₦airaland Forum

bennygee:
your lying,
no cheating husband would do that in broad daylight when he's had his fill indoors.

Sound's quite unbelievable. but if were to be true why didnt you use your phone to take a picture or do an amature video??

maybe its me but this tread sounds all 2 familiar^{, i think i read somethin abt this last year??}

Eedris will get my vote anytime _{Ruggeds "eehhenn" was a breath of fresh air when it came out then 'cos i have been on various war paths with friends over the eedriss " migidi figidi pigidi skekepopotio" Crap 4 months until Rugged came to my rescue}

I have 2 phones and i try to alternate my ringtones once every month 4 each._{although,there are some personalised one's that are kinda permanent}

Phone 1. Chris Brown : Kiss Kiss ^{Last tone: Kanye west : Stronger}

Phone 2. Justin T. : Love stoned ^{Last ringtone: Cramberries: Linger}

Very funny. it really got me teared up with laughter.

good one

Modified Joke, Very bad grammar

Not a bad 1_{pretty old 4 me sha cos i heard it a long time ago}

Good effort,keep it up.^{The Sauceman, take am easy with Seckee oh    Boob keh??}

Thanks bro,

Happy new year 2 u 2. its just unfortunate that The chicken i wanted 2 send 2 u on xmas day ran 2 a nearby church shouting
'i shall not die but live to declare d works of d lord in d land of d living"

Bull crap I dont buy it

You lost me with the "Sending Money - 60k" line.

_{leaves room shakkin head ^thinkin, " i just dont believe this gist"}

i'm not judging ^{but you will surely rot in hell u PERV}

i'm didnt feel it much,

Darn this thread is freaking long. 1079

ROFLAMO

Very nice, my first time with this one. @ Topic, bravo very well done.

funny pictures

You CAN Take It With You!

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel heard his plea and appeared to him.

"Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."

The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed. Soon afterward, he died and showed up at the gates of heaven to greet St. Peter.

St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checked it out, came back and said, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through." St. Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, "You brought pavement?"






Bill Gates and General Motors

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.

"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."

"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"







Plastered Rich Man

A crumbling old church building needed remodeling, so, during his sermon, the preacher made an impassioned appeal looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the sermon, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000."

Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood back up and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000."

Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he this time he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge."

He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster fell on his head. He stood up once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!"

This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"

Before You Meet With God

A billionaire died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you -- we've looked at your life, and your really didn't do anything particularly good or bad.

We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?"

The billionaire thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, once I was driving along in my Ferrari and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!"

"I'm impressed," St. Peter responded, "When did this happen?"

"About two minutes ago," came the reply.





Heaven Cafeteria

A billionaire dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and checks him in.

After he's registered, St. Peter says to him, "Look at the time: you must be hungry! Heaven Cafeteria is serving lunch, why don't you get yourself something to eat?"

The billionaire goes to the cafeteria and notices the long line. He immediately cuts in at the front, only to hear loud protests. "I'm a billionaire" he says, "I'm a busy man; I don't have time to wait in line."

The others say, "You're in heaven now, we're all the same here, get to the back of the line and wait your turn!"

A few weeks later, waiting patiently on line for lunch, the billionaire notices a man come dashing in wearing a 3 piece suit and accompanied by a 6 man entourage. He butts in at the head of the line and no one utters a peep.

"Hey," he says to the guy in front of him, "Who does that guy think he is?" "Oh, that's God," says the guy, "He likes to play billionaire."







50cents to Heaven

A billionaire died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"

The billionaire thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."

Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that it was true. Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."

The billionaire said, "Wait, wait! There's more! Three years ago, I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who, after a moment, nodded back to affirm that it was true.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?" Gabriel gave the billionaire a sidelong glance, and then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."






Genie with a Catch

A guy found a bottle on the beach. He rubbed it and, sure enough, out popped a genie.

"I will grant you three wishes," said the Genie. "But there's a catch." "What catch?" he asked.

The genie replied, "Every time you make a wish, every politician in the world will receive double what you asked for."

"Well, I can live with that! No problem!" replied the elated man.

"What is your first wish?" asked the Genie. "Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari," he said. POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. "Now, every politician in the world has two Ferraris," said the genie.

"Next wish?" "I'd love a billion dollars," replied the man. POOF! One billion dollars appeared at his feet. "Now, every politician in the world has two billion dollars," said the genie. "Well, that's okay, as long as I've got my billion," replied the man.

"What is your final wish?" asked the genie. The man thought long and hard, and finally said, "Well, you know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."







VW v. Rolls Royce

A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a billionaire in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the billionaire, "Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?"

The billionaire says, "Yes, of course I do."

"I got one too, see?” the Texan says.

"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."

"You got a fax machine?" asks the Texan.

"Why, actually, yes, I do."

"I do too! See? It's right here!" brags the Texan.

The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says, "So, do you have a double bed in back there?"

The billionaire replies, "NO! Do you?"

"Yep, got my double bed right in back here," the Texan replies.

The light turns and the Volkswagen takes off.

Well, the billionaire is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goes to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his Rolls.

About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his Rolls and drives all over town looking for the Volkswagen beetle with the Texas plates. Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so the billionaire pulls his Rolls up next to it.

The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up ,

(it's OK to continue , it's a clean joke.)

, and he feels somewhat awkward about it, but the billionaire gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen.

The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.

The billionaire says, "Hey, remember me?"

"Yeah, yeah, I remember you," replies the Texan, "What's up?"

"Check this out, I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."

The Texan exclaims, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT!"







Be Nice To Your Nurse

A billionaire had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain in the butt to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, the billionaire finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his backside.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, the billionaire heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. The billionaire curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing.

After a half hour, the billionaire's doctor comes into the room.

"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the billionaire answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Yes, but Not with a carnation."

These are real notes written by parents in a Tennessee school district (spellings have been left intact).



My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.



Please exkuce Lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30 31, 32 and also 33.



Please excuse Gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to scool today because she has been bothered by very close veins.



Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre, dyrea, direathe).



Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhra, and his boots leak.



Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.



I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday. We thought it was Sunday.



Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.



Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.



Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.

cool

@Topic

So you posted this person's number and you espect NLander's to call and harrass??

Silly child.

Uzor,

Nice interview, just a qestion was it a Monolog or a Dialog?