₦airaland Forum

The joke was funny, You got me cracking, racking, jacking, lacking,...ing ,
Bin,honestly you tried;
KEEP IT UP,ONE DAY YOU GO MAKE ME PROUD

Again
In less than 2wks

Raphvizzy: U'll love this....
A jobless man applied for the job of "office boy" at
Microsoft.
The HR interviewed him then watched him cleaning
the floor as a test. "You are employed" he said. "Give
me your e-mail address and I'll send you the forms to
fill in as well as when you may start". The man replied
"But I don't have a computer, neither an email." "I'm
sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an
email, that means u do not exist. And who doesn't
exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what
to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to
go to the supermarket & buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He
then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less
than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He
repeated the operation three times, and returned home
with $60. The man realized that he can survive this
way, and started to go everyday earlier and return
late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.
Shortly, he bought a cars,then a truck, then he had his
own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is
one of the biggest food retailers in the US .
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to
have a life Insurance. He called an insurance broker,
and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded, the broker
asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an
email." The broker answered curiously, "You don't
have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an
empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if
you had an email?!"
The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be
an office boy at Microsoft!"
Moral of the story:
1) Internet/ email/ bbm/ whatsapp is not the solution
to your life.
2) If you don't have internet/ email/ bbm/ whatsapp,
and work hard, you can be a Billionaire.
3) If you received this message by email/ bbm/
whatsapp, u are not any close to being a Millionaire.
P.S - Don't send this back to me, I'm busy selling
Tomatoes
Lool!!!

Abeg wait for me

adaobi123: Talk gini ? You get e-points. Daz all

LOL

Abeg, CLOSE THIS THREAD!!!

Silly thread

Blues all the way till Madagascar becomes WORLD POWER

Someone should vote for me!!!

larride: This is should be moved to the joke section. Rubbish.

1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
likes

bin gbagbo: A man and a woman who were not familiar to each other,
sat in a room on different seats.
there was none in the room apart from the two.
later in the evening ,when the temperature of the room got cold, one moved to join the other.

A) who moved to join the other?

B) explain your answer



Start work

I don't know Sir

Ajuran: I do not want to be 419'ed.
I want a nigerian woman because they have strong legs and they can plow very good. Their pussy is very tight and not loose.
Nigerian women also have large breasts, which i enjoy.

About me: 12 INCHES STRONG. that is my shoe size. I am very tall and handsome. i have soft hair, and i am lean. but not skinny.

So my nigerian princess present yourself to me.

Smh,12 inches
Too small,mine is 30 inches moderate

georgecso: Mimiko needs prayers.

Has anyone observed this facts before now?

Ondo State incumbent Governors always bury their predecessors.

1. Adefarati buried Ajasin

2. Agagu buried Adefarati

3. Mimiko will now bury Agagu.

Ain't that a mystery

MYSTERY!!!

Smh

If true,Goodluck to him.

The All Progressives Congress says it has uncovered a ‘grand and serpentine’ plot by the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) and the Presidency to rig the 2015 general elections, especially the presidential poll, and to destabilize Nigeria. In a statement issued in Lagos today by its Interim National Publicity Secretary, Alhaji Lai Mohammed, the party said the multi-faceted strategy includes suppression of votes in areas where the President's chances are slim, using the police and the military.
According to APC, the PDP and the Presidency also plan to use what they have tagged a ‘Third Force’ to:
• Bamboozle Nigerians and project the image of a performing Presidency, even when they admit that the current public perception of the government is less than salutary because of its weakness and lack of vision;
• Engage in the destabilization of the APC using moles and fifth columnists;
• Instigate chaos in the South-West using what they called the ''Old Afenifere Guards'' and
• Infiltrate and weaken socio-cultural and socio-political organizations in areas they deem to be unfavourable to the President.
Shockingly, APC said, the PDP/Presidency's grand plot also does not exclude even the PDP itself, as they are pursuing a strategy of decisively and ruthlessly purging from the ranks of the party's inner decision-making caucus all recalcitrant members, including governors and House of Representatives members. '
'The dogged pursuit of this action of dealing with supposed recalcitrant members has led to suspensions, expulsions and alienation of some PDP members, and it was the immediate trigger of the collapse of the party of tattered umbrella,'' APC said. ''After all, it is said that a house divided against itself cannot stand." Elaborating on the plot, APC said the North-East and the North-West have been singled out as areas where votes must be suppressed in 2015, by creating an enabling environment for the deployment of ''special forces'' in the run-up to the 2015 elections. To that end, it said the plan involves launching police/military actions in the run-up to 2015, to ensure most of the registered voters in the zones are disenfranchised. ''The reason these two geo-political zones have been singled out for 'vote suppression' is because of what the PDP/Presidency called the 'voting demographics' in the zones in 2011. The North West had 18,900, 543 registered voters in 2011 while the North-East had 10,038,119.
By contrast, the President's 'safe support base' of South-South and South-East had 8,937,057 and 7,028,560 respectively, the total of which was less than that of the North-West alone! ''The PDP/Presidency therefore believe that unless the votes in these two zones are suppressed, and those of the South-West (14,298,356) stifled one way or the other, the chances of the President winning re-election are very poor. Needless to say that these three zones (NE, NW and SW) are considered to be hostile to the President, hence must be tamed,'' APC said. With regards to the Third Force, APC said it involves railroading unsuspecting credible and independent-minded Nigerians with deep knowledge of, and extensive penetration of the media, civil society, labour, youth, women and ethnic nationalities into the plan, in which they will be given scripts written by the government and sent out to inundate the airwaves and the print media, posing as experts and public an*lysts to peddle lies and reel out statistics that have no bearing on the standard of living of the average Nigerian. It said that perhaps the most dangerous aspect of the plot is the determined attempt by the PDP/Presidency to constrict the democratic space by moving against the main opposition party which they regard as a ''real threat'' to the President if it (the party) does not implode or is forced to break up before 2015.
Read more:
http://saharareporters.com/news-page/how-pdp-plans-rig-2015-polls-destabilize-nigeria-apc

VATICAN CITY (AFP) – The Vatican on Monday said late popes John Paul II and John XXIII would be made saints at an unprecedented joint ceremony on April 27, 2014 in a bid to unite Catholic conservatives and liberals.
Pope Francis made the historic announcement at a meeting of cardinals known as a consistory.
The canonisation of the two popes is expected to bring hundreds of thousands of pilgrims to Rome.
The popular Polish pope John Paul and his Italian predecessor known as “Good Pope John”, are two of modern-day Catholicism’s most influential figures.
The double sainthood is seen by Vatican watchers as an attempt to breach a traditional left-right divide in the Church.
“John XXIII is generally a hero to the church’s progressive wing while John Paul II is typically lionized by Catholic conservatives,” said John Allen, from the National Catholic Reporter, a US weekly.
Allen said the decision could be interpreted as “a statement that any attempt to set them at odds is artificial, and that what they had in common is more fundamental than any perceived differences”.
Sainthood normally requires two “confirmed” miracles, though Francis has approved the canonisation of John XXIII (1958-1963) — with whom he shares a common touch and reformist views — based on just one.
John Paul II, who served as pontiff from 1978 to 2005, was credited with his first miracle just six months after his death, when a French nun said she had been cured, through prayer, of Parkinson’s — a disease he had also suffered from.
His second miracle was reportedly carried out on a woman in Costa Rica, who said she was healed from a serious brain condition by praying for John Paul’s intercession on the same day he was beatified in 2011.
The Polish pope was popular throughout his 27-year papacy and helped topple Communism — although he alienated many with his conservative views and was blamed for hushing up paedophile priest scandals.
At his funeral in 2005, crowds of mourners cried “Santo Subito!” — “Sainthood Now!” — prompting the Vatican to speed up the path to sainthood, which normally begins five years after death.
John XXIII made his name by calling the historic Second Vatican Council (1962-1965) which overhauled the Church’s rituals and doctrines and reached out to other faiths.
Many compare the Italian pope, who died in 1963, with the current head of the Roman Catholic Church for their similar pastoral attitudes, humble, open manner and sense of humour.
The reportedly miraculous healing of an Italian nun who had severe internal hemorrhages was attributed to John XXIII when he was beatified in 2000.
Francis is believed to have waived the need for a second miracle because his canonisation had been called for by the participants of the Second Vatican Council in 1965, who wanted to pay homage to the man who ushered the Church into modern times.
Francis also promises to be a reformist pope, planning an overhaul of the Vatican bureaucracy and finances and promising a “poor Church for the poor”.
On Tuesday, he will begin three days of talks with an advisory board of eight cardinals he has appointed to help him clean up the troubled Roman Curia — the intrigue-filled administration — and improve communication between the Vatican and local churches.
Vatican experts say it is not clear whether details from the meetings will be made public, but liberal Catholics hope that the conciliatory tone adopted by Francis on many issues will translate into action.
Topics may include the role of women in the Church, whether priests should be able to marry, if Catholics who remarry should receive the Eucharist and the Church’s position on homosexuality and gay clergy.
http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/09/vatican-sets-make-late-popes-john-paul-ii-john-xxiii-saints/

Waiting for an answer!

At dinner, Akpor was forced to lead the family into prayer...
AKPORS : But i don't know how to pray
Dad : Just pray for your
family members, friends and neighbours, the poor, etc
Akpors : - "Dear Lord" he started "Thank u for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so
they wont come again.
Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.
This coming Christmas, pliz send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my daddy's blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who uses
mom's room when daddy is at work!

Thanks BOSS!!!

Someone should reply,I've always wanted to ask this question on Nairaland but due to my busy-filled schedule,it has been always impossible for me.
.
.
.
So someone should answer me.

I would rather take both!!!

I was here!
I'm coming back...

MEN
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don’t really care for them.
4. Although they don’t really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try theirluck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.
7. Although the woman leaves them they still don’t learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.
COMMENT "TRUE" IF I'M RIGHT.

Yoruba people shout over the phone, Igbo people lie over the phone and Hausa People always call wrong numbers"
WHY

A wife was sleeping in
the
middle of the night, she
suddenly shouted:'Get
up
quickly my husband is
here!!!'
The man got up from
the
bed,
jumps up out through
the
window, hurts himself
and
then
realized, ''Damn,I am
the
husband!!!''.
Who's guilty?

~~~
haterz at work
.
.
.
Anyway,Bunmi,where have you been

bin gbagbo: am i hot?

You ain't hot,you are damn too cold

*speechless*