₦airaland Forum

specious

iceberylin: Too long

short summary at the top.

SHORT SUMMARY:
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On Whether Women Can “Have It All”: I don’t think women can have it all. I just don’t think so. We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all. My husband and I have been married for 34 years. And we have two daughters. And every day you have to make a decision about whether you are going to be a wife or a mother, in fact many times during the day you have to make those decisions. And you have to co-opt a lot of people to help you. We co-opted our families to help us. We plan our lives meticulously so we can be decent parents. But if you ask our daughters, I’m not sure they will say that I’ve been a good mom. I’m not sure. And I try all kinds of coping mechanisms.

On Starting A Family: My observation…is that the biological clock and the career clock are in total conflict with each other. Total, complete conflict. When you have to have kids you have to build your career. Just as you’re rising to middle management your kids need you because they’re teenagers, they need you for the teenage years.

And that’s the time your husband becomes a teenager too, so he needs you. They need you too. What do you do? And as you grow even more, your parents need you because they’re aging.

So we’re screwed.

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FULL ARTICLE
Q. You come home one day as president of the company, just appointed, and your mom is not that impressed. Would you tell that story?

This is about 14 years ago. I was working in the office. I work very late, and we were in the middle of the Quaker Oats acquisition. And I got a call about 9:30 in the night from the existing chairman and CEO at that time. He said, Indra, we're going to announce you as president and put you on the board of directors... I was overwhelmed, because look at my background and where I came from—to be president of an iconic American company and to be on the board of directors, I thought something special had happened to me.
So rather than stay and work until midnight which I normally would've done because I had so much work to do, I decided to go home and share the good news with my family. I got home about 10, got into the garage, and my mother was waiting at the top of the stairs. And I said, "Mom, I've got great news for you." She said, "let the news wait. Can you go out and get some milk?" I looked in the garage and it looked like my husband was home. I said, "what time did he get home?" She said "8 o'clock." I said, "Why didn't you ask him to buy the milk?" "He's tired." Okay. We have a couple of help at home, "why didn't you ask them to get the milk?" She said, "I forgot." She said just get the milk. We need it for the morning. So like a dutiful daughter, I went out and got the milk and came back.

I banged it on the counter and I said, "I had great news for you. I've just been told that I'm going to be president on the Board of Directors. And all that you want me to do is go out and get the milk, what kind of a mom are you?" And she said to me, "let me explain something to you. You might be president of PepsiCo. You might be on the board of directors. But when you enter this house, you're the wife, you're the daughter, you're the daughter-in-law, you're the mother. You're all of that. Nobody else can take that place. So leave that damned crown in the garage. And don't bring it into the house. You know I've never seen that crown."

Q. What's your opinion about whether women can have it all?
I don't think women can have it all. I just don't think so. We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all. My husband and I have been married for 34 years. And we have two daughters. And every day you have to make a decision about whether you are going to be a wife or a mother, in fact many times during the day you have to make those decisions. And you have to co-opt a lot of people to help you. We co-opted our families to help us. We plan our lives meticulously so we can be decent parents. But if you ask our daughters, I'm not sure they will say that I've been a good mom. I'm not sure. And I try all kinds of coping mechanisms.

I'll tell you a story that happened when my daughter went to Catholic school. Every Wednesday morning they had class coffee with the mothers. Class coffee for a working woman—how is it going to work? How am I going to take off 9 o'clock on Wednesday mornings? So I missed most class coffees. My daughter would come home and she would list off all the mothers that were there and say, "You were not there, mom."
The first few times I would die with guilt. But I developed coping mechanisms. I called the school and I said, "give me a list of mothers that are not there."

So when she came home in the evening she said, "You were not there, you were not there."

And I said, "ah ha, Mrs. Redd wasn't there, Mrs. So and So wasn't there. So I'm not the only bad mother."

You know, you have to cope, because you die with guilt. You just die with guilt. My observation, David, is that the biological clock and the career clock are in total conflict with each other. Total, complete conflict. When you have to have kids you have to build your career. Just as you're rising to middle management your kids need you because they're teenagers, they need you for the teenage years.

And that's the time your husband becomes a teenager too, so he needs you (laughing). They need you too. What do you do? And as you grow even more, your parents need you because they're aging. So we're screwed. We have no... we cannot have it all. Do you know what? Coping mechanisms. Train people at work. Train your family to be your extended family. You know what? When I'm in PepsiCo I travel a lot, and when my kids were tiny, especially my second one, we had strict rules on playing Nintendo. She'd call the office, and she didn't care if I was in China, Japan, India, wherever. She'd call the office, the receptionist would pick up the phone, "Can I speak to my mommy?"

Everybody knows if somebody says, 'Can I speak to mommy?' It's my daughter. So she'd say, "Yes, Tyra, what can I do for you?"

"I want to play Nintendo."

So she has a set of questions. "Have you finished your homework?" Etc. I say this because that's what it takes. She goes through the questions and she says, "Okay, you can play Nintendo half an hour." Then she leaves me a message. "Tyra called at 5. This is the sequence of questions I went through. I've given her permission."

So it's seamless parenting. But if you don't do that, I'm serious, if you don't develop mechanisms with your secretaries, with the extended office, with everybody around you, it cannot work. You know, stay at home mothering was a full time job. Being a CEO for a company is three full time jobs rolled into one. How can you do justice to all? You can't. The person who hurts the most through this whole thing is your spouse. There's no question about it. You know, Raj always said, you know what, your list is PepsioCo, PepsiCo, PepsiCo, our two kids, your mom, and then at the bottom of the list is me. There are two ways to look at it. (laughing) You should be happy you're on the list. So don't complain. (laughing) He is on the list. He is very much on the list. But you know, (laughing) sorry, David.

Source: http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/07/why-pepsico-ceo-indra-k-nooyi-cant-have-it-all/373750/

The thinking that fidelity and wealth share an inverse relationship is childish and stupid. "Since faithful broke men will still cheat, settle for the richest". Can't she aspire better for herself?

Eggs - 300
Carrots - 200

Bounty - 150
Twix - 150

Haircut - 300
Walnut - 50

Total: 1150

@Op, so let's say i'm hardworking and single. i pray for success in my legit endeavours, but somewhere at the back of mind i have this tiny thought that women only go for established guys, and have a carnal appetitie kept in check due mostly due to current financial condition. what then? does my prayer get answered or not? Does one carnal desire outweigh many good intentions? Humor me.

adulthood: Personally their orientation is different as they tend to be very self conscious, conceited, selfish, intolerant, proud, and arrogant. They hardly make an effort to talk to a woman because they are used to girls talking to them first.

Key point of my writing this is to make aware the fact that good looking guys are playing a different game everyday of their lives. And trust me when i say that game is far from the normal game that the average guy plays on a daily basis. their kinda game is mean, selfish and delicate and can ruin a persons life.

I understand the logic, Still think your generalization is too far. What of people who can't be bothered with such trivial things, handsome or not? Surely they can't fall under your group of "mean, selfish and delicate, conceited, selfish, intolerant, proud, and arrogant"? You paint beauty/handsome as something evil to the point of downplaying yourself to associate with girls (since that's we're talking about). When did we guys start taking responsibility for a girl's insecurities? I've never seen a girl downplay herself in any matter for a guy, so the whole notion feels contrived. If people think you're too good, that's their problem, and shouldn't now be yours.

Your parents kicked in some good chromosones for you to turn out how you are. I don't think you should let that fallow because of what other people think.

razznaija: Toke, you really need to work on your phonetics “THEY” not “DEY”, “THEM” not “DEM”. You’re an oap sweets, I know you can do better with your pronounciation if you put in some effort.

Lmao that requires conscious practice once it takes hold. Like "Mik" vs "Milk".

Note: I'm not the creator of this work. I'm pushing the video on behalf of the guy. So share anyway you can. We have talent. We just have to support them

We were toy soldiers - A Short Film by Maverick Films

Synopsis:
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A group of Toy Soldiers risk their lives for their captured comrades, now prisoners of war. Even though the odds are stacked up against them, there is no retreat, no surrender. This is a Maverick Films exclusive, watch, share and like!

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/zjLPlldbCl0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjLPlldbCl0
http://www.facebook.com/MaverickFilms.Tv?fref=ts

Thanks for the compliments, though I'm pushingthisvideo on behalf of the guy. So share anyway you can. We have talent. We just have to support them.

ifyalways: Things get as e be for this country.
For GTB,You must have a current account with them before you can use WU.I almost cried for a lady with a sick mom dying in the hospital and her WU withheld by GTB.

As for those criticizing The OP's brother,its easy to cast stones in the comfort of your PC.When the Naija reality slaps you rudely,you'll play game fast.

I understand what you are saying. But I disagree.

That's the problem. If the receiver knew what the game was, the next thing would have been to go to another bank. GTB was asking all sort of uneccessary questions/requirements, despite calling the sender in their presence and answering. they simply refused and ignored me. I walked out and went to another bank and smooth sailing. I never went to GTB again. Simple.

Now the OP is wiser.

We were toy soldiers - A Short Film by Maverick Films

Synopsis:
---------------------
A group of Toy Soldiers risk their lives for their captured comrades, now prisoners of war. Even though the odds are stacked up against them, there is no retreat, no surrender. This is a Maverick Films exclusive, watch, share and like!

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/zjLPlldbCl0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjLPlldbCl0
http://www.facebook.com/MaverickFilms.Tv?fref=ts

eyenCalabar: Personally, I don't like following the bandwagon. For the mere fact that more than half of the world population think Valentine celebrations worth it doesn't means that it right. I've always wondered if anyone here have paused to ask question about this over-hyped Valentine Day thing. I've never seen any thread here seeking to ask questions about Val either. Rather, everybody is thinking and suggesting to others how to make their long awaited Val Day worthwhile. Well, for me, I've heard stories that the government at the time of Father Valentine made a Decree forbidding young men to get married but rather to join the army. But Father Valentine not knowing to the government was secretly conducting marriages and charging fees too. So the government heard about this and ordered his arrest. He was immediately put behind bars and allowed to rot in jail. Today, he is celebrated as one who died for love! The question now is: If this story is true, does this man worth celebrating? Did he actually died for love or for his own self interest? Even if the story is not true, and he actually died for love, is what he did greater than what Jesus Christ did? Can't we be celebrating Jesus Christ everyday? Is Val celebration really justified?

Well, depends on who you ask. But by now everyone should know its mostly not about the day, but more about what benefit (commercial or not) you gain from it.

1) Boutiques and Gift shops sell out more items and eke out a profit, which helps in any recession. 'spread the love'?
2) Some people look forward to the day as the opportunity to rekindle their relationships (out of 365 )
3) Probably enough love making to make the Sun, the moon and stars freeze over .
4) Enough buzz and controversy over the same hashed topic year after year on NL (more bucks for you-know-who )

The list goes on I can't even scratch the surface.

To rephrase your question "Would the whole world give up what everything that Feb 14th provides simply to exercise whatever truth Feb 14th stood for"? there's your answer.

paroh137: I went to give him a hug, and it was literally, I almost felt like time stopped in Dubai. Ifelt like everything froze. Every single person turned around in slow motion like, ‘Nooo!’”

This line got me cracking up!!

A discourse on the True Assasin: Desmond (AC3) vs Sam Fisher (Splinter Cell) vs 47 (Hitman Absolution)

So I watched as my bro ran a marathon of playing Hitman Absolution and Assassin's Creed 3, and it got me thinking: who would win in combat? After the usual fanboy argument boiled off we realized it wasn't so simple. especially when we suddenly remembered the argument wouldn't be complete with Sam Fisher. All three are assassins and have excelled in the art of the kill enough to spawn so many sequel. But if all three fought among themselves, who would win?

We could say A would win against B in combat and leave it at that, but if their respective games are anything to go by it's not so straightforward or fun. So I came up 2 different scenarios for testing which of the three would be the True Assassin.

Assume that all three participants have access to all their tools and have prepared in advance for each scenario. You can pick one scenario and state your case or pick all three and conclude on your own.

Scenario 1: Killing a target in a populated area (market place, heavy traffic)
Scenario 2: All three stranded on an island. last man standing wins

Carried my laptop bag over her head to protect her hair from the rain (yeah, good times)

These days I can't even imagine how I've been with MTN this long: dropped calls 80 percent of the time, and their simple surf activation is a hell of a process. Why should I wait an entire day for MTN to activate simplesurf after sending dozens of activation messages, then in the night the minute you deduct my credit you have the temerity to say my plan IS STILL EXPIRED!!!! This is the second time happening now. Its insulting. On top of EDGE!!!

Had to rant!! Sorry!!

Went to the site and saw this:

Fatal error: Call to a member function get() on a non-object in /home/toolz/public_html/wp-includes/query.php on line 27

AnthonyAk: Lol my work would kill any of u guys. www.mlcmag.com , www.mlcmag.com/Boombox4.0 , www.naijatechboys.com/biosart

http://wordpressthemes.oscaralcala.com/magzimus/

Who's fooling who?

There was a chick I was scoping at a party. Was at a table where she was seated in another some distance away. Trying to emulate the movie I watched the night before, the plan was to maintain eye contact while sipping a bit of my drink before getting up to meet her.

Sad thing was, I always had this habit of covering my bottled drink with the cover when I'm not drinking, because I was looking at her. try taking an opened drink with the cover. I was wearing white that day. Spilled all over myself. Words failed me.....

@OP, if you want to be good, it is good. Cherish the mindset. In a country of wolves that have run out of sheep, just know that for every good person there are more than 10,000 wolves prowling around, looking for that spotless "lamb". As a matter of fact, it seems like they won't settle for anything less. In other words, be good for sake of being good. expecting anything more out of it in the immediate or ultimate run is plain naive to me. I've been taken for a ride and exploited so badly I look back and laugh at my naivete. I was cynical and bitter knowing that was deliberate and after pondering hard, the truth is IT IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE ANYTIME SOON.

So, if you put yourself in a vulnerable position because you're being a good person, then be prepared 10 times out of 10 to be exploited. hard.

But, if you have responsibilities, ambitions, dreams and people that depend on you, then realize that it is your DUTY to perform such with no excuse. Be the change you want to see.

@OP, Words have failed me this day!!
I'm afraid i'm just as confused. You can't make that kind of mistake BEFORE, so it must be AFTER.
My gut? Damn. Just damn. WTF?

slimyem: maybe he was trying to say you both would have been better as friends...
If it were me.i would press him into breaking the statement futher down and the interpretation would help my decision...

I honestly never thought of that. maybe because I have no idea why I didn't choose a way less cryptic way of saying it. What was he thinking?!
Obviously 'mistake' means if he could rewind time he would have done things differently.

Someone once said you don't decide who you'll be attracted to. Its not a choice. it just happens. There's a lot one can tell (and misread) about a man's/woman's appearance: carriage, personality, disposition, etc. Add to the fact everyone has a mental picture of what the ideal partner is. Anyone who fits that mental picture to an unprecedented degree can most possibly "set the fireworks" flying. It works for some people and doesn't work for others, but to base heaven and earth on such an impression is spelling disaster.

on the other hand, such an impression could just be pure lust, and some people have no qualms with it. I think the attraction helps kick things going before the real character comes out.

@ OP concerning ladies hiding their ages: Numbers tell stories.

Okija_juju: If thats Genevieves Daughter, and we can use a safe guess that the girl is atleast 18, And genevieve just turned 33, then that means she gave birth to the girl at age 12.

Na wah o!!

Its either this news is false, Genny is lying about her age, or she was an adolescent mother..

I was already complaining how come they're the same height and looking like twins. She apparently didn't take anything from the father's side.

emilyone: wow! im so happi for her if actually that pretty girl is her daughter
hmmm! no wonder shes not bothered about taking a shot at marriage

Understandably. if you could rough it out being a single mother and still raise someone you can show to the world when the world would have expected you to do otherwise and still established yourself as an actress, I highly doubt you'll be looking for someone to complete your life at this point. All in all, well done.

I've been following this for a while and while its sad there's no doubt where the problem lies....

I saw an elderly man on Galaxy Tv pleading on behalf of NOC that athletes should "remember" nigerians as they go for the olympics, even though they (NOC) might have "disappointed" them (by not giving them support, I think that was the gist of it). Do you honestly believe atletes training in less than basic conditions to compete better with people who not only have state-of-the-art adequate training, but ALSO THE BACKING OF THEIR ENTIRE COUNTRIES?!

The only reason why this thread even exists is because these people chose the best avenues to shine and nigeria was NOT one of them. Do you want to tell me what we brought to the olympic table is the best we have to offer? If your answer is NO, what does that tell you about the Selection Process? And then someone will tell me USA showed bad sportmanship when they drilled them in basketball.

I see people come to stadium EVERYDAY Training/pushing themselves to stand a chance at being selected, no matter how slim. If while knowing that they don't stand a chance in their native country you look at them in condescending eyes for shining for others, well too bad.

My take. If post too long read "Summary"

There are two items to tackle: before and after marriage.

Chinese Proverb: Before marriage, keep 3 eyes open. After marriage, close two.

Summary: the key to avoiding beating women is to avoid the situation in the first place. There is no treatment for "afterwards"

Before Marriage:
This is where people who aren't "diligent" in assessing their relationship fall into the trap of "she/he changed after marriage". A human being no matter how crafty will ALWAYS SHOW HIS/HER TRUE COLOR. If you're gonna use that "love is blind" excuse then you're not ready. We peeps easily ignore the signs, because they are always there (the posts in the romance section is evidence in this regard).


I guess this is what challenges/less rosy situations in relationships are for: to reveal people's true nature when there's no point in putting on airs.

After Marriage:
There are people who know their in very character aren't suitable for a marriage and would rather hide it until after the honeymoon (nagging, domestic abuse, violent predisposition, etc) I'm sorry, but there isn't much you can do about. Its that simple. Anybody hiding their nature like that is tantamount to saying "I am aware of these habits and EMBRACE them. I DON'T want to CHANGE". Of course, this is different from situations where stress factors are the cause (another topic for another). I'm talking about the nature of the character of the person without external influences.

The REAL problem with After marriage is the fact that its HARD to walk away and that the very things that contribute to a violent outburst are usually habit-forming (eg: nagging becomes a habit)


Context Example:
A man who called in on the radio (Life issues with Chaz B) said after HE WALKED AWAY from his verbally abusing wife. SHE USED HER OWN HAND TO LOCK BOTH OF THEM IN THE SAME ROOM to FIGHT the HUSBAND. By the time the MAN responded with ONE BLOW she was looking for where she put the key.

I'm not defending/against what he did but the real questions for me are:

- WHERE's the WALKING AWAY from the situation?

- WOMEN it seems don't like to be ignored. I suppose that's why SOME nag in the first place. Even if you want to resolve later, isn't walking away in part is ignoring the situation?

Line was around 20,000 at the time (Econet), but we won when we bought our DSTV decoder back then. So we just bought a phone - Ericsson R320.

I spents weeks trying to get data into it using the Infrared Port.....

bought from them: 1 year gold and 1200 MS Points as well. I'm using a PAL console so it was a sigh of relief when he delivered.

He's the deal

Lei Wulong - Drunken Master!

buchibabe: I'm actually turning down someones marriage proposal to me now. Not because he really did anytin bad. Dis guy is d most handsome,clean,guy I have ever dated and dat has ever com close to me. Bt marriage goes beyond all dat physical attributes. There's somtin about him dats not too straightforward,I dnt know y bt my spirit doesn't trust he's tellin me d whole truth about himself.
Though he keeps callin me,even went dat far to introduce me to his family,bt I had to witdraw wen I started feelin dis way.

If its trust issues, don't you feel you need to discuss it with him? If after that you still feel that way, no problem. Cause the way many women on this forum complain about guys days the good ones seem like a myth.

Tsk Tsk. What would you do instead. Have a set of judges calculate the winner based on possession/shots on target/corners and all those kind of stats, like they do in boxing where matches end with no KOs?

Please! How about scoring WITHIN the 90 minutes? Seems like an easier option.