₦airaland Forum

BoredBerry:
So I was nervous... I waited till today before I asked him to be my Val... He's a devout Christian, so his family doesn't celebrate Christmas, Easter, etc... (They believe it's pagan worship)... So I thought he would tell me 'No'...

But he said 'Yes'! So I'm happy...

We would call each other and send messages! Next year, I would get him chocolate (milk and dark chocolate hearts) and flowers!!

I just pray I'll be able to travel to his country then...

I thought I would share...

He's cute...

Cheers for you, and have an idea that might sound a tad stupid, but that could be a nice thought if you two wish to do something together on St. Valentine: a "virtual date" where you can watch a movie together online.

Ideas from the 2021 lockdowns.

BoredBerry:
Lol... Oara, I thought you were a Nigerian in Italy?
Thanks, but this is not the right audience...

Nah I just found out about Nairaland some time ago from a Nigerian acquaintance and sort of stuck around since the forum looked interesting. And well...the thread was more me venting than anything else I guess.

As an Italian man, I was raised with a simple morality regarding relationships:
a) Be a man and have honor - respect your promises. Do not cheat on your partner. If love fades as it happens, tell the truth and look for that someone you are truly compatible with.
b) Respect others, but also respect yourself - do not forgive a cheater, for if she cared about you, she wouldn't have broken your heart in the first place.
c) Your life is your own to live - nobody has any right to tell you who to spend your life with, or how to spend it. The decision to get married, or if to get married at all is something that you ought to decide for yourself.

I have never understood the mentality that leads men to leave their families, cheat on their partners or simply escape when things get tough - seems to me the behavior of children that think they can "get away with it" more than that of adult men, simple as that.

On the other hand, I have never understood how so many women can go behind their husband's/boyfriend's back, behave in a promiscuous manner and prioritize their temporary happiness over what they built together with their man, just to then turn around and "demand" respect and understanding. Disgusting to say the least, and something that in earlier times would have led to social ostracization.

This was meant to be more a rant against the status of modern society in the West, but after spending some time reading the relevant section s on Nairaland I think it applies here as well to be frank.

...am I the only one finding the idea of either cheating on your partner or forgiving them if they do absurd?

No seriously, please tell me if I'm the only one left that thinks this way.

bepositive11:
I always like to hear from contrarians.

What do you mean by boring life and by everything has a price and is for sale? And why are you tired?

BTW, you may want to add Rwanda to your research list. The country seems to be doing well

Imagine living in a box, and that your life is on repeat.

You wake up at the same time every day, go to work for the next 9 hours, then go back home and enjoy your "free" time (in which you have to spend time with your loved ones, take care of chores, etc), and then simply repeat the same day ad nauseam until the day you retire and/or die.

That's the life of 99,99% of Westerners and migrants to the West, at least the ones that "make it".

Sure, there are local realities with very lively cultures (e.g. in Italy many areas have their own local languages and traditions), but overall everything has become "cheap" - traditions are a trap for tourists more than a manifestation of the local culture; love, friendship and the overall concepts of brotherhood has become a comedy show, at least in the mind of way too many young people, who were raised more by tv shows and school teacher (with their own prejudices) than their parents who had to work to put food on the table.

The list goes on and on. Put a price tag on anything, and you will likely find it in the West - a society that spits on the individual in favor of the "big picture". In these conditions, who can blame me for wanting to leave?

Studied for a BA, I work in an administrative role while being self-employed on the side.

kabukabu50:
Ethiopia is in the middle of ethnic conflict right now,also most Ethiopians I know dont want to go back home,insecurity and high cost of living are just a few of the negatives.

Oh never said it's a short-term idea, just that it's an idea - Africa is a huge continent and there are many placed that could be worth moving to.

I am slowly working toward becoming financially independent, so it's my hope that by that time - however long it might take - things might have improved.

I'm gonna be the usual contrarian and say I want to move down to Africa from Europe. Where? No clue - Ethiopia looks like it'll be go through an economic boom over the next half a century or so, so maybe that could be a good place to be in the long term, if they manage to solve their ethnic issues and fix the country problems.

Good luck to you all who want to move to the West: the living conditions are top-notch overall, but be prepared for an exceedingly boring life, where essentially everything has a price and is for sale, society has trivialized almost any aspect of life and cultural divides grow by the day.

Overall a great place to live if one wishes for a quiet, decent life, but personally I am tired of being here.

Stephen2324:
Where were you at 17

Studying in high school - where else should have I been?

ibechris:
Not having a girl friend is not the major thing here,but let me tell u this,u can Marry even in two or three months.

My major concern is,do u have the money?

Are u ready to have sleepless night?

Are ready to shoulder family responsibility?

Yes, i do is not marriage,there are many things inbeded in it.

Are u ready to plan your finances with your new found wife?
Are u ready to always work on your marriage,because that must be constant?

Are u ready to always forgive your wife even if means committing adultery?

If your answer to these questions are affirmatively no,
Just remain single or u remain where u are.

The last question should be a solid "No" for any man who has any self-respect. You should always be faithful to your wife, but so should she.

Who needs a woman (or a man - it works both ways) who cannot be faithful to her marriage?

FriendsAndFans:
You read that right. i'd love to get married this year but i dont even have a girlfriend.

You can love/be with someone regardless if you're married or not, and your partner can be a terrible person to you regardless if you're married or not.

Focus on finding a good person to be first, and then thinking about your future together once you get there.

Is he adult enough to take his own decisions? The he's adult enough to face up to the consequences of said decisions.

Simple as.

Babsojimjim:
Dear all, permit me to use this medium to seek for mature and experienced advise...

When a wife out of her own wish without any current justifiable reason seperates from her husband for almost two months and has now decided to return back with the kid out of her own wish without any pressure, should the man accept her back?

Also should there be conditions attached before the man can accept her back? Mature and experienced input is highly appreciated.

Thanks all.

The situation is too vague.

Was there domestic abuse? If so, why wasn't the police called in? Since OP didn't mention anything of the sort I'll go with the idea that the wife one day decided to disappear on her husband for 2 months, essentially kidnapping their child, and then after the 2 months she decided to return of her own volition, without any pressure as OP said.

If that's the case? She can go screw herself, that simple.

If she decided to leave the marriage without any real reason (beyond the petty "I'm unhappy!", good on her - she can stay with whomever has hosted her for 2 months. The only person I'd make an exception for is the kid that OP mentioned, which should 100% remain with the father given his/her mother has clear no issue with abandoning her family for...what? No real reason, at least in the question OP asked.

Keep the kid, send the ex-wife back to whomever has kept her bed warm for those two months.

CoolUsername:
Which board do you frequent on 4chan.? Probably not /pol/ or else you won't be on Nairaland.

The main ones would be /diy, /k, /trv, /biz and rarely /tg if I need some suggestions.

Having said that,if one can wade through the bait/trash threads that make up a good chunk of /pol nowadays, you can find some hidden gems from time to time (like news that the mainstream won't cover, guides to farmsteading, etc etc) in my experience

CoolUsername:
Have you tried 4chan and KiwiFarms?

4chan of course, Kiwifarms...eh I'm not into "lolcows".

News and threads like this are the reason I find Nairaland x10 times more entertaining than normal Western forums.

Having said that, it's a s****y situation for sure (pun 100% intended), and like someone else said repression might achieve some short-term results, but if you want to truly end the issue you'd need a massive campaign of public works to rebuild sewers, install public toilets, sensitize people to the issue and so on. Unless the politicians are willing to put the money and not just "talk the talk", but also "walk the talk", nothing will change.

Kibbs:
So, I'm kinda curious. How did you come to know about Nairaland?

A buddy of mine told me about the forum in 2016 and so I joined with my old account, that I had to change due to the forum not letting me change the pass, nor letting me do the login with the old password.

Also it's one of the larger websites in Africa - kind of hard to "miss it".

She cheated on you...and you were ok with not having sex with her for two years? Honest question - when did you throw your pride as a man away?

No seriously, wtf

"k"

Many Eastern nations in the EU are doing essentially the same - their brightest, richest and most educated left their nations for Western Europe and so they're trying to bring them back with promises of "new opportunities back home!" etc etc.

Many regions try to do this as well within the borders of their own nation since the youth moves where the money is.

It hasn't worked for nations that, while poor when compared with the West, are relatively rich (e.g. Estonia, Poland, etc), I doubt it'll work for a region in Nigeria - people wish to have better lives and so they go where opportunities are. Unless you manage to give them true incentives to come back, why would they move?

brosom:
Those in agreement to tell Op the truth should hit the like button,

And those in disagreement hit the share button .

If the OP is not trolling (since the situation is so obvious honestly), I would like to see how long it takes him to figure it out on his own

smartxyz:
What's the weirdest reason you fell in love with someone?

Mine was her facial expression when she tries to remember or figure something out

I fell in love for the simple reason that she reminded me of a hot red-headed babysitter I had a crush on as a kid. Cliche but still

YOUNGELDER1:
Forgive her but will never patronize her again.

This x100.

ChizzyBuna:
My distant aunty (my dad's sister) came back to Nigeria after over 20 years abroad.
The last time I saw her was in the 90's
She married a white man and based there.

At night, We were having dinner and she is a stroy teller. She starts telling stories about her childhood with my dad
I was just over the parlor watching football.
Until i overheard hershe said something wild and crazy.

Ahhhhhhhhh as I hear this I just weak
So u mean I would have been born in U.K instead of Nigeria.Chaiiiiiiii

I feel like giving him a HEAVY KNOCK for making this kind of messed up decision to stay back in Nigeria.

You have the right to live your life as you see fit, but so does your father.

He chose to remain in his homeland, and just as he should respect your decision if you wish to migrate, so you should respect his decision to remain, especially if he stuck around and tried to give you a good life (if not, that's a different story I'll grant you that).