₦airaland Forum

Sagamite:
My question to you is, do you approve of the law and why?

Nah. He is right when he said men are doing a favour by getting married. If might be annoying to hear. But it is fcking cold facts!

Yes, I agree with the 50-50 split because everything a man or woman works for during a marriage should be for the benefit of the union. After the union is dissolved, each party should get the benefit of a division of assets. If the man has contributed more financially during this time then so be it. It's up to a man to find a wife that can contribute 50-50 in a marriage. A woman that can match his financial contribution with other useful skills that you can't put a price tag on.

The problem these days is that both men and women have faulty views on who gets the benefit of marriage. When the man thinks that he is doing a woman a favor by getting married, he will harbor resentment towards his wife that is sure to surface eventually. When the woman thinks that the man gets all the benefit of marriage, she will also harbor resentment towards her husband.
Resentment leads to having a spirit of entitlement, which is why women feel entitled to nag, argue, complain, and make her husbands life miserable. This same spirit of entitlement leads men to feel entitled to have affairs, reclaim his 'lost' independance, become controlling or other abuses.

Shinatu:
It is a pity that we sometimes find it difficult to be objective because of our position on some matters, let me give an example of what happens at my place of work, I live in Nigeria anyway so for people who work and live in other parts of the world it may be different, I do not know.

Anytime I need to go on a course out of the country or even out of town, I develop a headache and it is the same with other female colleagues of mine, I will need to ask for the course schedule for the whole year and see what run of the course would have minimal impact on my family if I attend, will need to check the school schedule, check hospital appointments, check the whether (if it will be during the raining season when there will be many mosquitoes thereby needing extra anti malari care or during Harmattan when cough & Catarrh will be the issue) and if it falls within the period that I am having house maid challenges, then wahala dey

When I eventually get my acts together to go for the course, I make use of every tea break to call home and I am asking 1001 questions on the phone at the ame time

It is not the same with my husband or my male colleagues, you can tell them there is a training in Kafancha  tomorrow and they carry their bag (probaly packed by the woman)and are set to go why?

There is a woman at home (even if she is working) to bother about all that! and someone thinks the woman has not contributed to the man's success?


There was a time my house help left all of a sudden and there was no one to stay with my son after school, I had to make do with just anybody I could find because it was a peak period of activities in the office, I could not put in my best because I was not settled, but the moment a trusted  family finished her exams at school and took over in the house the difference was clear, I had so much peace of mind that I could stay in the office late and deliver quality work, I compensated the girl well because I knew she contributed to my achievements at work that year.

Even if the man is super rich and can afford to hire the best of nannies and house maids, the peace that comes with knowing that the mother of those children is in charge cannot be bought, except  the  man it is type who believes that children will always survive anyhow.

^Exactly

@harakiri - as far as the rest of what you have said, it is a whole separate argument. Notice I am not arguing that the woman is worth more or the man is worth more, because I think it is 50/50. I don't share your view that a man is doing a woman any special favors simply by virtue of marrying her. Or vice versa. Marriage has it's challenges whether man, or woman. This topic of who benefits more in a marriage has been debated on here before.

And again, I have never stated a woman should be compensated for bearing children or for bringing peace into the home.

An iron-clad prenup in Tiger's case would have prevented all this mess to begin with, like a PP stated. Peace  

First off, take a deep breath and relax.  
You accuse me of being illogical. I may not always be right but I will sure be logical. I am therefore open to viewpoints that do not match my own, but you have to back up what you say.

harakiri:
@nekai. . . I just couldn't endure all your biased and illogical statements to the extent i was to log in via phone. Did you blatantly say that men recieve half of a rich wife's wealth?

No, I said that any assest earned during the marriage are split 50/50. I didn't create the law which is applicable in most U.S. states, I'm just reporting on it.

Kevin Federline and Brittany Spears had a prenup. They also only married for 2 years. He DID recieve a settlement worth about half of what she made in those two years.

Guy Richie did walk away with a large sum of money. Madonna's publicist stated it was between 76 and 92 million, although the exact details have remained private.
Check out this link for a few more famous wealthy women who had to payout when divorcing less wealthy men:

http://www.forbes.com/2007/04/11/celebrity-women-alimony-biz-cx_lg_0412womenpay.html

If the poorer wife cheats and she wants a divorce, then she is also entitled to half (although, like I stated, if there is proof of adultary a judge takes this into consideration when dividing the assets. Adultary is punishable by fine/jail time is some U.S. States, even though it is rarely done.). I never stated that the division of properties was meant as a punishment for cheating.
To clarify, half does not mean half of everything a man has worked for his entire life. Half is simply half of the assets that were gained while married. A marriage is a union of two people. They become one and whatever one has, the other should have too.
A divorce settlement isn't compensation for wifely duties or childrearing, it is a recognition of a wife as half of the union. Women these days are capable of successful careers as well, but often put these things on a lower priority level than the husband, all for the sake of the union. Most men woudn't want to deal with a wife who was never home due to the demands of her job. Who would take care of the household? Not to mention take care of the babies?
Marriage is serious business. Tiger Woods deserved what he got because he took his wife for granted by throwing a 7 year marriage away. If he wasn't ready to share his life/assets with her then he should have stayed single until he was ready. Maybe he didn't see her as a true partner and only as a trophy wife to have a couple of kids with. Either way marriage is marriage and the vows should have been respected.

This thread has made my nite!

In america the man can get half of the woman's earnings if the woman is a milionaire. It goes both ways.
Adultary is actually illegal in almost half the states in america, so if the man (or woman) is caught in an affair, then in the event of a divorce the cheater has less leverage when it comes to the division of assests.

Everyone knows that a good man can be made even greater by a supportive wife. Being a wife and mother is a 24/7 job and some women give up the best years of their lives to rearing children and helping create a peaceful home. How much money is that worth? That's a double overtime job with no time off. No woman wants to end up a divorcee especially with children in the picture. 9 times out of 10 it's the man who sends the woman out because of his cheating behavior.
Must the woman be thrown out on the street after all the hard work is done putting a household together and rearing the children?
I applaud every woman who has a cheating/abusive husband and managed to get half of the estate she has contributed to.

Tiger was worth 600-750 million so she didn't end up getting half.
And he agreed to give her 100 million after the divorce as a settlement. The money is in exchange for her silence, since she is not allowed to talk, or write a book about the situation.

I agree with many of the PP, especially chaircover. However, I have something to add.
This guy did the deed!!! Prepare yourself for the next round of confessions. He is easing you into it because he believes he is close to being found out.
Do everything as previously instructed, but be sure to add as cheerfully as possible that this woman is no longer welcome in the house, and needs to find other friends. But you need to be dead serious. Don't ask him, tell him. And then tell him in a playful tone, "I'm not too worried about her, especially since nothing happened. Because any woman that can take you away from me, she can keep you."
You seem like a confident woman who is devoted to her family. Draw on that. The more scared you are of this 'angelic ashewo', the more power she gets in your marrige. Act like normal to your hubby. Don't be too sugary sweet and don't act resentful or distrustful. In time he will realize that this desperate woman has nothing over you.
And like a PP stated, keep your husband busy phusically, financially, and in other ways. A busy man is not only a happy man, but a man with very little time or energy left over.

^ Me too. I was all ready to give up all the wonderful and exciting details!

aminalib:
nekai are u bipolar?

No.  

And that would be the last time my ex bf would have the pleasure of my company.

I would have told him, "Go ahead. With that little worm you have down there she wouldn't feel anything either."

Or (waving my butter knife), "Unless you want me to add fresh sausage to your dish, you had better hold your tounge."

Depends on whether he has a worm or a sausage.

Then I would calmly comment on how good my food was, and ask my companions how they found their dishes to be.

Do the DNA test quietly. He shouldn't discuss it with his wife becasue if the baby is his, she will never forgive him for doubting her, and questioning the child.

I'm putting myself in her shoes. If my hubby questioned me about my child's paternity, for whatever reason, I would rather he calm his mind privately and not look like a fool to me and the whole world.

If the baby isn't his then it is a private manner between him and his wife. He could choose to accept the child as his own, especially if his wife didn't necessarily have an actual affair, but wanted to give him a child.

If it was an affair, he can still keep quiet and accept the child and his wife. If it were the other way around and he had an affair and brought a baby into the world then the wife wouldn't leave her home, she would just have to accept it.

MRbrownJAY:
@poster
Bro, if a meal and a trip to Silverbird had her fukc you without protection, on your first meeting, then a DNA/HIV test is what you need to focus on right now. Get your priority straight!

I second that!

Blazay:
No sensible woman puts all her eggs in one basket.

Absence may make the heart 'grow' fonder. . .but proscrastination is also always the 'thief' of time.

We are talking "Teddy Pendagrass" here. As in "50/50" love and "50/50" chances of success or failure.

Goodu luck o!

I actually agree with this advice. Don't put your life on hold for him. Make yourself available to the possibility that there may be someone else out there for you. Don't just sit at home all the time waiting for him to call. Go out and make friends during this time, if you end up meeting someone else that you want to settle down with, so be it.
Because you know he will be doing the same thing.

Ranoscky:
God bless you my broda, You know Exactly what I meant!
I know anybody can spend dia money however dey like, but, 8bedrooms for just 3peeps (I adult and 2kids) damn!

Yeah 8 bedrooms are too much. (I'm a girl BTW) I guess I have to add that to my profile now.

Yeah, she had to go through alot with that man going after all those women, some of them even unprotected. I hope she finds love again because she is still young and pretty.

Man, she will have property taxes at about 300,000 dollars a year. Thats about a million every 3 years! In 30 years, 10 mil. Not to mention the cost of a cleaning crew to keep the place from getting dusty, groundskeepers, nanny, cook, electric and heating costs, She is crazy!!!
With no income coming in, that 100 million she got in the divorce settlement will be gone in no time this way.

You guys are both wrong in this situation.
No sex for 5 months?!?!
You were bound to snap. As a single person being celebate is something that you have to struggle through, but as a married person? No, No, NO.
She manipulating you with the issue of sex. Then she has the nerve to further pi$$ u off by being droped off at 1AM by some guy FIVE HOURS after you call her Saying she was helping them sort their problems? No, she was complaining about her own marital problems.
You were very wrong to beat her though. You are giving her a reason to withhold for another 5 months.
Simply tell her now in a calm voice that you have tried your best and you two are not compatible. Tell her if she wants to leave she is free to go. Tell her you both deserve happiness and it's clear that she has found it with this guy. (even though you know it isn't true). Tell her she needs to free you to be with a woman who enjoys every aspect of married life, including the joys of physical intimacy. Apologize for letting your frustrations get the best of you, and tell her living like this is not healthy. Tell her she is the woman you want to be with but that you can't have a one sided marrieage. Be very, very, very, calm while talking, then walk away before she can respond.
She will either do one of two things:
1. Leave you.
2. Realize that she is going to lose you with this game she is playing.
She's not going to leave.

There are benefits to either senario, but if you are waiting until marriage you can change your mind at any time.
Once you have sex you can't become a virgin again, even if you decide not to have sex anymore the desire will be greater once you have started.
Waiting is the best thing.

Update pic of the twins in the first post:
https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/07/25/article-0-0A8E3E47000005DC-653_468x593.jpg

They are so cute!

I'm a robot.

sewa36447:
I actually have one problem, how can i find the right person to marry me? All the people that I don't like want to marry me,and the others who i actually like don't even know i exist, this sounds crazy. Pls I need your help.

Re: I Can't Find Mr. Why do you have a blue m next to your name? Are you male?

I can't give advice on these things, I don't know anything about gay dating!

Make the people wait then. interview shouldn't last all day. Go in your wedding attire and you are sure to get the job!

I think the anonyminty of a public forum is great. And, what about those who live abroad?? We would have to hear about all the fun details second hand. Cool idea though.

Yes, considering I have two children already. He can adopt my two babies and we could live happily ever after!