₦airaland Forum

I always confide in r231 about my marriage and interest in Van Vicker.

Nayah:
Yes but seriously Mrs Chima don't you think it's like being betrayed twice not telling him or her? I'm quite reserved but if this is my friend I would be faced to a big dilemna

I tell you what, let say you confided in your friend about the cheating partner and you ensured your friend that this is shared out of love and respect for her.  Now she is informed about her cheating partner confronts her cheating partner which spins out of control.  She is heartbroken and the guy vanish in thin air. 

Some people blames you for the breakup including the guy even the friend.  Then what? 

Here is another one, what if you tell the friend and she tell you so what?  Mind your business.  Then what? 

The point of this, let her catch him in act. Some people literally take the verse. "what God bring together let no man put asunder" to heart. So what if your friend say to you, "are you trying to break up my relationship"? What would your response be?

Kpoili

Would it change your love for the woman if you found out she had several abortions or is barren? Would that change the dynamic of your LOVE for the woman?

If so that wasn't love.

pendo89:
What made you connect in the first place? What eroded all that?
This is my tip.Even if you dressed up in whatever secret and made sure your bedroom smells frankincense,myrrh and looks like a rose and lily garden,nothing will change if the connection is lost.

True.

OP

Putting a band aid on an open wound will not heal the issues underneath. Find out the source of the problem and deal with the problem. Face reality of what it is going on with your life and work it out. If one doesn't want to put forth the effort to make the marriage work then it will not work.

It is not about sex something else is the bigger problem. Figure it out and work at it.

ikhideman:
@ Mrs, Chima

Thanks for your mature response.

I'm talking about relevant information (info that could affect their relations in marriage) that occurred and should be said during courtship, when the two of them were dating;

I understand exactly what you meant. I am just saying let be objective and realistic. What you feel is important may not be important to her. So such things may not come up intentionally before the marriage and some things surface on it own after marriage.

That's the purpose of red flags, it is a warning that something is not right or a secret is hidden.

Nayah

It is good to allow your friend catch his or her partner in the act.  You can always manipulate the situation where your friend will catch his or her partner.  Trust me friendships and families have broken over such "truth".  

I know you wouldn't want to keep a secret from your friend but getting involved would put you in a murky situation that will destroy every lines of communication.  

People would tell you, tell me everything but as I have stated in other threads knowing everything isn't necessary.  But what's done in the dark will come to light.

To spice up a relationship is like dressing the turkey for Thanksgiving. It requires compromises on both side and compassion. Intimacy is not about sex, it is about learning each other and growing together to achieve the objective which should be "loving each other until the end of time".

Intimacy is about spending quality time with your partner and finding alternative approach to keep the fire going in the relationship. It is also about loving the person even with flaws because at the end of the day, love is what counts.

The relationship isn't just about you but also your partner. Discover life together and build your trust with each other. A loving relationship takes time and work. Put in the work collectively then you shall see the harvest of your labor.

ikhideman:
Yes, Why they keep secrets/important information relevant to the marriage from their husbands long before marriage and reveal it later in the marriage? Giving d excuse that they did not want to lose their man.

I used "christian males & females" so that the comments would be helpful

Gotcha. 

The same reasons why men keep secrets from their wives before marriage.  Everyone has skeletons in their closets even "classy Christian" people.  No one will tell the whole story of what happened in their life because it will not change the dynamic of relationships nor marriages. 

Now if it something that happened YEARS before you were in the picture then why is it any of your business?  I am sure you have secrets that she would consider "important" but some things are meant to be unknown.

Knowing everything doesn't determine success in relationships nor marriages.  That's why people need to spend time getting to know someone before JUMPING IN BED and across the broom.  I am not saying that you will know everything about the person but red flags and good signs will expose themselves once you allow your mind to see them with time. 

Sometimes clues are exposed beforehand and some people will ignore it.  Did that happened in your case?

There is no such thing as white blood nor black blood however genetic testing can determine origin of heritage.

Anyone who has more than one form of ethnicity is bi-ethnicity or multi-ethnicity.

Inkie

Believe it or not, these men on NL are getting dumb women with cheap lines. They get some attention and fall in love off dollar store promises without even knowing the dude in totality.

A chick will fall for tellwisdom's cheap lines unfortunately.

Are you asking why female believers keep secrets from their husbands or exactly what are you asking? 

You went from knowing females are emotional to why are they keeping secrets to they need the holy spirit.

Are you trying to win souls indirectly?

[quote author=obo_man link=topic=786945.msg9414213#msg9414213 date=1319539102]I rather furk the sexyyyyyyy KIM Kaurdashian ( pardon me if i get the spellin wrong)[/quote]You and millions of other kondos. Pick a number and wait your turn. At this moment she is servicing customer 299 Kris.

tellwisdom:
Ink yansh, you should knw guys in New york are all hustlers with no money, I live in San francisco California, So dont dull


Mrs-chiman, If u see my oyan yan, i swear u wil never go for another bt mine . Truss me

I would rather tolerate a white man.

[quote author=Inked_Nerd link=topic=783569.msg9412235#msg9412235 date=1319508069]No! Mba! Nein! Nyet! Hapana! Why should I fall for you when I have all these fine fine bobo's walking around the streets of New York? What do you even have that I could possibly want? [/quote]Some people like meat and toto far from home. You got folks willing to fly across country and to other continents for unknown meat and toto. He's just being adventurous simpleton.

He might be that "king".

Kutey:
The reason why a lot black women in the west are unmarried is because they stick to black men and rarely date out but black men are the least likely to marry. White men love being married. I work with them so i know. Most are on their 2nd or even 3rd marriage but will still marry even the ones that have been through bad divorces.

There are more black women graduating from colleges, holding six figures salary careers, owning businesses and homes, and are listed as America top earners approximate to white men.  So again, why would they settle for chums?   Most black women are thriving for excellency and success while some of them follow the pockets of any man that will pay attention to them.  We call them gold diggers in America and some of these women on Nairaland displayed their desire to be with men for stability rather supporting themselves.  

I can see why some male chatters would write dissertations denouncing gold digging tricks however they are representing small percentage of black women who will settle for whatever just to have a man even a bum.  

Strong and confident black men aren't intimidated by strong and successful black women and in fact they applaud black women for stepping up and rising to occasion with them.  Believe it or not, there are tons of black on black couples that are living large and happily married.  We also have to take in consideration that not everyone believe in court marriage but will accept common law marriage (married by years of cohabitation).  

Only a weak black man will value his worth by the girth of his appendage.  Even if an unknown author declared black men "most desired" doesn't change the fact white men still dominate the world.

OP

If you are not gay then just simply tell him. It is good to be HONEST than to tell a lie.

Ms. Dee!  Our sister from another mother is here to stay! 

Inkie!  I so missed you!    _{Let me know when you are doing a hit a run.}

Oh my goodness! These black men are still comparing their "worth" by the size of their kondo?

WTF.

Aww Damn!

Stealing to prove a love?

sexkillz:
[color=#000055][size=14pt]Gallivanting Idiosyncratic Bullshitology!. . . [/size][/color]

[quote author=Inked_Nerd link=topic=787952.msg9402598#msg9402598 date=1319387623]Smh, were you jilted by some Nigerian girl? Almost all your comments pertain to something negative towards Nigerian women.[/quote]

[quote author=Inked_Nerd link=topic=785501.msg9402880#msg9402880 date=1319390319]
Yes, so very true! But I think the reason why the women on this thread point it out so much is because in Nigeria, at times the authorities tend to be nonchalant about domestic violence, and in some cases, people may not even see what is going on as domestic violence. I've heard numerous men say to their wives, had they not been living in a western country they would have taken "more actions" towards them. [/quote]Hmm.

Otunbakay:
Mr. Chima must not hear this!!!

tom28:
On the issue of nigerian men beating up their wives its not only nigerian men who do it.There was a story i read in the papers about an Austrian man married to a nigerian lady from Edo state and frm i read this couples had endless arguments that resulted in the austrian man beating up his nigerian wife when he had the opportunity.They had a very serious arguement that resulted in the man using a metal rod to beat up his wife and it paralysed her for life.Right now this lady is in a vegetable state in LUTH(lagos university teaching hospital) and the man has prevented the two children he had from her in visiting their mom.There are also cases of lebanese men who also beat up their nigerian wives or girlfriends.Or what can u say about the indian man who strangled his nigerian girlfriend to death in a fit of anger.I recall such a thread was made here some weeks ago.Domestic abuse is not common only in nigeria.Its a world wide problem.Even american men beat up their wives or girlfriends.

Duh! Nigerian men aren't the only women beaters and you missed the point.  The point is SOME African men will beat their wives because she didn't cook the meal right or left a dirty sock on the floor but ON THE FLIP SIDE will become Mr. Clean to the Oyinbo chicks.  That's the fuckery, we are talking about. 

Again, I said SOME so if it doesn't apply to you then no need to yelp.

[quote author=Inked_Nerd link=topic=786945.msg9402709#msg9402709 date=1319388545]
LOOL

I'd rather be an Nigerian American slut than to be a brainless morȯn who's in denial [/quote]Inkie, the fact they are on you because you are not afraid to share your sexual experiences contradicts the fact that they glorifies ashyhoes and selling their dignity for some papers. _{Thank God for the sensible black men.}

Two of the angry black men are already throwing punches at Inkie and I because we disagree with their opinions.

According to the angry mob, Inkie is an Nigerian American slut and I am the silly akata that is holding Africa back.

Wow! my online texts have that much power?!!

That will be a sight to behold!