₦airaland Forum

You will never believe what happened to me yesterday at ShopRite. I still can't get over it. I went to the super market to pick something to eat and as I was walking down the aisle, I noticed this woman staring at me. I looked at her and kept walking to the front counter to pick bottled water and gala. As I picked them and turned to find the same woman right in front of me! I smiled again and said "hi" then I went on to get a can coke. Can you believe that same woman followed me through the store? I was getting a little nervous and mad because she was following me without saying anything. But trying to stay friendly" I just said "hi" She finally responded and said, "I am sorry for staring but you look just like my youngest son. We just buried him two weeks ago". I felt stupid for getting mad as I expressed my sincere condolence to her. She said she was fine as she knows that her son is with the lord. Then she asked me to do her a favor. I said “if I can". She said she was a bit sad that her son never said goodbye to her before passing on. She asked me to get in line behind her, & as she left the store, I should say “goodbye mom," so that she could have a sense of closure. Though this request was weird, I however agreed to grant them. So as she collected her bags from the cashier and walked away, I said “bye mom" she turned and said "bye baby son." when the cashier calculated my stuff, she said the total was N116,750!.I said." what? Can you tell me how a bottle of N70 water, N5o gala and N100 can coke equals N116,750?She said" your mom said you’re paying for her's too". My mom? I shouted. That woman is not my mother!!". I quickly rushed out just in time to see the woman approaching the parking lot. I ran after her and was screaming.” excuse me, excuse me!” She started running towards her car as he saw me coming. I caught up with her just before she was able to close the door. I kept on pulling and pulling her legs!!!Then I woke up!

http://www.elijahforce..com/2013/01/how-i-met-my-mother.html

Thanks all

Stacie Halas, porn Teacher

Stacie Halas had woken up early this morning. she was always alert, she maintained a healthy lifestyle, exercised and was always in high spirits. Apart from the twitching in her left eye probably from gulping down all that green tea, in the last few days, she was good. For the first time in her life , she liked what she saw in the mirror, she was finally getting it together. The more matured look she always wanted. There was more to this look, than time, she wasn't behind on her rent, her flat was clean and tidy, just the way she wanted it and those humming sounds in the basement was gone. Although she had still not gotten over her ex who left her out and dry things were definitely beginning to look up.

Today was going to be a busy day, there was an assembly at eight, a third period science class and a lesson plan to submit. Those were basically work overs, just time consuming, she was on top of her job, she was one of the best science teachers in Haydock Intermediate School in Oxnard.
The thought of driving to school again was overwhelming, her car had been repossessed twice and she had had to take the bus. Everything was a blessing, there were lessons she had to learn, she had to finally get her head out of her ass and not expect the world to revolve around her. Now the world was revolving and she had found herself in it's stride.


Assembly was a breeze, the usual casual half hearted greetings among staff members, the principal being an epitome of a logorrhea patient and the obnoxious teens trying to draw attention to themselves. High school is basically the same , the only difference now from when she was a student was now, there were so many more laws and restrictions and the parents are much more involved , even though it hasn't really improved the standard of education, no thanks especially to the "no kids left behind " initiative and the fact that more and more kids want to be pop sensations. They seem to be more interested in the things beyond the class room walls.



Classroom
Coming to her class, she couldn't have missed the profanity inscribed on her class room window,it was conspicuous and she knew it was done by her students and targeted at her. "someone had seen something", she knew immediately. She knew this day would come but she didn't know it would be this way, standing helpless in front of giggling fourteen year olds, who has violated the age limit for certain videos on the Internet.


Within the next few days things spiralled down, students had reported to their parents, parents had contacted the school, fellow teachers had downloaded profane videos on their smartphones, thousands of distress calls had been received and finally a sack letter was delivered and it read,

" Dear Mrs stacie halas,
Due to the recent discovery that you have once indulged in pornographic activities which was not disclosed to the school at the time of your employment , it is pertinent to note that your engagement in pornography is incompatible with your responsibilities as a role model for students of this school, To this end, we regret to say that your employment has been terminated with immediate effect. Kindly submit all relevant documents in your possession to the vice principal".

It was between just 8 months, six years ago at a time where she felt she had no choice, but it had come to hunt her down. she is presently appealing, claiming it was not illegal and it should be a credit to her that she is able to bounce back but she is presently not winning.The decisions we make each day affect our future in ways we might never comprehend.


http://www.elijahforce..in/2013/01/stacie-halas-porn-teacher-stacie-had.html

puma-puma:
Wondering why the OP refused to acknowledge the original source of this post. Full credit should go to Sagay.

If u wanna break your ribs, go to http://www.sagaysagay.com for more hilarious stuff.

you are kidding right?

Thanks

sanod: Seriously, i lov yur writing, so wuld lov 2do business with yu, cos ℓ will b needin some writing on ma site..so if yu ar interested..e-mail me..sanod2012@gmail.com, so we can twok beta.

i will

lol

Growing up at Aba Nla, a village close to Ibadan, I had two “career paths” on my mind. I wanted to become either a Police officer or a coffin maker. A Police officer, because it was the easiest job to make free money; a Coffin-maker because there will always be a ready market as people will naturally die. After the community leader, a retired Civil war veteran, the richest man in the community was the DPO Kenneth. By the time I finished JSS 3, my confusion as to which of the professions to take was resolved. Even back in the early 90’s when Road bribery wasn’t done with much chutzpah by our friends in black, getting yourself through the Police College was a very cool idea. The idea of being a Policeman in Nigeria is even more lucrative these days that there’s no limit to how much you can make on the roads. Luckily for you as a Policeman, your customers won’t have required papers before they put their cars on the road. For your customers who have all their papers, they won’t know their rights. The only danger here is possible armed robbers attack. Luckily for you, when armed robbers are on the prowl, your customers whom you should protect, will offer you their own clothes to change into. Even if you refuse, you will be advised to oblige since your gun-power cannot match the machines being used by the robbers .This was my mindset until the day some robbers escaped from a bank robbery at Ijebu-Ode. Aba Nla was to be their exit route but DPO Kenneth, my role model at that time and his boys were radioed from Eleyele Force Headquaters in Ibadan to lay ambush for the robbers. Kenneth and his boys bowed to superior fire-power. Kenneth was shot and he didn’t survive. Then I asked myself, “ what shall it profit a Policeman who “obtained” motorists, made so much money only to be killed in action. I switched to Plan B. . Coffin makers/sellers are business men who are on a class of their own; I wanted to be a distinguished one. The Nigerian businessman who understands the logic of the coffin sellers is Aliko Dangote. Sell to your customers what they can’t do without – Rice, salt, sugar – and you are good. It’s the same thing for the coffin-seller; people live, make money and strive hard only for one thing – to die. A coffin-seller will only be out of business when people stop dying. I have even seen a 60 year old man model for coffin makers. After I dropped out of Prospect High School, I joined a coffin-maker as an apprentice. Kasali Coffin-makers was the biggest in the whole of Aba Nla. He even had customers as far as Ibadan, Ijebu-Ode, Lagos and Abeokuta. I learnt the trick to Kasali’s success the first week I joined. There were two apprentices working with him already , John and Ade. Kasali came to our house on a Thursday evening with the two boys and he informed my grandma that I had an errand to run for him. The nature of my apprenticeship was such that your oga was more or less your owner – so your parents obliged any request. .I simply put on my Kito sandals and followed them. We all rode away in Kasali’s 504 Station Wagon, the second best car in the community after Baale’s Mercedes 200. DPO Kenneth’s 505 evolution was taken away by his family after his death .
The smoke coming out of the exhaust as we drove off was not much of a worry since it was quite dark already; we inhaled some, the rest was for passers-by. I still couldn’t understand the kind of assignment oga had for us at such unholy hour .
He was apparently driving out of the community but took a turn as I asked a question.“Oga, where exactly are we going this night?”. John and Ade exchanged glances and they appeared to be satisfied that I was worried. The previous 3 days at work had been terrible for me because both of them used every opportunity to show me that they were my seniors at work. This didn’t go down well with me because they were my age mates and they were only ahead of me at Oga Kasali’s place because they dropped out of school earlier than me .

“We are here already, don’t be scared” Kasali responded .
That was when I noticed that we were driving towards the cemetery gate.
“Oga Kasa, but we came here in the morning for a burial.” I said .
Oga Kasali actually made the coffin used for the burial and I couldn’t understand why we came back .

The gateman of the cemetery approached the car and flashed his torchlight at us while oga Kasa flashed back with the car’s headlight. On another occasion I would have asked for the rationale behind putting a fence around a Cemetery and having a gatemen there. Was it to prevent the dead bodies from escaping? Or was it to prevent outsiders from interacting with them?

“Kasa gbangba, Good evening o” The gateman hailed Oga Kasali .
“Baba ode, well done sir. We are here o.” responded Kasali .

“I don dey wait for the past thirty minutes. Make we start work immediately abeg” stated the gateman .

The gateman who I knew very well because he stayed three houses away from my grandma., then noticed me in the car and asked why I was there. He actually joined us this week” replied Kasali .

We all moved towards the point where the burial of that day took place. John and Ade suddenly brought out diggers from behind a tree and they started digging. 

That was when I realized what was happening. So Kasali sold coffins to people only for them to be retrieved and later sold to other people.

I was so scared and I couldn’t understand why they were so confident as they went on with the digging. What if someone later discovered what we were doing? .John and Ade had been digging for a while and it appeared they were already looking at the coffin. I was still in shock at what was going on as Oga Kasali and the gateman stepped forward to assist the boys.

Everyone knew I was in shock, so they didn’t bother asking me to do anything.
By this time, the coffin was exhumed and they were about to open it.
“Kasali, when I go collect my balance na? I need money o” The gateman told Kasali .
“No worry baba. By tomorrow, we go sell this one to another person and money go come in. I go settle you properly.” Replied Kasali
How it happened, I still cannot explain till tomorrow. A voice, baritone one for that matter, suddenly came from the ground .

“Ka-sa-li! “To si gba owo ise re!” meaning “ But you were paid for this coffin.” Said the ghost, who was holding Kasali’s hand.

We all took off and escaped through different routes apart from Kasali who was being held by the ghost. Now I can officially call myself an NFA,(No future Ambition) as my two career paths have proved too dangerous to cope with. Please don’t tell my story in a serious Gathering.

STORY By
OYENIYI SHOGO
http://www.elijahforce..in/2013/01/short-story.html