes, these kids are her “anchor, cement “ in her “husband’s house.” If she thought dropping them off with their Dad could be to her financial advantage, I would be surprised if she didn’t but she already knows she needs them to continue with this online drive so she won’t do that.

greenie77:
You have no real intention to face your reality, you had all day to leave the place with your kids because I doubt your mum or sister knowing you are fleeing from danger will see no reason to send you transport fare rather you are more busy updating the thread like CNN.

You are secretly hoping your baby daddy would soften as your sense of worth is clearly non-existent.

Anyone that naively sends you money, should expect that you will use it to buy foodstuff, cook it in that same house you said you have been kicked out from.and your baby daddy will also eat from it, after which is bedmatics.

You must have been in my mind as I was typing.

Too bad there’s no Child Services agency that can take those kids from you and help them. You are the greatest danger to their wellbeing. You had another child despite knowing his character and knowing you did not have the economic means for the pregnancy, childbirth or child rearing. Just bringing kids into the world to suffer, using kids as a good luck charm smh!

You write so well yet your convictions are incredibly primitive. A woman with a single child is as good as barren, only a new baby can make up for the loss of one that died, abused women should continue to be submissive, etc. See how you have become comfortable with lack and abuse that your speech is no longer rational?

He’s shown you his character over and over again and he already told you to leave. When you told the police not to arrest him today, what were you expecting would happen tonight? What were you depending on? What was your plan B with 2 little kids? Abi it was to keep posting emotional blackmail on Nland until the donations rolled in? Nobody in your neighborhood can offer you and your kids shelter at this time of the night? In Ore? I cannot believe that! Even in “every man for himself “ Lagos, people are not cold hearted like that. Could it be that the neighbours are tired of advising you to go back to your family yet you have stubbornly refused like you are doing on this thread?

At this point, there’s little doubt in my mind that the purpose of this thread was to embarrass (NOT leave) him in order to get some relief from the physical abuse AND get donations to help you have a more comfortable life with him. I’m sure he’s less violent when there’s money and you have proven yourself to be good at soliciting money from strangers. In fact, if you fit the classic abuse victim profile, you would share the donated funds (assuming he doesn’t take it all) and laugh at donors together. For your sake, I hope this donation drive is not to fund another pregnancy. Last year, you said he would not be happy to hear you were begging for money online yet since then, he has opened 2 begging threads of his own. Obviously, birds of the same feather!

Too many lies in this wild drama and going by the statistics, you are going to stay with him until he either almost kills you or you DECIDE to take yourself out of the situation. Right now, this looks like a donation drive for Bonnie & Clyde Enterprises! I know that sooner or later, the donations will come but ask yourself if that’s the best life for the innocent kids you’ve brought into the world!

Lizzyangel:
We met online while I was a teenager and started dating, I got pregnant and tried many times to abort it but all my efforts became futile, I moved in with him to his parents house,a boy's quarter after my parents met his, he was the only over pampered son of his parents and in the early years,I passed through hell living there, he's proud, arrogant, cheat and lazy, but I kept the flags, thinking he'd change, I became pregnant for the second child after 4yrs, working and nursing and shouldering responsibilities all alone and then he went into some dirty things that led to his arrest thrice which I'm the only one running around,I begged to raise money for his bail at the state police hqtrs, I'll go to work, conducted extra lessons at home,he'll just sit idly around pressing his phone,I tried many attempts to talk him into getting something doing as sitting ain't helping matters,I even spoke to his parents to let's do something about him, but he just wouldn't listen, his first arrest was due to the Ponzi scheme he created, which he spent the money lavishly on girls, hotel and his grandad's burial ceremony leaving my bride price unpaid, when he got arrested,his parents told me we spent the money together which made me went extra mile to ensure he was released, people around called me and told me to leave cos I'm too innocent for someone of his kind, to me, all marriages are not bed of roses, this is my cross which I carried wholeheartedly, the second arrest was when he was arrested for philandering and accused of fraud by his boss. I still go to the police station to bail him, while the third and last one was when he bought a stolen phone which I warned him to return but refused,it's was his 3rd arrest that made the policemen summoned us that, they've had it to the brim with him, he shouldn't be caught up again by any means because he's bringing shame to me as a public figure, I teach in a big school where some of the top policemen had their kids, they made him to sign up that he won't be brought to station again and I won't be running around for him...later the man told me to"use my head" he was then persuaded to go learn a trade which he started in 2020, the second baby died due to health complications and I had my baby girl Kiishi in 2021,I wrote the story here.

What I noticed was, anytime things are not working in his favor,he becomes violent,and abuse me physically and verbally, in April I received a call from an old friend,he said I was cheating with the caller which made me hang up quickly cos he was around,I tried explaining,but he hit me severally and told me to go meet the guy that night around 9pm, anytime he hit me, he'd pick his phone and put a call to my mum and Sis and give them Sweet lies on things I'm not guilty of,when they call me,I'll just be crying, that same night he locked the door and told me to go meet my caller, I thought it was all joke, I started begging for me to just drop Kiishi inside, he refused and turned off his phone, I wept bitterly,I called my sister and Mom then took my time to narrate all I've gone through in his hands since 2013-2021, they both wept for me and tried calling him to allow me in,his phone was off, around 11:30pm, I started knocking on neighbors gates to enable lay my baby, nobody opened up, I walked some minutes to my colleagues houses nobody opened up, that night,I started connecting the dots from 2012, how I've been used all along, how I've been a fool, I'm working hard but can't even attend to my personal needs,I placed my family first thinking all will be well, finally around 12:30pm, I saw an uncompleted building where I too solace with my baby, I couldn't sleep all through the night, *had I known,I wouldn't have come this far, kept lingering in my head" .while I watched my lil girl sleep in an inconvenient manner with mosquito, I was at alert all through the night and it was a Thursday night.

That night, I decided to stop everything I've been doing for his sake to focus on myself and kid, the next day I went back home, he asked about where I slept,I told him in the church, he said I was lying that he came out around 2am he couldn't see me within the vicinity,so I should go back to wherever I slept he doesn't want to see me, else I'll regret it, that led to my first time of calling an outsider to beg in my behalf,I called my pastor's wife and narrated the last night's issue, she apologized and called him to fish out some piece of an advice.i rushed in, cleaned my kids up and dashed out to work, on getting to school, my boss was at the gate, she insisted I tell her what went wrong that made me come to school around 9am moreso,my eyes were red,I told her it was personal and apologize for being late.she allowed me into my class.


After the day's work,I received a phone call from him telling me to leave before dusk if I value my life, I was agape, what again? He said my big Sis had been hurling insult on her for making me sleep outside with a lil baby,so I should Park and move in with her in another state with her husband, he called severally, threatening me he mustn't meet me at home,on the spot, I started shivering, I have no relative here, no friends, who will I go to?

I said some prayers then, someone came to mind, a Lawyer and he is the head of all cocoa produce buyers in our LGA. I called to Meet with him ASAP, so I narrated the last night's ordeal to him and his threats, he summoned him immediately and heard his side of the story, he settled the conflicts that night and cautioned him.

. . . . . . and this is the character you were determined to have another baby with, bringing yet another child into a situation like this. So unfair to that baby. You already knew what he was capable of yet still went ahead with another pregnancy and now, both kids have to go through this upheaval with you .

As for Mr man, everyone reaps what they sow.

My advice is for women that are able to learn:

SELF LOVE is imperative!
If you don’t love yourself and you go couple with an abuser, it gets worse. Self love is running from danger, not getting with someone who doesn’t even like you. A person that has “ordinary like” for you would not treat you in this manner. Not every guy you meet likes you, respects you, values you etc. The burden is on you, as a woman to have the self awareness, the emotional intelligence, to do what is right for your well-being. Abusers will abuse, that is what they do. It’s left to you to choose not to be their victim.

SELF LOVE
SELF LOVE
SELF LOVE

n3xt:
Smiles.

You really need to go back and understand why I wrote what I wrote

It’s just a sarcastic remark. I know I am fantastically wrong.

Right here we were told Chinese build shitty structures.

Thank you, that’s a relief!

The Chinese get a bad rap because our people only see the worst, cheapest, inferior versions of their products in Naija. Western countries import more than a whole lot from the Chinese but they have standards that have to be met so people in those countries get the highest grade products which are nothing like the nightmare stuff imported to Naija. The Chinese can manufacture the same product in 100 different grades/qualities. I have no doubt that they are capable of producing weak buildings in unregulated markets but certainly not on home soil.

Changing track. . . . .

Open kitchens are great, especially if you like to entertain. As someone who cooks a lot and also has an open kitchen, the trick is to have an excellent fan system to take out the smells. The typical simple Oyinbo fans/hoods over your stove (gas cooker) will not cut it. You either have odor eliminating gadgets or scented candles, electric air fresheners, etc, etc which you activate while cooking and afterwards or (best option) have a commercial/industrial grade hood fan that zaps out smells even as you cook. They work like magic, seeing is believing. You are left with zero residual cooking smells and they are worth the extra cost. People that smell of food are the unaware/uncaring and simply do not get it.

P.S. Happy belated Father’s Day, gentlemen! I hope the Daddies amongst you got to take a break from making money and using calculators to simply luxuriate in being pampered

The wife is not ungrateful, she’s just not competent as an entrepreneur in that field, it’s the husband that has unrealistic expectations.
Not everyone is cut out for business and it doesn’t sound like she exhibited anything to suggest she could be a successful business owner. If someone cannot even produce a viable business plan, one that makes sense for their circumstances, that’s your cue to not open a business for them unless you are willing to gamble with your money.
If you’re going to open a business for someone and it’s not a gamble you are okay losing, keep a close eye on things to make sure things are going well. If that’s not possible, dash them the money and comot eye.
With the high rate of small business failures, I don’t know why we assume people are ready or capable.

Your posts show that your are a person of deep thought and one less likely to react in a reckless manner. I salute your courage and your being open like this. I’d like to think that other married men are learning from you even if they’d never admit it.

I like that you’re thinking beyond your ego to the effect of a breakup on your kids. It takes a real man to do that. People forget that there’s life after the breakup and it may not necessarily be great for both the kids and the couple. The kids did not ask to be born and they did not choose their parents’ characters / weaknesses so everything should be done to guarantee all decisions have their best interest at heart.

Ignore those describing you as simp, weak, etc. Oftentimes, it’s easy to criticize someone trying to save their relationship when you either have no relationship or what you have is worthless. Misery loves company.

I pray your marriage can be salvaged and if it doesn’t survive, at least you’ll have peace that you did your part.

Bhus21:
Of course, there's lots of history. For example, this is not the first time she's asked for a divorce. She's done it several times in the past. Usually in an emotional or depressed state. We then generally get past it and have a good marriage. This particular episode is different because it's combined with cheating. There's also the fact that on the same day she cheated, she received news that her brother committed suicide. The second brother to do the same in 2 years, so yes there's a lot of history.

***modified***

With this, it does not sound like she’s in the right emotional state right now. Even if you were to leave, I don’t think now is a good time to do so.

luminouz:
Been reading your diaries.

Very very interesting.

I thank you

This is the definition of “wahala be like bicycle.”

From one thing to the other. If I were you, I would pray hard and also fast because some things require more than prayer. Silver and gold, I have none but I will say a prayer for you.