₦airaland Forum

Whiteball:
Love/marital affair is a dicey situation. if i tell him and dey finally get married d woman will forever hate my generation for trying to kill her joy,if dey dont get married same tin goes. Am thinking i should tell him to pray more.. While i stay my lane

Whiteball:
It's a bit lenghty so bear with me.I'm in my late 30's very very eligible for marriage but still single.Alot of friends in my circle are married but up close and personal stories coming out of their camp and experience av had in d past isn't encouraging ,so i just wanna have a baby mama(These lady's arnt loyal).

Pressure from Family n friends to settle but am not giving in. so this particular friend of mine(now a true definition of born again- i wont mention name) changed my mindset and promised to help me get a 'good wife material' through his fiancee.

I yielded and i reluctantly gave him d permission . I'v never met his fiancee one on one bc she stays in a different city and each time she comes visiting her guy am always busy but we speak on phone.She gave my number to her friend (my hookup) we got talking but i told her point blank that am a christian but not a born again like ur friend fiance -i club i drink socially but i dont smoke,to my surprise she told me same here! (hmmm red flag bc i was expecting otherwise since her friend was a born again). I told her no problem.

This week my guy's babe visited town ,i was very busy still but was able to meet them at d park when she was travelling back. she was already inside d bus when i drove in.
she came down from d bus to greet me since passengers were still boarding ,she's beautiful i must confess with nice curves but was wearing all those long born again gown and holding a bible .I told my guy despite leaving 'd world' for us he still got good eyes,we laughed and joked she told me her friend(my hookup) is prettier i said wow cant wait to meet her.

Something strange happened,i noticed an old time friend in d bus which this babe was boarding we shared pleasantries and exchanged number he asked if my babe was travelling with them i told him she's my guy's fiancee not my babe he complimented her beauty also.

A minute later she said she doesn't wanna travel with this bus which they have already paid for again, she will rather wait for d next bus that her spirit isn't in line with d bus ..
I was confused and asked her to explain she said she doesn't want to go wit this one bc she's having a strange feeling concerning d bus but i should allow my friend inside d bus already to travel with them its fine -It didn't make sense to me,if u think this bus will have an accident i should at least alert my friend to come down too she said i shouldn't worry.

My guy waited for her fiancee to catch d next bus while i left for work.

The next day was weekend and i decided to go visit another friend(lets call him guy B) of mine so we could hangout . It's a big compound with plenty room n parlour self contain.when we were about leaving the compound together i saw an eye catching figure come out from another apartment wearing bump short,transparent shirt that was revealing all her breast going to dry clothes on d ropes...Behold it was my friend's fiancee!!!.

I was shocked bc yesterday nite i called my friend to confirm if his fiancee finally got a bus and had arrived her destination he told me yes and thanked me for showing up and for my concern. Someone that was suppose to b in another part of Nigeria was in another part of d city ? . Immediately she turned and saw me,she was shocked n her clothes fell off her hands. I didn't say a word i just walked straight with my guy B to my car .

She ran towards me and drew me privately and said i should keep it privately she will explain on phone .my guyB confirmed to me that she came in last nite and that's her boyfriend apartment i refused to tell him anything tho.

The reason why she left that initial bus begin to make sense to me now.

I need advise please ,ordinarily i will look the other way but the guy in question is my very good guy and a born again christian engaged to her,weeding is two months away. The lady also according to him is supposedly a born again but this dressing stated otherwise... tho i didn't catch dem 'doing' oh.

Kubernetes:
sharia penal code was enacted in the year 2000 by the Kano state gvt.
It's state clearly that the offence for blasphemy.Yet the foolish musician went ahead to do what he did.The society cannot reform except with some stringent laws and that's why you hardly hear of any of such offences in the last 20 years.
Let our constitution put a death sentence for corrupt people and see if there will ever be so many corrupt cases the way we are having it now.
Moreover,I don't know why non muslims are interfering in other people's religion.

Righteousness89:
Leave Religion bro but embrace a relationship with JESUS CHRIST! That's what matters!

JESUS CHRIST is all you need in this life and in eternity!

Crystalom3:
Hello Everyone

I have a little problem and it's really killing me.

As almost is a custom in our house, you don't get a phone until you're out of secondary school.

Lately, my little sister has been begging me for my phone to use. Sometimes for Facebook, sometimes for assignments or just browsing and stuffs.

But the problem is, she's always searching for porn. She's 17 now. I don't know if it's out of curiosity or if she's addicted to it.

Everytime I get my phone from her and I check the browser history, I'll see Google search for 'porn' 'pornography' and then website clicks.

Talk to your sis, educate her. before it gets out of hand.

She also searches for lesbian porns with many click through.

I don't know if she's just curious or if I should be concerned. I've stopped giving her my phone even though she do ask for it sometimes.

I've thought about talking to her but I really don't know where to start or how. We lost both of our parents already and are staying with my uncle and his wife and I don't really want to talk to the wife about this.

Please any advice?

Moneyboyz:
The husband na mumu, I impregnated mine before going for any traditional stuff, they had to abide by my rules or keep their daughter.

Mstick:
What kind of shameless family is this? Since your brother doesn't have money to sponsor his own wedding isn't it obvious that he shouldn't be getting married?!

Calling your husband irresponsible because he refused to bear your brother's responsibility shows that the entitled mentality of your family is hereditary.

Ade3131:
My dear, I read your first comment and the one I quoted, and what I make of it is that you have not come to terms with the real nature of human. Human being are naturally designed to fail and that's why we have laws here and there to cut short some of our excesses. Even God gave Moses the 10 commandments.

The cardinal rules for partnership is lengthy but one summary I have for it is that, watch the market you're being lured into before you end up as the stock in trade. Irrespective of age, gender or race, everybody is naturally conditioned to seize 'opportunity' and the meaning/interpretation of that word differs based on so many factors.

The crux here is that that experience should leave a positive mark on you and not what I'm perceiving now. It should teach you how to do it differently if presented with another chance (most probably with another person). Who says you can't champion the business on your own. Who says you can't write the proposals to those big companies that uses all the produce you listed as raw materials and strike a deal that will make the man become one of your errands or personal aides?

Just make lemonade from the shit life throws at you and trust me, it will look like it's all staged to happen like that in your favour.

Akemim:
Finish Secondary school at 19
NYSC at 25
Self employed and also doing my masters, would have finished this year, but COVID 19 and ASUU
Building my house now

Still looking for other stream of income now that I am home... I still stay with my parents though.

Aizen123:
Please I need advice. I lost my Dad over 2 months now and he hasn't been buried due to the pandemic. My Uncle's are all in Lagos and can't come back.

So after the lockdown was over we decided to go to the village.. On getting I discovered that his shop was open and all the money going into the first Uncle (first son) account.. So I called my uncle because he told me it was locked and he was saying did he need my permission before to open the shop and i decided to just control myself because i like peace and i decided to go to the house in the village...

On getting there I called my uncle and he told me the keys are with them in Lagos ... That it was waybilled and i said ok and went back with my brother and sister.

Fast forward today... I got a call from someone in the village that my Dad's burial death has been fixed and i was wowed because as the first son i haven't been told yet by my uncle's. So right now i am about acting but i need advice.

Carchoice:
mr man you know nothing about properties and inheritance. When an uncle and in this case not just one but 4 uncles are hell bent on taking the property for themselves, you think they’ll back out because you recorded evidence? This is village matter. Like I said, when the fight gets gory, you will not be there to support him. Why don’t you hire him a good lawyer then? Fight the fight for him. Take up the case and make sure he gets everything. Don’t just push him to do it. Una go dey una house dey make mouth. Do you know how many young men have become a shadow of themselves because of cases like this?

So many families are at loggerheads for years because of one piece of land. Some have lost their lives. Use your head abeg and stop pushing someone to start what he can’t finish.

When you are ready to fight the fight with him, I’ll take you serious

Aizen123:
Please I need advice. I lost my Dad over 2 months now and he hasn't been buried due to the pandemic. My Uncle's are all in Lagos and can't come back.

So after the lockdown was over we decided to go to the village.. On getting I discovered that his shop was open and all the money going into the first Uncle (first son) account.. So I called my uncle because he told me it was locked and he was saying did he need my permission before to open the shop and i decided to just control myself because i like peace and i decided to go to the house in the village...

On getting there I called my uncle and he told me the keys are with them in Lagos ... That it was waybilled and i said ok and went back with my brother and sister.

Fast forward today... I got a call from someone in the village that my Dad's burial death has been fixed and i was wowed because as the first son i haven't been told yet by my uncle's. So right now i am about acting but i need advice.

Carchoice:
thats how you’ll get old fighting for fathers property. Nor go work for your own. As if his uncles are not his fathers family as well. Nigerians and their entitlement mentality. I’m currently building a house for my father but I don’t care who inherits it after because I’m doing good for myself and I plan to do more in the future. Not minding if my father owns a village or not.

Carchoice:
The mistake you’ll ever make in life is fighting uncles/aunties over your late fathers property. It’s not a lost battle but it’s a waste of time and resources to me.


Leave them to do their thing. It doesn’t mean you are a weakling or scared but don’t fight over property’s with them. Just don’t do it.

Surprise them on the date of the burial by showing up to pay your last respect or better still you can shun it. Your father is dead already.

Don’t fight over property o!!! If they want to take it by force. Leave it for them and work for your own. You can always do more with the life ahead of you.

EDITED: those of you quoting me to say he must fight, when the fights gets gory and OP waste his youthful age fighting “men” for his fathers property, you guys will not be there to support him. Whoever put eyes and mind in his/her father property isn’t ready to work for his/her own future.

KingAzubuike:
Let them go and look for something better to do with their time and lives.

RIp Uwa, May your soul sleep peacefully.

But truth be told , most ladies exagerrate this rape of a thing. The word "rape" has been so much bastardized. Even if you pressure a girl for sex and she later agreed, na see open leg for you o, she will still say you raped her ...all because you pressurized her for it. Reasons 98% of Nigerian ladies usually say they were raped if you asked them how they lost their virginity. It's very terrible.

I was having sex with this girl sometimes last year and after the romp, she sat down for one corner and began to cry like someone that was just raped. I wasted no time in sending her away from my house before she lands me in trouble. I was shocked. This was someone that even initiated the sex.

Moreover guys also get molested, no one says anything about it. The other day, I witnessed a lady grabbing a guys privates in public and everyone was smiling and cheering the dude. Now I imagined if it was the other way round, they would have decended on him.

LinLinGentle:
Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS NOT THE DEVIL. I HAVE JUST BEEN UNFORTUNATE TO BECOME A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY MEN SUFFER ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I finally succeeded and my family arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and reflect on them. I am now significantly calmer due to the determination to make my marriage better and as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment we find ourselves in. First thing she did on getting here was to cut of my entire family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. I know this might be due to the initial ''euphoria'' phase cos she is coming abroad to a big house, big car and having no limits on most things we used to manage back in Nigeria, and she thinks things are bread and butter. You would never think for a
second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles on social media!


She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my citizenship and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

THE SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

UPDATE:

Divorce has now been filed. I also recently got lucky as I was able to secure a restraining order when she messed up again and hit me daring me to do my worst. I called the police and made a proper case and she was arrested. She has been banned from the house for a month. The police advised me to talk to my lawyer and extend indefinitely if I want to. I hope to get this done ASAP. The law here does not only protect women but also protects innocent men. All you need is patience and wisdom. Thank you all for your ideas. Still several hurdles to cross but I am on the winning side for now.