afficionado7:
It's pretty similar here in Nigeria in terms of gender roles. Where we differ, probably, is in the role grandparents play. Younger parents usually live in the bigger cities while the grandparents remain in hometowns, so grandparents only get to see their grandkids once or twice a year (usually during the Christmas and New Year holidays.) Except they're part of the one percent, parents of adult children don't provide for their children. Quite the contrary, the children are expected to cater for their now-old and often-ill parents.
Also, more women are full stay-at-home moms rather than providers. Financial provision is usually left to the men, although the proportion of working wives and mothers keeps growing. I hope this helps.

That's an interesting answer to tell the truth. Thanks for it.

siofra:


Are you a Nigerian born in Italy?

No, just an Italian that stumbled on this forum a while back. I participate from time to time in other sections, but primarily I make use of the Diary as a way to put down my general thoughts.

And thanks for the exhaustive asnwer!

Good evening everybody.

I am curious about how different cultures view different aspects of a relationship and the family unit (for example the sexes' roles in said relationship, who is supposed to be the provider, how children are brought up, etcetera), and so I made this thread because I'd like to ask Nairalanders' personal opinion regarding this topic.

I will start with a basic preface regarding how relationships & families are seen in the my homeland, Italy:

• The man is seen as the one that ought to make the first move in approaching the woman, as well as the one that decides whether to get married or not given he is the one supposed to propose
• Both the man and the woman are expected to be providers, even though there is an emphasis/expectation that the man will out-earn his partner
• When the time comes to set up a family, it is quite common to buy a house within a short distance of where one's parents and relatives reside, unless other factors make this impossible (for example if one cannot find work in his home area and so he/she has to relocate)
• Our culture puts heavy emphasis on the family unit; when this is coupled with the fact that Italy is renowned for its people's longevity and the few children we produce, we usually end up with overbearing parents that often strive to give their children the best chance at a good life they can (be it via setting up funds for when the child will be an adult, to enrolling him/her in afterschool activities such as language courses, etc)
• While the mother is expected to take care of the children, because of the fact that usually both parents work this "duty" is usually shared with the grandparents, who end up playing a huge part in a child's upbringing
• The man is still seen as the "rock" of the family, unlike in other Western countries (such as the USA) where there is a more "equalitarian" bent to relationships - this comes with rights as well as duties

To sum it up? Italy is an overall conservative country with a relatively conservative culture where men are expected to provide for their family, but they are also expected to offer leadership when needed; women on the other hand are expected to contribute to the family life (both via work and being the primary figure in terms of taking care for eventual children). Grandparents play a huge role in a child's upbringing due in part to Italians low birthrate, as well as the heavy emphasis our culture puts on intergenerational family units.

How are things in your culture? Similarities, differences...?

Thanks in advance to anyone that has taken the time to satisfy my curiosity.

Thank you all for your suggestions and concerns regarding my security in the event of a visit to Nigeria. I will have a talk with someone that I know from the area then, just to see how bad things are and whether it's the case to do the trip another time...

Mind you, there is a huge difference in cost of living between Italy and Nigeria, but to put in naira what amount of money I'd need to have in my bank account before considering marriage...if we include at least a part of cost of the house (that one usually pays off bit-by-bit over the long run via mortgage), I'd say give or take 150k € which is around 64,512,235 naira (according to Google).

Explorerx:
If he exist? Why are some people meant to suffer and some to enjoy?

There are endless philosophical and religious explanations for suffering, but still...if you feel religious, you might ascribe a variety of purposes to suffering - some religions embrace the concept of reincarnation, so people who do suffer might be paying for a past sin in that light; others envision suffering as a way to purify the soul in preparation of the afterlife, and so people who suffer might reap rewards in the next life in that particular religious view. And so on, and so on.

From a more secular and pragmatic point of view, the world is a akin to a rigged game, since the vast majority of people will never achieve their full potential, live life to the fullest and so on.

I prefer to assume a simpler position - life ain't fair, but one has to play with the cards he/she is dealt.

Sorry for not being able to answer your question, but I hope my little comment was not totally useless.

First of all - good day everyone, hope your day has been great so far!

I am planning to (finally) take a 3-weeks long trip around Nigeria and was curious to ask if Nairalanders had any particular suggestion as to what would be worth visiting, considering just how big the country is and the limited time at my disposal (only 21 days...).

I'd also like to ask if you'd have any suggestion regarding dress code, some tips regarding travel, etc - I'll already stand out like a sore thumb in many areas thanks to my skin color and I can do nothing about that, but I'd like at least to avoid behaving in such a way that will make me look even more like the stereotypical tourist going around cluelessly.

Specifically I'd be curious regarding how making physical gestures while speaking is seen - I admit that the stereotype about Italians speaking "with their entire bodies" is actually true, and having found out the hard way (involuntarily insulting my host during a trip abroad, even though we ended up as friends once the misunderstanding was clarified) that in some cultures is a sign of disrespect to speak "physically" like we are wont to do (moving hands, etc), I'd rather ask beforehand how this is seen - given the sheer diversity of cultures within Nigeria, I am curious about the different states and tribes view on this to be honest.

Thanks in advance for any help!

I'm from a different culture where man and women are expected to contribute semi-equally to the married life in terms of income, time spent with children etc, so in this kind of society the argument a woman could make - "I contribute 50% to the marriage, and thus I can dictate conditions as well" - does carry weight.

But, in a situation where the man is the breadwinner of the household, or even more in a society where he is the only worker in the house (aka he is the one essentially carrying forward the family), your argument goes straight out of the window - if that's the situation, he has every right to set the conditions to get married.

In other terms, if the man is putting on the metaphorical plate stability and economic security while the woman is only bringing the promise of being together (which the man is bringing as well), the argument you bring is not only absurd but also quite insulting since it'd put the simple promise of being together above the sacrifices he will have to endure to "fulfill his end of the bargain" so to speak - stability, social security for the family, etc.

Tonero5200:
yesterday morning I ate eba and banga soup..... in the afternoon I drank garri empty....in the evening eba and a newly cooked ogbonno soup.... waking up this morning...I'm feeling weak like for real...I thought carbs are supposed to give us energy why this.

Because carbs give you energy for a relatively short amount of time. Still if you feel weak even after eating some more, consider a check up to see if there is anything wrong...

TMTR:
Yes you read the title right, only virgins deserve to be wedded, only virgins deserve a dowry infact if I become the president, one of the first laws I will make is to make it a criminal offence to collect dowry on a non virgin which will attract a ten years sentence because it's tantamount to fraud

How can you be requesting for dowry and a wedding for non virgin girl that was fúcked for free by area boys ,mbanu that's a big fraud

I don't advocate marriage but if you must marry, make sure it is to a virgin, e get why

100% agree with you. There is ample evidence that correlates a higher number of sexual partners with increased chances of divorce, leading to a breakup of the family unit. And we all know that once the fundamental building block of society (the family) is not 100% stable, the entire building will come crumbling down sooner or later.

Skyview01:
I found this on Quora and thought i should share

I'll be facetious - where are the other 6?

Ayt27:


I agree with your sentiments, the pressure from the sanctions especially in the financial sector may put pressure on Putin's oligarchs to tell him to stop, if he doesn't they can assainate him, if push comes to shove.

The only ace is China, I don't count North Korea and Iran among them. These other two, remember Japan and South Korea can effectively deal with China esp Japan.

But China would go after Hong Kong first before Taiwan, another period for arms dealers to cash out

You're preaching to the choir - I believe that once their short-term objectives are gained (a -however temporary- restoration of the neutrality of Ukraine and maybe some territorial concession) Putin will have to concentrate on the internal situation pretty quickly.

He's operating on borrowed time in other words

frog12:
you act like you are an expert. instead of these your copy and paste postings, why not focus on your shithole country

I never claimed to be an expert, I simply explain why I think what I think, and as we say, having to resort to ad hominem attacks are a clear sign you lost the argument. Regarding me copy-pasting my own posts...well once you explain the argument from an economic point of view you can try to synthetize it some more to shorten the post, but the gist won't change.

And one has got to love the random insult toward my country once I point out the simple fact that no African nation has the capitals/raw production of advanced tech Russia needs. Plenty of resources, but no massive production of advanced tech - that's China -.

Wanna prove me wrong? Feel free to do so, but you won't do it by throwing insults.

The data (a simple google search) show that Italy alone (much less the entire EU, or the EU, UK and US combined) has a GDP of 1920 $ billions (2021), Nigeria, which is quite literally one of the most powerful nations in Africa, has a GDP of (estimated) 440 $ billions (2021). So yes, I'll keep saying that Africa cannot provide the capitals Russia needs.

BigBashiru:


Russian strategy is Africa.... but the Africans themselves don't know how important they are due to colonial brainwashing. There's an Africa Russia summit in November that aims to boost trade and cooperation between Russia and Africa and Russia is relying onthat to overcome sanctions...

I'll be blunt, but I mean no disrespect: Russia needs advanced tech and capitals.

No nation in Africa, not even a sleeping giant such as Nigeria, can provide either of these in the quantities required. China is the "big unknown" that might poke a huge hole in the sanctions net, but honestly we can only wait and see the evolving situation.

EDIT - sorry if I seem to have strong opinions about this war, but being pretty nationalistic I obviously support my homeland (Italy), and I have friends in Ukraine, so I have a lot of personal reasons to cheer as a dictator & his country pay the price for a war (and yes, I am 100% aware the West is FAR from blameless in this situation)

wink2015:


Sanctions is also bleeding the NATO country who also need Russian gas

True...except that many European countries have months of gas stored up - https://www.reuters.com/business/energy/european-gas-storage-levels-survive-winter-summer-refilling-looms-2022-02-18/

And the new connection from Italy to Azerbaijan (https://www.spglobal.com/platts/en/market-insights/latest-news/natural-gas/123120-trans-adriatic-pipeline-begins-gas-deliveries-from-azerbaijan-to-italy - the TAP), on top of more oil/gas being imported from America, mean that in but a few months we'll be able to be a LOT less reliant on Russia as far as energy goes.

Regarding the sanctions, I doubt I can truly convey how massive they are - it's closer to a total embargo in some sectors (such as the financial) one than a targeted sanction. Russia might not implode overnight, but their economy will suffer for a decade or more...if the ruble does not implode, that's it.

MERCHANDISER:


Una don start dey hype NATO again
I thought you guys said Putin can't touch Ukraine that NATO will strike them within 30seconds after invading Ukraine

Russia's economy is melting as we speak: -30% at the opening of their stock markets, the ruble imploding and requiring constant central bank intervention to prop it up (hello inflation my old friend!), over 80% of their banking sector shut out of Western financial centers, bans on sales of any advanced tech (including semiconductors, which are almost all produced in Taiwain, a Western ally), restrictions on energy, transport, tech sectors...and the list goes on.

And this is not going away in a week - these sanctions are likely to be here to stay, like those slapped on Russia in 2014 that so many thought were "just temporary", yet 8 years later they are still here.

Like I said before, I hope the Russians enjoy the famine their leader gifted them between inflation and a collapsing economy.

To put it bluntly, Putin is operating on borrowed time.

The modernization of the Russian military has happened by taking huge loans via 2 semi-governmental institutions (Vnesheconombank, which acts as an independent development bank and Promsvyazban, which services around 70% of Russia's military defence contracts), thus not weighting on the limited state's budget. Now these 2 entities will be completely frozen out of Western capital markets.

The mix of Western sanctions includes financial sanctions (currently targeting over 80% of the Russian banking sector), export control actions (for example Western companies are barred from selling modern tech, semiconductors etc to Russia and its allies) and personal sanctions (Putin's close allies and their families, the Duma's members etc).

Today, first day of the crisis, the Russian market opened up at -30% and the central bank had to massively intervene to avoid a collapse of the ruble (which is underway anyway, reaching 89.60 rubles to 1$), with further interventions likely to be required.

To sum it up, Russia's economy will be heavily hit by the sanctions, its people (already suffering from a weak economy) will suffer even more, and with its main military revenue sources blocked, it is highly unlikely Russia will be able to maintain a military edge for long, with some even calling this the Kremlin's swan song (I do not believe this for a second, but it's true that they will be severely weakened).

Putin is acting on borrowed time. He knows it, the West knows it, and he knows that his enemies know it.

In the medium-long term this little war will have costed Russia x10, x100 times more than what they gained.

Sanctions might not make for big news, but they have the power to throw a country in terminal economic decline. Enjoy your famine, Russians.

UnclePati:
We have less than 3days left before he destroys the earth as promised in the book of revelations..

God created the earth in 7days and he will also destroy it in 7days ..

Do the maths ...

"k"

If it makes you feel better (it likely won't), it's the same crap all over the world - the police is utterly useless, a bunch of overly paid wannabe-thugs that run away like scared chickens at the first sight of a real criminal.

Here in Italy we have the civilian police ("Polizia") and the military police ("Carabinieri", who are also fully-fledged soldiers), with both working through the national territory - there is a reason why if you want anything done or need help you call the soldiers and not the useless civilian police, however many jokes Italians might poke at the Carabinieri.

Let's not even start with police in America and the rest of the Western world. I think that very few people join the police to "make a difference" - they accept anybody essentially, and then are surprised when their new members are little more than thugs with a gun.

BoredBerry:
So I was nervous... I waited till today before I asked him to be my Val... He's a devout Christian, so his family doesn't celebrate Christmas, Easter, etc... (They believe it's pagan worship)... So I thought he would tell me 'No'...

But he said 'Yes'! So I'm happy...

We would call each other and send messages! Next year, I would get him chocolate (milk and dark chocolate hearts) and flowers!!

I just pray I'll be able to travel to his country then...

I thought I would share...

He's cute...

Cheers for you, and have an idea that might sound a tad stupid, but that could be a nice thought if you two wish to do something together on St. Valentine: a "virtual date" where you can watch a movie together online.

Ideas from the 2021 lockdowns.

BoredBerry:
Lol... Oara, I thought you were a Nigerian in Italy?
Thanks, but this is not the right audience...

Nah I just found out about Nairaland some time ago from a Nigerian acquaintance and sort of stuck around since the forum looked interesting. And well...the thread was more me venting than anything else I guess.

As an Italian man, I was raised with a simple morality regarding relationships:
a) Be a man and have honor - respect your promises. Do not cheat on your partner. If love fades as it happens, tell the truth and look for that someone you are truly compatible with.
b) Respect others, but also respect yourself - do not forgive a cheater, for if she cared about you, she wouldn't have broken your heart in the first place.
c) Your life is your own to live - nobody has any right to tell you who to spend your life with, or how to spend it. The decision to get married, or if to get married at all is something that you ought to decide for yourself.

I have never understood the mentality that leads men to leave their families, cheat on their partners or simply escape when things get tough - seems to me the behavior of children that think they can "get away with it" more than that of adult men, simple as that.

On the other hand, I have never understood how so many women can go behind their husband's/boyfriend's back, behave in a promiscuous manner and prioritize their temporary happiness over what they built together with their man, just to then turn around and "demand" respect and understanding. Disgusting to say the least, and something that in earlier times would have led to social ostracization.

This was meant to be more a rant against the status of modern society in the West, but after spending some time reading the relevant section s on Nairaland I think it applies here as well to be frank.