₦airaland Forum

HeWrites:
The Narcotics Control Bureau (NCB), Bengaluru on Wednesday, July 25, arrested a Nigerian national with 155.5 grams of cocaine which was being transported from Mumbai to the city.

The accused identified as Ozy Chukwudu, 30, was intercepted by the NCB sleuths when he disembarked from a sleeper bus from Mumbai to Bengaluru.

With specific information of cocaine smuggling, the NCB team was waiting for his arrival from Mumbai.

Chukwudu, who did not have a passport and other documents, was carrying a polythene bag with 11 capsules which contained cocaine.

The drug was brought to Mumbai by an unidentified man hiding it in his stomach and was later handed over to Chukwudu to be brought to Bengaluru.

According to a press release by the NCB, Bengaluru, the value of the contraband is said to be around Rs 93 lakh in the international market.
"Based on examination, he was arrested under the Narcotic Drugs and Psychotropic Substances Act," said Sunil Kumar Sinha, zonal director, NCB, Bengaluru.

He was produced before the court yesterday, Thursday, July 26.

https://www.torimill.co/news/9010/nigerian-man-nabbed-in-india-with-155-5-grams-of-cocaine-photos.html

Adasun:
big indeed

prettyjo:
wooow its my birthday again.



I just celebrated my graduation on Friday,and today, am celebrating my birthday.##so much blessings this month##.


As you celebrate with me ,I pray that all your daysis shall be elongated and we shall live like Methuselah.I also ask for more blessings cos I know that more will definitely come.

Happy birthday!!! super Leo.

KillaBeauty:
Stupid rude thing. How would you be calling somebody a bitch like that? You don’t have manners

Chukwudiajibo:
I find it hard to trust any girl am dating, i hate to see a woman am dating misbehaving, trusting a woman has become a burden to me, i cant imagine another man having sex with a girl i love, my biggest problem here is that, when i found out u're cheating on me, i will just quit the relationship, hope am doing the right thing, because i can never cheat on a woman

Colourich:
What exactly are you pricing?

Colourich:
Why is the girl looking so uncomfortable?

KadunaMafia:
Please let's be civil in our discuss.

Should Love be the most important factor in a relationship since both of you are broke

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
Lemme not even say what came to mind before our ninjas bash me.

Hisduchess:
you want to spoil her abi.e no go work

Bantino:
Sorry about that, this is Nairaland, please go to Poundsland and comment. (No offense)

Mac2016:
English words that make Nigerians say the opposite of what they mean
by Farooq Kperogi (PhD)

In this week’s column, I bring to light Nigerian English words and expressions that mean the opposite of what they are intended to mean when spoken to native English speakers:

1. “Offer course”/ “run a course”/”take a course.” I’ve grouped these expressions in one cluster because they are related, and occur primarily in university settings. Nigerian university and high school students often say they “offer” a course where native English speakers would say they “take” a course. For instance, in response to one of my Saturday columns deploring the discontinuation of the teaching of history in Nigerian secondary schools, someone wrote to tell me that he was the only one in his class who “offered history.” It had been a while since I heard someone say or write that, so I was initially puzzled. It didn’t take long, though, to realize that he meant he was the only one in his class who “took history” as a subject; others too government.
This popular misuse of “offer” in Nigerian English has real consequences for mutual intelligibility in international communication. In my December 18, 2011 column titled “Top Hilarious Differences between American and Nigerian English,” I recounted the story of a Nigerian who “wrote to tell me that an American university admissions officer was bewildered when she told him she wanted to ‘offer a course in petroleum engineering’! I told her in America-and in Britain-students don’t offer courses; only schools do. To offer is to make available. Students can’t make courses available in schools; they can only take or enroll in courses that schools offer.”
So the school “offers” the course, the teacher “teaches” it, and the student “takes” it. A student can’t offer a course.
A similarly puzzling Nigerian English phraseology is the use of the word “run” to indicate enrollment in a course of study, as in, “I am running a master’s degree in English at ABU.” That expressive choice became mainstream, at least as far I am aware, after I left Nigeria. That was why when I first heard it I thought the person who “ran” a course was the director or coordinator of the course. This was how the conversation went:
“Hello. I am running a postgraduate course in mass communication at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, and need your help.”
“Let me get this straight first. Do I understand you to mean that you’re the postgraduate director of the mass communication program at Nsukka? If yes, what help do you need from me to run the program?”
“No, I am not a postgraduate director. I am a PhD student.”
“A student? How do you run a program as a student? Are you a student assistant to the postgraduate director?”
“No, just a student.”
“OK. So you mean you’re enrolled in a PhD program?”
“Yes, that.”
This conversation took place many years ago. Since then, I’ve heard and read many Nigerians say they are “running” a course when they mean they’re enrolled in a course. I frankly have no idea where that construction came from. But to run a department, a course, a program, etc. is to be in charge of it, to direct it, to control it.
Maybe the expression is an incompetent mimicry or misapplication of the idiom “run its course,” which is used to say that something starts, continues for a time, and then ends, as in, “I didn’t take medications for the catarrh; I just let it run its course.” But to use the idiom in place of “enrolled for a course” is simply perplexing.
I also recently became aware that Nigerian lecturers now say they “take a course” to mean they teach it. One Prof. Richard Akindele, who was recently fired from Obafemi Awolowo University for demanding sex from a female student in exchange for better grades, wrote about courses he “took” the student who exposed him. How does a lecturer “take” a course he or she teaches? A teacher teaches a course and a student “takes” it.

2. “Customer.” In Nigerian English a “customer” simultaneously refers to one who buys and one who sells. That’s why both buyers and sellers call each other “customers” in Nigerian markets! In Standard English, however, only the buyer is called a customer.

3. “Troubleshooter.” Many Nigerian English speakers call troublesome people “troubleshooters.” But “troubleshooters” are the exact opposite of troublesome people. The standard meaning of a troubleshooter is someone who remedies troubles. In other words, a troubleshooter is a peacemaker. I think the word Nigerian English speakers are looking for is “troublemaker,” which actually means one who causes trouble.

4. “Thank God!” Many Nigerians say “Thank God!” in response to an expression of gratitude to them. Every Nigerian understands that to mean, “The credit belongs to God, not me, because it is God who bestowed me with the means to do what I did to you.” It’s born out of religious modesty. But native English speakers won’t understand it like that. They use the expression “Thank God” to mean they are happy something bad didn’t happen, as in, “Thank God no one was hurt after the car summersaulted!” or “Thank God he didn’t embarrass us.”
So saying “Thank God” after someone says “Thank you” to you can only mean one of two things to a native English speaker. It can be interpreted to mean, “Thank God you realize that I did you a favor,” indicating that you initially acted as if you were entitled to the favor for which you’re now thankful. Or it could be interpreted as, “Thank God that you have sense enough to say ‘thank you’,” suggesting that you normally don’t say “thank you” when someone does you a favor.
The conventional idiomatic responses to expressions of gratitude among native speakers are “you’re welcome” (which used to be regarded as an Americanism but which is now used all over the world, including in the UK), “not a problem,” “you bet,” “(it’s) my pleasure,” “don’t mention it” (a peculiarly British expression that is now going out of fashion), “think nothing of it,” etc.
In the United States, people who want to demonstrate the sort of modesty that makes Nigerians say “Thank God” as a response to someone who thanked them say “Thank YOU!” with the emphasis on “you.”

5. “Scratch/itch.” Itching is the uncomfortable sensation that we feel on our skin, which causes us to scrape it with our fingers; “scratching” is the act of relieving an itchy sensation by using our fingers. But it’s common to hear Nigerians, particularly children, say their body is “scratching” them. When a child in Nigeria told me his body was “scratching” him, I told him to “itch it”!

6. “Farfetched.” When Nigerians say “the reason is not farfetched,” they mean “the reason isn’t hard to find. But farfetched means “unlikely,” so saying “the reason is not farfetched” is the same thing as saying “the reason is not unlikely,” which is a meaningless double negative at best.

7. “Sell market.” This expression has origins in Nigerian Pidgin English, but it now regularly occurs in informal Nigerian English. It is said when a trader has a good day in the market, that is, when many customers buy the trader’s goods. In Standard English, “sell market” would be understood as literally selling the land and shops in a market to a person or a corporation.

8. “Flash.” In Nigerian English, this word means to call a phone number and hang up immediately. Of the word’s many Standard English meanings, the one that native English speakers instinctively relate to is the act of exposing one’s unclothedness in public. I once narrated the story of a native English speaker who ran as fast as his legs could carry him when his Nigerian friend said to him, “let me flash you so you can have my number”! “I didn’t want to see the naked body of an old man,” he told me. When I told him what “flash” meant in Nigerian English, he felt bad.

9. “Go-slow.” This is the Nigerian English term for traffic congestion, also informally known as traffic jam or traffic snarl-up. In British English, however, “go-slow” is a form of industrial protest where workers deliberately slow down their productivity in order to hurt the profits of their employers.

10. “Homely.” In Nigerian English, this word is used to describe women who are cultured and worthy of being married as wives. In American English, however, when a woman is described as “homely” it means she is ugly.

11. “Pass out.” Nigerians use “pass out” to mean complete secondary school education or the National Youth Service Corps training and subsequent service. In Standard English, the first thing that comes to people’s mind when you say you’ve “passed out” is that you have fainted. A few weeks ago, several of my young Facebook friends who just finished their NYSC service year shared photos of their “passing out.” I was initially alarmed and expected to see photos of them lying unconscious until I remembered that to “pass out” in Nigerian doesn’t mean to faint.
The Nigerian English use of pass out comes from British English where the expression is used to denote graduating from a military training.

Source: https://www.dailytrust.com.ng/amplite/english-words-that-make-nigerians-say-the-opposite-of-what-they-mean-262094.html

Oyindidi:
Short guy is a no no

GloriaNinja:
IF NOT FOR DAVIDO, NOBODY WILL EVEN KNOW SHE EXISTS.

okitiomas:
if a lady walk past you which of this two do you first notice

iLegendd:
I want to make a naughty female Nairalander my girlfriend. She can come from any state, but if she's from Rivers state, it will be cool.

So, which moniker do you suggest?

Hisduchess:
And I ask again, mrcork do you have sense at all

EndtimeJudge:
lol brother. I just want interested lady to hook up.. thats it.
so it wont be any need for taking a year asking a lady out

GloriaNinja:
IF NOT FOR DAVIDO, NOBODY WILL EVEN KNOW SHE EXISTS.

daviesblaze:
I WONDER WHY YOUR MUM WONT TAKE HER PHONE FROM YOU. I DOUBT IF SHE WOULD APPROVE OF YOUR STUPIDITY ONLINE

MobileGees:
you claim everyone your son who be your mate here sef

You high

daviesblaze:
JUST REMEMBER THAT YOUR FATHER IS A BUSH AFRICAN FOWL FROM NIGERIA. LIKEWISE THAT MAKES YOU NO DIFFERENT. A GOAT CANT GIVE BIRTH TO A DOG

daviesblaze:
JUST REMEMBER THAT YOUR FATHER IS A BUSH AFRICAN FOWL FROM NIGERIA. LIKEWISE THAT MAKES YOU NO DIFFERENT. A GOAT CANT GIVE BIRTH TO A DOG

Hisduchess:
any day that u ll stop trolling me nah that day ur phone go loss.(((serious swearing)))

Hisduchess:
any day that u ll stop trolling me nah that day ur phone go loss.(((serious swearing)))

Gaspardd:
I have the swag tho, i can get them but is hard keeping them...but who cares, i had sèx and thats all that matters. But i'll have to step up my game tho.

Elvischris:
You are funny. It works in all women... Haha �

Elvischris:
For those of you who dont know how to make love to a lady, today am teaching on it

Learn to practice and use it.

1.Look deep into her eyes and make sure you dont shy away.

2.Hold her to zero distance, make sure your chest get in touch with herbreast and feel the wormthfrom it.

3.Then give her a wet deep kiss, then whisper to her “your so beautiful”Kiss her again and tell her “I love YOU honey”

4.Go on and romance her, hold her bre*sts, romance it softly and slow while kissing her, eventually tell her” One day you will kill me with this kind oflove”

5.She will start breathing so fast meaning that she’s ready but don’t rush, take things slow.

6.Romance her for about 30-40mins, after that remove her clothes leavingthe panties.Kiss her neck, bre*st, suck it and go ahead to kiss her stomach too….!!

7.Slowly pull down her pants,go ahead to kiss plussucking her clit0ris. At this point, she will yearn for your d*ck but i repeat.DON’T rush.


8.Pull out your d*ck, pass it around her body to areaslike the br*ast, neck, ears, stomach, then eventually down her thighs.

9.Insert 1cm of ur d*ck in her p*ssy, eventually pull it out and your d*ck on her clit0ris which will force her to bring out the juices….Jizzzzzz

10.Go ahead and suck them. The juices help to smoothen the path for the di*ck to prevent it from getting hurt…! Goshhhh..

11. F*ck her very hard while kissing her br*asts.​

12. With all this, you can now spread her legs and f*ck the hell out of her as ifthere’s no more tomorrow….Buhahahahahaaa ​​

13.After she has come, spread her legs and suck her like 5 mins b4 f*cking her again. This time from the behind until she cums.

14.After the second f*ck, just tell her “how sweet herp*ssy is” and allow her to lay her head on your chest.

15.After a while, get her tothe bathroom and wash her properly.S£x is very important in every relationship.
https://www.standcode.com/2018/06/12/tutorial-on-how-to-make-love-to-a-lady/