₦airaland Forum

How would I forgive my extended family members?


Dear Taiwo,

I need your help and those of your readers to get my problems solved. I am an ardent reader of your page and I love the way you help people profer solutions to their problems.

I am the fourth of six children. I lost my father when I was barely four years and my mother, God bless her soul, was the one that struggled to make ends meet and brought us up with the petty trade she was engaged in.

I got married to an educated man; a man who was determined to reach the highest level in his career and because of that, he truly achieved his dreams and God blessed him greatly. Although things were not rosy at the beginning, we endured all the hardship together. My qualification was a Higher National Diploma certificate and I was contented with it.

Because of this, I could say I am the only one who excelled among my siblings; apart from my elder sister who had National Certificate in Education (NCE), the others actually stopped at the secondary level. You would have expected my siblings to be envious of my success, but they were not.

They simply unburdened their whole problems on me; Itook responsibilities of their needs, I couldn't resist assisting them because I actually had enough. I didn't complain anyway.

My siblings started bringing their children to me to train and at a time, I had two of my nephews with me. That time, I already had two children; a boy and girl.

I trained my nephews alongside my children and everything was going on well; I had no reasons to complain about anything. This, however, did not stop my brothers and sisters from popping in at one time or the other to ask for assistance. I did all I could with my husband's help; he was really supportive and understanding and never raised an eyebrow concerning my actions.

Some years later, I had two other girls and I decided to stop having children. My two nephews had completed their secondary education and left, but others came and I still accommodated and trained them.

It was the time my two eldest children went to secondary school and I couldn't just explain the stress I went through in training all of my siblings at the same time, but I didn't give up.

In short, I trained many of my nieces and nephews. There were challenges because most of them were really tough, adamant to corrections and strongheaded, but I still ensured they had their secondary education.

My husband also assisted too, he obtained admission for those of them that were ready to proceed with their education and some, he even financed personally. I was so grateful to my husband for his support and that was why I did not tell him all I discovered later; knowing it would break his heart and he might threathen to withdraw his support from my nephew who is at present with us.

Although I would never regret that I helped my brothers and sisters, but what their children did to my daughters would always linger in my memory.

What I would however regret was the fact that I was so carried away with the training of these children that I forgot to give my female children sex education. Also, I never even envisaged that such a thing would ever happened between my children and siblings'.

I have heard about sexual abuse, but I never dreamt that it was happening under my nostrils. My daughters were actually sexually harrassed by my nephews without my knowledge! How would I ever forgive these nephews of mine and myself about this?

Taiwo, I only learnt about this when my children were fully grown and they barred their minds to me about my nephews.You know how timid children could be especially when they are not properly educated about sex; they refused to tell anyone and my youngest daughter especially bore the guilt and hated anyone that came around; even as they grew up, it took them time to tell me about their experiences. When they shared with me how they were molested, I burst out and cried and I wondered how I was so carried away.

Currently, I still have one of my nephews with me, even though he is younger than all my children, I feel terrible and sometimes, I overeact to him because of what my children had experienced. Why did these children repay my act of kindness with ingratitude and deprived my daughters of their virginity so early in life?

I feel guilty for my daughters' woes and I am becoming reluctant to accept any of my extended family members to live with me especially now that my children are of age. My last child is getting married soon and I might need someone around, I still feel terrible and think I have failed as a mother.

As I said earlier, my husband is yet to be briefed about this and I don't even intend to tell him anything about it because he would blame me. It wasn't as if his family members didn't need his help or wanted to live with us too, but he never burdened us with any of them.

My advice to parents however, is that they should always be cautious about their female children. It is important parents especially mothers, teach their wards sex education on time so as not to go through harrowing experience that I am facing now.

As for me, I don't know what to do. Should I tell my husband and get relieved from this burden or should I just keep the guilt to myself? How would I henceforth treat my extended family members again?Please, advise me.

Titiola, Abuja.

Culled from Nigerian Tribune
September 16th, 2010.

Former Chairman of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, Mallam Nuhu Ribadu, on Monday reviewed cases of unresolved high profile murders in the country and boasted that he could end violent crimes in the country with only 5,000 policemen.

“With 5,000 policemen ready to do the work, I can stop violent crimes. What we need is those who are ready to do the right thing, be honest and sincere,” he said.

Ribadu spoke at a commemorative 80th birthday lecture organised by the Bola Ige Movement in honour of the slain former Attorney-General and Minister of Justice, Chief Bola Ige (SAN), in Ibadan, Oyo State.

The lecture, which was witnessed by politicians from the South-West as well as friends and family members of the late minister, was tagged, “The Nigerian dream.”

The ex-EFCC boss, who spoke extempore, said it remained “a horrible national embarrassment and scandalous” matter for a sitting minister of justice to be “cheaply assassinated, without a clue nine years down the line.”

He said, “I feel ashamed as a police officer that we failed the nation in this regard. It is our duty as police officers to protect lives and property; and if we fail to do this, some people will outwit us and commit crime and it will also be our duty to unravel the perpetrators.

“Unfortunately, nobody has been convicted for this heinous crime. In almost every city in the country, there are unresolved cases like this.

“If there is the need to do so, I will apologise on behalf of the force.”

Ribadu said the police could not deliver as expected by the populace because things were being done in the wrong way.

“In Nigeria Police, there are wonderful people but when things don’t work; when corruption has eaten deep into the system; when there are no good leaders, even the good people will be helpless,” he said.

He called for a reform in the police and judiciary as a sure way of getting the nation back on the right track, arguing that the absence of security and order was a fundamental challenge to national growth.

While describing a tainted judiciary as a dangerous slide to anarchy, Ribadu warned that the judiciary could not afford to lose the confidence of the people.

“No noble dream can survive in an atmosphere of insecurity. Economic growth can also not be achieved under such circumstance,” he added.

While bemoaning the lawlessness that currently pervades the nation’s political space, the former EFCC boss regretted that nobody had explained to him the reason behind his dismissal from the police force, after the feat the commission achieved under his leadership.

He said, “We recovered over $500bn across the country. We secured convictions on corruption charges against the big and the mighty.

“Many police officers want a change, but those resisting the much-needed change forced us out of the system with vengeance.

“They went after the boys we took to the EFCC from the police. They did not want the EFCC to change the police, they wanted the police to change the EFCC.

“Despite the over 350, 000 policemen we have in this country, nobody is facing trial over violence, either ethnic or religious, despite their frequent occurrence.”

This Article was culled from Nigerian Compass and written by Juliana Francis

Juliana, I saw your write-up in the Nigerian Compass on Saturday and felt I should share my problem with you. I’m a gal of 28, married to a man of 51. He does not like love making because whenever we are about to make love, his manhood fails. He told me that this was because of some high blood pressure drugs he is taking. There was a time he traveled to Lagos, when he came back…

because I could remember that when we got married newly, we made love once a week but I don’t know whether it’s just me that he can’t make love with. There was another time that I saw drugs in his bag and the drugs were supposed to help manhood stand and I didn’t see it and he had already used half of it, but he didn’t touch me. I’m thinking maybe he used it with another woman. I’m thinking of not allowing him to have sex with me, what do you think?

My dear sister, please don’t jump into conclusions yet. This is the mistake most women make; always thinking that their husbands are cheating on them because they fail to pounce on them like a hungry lion and devour all the nectar buried in between their juicy forests. Not so!

Whatever you do, always try to cultivate the habit of giving your husband the benefit of the doubt. If you’re claiming that your husband is suffering from weak erection, how then could he get an erection to ‘service’ another woman’s hungry core? Think about it!

Just that you saw sex-enhancing drugs in his bag does not mean that the drugs are already working and he’s having the best of his life with another babe. Nay!

I’m feeling you sister and I think you’re a jealous, possessive lady. Just like you, I don’t like sharing, especially not my guy’s sugar stick. It’s either all or nothing for me!

But I think you’re being paranoid. What were you doing searching his bag if not because you are suspicious of his every movement, phone calls and worried about the particular way he greets your female friends? Jealousy is a green eyed monster and it can make the sanest babe to behave in the most disgraceful, disgusting and humiliating way! Trust me on this!

I want to believe that your sexual drive and your man’s are poles apart. You probably have a higher sexual drive than him. I however wished you had told me what you and your husband do for a living.

If you’re a fulltime house wife and children have not started coming into the union…or you guys just have a child, you have time on your hands. And when a babe is not too busy, sex, money and yearning for male attention become the basics. And if your husband’s job is stressful, it could affect his sexual drive and even erection.

Like most women, you like a turgid manhood, which is why you’re complaining about getting little or no sex from your husband. No woman likes a flaccid, soft as eko, kind of manhood, when you can have one as strong as Olumo rock! It becomes more annoying, if you’d tasted the Olumo rock type for long and now you suddenly have to make do with a jelly, for the rest of your life!

But you can help him. Instead of trying to deprive him of sex…a stupid act if you ask, especially since you claim it does not stand at attention, whenever you blow the whistle…try to learn the ways to excite him sexually.

I also know how frustrating it can be to a woman, if she’s in the mood for a hot sex and the man refuses to play ball. And right now, your message to me is filled with anger and sexual frustration. Instead of always heaping blames on your man and his weak erection, what have you done to help the situation? Have you tried to do something wonderful in bed with him?

Are you one of those women who frown and shy away from suckling their husbands’ candy bars? If you are, then please keep your squeamishness aside and try it out with him today. Try new banging styles in bed, kitchen, and sitting room.

When last did you attempt to seduce your husband? Or wore a transparent blouse that showed your erect nipples? If your sex time with your husband is routine, it becomes boring.

It is most often than not, this boring, routine sex that forces most men to seek mistresses outside the home front. Many of them claim that variety is the spice of life; thus they have been eating Egusi soup at home for long, and badly need to change diet, so they’ll now go for Ogbono soup outside. This is one of the silliest excuses for cheating on a spouse, if I may say so.

You said: “He does not like love making because whenever we are about to make love, his Dick will not be able to stand.”

What a thing to say! Let me tell you sister, every time you’re both undressed and his one-eyed snake remains stubbornly asleep, something shrivels and dies inside him. He feels less of a man at every of this uncompleted and unfulfilled sexual encounters. He feels less of a man, he weeps inside. If you can see right inside his heart, you’ll see it bleeding!

Right now, he does not need such scathing hassles from you, his wife! Try to understand…His worry and anxiety over his inability to get his manhood to be a man are probably the reason he started buying and ingesting those sex enhancing drugs, some of which are harmful to the body. You’ve probably nagged to death, until he felt forced to try anything and everything to the detriment of his health. Even right now, he may be worried that he may lose you, his young looking wife, to another man…younger, vibrant and virile. This is a thought that can destroy the strongest of man!

Why not try to have a heart-to-heart discussion with him? Try to eliminate any psychological or otherwise serious problems bothering or troubling his mind. Let him open up to you.

An average man enjoys sex! He is fascinated by boobs, the sight of which sends sexual signals to the brain, and sends a message to the two linesmen and one referee between his thighs…engorging it with blood. His imagination begins to run riot as his manhood nods here and there in preparation for entering that luscious forest of the babe.

I spoke with a medical doctor, who said: “Some BP drugs can cause weak erections or no erection at all! I will advise the man who is having weak erection because he’s taking any type of BP drugs to change his drugs. The man can only do this by consulting his doctor. I would have recommended a drug for him but I don’t have his medical history. It is better for him to go to a doctor who has his medical history.”

Sister, better rethink your stand on denying your husband, or you may just be sending him straight into the arms of another woman. And, believe me, a lot of babes out there are desperate! If you nag him and start denying him sex the few times his one eyed snake manages to open its eyes and nods in attention, you are just punishing yourself. Except you’re ready to walk out on your marriage or take up a lover, which you would later regret, anyway! If your nagging forces your man outside and he meets a babe that understands and decides to help him get over his sexual problem, you’re a goner!

Which Brila Fm is that?
Why are u getting your sports news from Brila Fm when FIFA website is there for you?

Please, is 12am Nigerian time

Wait a minute, what is this Cork of a guy or lady saying?
I have been reading his pots.
Very funny

I understand my dear. Maybe i over reacted jare.

But sincerely, u need to exercise extra caution in handling this issue, it has pushed so many men into the waiting hands of other women. Try and make him understand and put in your best.
But u have u tried changing your present job to another that can give more time?

Any woman who fails  to live up to expectation with regards to house work and cooking has failed woefully as a wife. We sometimes forget that we are Africans, no matter the years u have lived in the Western world, u remain an African.

I see this post as very nauseating, What kind of career lady are u anyway? Are u now telling us that your career supersedes your home? U better think twice and act fast before it becomes too late. I sometimes assist my wife in the cleaning of the house and cooking when i discover that she is too tired.  But is not enough for her to subsequently fold her hands, cross her legs and watch me do her duties. Nonsense  

Ikengawo:
this is silly and i'll be ashamed to see nigerians fall for this nonsense.

what population disaster? because nigeria's population is bigger then their?
why point to nigeria even, is it the biggest country in the world, or even the fastest growing?

are dutch telling the british their population is heading for disaster cause it's too big? is vatican city saying the same to the dutch?

Nigeria's population is fine as is. Our resources are more then enough to support us, barely 10% of our potention farmland has been tapped, there's more oil to be found, more minerals and industry and finance is JUST now starting.


our stagnant economy will soon be supporting their stagnant economy.



Economic Growth Rates

Nigeria
6.1% (2009 est.)

United Kingdom
-4.9% (2009 est.)

https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/ni.html



Nigeria's population growth is actually very stable

Nigeria
Population growth rate:
1.999% (2010 est.)
country comparison to the world: 61





i guess the 61st fastest growing population in the world is the one that's racing to disaster right.

oyibo people are hopeless and hate the fact the coming century will belong to others.

With people like Ikengawo; there is still plenty of hope for Nigeria. Nice job!

DAAR SAT has since packed up.

All the money they made through their issue of shares to the public squandered.
It goes to show the kind of reckless man Raymond is

@Bisiaet

Am sure u know nothing about the ethics of journalism; saying that Raymond has the right to support any candidate or IBB has betrayed your ignorance with regards to rules governing journalism or media practice.

U guys should not talk with sentiments here, let us be objective and face the facts and rules

sir-p2007:
Raymond dokpesi has the right to support any potential candidate there is no problem with that.But as the sole controller of an electronic media its very wrong.He should not have come out openly to declare his support for any politician talk more of IBB.Daar comm is suppose to be a watchdog not political outfit.
The problem with dokpesi action is that he is associating with an infamous person,4getting that he is suppose to be neutral no matter hw much he like the candidate.He would have been discreet in his support for his preferred candidate.
This singular action can send daar comm to oblivion with or without our boycott.

TO IBB SUPPORTERS
your NO 1 EXCUSE IS THAT HE IS A CHANGED MAN,PLEASE SHOW ME THE PROOF THAT HE HAS CHANGED.WHY DO U THINK D CONSTITUTION BAN EX-CONVICT FROM CONTESTING?CANT THE EX-CONVICT CHANGE?

Dokpesi is rushing towards destruction(pro 13 vs 20)somebody should pls stop him.Poster i support your boycott of all daar comm outfit,its time we use our individual little resources to fight against corrupt politicians.

This is the only logical point i have read so far.
Dokpesi cannot openly support IBB, Jonathan or any other politician and should not have supported IBB openly as a Media Practitioner.

Ranoscky:
Should in case y'all Clowns don't know, Asamoah Gyan has just signed for SUNDERLAND!
Is SUNDERLAND in anyways better dan Fenerbache?

Pennant n Gudjohnsen just signed for Stoke city. yes, STOKE CITY!!!
Is STOKE CITY in anyways better dan Fenerbache?

Hleb has also just signed for Birmingham. Is Birmingham in anyways better dan Fenerbache?

Y'all R Peacocks!

.

Please, tell then again.
Ignorance is a disease.

Great Loss
Too sad, too bad.

Why the noise about Yobo leaving Everton for Fenerbache?
Has Everton ever played in the group stage of the Uefa Champions League?
Fenerbache is a regular customer as far as CL is concerned; far bigger than Everton in every sense.

Arrant nonsense and rubbish!

But is Mikel worth all these efforts?
I think this poster is probably idle; please find something doing and post better topics.

kenny1st:
I dont want to believe this is true , but if it is then DOkPESI dont have shame. How come, what does he want ? is it because of money he is selling his conscience ? I dont know what Nigerians take money for. Money is not everythingggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

.

Is true my brother. I saw it on AIT 8pm news hour last night.

I feel very ashamed and highly disappointed in Dokpesi. How much has IBB paid him anyway?
It is morally and professionally wrong for him to come out and support any politician; IBB for that the matter .

As a media practitioner, u are not allowed to get involved in politics. I wish corporate bodies and individuals would stop watching and advertising on AIT and Ray Power FM

Shame Shame Shame

I don't trust Nigeria Police and justice system jare.
Am sure very soon this evil couple will be released on indefinite bail  

I don't think it has to do with Igbos or any other tribe.
It is an individual or personal thing. Some people are just too wicked abeg.

More trouble for couple over househelp’s death
… As another maid collapses, at police station

A Lagos couple who allegedly tortured one of their househelps to death, are now living in fears, as another one, who is said to be in critical condition collapsed at the weekend.

The Elochukwus (other names withheld) are being interrogated at the State Criminal Investigation Department (SCID) Panti, Yaba, Lagos, for allegedly killing the victim, Sunny Oriaku.

Their two househelps who were alleged to be in chains, were also rescued by the police. Daily Sun gathered that Emmanuel collapsed at the weekend. The couple, who thought the boy would give up the ghost, blamed each other for their travails. The man, who earlier denied torturing the deceased, later contradicted himself when he saw Emmanuel being revived by some police detectives interrogating them.

Elochukwu explained that he had been warning his wife not to maltreat her house- helps, but to treat them as their own children. “See what she has caused me now. When I was telling her to treat the children like ours, she did not listen to me. If this boy dies now, it is double wahala for us,” he lamented.

The 38-year-old man, from Anambra State said: “On several occasions, I saw the househelps being starved as punishment. I usually cautioned my wife and went to the kitchen to prepare food for them. God knows that I was handicapped in this matter, as I was not always at home.” His wife, who seemed to be unrepentant, warned him to be a man as statements by Emmanuel and Ebuka had already indicted them as having tortured Oriaku to death.

“Dear, all these confessions and allegations you are leveling against me are belated. Have you forgotten that two of us are being held over the death of Oriaku? So, stop being funny and face the challenge as a man.”
“As far as this matter is concerned, I am innocent. My husband is even innocent but I am surprised that he is blaming me for the sin I did not commit,” she said.

On whether she had the habit of beating up the deceased, she said: “There is an adage which says, “spare the rod and spoil the child”. I beat my househelps as I would to my children. Are they not under my care,” she queried. Ebuka had earlier given account of how 14-year-old Oriaku was chained in the toilet for over four days, an act which resulted in his death. He disclosed that Oriaku died without tasting any food. “As he was dying, he begged for food but our madam told him to die. She said if he died, she would compensate the family by paying a token of N200,000.”

“We were three househelps. We were suffering the same fate but Oriaku was unlucky. Madam had the habit of starving us for many days. She chained us in the toilet for many days.” He disclosed that on the day Oriaku died, his madam had accused Emmanuel of stealing fish from the pot of soup, but later found out that it was Oriaku who stole it. “As I am sitting before you, I may die soon. I had been in chains for five days alongside Oriaku,” Emmanuel said.

He narrated how they were denied food and water for days, which made them to drink their urine. The couple had allegedly subjected them to serious torture which he said, made him to report the matter at the Okota police station. “The police asked them to sign an undertaking that they would not torture us again, but few days after, they started torturing us again,” he said.

The Lagos State police spokesman, Mr. Frank Mba, said the couple would be charged to court after investigation.

Yes, he is fasting with the Muslims. Just to give them moral and presidential support
To also prove to Nigerians that he is a true and all-embracing presido

I read it in one of the dailies this morning, i think the news is authentic.

2011: Alamieyeseigha heads Jonathan’s campaign
• Jimoh Ibrahim donates 820 vehicles



Chief DSP Alamieyeseigha, the former governor of Bayelsa State has taken over headship of the campaign team of President Goodluck Jonathan for the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) presidential ticket in the 2011 polls. The decision was based on the opposition from some northern leaders to the issue of the President Jonathan’s candidature for the 2011 polls and most importantly on the uncoordinated approach of the various groups purporting to be campaigning for the interest of the president.

To give bite to his resolve to ensure that his godson emerges victorious at the PDP primaries, Alamieyeseigha held a meeting at the weekend with selected PDP leaders from various states of the federation under the auspices of the Goodluck Grassroot Movement.

Chief DSP Alamieyeseigha at the meeting stated that Dr. Jonathan’s presidency in 2011 would go a long way to assuage the feeling of marginization against the people of the Niger Delta and that his presidency would showcase the diversity of Nigeria and help to restore confidence to other minority groups who felt they were marginalized.

Meanwhile, Mr. Jimoh Ibrahim, who is the chairman of the Board of Trustees (BoT), Goodluck Grassroot Movement is set to donate over 800 vehicles to the movement for the propagation of the candidacy of President Goodluck Jonathan. According to Ibrahim, the movement was created to ensure that President Jonathan wins the presidential primaries of the PDP whenever it holds.

According to a statement issued by Otunba Wasiu Banjo, the director general of Goodluck Grassroot Movement, it was resolved at the meeting that genuine leaders of the PDP should be mobilized towards ensuring that President Jonathan emerges as the candidate of the PDP at the forthcoming presidential primaries despite the resolve of some northern leaders to uphold the zoning principle which makes the ticket the exclusive preserve of PDP members from the northern part of the country.
Among the notable leaders, who attended the meeting hosted by Jimoh Ibrahim were Senator Rasheed Ladoja, Chris Ukpabi, Silvanus Ngele, Chief Chris Ekpeyong, Sergeant Awuse, Emmanuel Mangni and Kenneth Gbagi.

Others were Victor Nwokolo, Mr. Emmanuel Ibeshi, Frank Ugwu, Vital Opara, Otunba Rueben Famuyibo, Otunba Segun Adekoya and Alhaji Isa Tafida.
Also in attendance were Mr. Y.Y. Sanni, Alhaji Abdul Rahman Abubakar and Mr. Dolapo Balogun.

There is a serious fire at the Ultima Studios in Murhi International building at Omole, Lagos, where TV shows, Who Wants to be a Millionaire and Project Fame, are filmed.


No casualties have been reported in the incident.


I will update you guys as soon as the full details are out.

Is not too late to still acquire PHD sef, starting with first degree.
I salute his courage.