₦airaland Forum

okekwumusa: Are you the one that marry your husband, look at they way you were talking to him concerning another persons matter.

What? Where on this thread have I indicated how I speak to my husband First of all I never directly told my husband about the incident until he heard one of the kids mentioned their father beating their mother and thanking me for inviting them over for dinner at times.

My husband is highly intelligent and can put 2 and 2 to four. He asked me and I told him the truth. That's when he told me not to get involve and he doesn't want to hurt anyone for messing with his wife. I simply asked him if it was his sister or mother..what would he do.

He simply said in Nigeria...people mind their business about other couples' affairs. I said okay and he knew I was mad at him.

So again....where did it indicate in above statement I was talking to my husband any kind of way simply because I asked him a question

goofie: it is true that they say "for better for worse", but at what point is enough,enough?

she cant be psychologically and emotional sound and happy with that kind of environment.

evreyone deserves to be happy.and ur friend is not left out

For better and worse doesn't involve attempted murder.

joymary7: @topic, it is not all about leaving the abusive spouse, bt wat wld Βε̲̣̣̣̥ the fate of the woman after leaving. My own case goes this way, ‎​i married a̶̲̥̅̊ man who W̶̲̥̅̊åS̤̈̊ so loving truout the relationship, b4 our marriage ‎​i stoped working and told him ‎​i wanted to learn fashion design, he allowed M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ and paid for it, after our marriage the weetness turned sour, constant beatin which sometimes ended in the hospital and sometimes he beats M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ naked till ‎​i faint and the whole neighbourhood gather round my naked body, even though my husband lives in netherlands while ‎​i live in nigeria this is usually my fate each time he comes home, ‎​i got pregnant and had a̶̲̥̅̊ son, all tru my pregnancy he tormented M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ even though we don't life together, he calls my father a̶̲̥̅̊ poor ansd sick man, he calls my mother a̶̲̥̅̊ prostitute, he told M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ he wld one day sleep wit my sister, all these put strains and stress on M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ during my pregnancy, ‎​i ended up giving birth by CS which he paid for bt he later told M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ he paid for it hoping tht ‎​i wld die in the operating room, right now he has promised to make M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ cripple wen he comes next month, ‎​i plan to run away wit my son b4 he comes so he doesn't harm us and ‎​i also want to get a̶̲̥̅̊ divorce, I've made up my mind bt the question is how do ‎​i survive wit my son as ‎​i don't av a̶̲̥̅̊ job. So telling a̶̲̥̅̊ woman to leave is not a̶̲̥̅̊ bad idea at all but wat happens to her wen she lives, how wld she survive financially especially is children are involved

First thing I would do is contact your family and let your family know what is going on. Ask your family to help you and if they aren't willing or incapable then I would plan an effective escape plan. I always encourage my clients to leave when the time is right meaning that you have someone to help you escape and you have somewhere to go.

Since you guys live in separate housing then you should start looking for a job or create a business that doesn't require much money....cleaning business or something. It is much easier for you to do this since you are not living with your abuser. Contact a friend that you can trust and ask her to help you plan...she may even support with resources of her own.

If you were in America...I would have suggest contacting a domestic violence agency that will be effective as well.

Good luck!

jhydebaba: See this bonga fish with burnt sets of gapped teeth and a product of brutalised home. How dare u?

Are you on your period

goofie: Madam if what u have said is true, i think u shld really sit back and think about what is best for YOU and the children too.

women alwys stay 4 d sake of kids bt do u know what dis environment is doing to dis kids at the moment?

if u die in d process,u will not be der to worry about how ur kids will fare. u will be blamed for not saving u and ur kids.

talk to ur family about everything.talk to a counsellor or someone qualified 4 dis kinda issue.

as long as ders life, ders hope.

a dead person cant make a change.

violence should not be condoned.

I tried to contact her family and to no avail failed. I also contacted a family member of his that worked with a mutual associate about the ordeal. I don't know if the family are planning to intervene but at least they know what is going on.

Xionez: Its sad to see that the fathers attitude is being imitated by the son. Very sad. And I can bet the husbands father exibited the same trait.
This is the very first time I'm hearing such and I can conclude without reservations that both the father and son need help. The son especially because the father is reaching or has reached his prime.

Women need to open their eyes. They need to follow reason and not their heart. The idea that a man will change his attitude after marriage or upon the arrival of their baby and all that is just wishful thinking. Forget all those tales by moonlight. This is you and your man or fiancé. Each person is unique. One thing is certain, a woman can rarely change a man. But a man can change a woman both physically, emotionally and mentally. With this in mind,
they need to sit down each night and look, with the eyes of a hawk, for hidden flaws in his character and then ask themselves if they are prepared to live with it. If it gets worse, how best to manage it. If it becomes intolerable, what backup do you have?.
These are some of the things women often overlook. Its easier for a man to just walk away but for a woman, it may take sometime.

Mrs Chima, I commend you for having an understanding the "buttons" that drives your hubby between anger and love. The decision not to press your hubby to intervene in the matter after your arguement is what most women wouldn't think of doing. Most would prefer to nag all the way, thinking that he would finally succomb to pressure, only to be greeted by a change in his attitude which ultimately affects her marriage. The saviour becomes the prey.

Please, folks, I may seem to drift off-topic but I am trying to buttress the fact that women needs to understand her man thoroughly before attempting marriage. This should be the main rule for women that are emotionally unstable like the woman in the topic.



Mrs.Chima, you have done your best. A lioness knows when to abandon a wayward cub least she dies trying to save him. Do all you can to support her. Maybe with time, like every other sane cubs, she would reason it out, disentangle herself and fall back to your support and start a new life afresh.

By the way, I hope you don't use your husband as any point of reference like ". . .if it were my husband. . ." or "Thank God for my husband. . .". Most women are fond of making useless sentences like that. It never does any good as the victim would try her possible best to stay on the relationship and make "a leopard to change his spots".

Good day to y'all.

I have no intention on comparing my husband to her husband for my husband is my husband. I simply tell her that she shouldn't accept blame for loving a man that beat her but she should love herself more to protect herself and her children from harm ways.

dazz661: If she really loves Ʊ, she'll be willing to learn how to cook & do all other domestic chores.... 9ce one sexkillz

Love is not going to help a person who doesnt know a skill...know them. Love didnt teach my husband how to fly a kite and yes i taught him and he cant fly the kite to save his life!!

jay bee: Meanie

You still love me boo. Muuuuah!

Rocktation: Naija men...just when they say they want independent modernists as wives, they ask for house helps in the same breath.

Exactly!!!

Wait a minute.....you met this woman less than a year and already beford marriage you guys ate sharkng a house
Na wa oo!

skup008: Its less than a year that i met this luvly gal,she very beautiful,caring,very religious and we love each other so much,she is actually the first lady i will ever love with my whole heart as i always dream of keeping her as a wife. But the problem am having with her is that she can't cook,she can't prepare any meal at all and she's also very lazy when it comes to domestic works and any time i raise the issue, she always react as if she never care to learn how to do them,at times she tell that i shouldn't worry that she will change and learn how to cook very soon,that is when she notice am very serious or not happy about the issue.
I now want nairalanders to advise me on what to do that can force her to learn how to cook and do other domestic works...Thanks

Can YOU cook? How hard is it to boil water for rice??!!!!!

Tell them that you are a lesbian and have little penis.

I love these type of emails because i love toying with them.

This is no lie....i gotten an email about a dying uncle in Africa that left me millions of dollars and i had to deposit 100,000 for international transaction fees. Now mind you this is a cousin ib Africa i have never met and HIS DADDY LEFT ME...HIS ESTRANGED NIECE MONEY??!!!!

It was so hilarious but i played along and i got their real addrezs and phone number and even did some detective work to ensure some things i told them i wold send them money via western union and gave a fake name and control numbers.

I also told them to send me some African money for keepsake....as an exchange.....they didnt fulfil their side and i didnt fulfil mine.

They sent me a very nassy email saying i was evil and will be punished. I sent back an email saying you are a dummy to think i would fall for your preschool scam! In fact spit on my dead incle for me and tell him to eat my dick in hell!!!!

I have no intentions in remarry if my husband was to pass. I would mourn and get over it for the sake of the babies because they would too take it hard as well. Children are interesting during the time of bereavement.

I can still live my life without remarrying and focus on my future goals.

It is normal for women to ask men for money but what is it with Nigerian men asking women for money? They claimed this is the mans world but acts worse than begging women.

Whats the deal

This is the most romantic song I have ever heard from a man! Enjoy!




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJSbxZ2uJRA

Ama28: One thing I have noticed that is quite familiar about women in abusive relationship is the feeling that their life depends on such and thats where people like you and I comes in Mrs Chima.

These men first breakdown their spirit and self esteem before going physical.
I have lost a lot of people in violence relationship that most times, I rebuff warning signs of "no go area".

A close friend had this issue and I had the opportunity to talk to the husband on a one on one (even though my hubby said no). I just made sure I wasn't the one that initiated the discussion because my hubby said I should stay out. After giving the man a piece of my mind, which got through his abusive thick skull, maybe he went home thinking. The abuse stopped for a while and I encouraged the wife to make smart changes at that interim (she got a juicy job out of town and moved with the kids) he had his space to think. But I lost my friendship with the man and he won't even come near my hubby. Who gives a heck? The girlfriend and her kids are happy!

So am HAPPY!!!

[size=33pt]Yay!! [/size] Great testimony! I hope other women are inspired by this and do the same! Thank you!

dontador: So, the man smacks her for nothing?
Mehn!! If i were to witness that kind of thing being done to a woman. I will try to talk with the abuser, try to talk him out of what he is doing to the woman. But, you know some men don't like to be advised on anything concerning how he runs his family.
So, if the man were to be that kind of person that won't listen to any advise, i will just back-off and let him be. It's his wife, so i have no right to tell him how to handle her.
On the other hand, since the son now imitates his father in abusing the mother. I will advise her to leave the marriage. Because, they might one day beat her to death.
Ps: @op since your husband told you not to interfere with what is happening. I suggest you listen to him. Don't put your family in chaos because of another woman's problems. I know how you feel about how your friend is being abused. ”Humans are emotional in nature“. You should not let your emotions take over you. ACT WISE.

Maybe she acts different behind closed doors but when she is out with people and her children she is a loving person. She is very quiet in nature and she is not outspoken like me. So I can't imagine her yelling and acting crazy behind closed doors but she have told me some incidents where she was watching tv and he took the remote from her. She just moved to another room and watched tv. He would follow her and do the same thing.

Someone said that before marriage.. some women are abused and that may be true but in her case...he was a knight in shining armor until she moved from her hometown to his hometown (in the same region I am) and things changed after the kids gotten older. She also told me that her last child (the girl) wasn't planned and he didn't want the girl but she went ahead with the pregnancy.

Part of me think that he wanted all boys because he treats his son better than his girls from what I saw then again I could have misread the actions because I do not spend many hours in their home for I am always with my own family. I try to invite the kids over as much as I can so the kids can get away from that environment but I had to reduce after hearing my husband fuss about getting in their business.

So it is difficult to do it when your own spouse is telling you not to get involve but at the same time I can't sit here knowing my friend is getting her arse beat. It is like sitting in the living room knowing the kitchen is on fire.

kokoye:

Mr. Chima got pile or hemorrhoids??

May you shit yourself tonight!

okpara ugo: No mind dem. Go check any woman who is physically abused by her partner. If such a woman is given to you free of charge, no man will accept her for sake of her bad character.

Am talking from examples. A woman who would starve her husband of food. A woman who would starve her husband of S3x. A woman who would raise her voice on her man even in public places. What a shame.

Some female behaviours are unimaginable. There was this female banker that even insults her husband inside her office the little time her husband spends visiting her. Mtscheew, the man no get muscle.

What you just described is entirely different then what this thread is about. This thread is NOT ABOUT TYPICAL IGNANT WOMEN OR MEN BEHAVIOR....it is about domestic violence between men and women.

If your woman did all the things you mentioned above then YOU ARE STUP!D for staying with her and beating her will NOT CHANGE HER ATTITUDE.

Xionez: Mrs.Chima, I, personally, would like to know the character or personality of the woman in distress?

I find it suprising as well as disturbing that her own SON would threaten to harm her, his OWN MOTHER. For what reason?
What has she done to deserve such hate?.
What is the attitude of the daughters towards their mum?.

Its hidden problems like this that makes one jump into wrong conclusions. Mind you, I'm not siding the husband neither am I siding the wife.

Surprising the girls react to their mother different than the son. They seems to be more protective of her than the son which confuses me. She do not deserve to be beaten to a pulp and I am sure she have sense enough not to hit her partner. The guy is abusive and crazy and I have always told her to be careful because when we first met he asked my husband how to he control me. My husband checked him and said never ask me anything personal about me or my wife. That is our business.

I asked my friend later why did her partner asked my husband such question and she said that her partner thinks I am too "free" and need to be control because I am too smart and outspoken.

I responded back just like this...... I told her to be careful and that fool is crazy. Weeks later I saw bruises on her face under her makeup. She is light in complexion so bruises are visible even with makeup.

Dipwater: @mrs chima long time me no hear 4rm u.
@topic the abused woman needs ur help ,do whateva u can to save a soul. That nigga most def needs a slug in his anus for totally disrespecting a woman like that

In nigeria beating is very common , maybe its an african thing and the girls don't see it as an abuse ,they think its cuz he luvs them. Seriously in evri 20 women that that I have met its only 1 that has not been abused. A lot of Pipu around me have this mentality of heating their women weneva their women gets them angry. Our women have conformed to the idea and they don't see it as abuse

True life story: I wus dating this girl then. She wus very rude and disrespectful. After managing her for a while. I decided to quit ,only for her to show up one day with tears on her eyes crying that I broke her hart,I thot it wus a joke. But later confirmed. She said she prefered beating to breaking up,that as luvers we can have misunderstanding and seetle it withuot breaking up. And I wus like whaaaaat the f/uck

Dipwater....my friend and her partner is not African and both of them are Americans.

dontador: This is a very serious case. For me in particular, i don't like it when a women is being abused.
A man in his right senses won't abuse a woman for nothing.
@op we need to know the character of the lady in question. How she treats her man? Even the son also abuses the mother. Something is wrong about the lady in question.
@op enlighten us more about her attitude.

You do not need a reason to beat someone...if a woman smile and her husband smack her....is that her fault because she smiled? Now you see how stup!d that sound?

She is a good wife and mother. She treats her husband like he is pure gold and that is the problem in my opinion however for the son...the son is imitating what he see his father do. If she was a terrible mother then ALL of her children would attack her not just the son.

Think about it.

Dipwater: @mrs chima long time me no hear 4rm u.
@topic the abused woman needs ur help ,do whateva u can to save a soul. That nigga most def needs a slug in his anus for totally disrespecting a woman like that

I dey wella wella....how far na?

I am trying but at the same time I have to do it where it doesn't upset my husband...it is hard to tell a woman that think as long as she covers herself with makeup everything is fine.

I can only offer and I am waiting on him to slip so I can get evidence of him beating her. So far no luck. SIghs. I have a feeling I will be at her funeral soon.

Me think that love-vendor R231 is plotting to steal this Chinky eyed chick's heart.

He is indeed a real Black man.

dBard: isn't dat rihanna ? looks suspiciously like her

It is. I couldn't post the real picture of the said person to protect her privacy. Trust me she looks like that at times and it is scary.

[quote author=Mr..Cork] Well on behalf of all men, we hate them in a nice way.. They usually very rude and they never obey... Ordnary shaaaaraap, they wouldnt Shaaaaaraaap!![/quote]Women hate broke, jobless, and whining men.

okpara ugo: Anyone.

I like your name....it means first born in Igbo.

lalabrown: Yes.... With my EX!!
There is nothing quite so bad as when the person who claims he love you starts to hurt you....then tells you he loves you again...then hurts you..it destroys your soul, your heart, your mind..you become a shadow...
I escaped from hell,when i was pregnant with my adorable son 11years ago it took me 5 years to find out who I was again and regain some form of self respect,and heal from the classic hitting, slapping, punching, chocking that happens,but the verbal and mental abuse that's tears me down.l finally woke up one day after getting beat because he had gotten a ticket for for reckless driving. ( Like I was there to prevent his behavior)I have my unborn child to put first and him last. I can't say he was a great Dad, because he was never there.;( That was the first day of the rest of my life, the day I took control and say goodbye,What a great feeling.
If anyone here is going through it..please find help and leave, it's hard, but the right thing to do..don't let some other person destroy your right to be happy.
Love & Light

Awwwwwww. You have inspired many women who may be going through it and are online reading this post. Congratulations and you did it!

PortHarcourtBoy: The more you sand sand and slap slap the babes dem...the more dem love You...

Slap a girl today...

Slap a dumb nigga today.

kokoye: what...everrrrr

See that why I don't like old and dried up BLACK MEN! Grouchy punk!


I done said I miss you and gave your old ass a kiss and you gon say what..eeevvvver? May your anus give out as your wife give you head!