₦airaland Forum

serubawon:
I actually have an interesting story to tell and tonight actually determines where my current relationship will be heading. I'll let everyone know as soon as the verdict comes in.

Take care everyone.

Please tell!! I'm excited already!

Congrats!!!!!!!!!

So sorry to hear about your grandmother, prittigrrr.

I'm so happy to see that the OP found love again! It was great to read your journey, serubawon. Maybe some men in your shoes would have rushed to fill void of the lonliness and pain with a woman that did not have you and your children's best interests in mind.
It is really inspiring to see that patience pays off. Wishing you all the best!

TewMuch:
Only in the movies, the guy has shown that he is very capable. 1 time, twins. What are the odds? The guy will probably find someone else and have a new family. Someone he likes. I need to ask the OP this though, what is it about you that he doesnt like? Are you sure you guys were in a relationship or you were just Friends with benefits( if you answer truly no one will judge you, i will personally block you and fight for you here )

We were in a relationship, which is why his friends knew me and knew what kind of a person I am.
This is not about me. He just wanted to live his life without the responsibility of kids yet. So did I! But it happened and I don't know why it's so hard for him to understand why I didn't get an abortion.

pslm23:
Nekai,

Where are you? England or the US?

Is he still a student? Does he have a job?

Either way, the dude has money to party and club around and also spend on the newest "mumu" girl draped around his arm. If he could have unprotected seexx with you then he is doing the same with other girls and sooner or later there'll be many more girls pregnant for him out there. Once a dog, always a dog!

Go after hime with all you've got for child support. He should pay. Even if it is $1/week, let that pathetic SOB pay for the upkeep of his children. Maybe if he was a bit more civil towards you and acted like a fukking real man, we wouldn't be having this conversation. He is nothing but a punk and he should be treated as such!

Don't hold your breath thinking he'll come around because he won't unless God punishes him and he is unable to have any more children when he really wants them. That's when they usually remember the child they abandoned and then they come begging and blaming the devil for thier wickedness and act of abandonment.

I think you are 100% right!

It isn't about the money for me. It is more about the principle. I am sure if he is ordered to pay child support it would be very little.
And do you know that motherhood is a full time job?? Imagine working a 10 hour shift and coming home to feed a baby (or babies) that eat every 3 hours around the clock. And on your day off? More round the clock baby time. Even a mother with one child doesn't have it easy.
Who would look at a baby as a money making venture? Maybe those women who date basketball stars and other wealthy men.

Priority #1 for me would be that he be in the boys life and actually care about them.
Since it doesn't look like he will "come around" anytime soon, then I would want a judge to find him responsible so that he will be on their birth certificate, and start paying something,even if a minimal amount.
I think he is going about his merry way living his life like the boys don't exist.
@TewMuch it's interesting to have a male perspective, but I don't know if I am quite ready to contact him just yet.
It's really sad, but if he waits 5 years to start coming around then I have to just ignore the fact that he wasn't there before?? The pregnancy and the last 4 months since they have been here has been the hardest thing I have ever went through. There was even a point where the doctors thought it was a less then 50/50 chance that they would make it. It has been a lifetime for me. Then there is the fact that as a single parent I get snide comments and dirty looks from people who assume that I am just an uneducated ghetto girl. (To be honest I even got looks and comments from some of my own extended family members which hurt worse) He will never understand how it feels to look in these boys eyes and know that they are depending on me for everything. Even if he comes around later and plays an active role in their lives it will not erase the past.

This is why I kind of want to file child support. If he is too overwhelmed to provide the physical, mental and psychological support then maybe he can contribute financial support.

Maybe I should just forget about him altogether?

The thought of child support has crossed my mind. Not just for the money, but the principle. I do feel that somebody needs to get through to him that he is 50% responsible for these children, even if it has to be a judge.

As far as contacting his family and friends, I don't even mention him, and for the most part they contact me to see how we are doing.

@TewMuch, I only have an email address for him. How would you suggest that I open communication with him?

Frankly I don't feel that I should. I haven't moved and my number has not changed. However my mum did suggest that I reach out to him so that we can at least be civil.

The problem is that I do not want to force these kids on him. I also don't want to face the possibility that he become involved, only to be hostile and make my life harder than it is now.

No I haven't heard anything from him. He did not get really get sent back home, and at the time his father hadn't even found out yet. He was trying to pull a disappearing act. Some of his friends that I had previously met came to find me with the truth, and they have since been very supportive of me ever since.
Anyways, thanks guys 4 the encouraging words! I really needed that this week.
As far as he negaivity, I have endured all tht and more already. I don't entertain it anymore. Trust me, nobody can be harder on myself than I am for the mistake I made in being so careless. But I hate it when guys blame the woman in these situation for not having an abortion.

I haven't heard from him. From what I hear he isn't happy that his friends contacted me, and he doesn't want to be bothered. At this point the feeling is quite mutual. I've spoken with his dad a few times.

Praise God, all is well! The life of a single parent isn't easy, but I have the support of my family members and some of my former "boyfriend"'s family members. Thanks NL for your contributions. He treid to pull a disappearing act, like some suggested on here, but I was contacted by some of his friends and later on his family. Here are my 2 sons.
Hello, from Taiwo and Kehinde!


(Photo removed)

@ chaircover: I think you are right. That's what is so sad. I never expected my life to end up like this. I guess the only thing to do is to just put him out of my mind as it's probably not good to dwell on the situation now. Maybe if I haven't heard from him by the time the babies get here I will try to look for him. However maybe it will just be better to just forget about him and when the children grow up I can give them his name if they want to look for him.

I have no way of contacting his mother. The relationship was only two months old and I feel like a fool for being in this mess.

He is 25 and I'm 26.
He told his uncle about the situation and his uncle told his father.
At least that's what he told me. I don't know what to believe anymore.

Thanks. I hope they will be accepting. I am not going to have an abortion. I feel like it would be like trying to correct a wrong with another wrong.

As soon as my boyfriend realized I was pregnant he tried to convince me to have an abortion. He told me that his father would pull him out of school if he found out. I don't believe in that. Well, his father found out and he was pullled out of school and sent back to Nigeria. I haven't heard from him in about 6 weeks. I have come to realize that in spite of everything he said, he has no intention of ever contacting me again. I have no way to reach him. I think he even changed his email address.
I found out that I'm having TWINS which was such a bittersweet moment because I coudn't even contact him to let him know and he is acting like I don't exist. I am feeling so down when I think of my children having no father. I am upset that he will not even contact me to tell me if he is alive or dead. I want my children to know thier roots, but I am at a loss right now.