₦airaland Forum

Op good day to you over there. I was in your shoes. If you don't want your family to scatter, please let her resign that government work. Open a business for her. What I did for my wife was to send her to computer training school. Today, she is the owner of the business center and printing shop. She is contributing financially to the house pocket. I wish you the best decision to be taken . Shalom. uote author=Afodot0022 post=119692966]Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.[/quote]

Jennyclay, na by force? OP says that he is not ready to have a girlfriend this year and you are calling him aka gum. Abeg leave am. Let him stay focused this year. Thank you ma. quote author=Jennyclay post=119658826]You're indeed a stingy man... so you don't want a girlfriend because you don't want to spend on her .


Incase you don't know, no lady would want to stay with a stingy man.... so if you are avoiding ladies because of common billing, you will still spend when you eventually want a girlfriend. You can't escape it. Keep running!

Biko, this is a new year, you men should learn to spend on your girlfriend/wife. Don't tight your hands.

Akagum![/quote]

Op, you are wrong treating your father that way. Don't let curse come upon your generation. Take care of him. Forget about the past. Remember, whatever you sow, you will reap. Do your best to help him out of his present situation.

Congratulations to you Nancy. God will reward you through your children. You will surely reap your good deeds. Thank you very much.uote author=EBMedia post=119288159]Popular Nigerian actress, Nancy Isime has built and furnished a 6-bedroom home for her father and family, IGBERETV reports.

Taking to her Instagram handle, she shared videos and photos from the house opening and said it's always been her dream to build a house for her father.

She said the house was an appreciation gift to her father for allowing her chase her dreams.

She wrote;



https://www.instagram.com/p/CmW-bO1qz0g/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link[/quote]

Blessedmercy8:
See his cute face. Come make baby dey hungry me nau .

To make baby dey hungry me too. We are two of a kind Blessedmercy

OP, can you cook this for me at the rate of 3k and for how long can it last me. A week or two weeks?

gloryhomemaker:
Abeg dey come food section dey get food inspiration.

Let me give you a quick 3k Edikang-Ikong soup that is very rich yet affordable:

Beef 700
Ugu 300
Water leaf 200
Kpomo 200
Kpanla 300
Dry catfish 400
Stock fish 300
Palm oil 200
Knorr cubes 100
Pepper 100
Onions 100
Salt 100
Total 3000

Everything on that list is captured here. Just meet one Mama in the market and buy everything from her. She will do you well.

Why are you writing that way nah.

mytime24:
She won go test smallie cucumber

WAREWA is not in Lagos. The Warewa long bridge is in Ogun State and not in Lagos State. People should not comment without facts.

verybadman:
Fear Lagos

OP, You must be very naïve not to have noticed that something is going on. Women are very secretive and your woman is not an exception. Firstly how much do you trust your wife? You have to make your wife swear an oath that nothing is going on between them. Secondly, you have to seclude your family against his interference. The kids should not go there again. He should go and find another woman as wife and stop seducing your wife. (Anyway, I don't know how beautiful your wife is). She should stop collecting favors from him to keep up with her beauty standard. Appreciate your woman, give her listening hear and adore her. She will open up to you one day. I wish you luck.

grop1040:
Hi guys,

Something happened 9 months ago, I decided to keep mute or probably just wait for the right time to commence my investigation to actually know what is going on between my step brother and my wife.

So I'm 9 years already into my marriage, and we have 3 kids. My step brother who is the 2nd of my mum has temperamental problem.

He's bossy and very vulgar plus he's controlling, everybody knows him for that, he was married 13 years ago, however after his family relocated to the USA, he later found
out that his 3kids aren't his, the marriage ended like that, ever since then he's been traumatized, emotionally and any other way one can describe him as. Sometimes in order to at least feel that children presence around him, he would ask me to have my children come over to his place for some days, and I could witness how that really helped him over time, but then I noticed the absence of his wife started making him familiarize with my wife in certain odd manners which I was not really down with.

For example, if he comes to our house, most times comes around with a friend, either female or male, my wife seems not to be the attache type who would sit with us in the living room, she will rather be upstairs in the room, I have witnessed cases where he will shout at her, saying how can everybody be here and ur there upstairs?

There was even a time when one of the visitors he came with sighed and made face in a way that defined, wow, "was that necessary". Or times when he will ask her to cook stew for her, if she forgets or probably didnt want to do it because she knew it isnt her duty, she will be yelled upon, you'll here things like, where
is the egusi i told u to make, even the one you made last time, u didnt put enough this and that

Now yall might think am a dullard or a simp, or someone too relaxed as gentle and as patient as I am, I be original demon, if I start my madness, the result will end in eternal damage, and our family background from my mums side where this my brother was born, we tend to uphold unity over adversity, so when things like this occur, mum would rather have us calm and not fight so unity can continue.

So sometimes last year, the major issues started grooming that made me start to think if there was something going on with my step and my wife, it started with when the kids were with him, so madam and I were suppose to go for outing, so we decided to branch at his place to check up on the kids, on getting there while in his living room, he said to my wife "I like your hair" she responded thanks, he was like are u guys going out, I was like yea am taking her out, next thing she asked my madam, so when are we going on
our own outing? I shrugged and didnt understand where that came from, though she didnt answer him.

While we were leaving, I was waiting for her to bring up the topic and put it to me that why did ur brother say such a thing, even if its a joke, its too expensive, but she didnt, I brought up the topic, and she was like shes surprised too that she never thought he would say such a thing.

5 days later, we had a family party in his house, my other brothers, cousins and my mum, my children were there, while the
caterer were cooking outside, and we were all in his living room drinking, he opted to get some meat to dish and give everybody to at least be chewing something, he served it round but when it got to my wives turn, the one he already bit off from was what he gave her, funny thing is, it was only my mum and myself that saw the scene, my wife was not aware, that was when I knew something could be going on.

Afterwards, I put the ish through to my wife, she acted disgusted and said she cant blv he would do such, that although my mum already called her to say the same thing. So I asked details of what she discussed with my mum, she said my mum advised her that whenever he calls her, she shouldnt pick, that when he knows its obvious that shes avoiding his call, he probably would want to report to her, and then she will now break the silence of what she my wife have been experiencing with him thus her refusal to pick his call.

So I called my mum and I was like being calm, patient and cooperating with the useless policy of the family doesnt mean that the recent things happening won't seat any longer with me, that am gonna have to confront him and put him in his place. My mum begged me and begged, cos she's 76 years old, I considered and I had no choice but to cooperate with her advise.

The funny thing is, after this whole ish, I asked her that if he calls, will you pick, she answered yes I will, but I will have to see what he has to say first to know if I will continue the conversation or not, I was like for real? You must be kidding me, it means something that I am not suppose to know of is happening, she was like oh well its ur fault, why didn't u confront him instead of listening to ur mums advise.

Since then, I have let it slide, but what actually made me bring up this issue again, was when I went to my bros house to pick some stuffs my sister sent from the USA, madam was off to the market, I called her to ask if she would like the only size 10 of the shoe I saw cos she wears 9, she didnt pick after calling like 4 times, immediately my brother called her with his own phone, she picked and was like sorry when you called I try to pick but it was nt connecting, I just weak at that moment sey wetin dey sup.

Guys, ladies, from deep experiences u guys must have gone through, what do u think could be wrong and what do yall think I should do, something could be happening
that if I dont unravel early, it might be the cause of ones demise or destruction.

OP, you don't have to be depressed. If you think you can control or tolerate her excesses in future, you can marry her. She is still very young. The youthful exuberance is what is disturbing her. She will change if she really loves and wont want to miss you. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck.

cowboyvs:
I appreciate your advice but it is not as easy as it sounds dear. Yes, I am thinking towards that line but I feel I have wasted a great deal of my time with this girl. I am really depressed.

OP Please free that girl. It appears you just want to waste her youthful time otherwise you can go and do introduction on a low budget and finish the traditional aspect and postpone the Registry till when you are capable financially. Anyway, I wish you the best.

NutFunny:
keep that in mind

If you can manage the stress, please take the Island job. You can even get better paying Jobs there later. I wish you good luck.

Good day to you my Brother. As an experienced married man that went through the same situation in the early year 2000, I want to advise you not to loose hope. With your savings, shear it into two, then learn how to drive Keke Marwa (You should be perfect within 4 weeks) then make a purchase of a new one with your half of savings or you go to your bank for partly loan to finance part of the purchase. With Marwa driving, you can make more than 150K every month. The remaining part of the savings could be used to finance the household. May the Grace of God Almighty shine on you and your household. It is well with you. Amen.

Threesha:
From DM

Not all Men. I know that I am not one of them. Please do not generalize the issue at hand.

Onyi22:
Men are Useless, all of them

OP Try and get yourself another girl or else you will be out of your mind. You cannot stay alone without sex. You are still young.

NLElder:
First of all don't be quick to judge me. I am just here for matured help/advice cos I am fast loosing it. I am sure if it's abroad I will to told to go meet a therapist.

I am a young man in my early 40s and married for 9 years now with 2 kids. My nature of work is such that I am living on another town 5hours away from my family. This has been the case 6years out of the 9 years I am married. I have never really enjoyed my marriage as a young man cos I am always driving up and down every weekend to meet my family and when I got a promotion with more responsibility I reduced it to every 2 weeks, and as the stress of work and driving became more stressful, I now go every month. I have tried all my best even till date to see if I can get another work in the same state my wife and kids reside to no avail and my wife can't leave her work in the state join me as she is in a federal government establishment that has no branch in the state I live and work.

The scenario so far shows you that I am not enjoying a healthy sex life with my wife, but being someone brought up to respect the marriage institution, I have resigned to my fate and taken life as I have seen it. To make matters worse, with due respect to my wife, she suffered female genital mutilation and you know it affects women's sex life and their man is always worse off for it. In summary we lead a routine boring sex life in the few occasions we even get to have it. However, the 6 years I have lived and worked in another state, I have never cheated or thought of cheating on her despite all the cold lonely nights I have to spend alone. I am a kind of introvert and never hide it from people that I am married. Some will be like "u no get side chick"? I will say no.

The problem started 4 years earlier out of the 6years in the city I live and work. Since I am always lonely and bored in my crib, I mostly do video calls with my wife and kids daily or chat online with friends to keep my mind busy and avoid unnecessary tensions that will remind me of the lonely boring life I was living. This also keeps me away from sexual urges if I feel any as a fool-blooded young man I was. It was in one of these online chats that I got close to one young lady of about 30. We really got close through chatting and graduated to exchanging numbers. I always make it known that I was married to everyone I meet and she was no exception. We became best friends online and kept our limits as married man and a single lady would. We became curious and excited to meet each other live when we found out we were in same city.

We arranged a harmless date in a restaurant in town were we really got to know more about each other. I found out that she was a struggling young girl teaching in a private school with NCE and was unable to proceed to degree level due to lack of funds. Her salary wasn't even up to 18k and she was squatting with one lady in very uncomfortable circumstances. After that 1st live meeting, a very good friendship ensued but entirely platonic .

All these past 4 years before I met her, I cook for myself and go to market by myself. One Friday she called and I did not immediately pick cos I was in the kitchen. I called her back later and told her I was cooking and she jokingly asked if she could help. As at then she was yet to come to my place, so I told her if she really wanted to help then I would come and pick her up and that was how for the first time in 4 years, a lady visited me in that town. It felt awkward. It did not take long for me to find out how homely she was...washed plates, tidied everywhere, and finished up the cooking. I really felt at peace and started getting worried at the same time. We spent time chatting but kept our distance and nothing happened between us and I dropped her off later where she was squatting.

After that, our friendship went to another level and the visits became more frequent but still nothing happened between us. I got to know she was a well brought up lady that still had values and I also confirmed she had no man as at the time she met me. She said she had always wished to be married before now and never believed she would reach 30 and still be single.

I know my story is getting rather long, so let me try to wrap up. In summary, she started having issues with the family she was squatting with and didn't have enough money to rent a place of her own. I didn't have enough to rent for her either as I was already carrying a lot of financial responsibilities for her by then...monthly stipend of ₦10k to add to her salary, tolletries, making hairs and even helping out with her sick mum hospital bills.

So without a 2nd thought, both of us decided she move into my place. Inside me I knew it was somehow but I think by then we were already in love with each but maybe living in denial.

So she moved in and that was it. Yes, we started having sex, uncomfortably at 1st but later became 2 sex maniacs. It was as if she was sent to compensate me for my horrible marriage sex experience I have endured all these years. We couldn't have enough of each other. In fact when I want to travel and see my family, she breaks down crying. I knew it was more than a side chick matter. In fact this lady gave me a fulfilled sex life that I swear if it's in the olden days I wouldn't mind taking her as a 2nd wife. Months grew into years and our passion for each other grew to the point that we got jealous of the opposite sex calling us. She even starts frowning when my wife calls or tears will start running down her eyes. People, I became so confused. We both knew we have gone too far and yet were not ready to end it.

I even because part of her own family cos I go with her to see her sick mum and played a prominent role when she died. I don't know her older siblings knew if I was married or not , but I think she confided in her older sister who seemed to like me so much and only warned her to be "careful."

After 2 years, she started agitating about marriage so much that she said she needed to move out of my place. That as long as she is with me, she might not get married since it's obvious I wasn't going to marry her no matter how much both of us pretended about it. Deep inside me I knew she was right and I couldn't be selfish to keep her from meeting single suitors but I felt an inexplicable pain in my heart as if a part of me was about to be cut off. However, I forced myself to assist her to get a place and yet she on her own kept coming to my place every weekend until she moved in again leaving her place wasting for over 2 months., only going there once in a while to pick things..

All the 2 years we were together she was open and truthful to me about relationships she was now trying to build with single guys she hoped would marry her. I was already feeling bad inside me that she was about to leave my life, but she kept assuring me that she was with me and truly told me everything happeneing in the new relationship she was building.

She later moved out completely from my place after 2years on a new year day. She said needed to start the year on a good and clean note and had gotten serious with the guy that said he wants to marry her. I began to feel extreme jealous I couldn't explain. I knew it was not right but I couldn't stop myself. I tried my best and stopped calling or chatting with her but I still didn't find peace. One evening a month after when it was now clear that she has decided to get serious with the guy she said was coming for marriage, she visited me and and you can't believe it, we made hot passionate love. And when we were lying side by side, her new man called and she quickly ran into the toilet to answer him. I felt it was time I ended this whole thing, it wasn't looking right again.

So I confronted her why she was still leading me on when she is now in a marriage -bound relationship and she said because she still loves me and doesn't know how to let go of me. We cried together that it wiould be tough as we would soon separate from each other for life and she left. I cried like a baby as we made love again and she consoling me to try and teach my wife the things she does to me despite her FGM predicament.

The period she was with me, she was uncomfortable answering calls from her man and I got fed up and decided to investigate. So I went to the street where she showed me the guy lives(she was truly open to me and I give her that) and waited to see if she has started visiting him as she mostly denies and lo and behold, I saw her entering the guy's house. I felt a sharp pang of jealousy which I couldn't control. I picked up my phone after some minutes and started calling her, but her phone rang severally and she didn't pick. I was almost half-dead with jealousy. I cried iny heart and drove away. I sent her a text that because she was "enjoying" herself with her man she was now avoiding my calls. That maybe tbe guy was so good at it. She called about 2 hours later and really took offence that because she visited him and did not pick my call was simply because she doesn't want him to start asking questions and not necessarily that they were doing anything.

We quarrelled like never before and said hurtful things to each other and I asked her to return my key at my office the next day cos by then she no longer visited my house as she has really gotten serious with the guy. She returned the key and for over 2 months we stopped communicating and became strangers.

Instead of pushing her out my mind, I felt a daily torture looking through her Facebook pics, WhatsApp status, and other social media. I will go to her guy's street and painfully watch her enter his house from afar. I was fast losing my mind. I knew it was over for good and don't want her back but the obsession is yet to leave me till date. Everyday, I check her pictures and feels pangs of pain and jealousy as I see her lovely smiles. My people it's punishment and torture for me. I keep obsessing every second of my life about her. Who can help me? Something is definitely wrong. In one of her recent status, I saw her flaunt her hands with an engagement ring and I felt a sharp pang of sadness instead of happiness. People help me I am loosing it. Even though she has apologized to me and I too have apologized for the hurtful things we said in the course of our quarrel, my mind is still not at peace.

Even now presently she is engaged she still calls me and tries to engage me in friendly conversations but I will just be answering without interest. She even sent me a pic recently at a wedding she went to and I told her she should stop sending me her pics but should be sending to her man. She apologized and said she has taken note. Yet, I will feel bad inside me if I don't see her friendly chats which my attitude has made her reduce. Yet in all these, first thing in the morning I will quickly rush to check her pics, if she has made new posts, etc etc. I need help, I really do. Sorry my people for the long post but I really needed to empty myself to see the help I can get if any cos I want my normal sane life back. I have also prayed to God and asked for forgiveness for cheating on my wife ....I have no excuses for doing so but from the long story you can see it was never my intention.

Op Don't mind them. People here are really funny. What is really bothering my brother is what you have turned to jokes. Be yourself jare, don't mind them.uote author=Mumusaphire post=113001553]and suit under d agbada sir[/quote]

OP you need to sit her down and let her know your terms and conditions. If She is okay with them, let her stay. If not please leave her alone. That means She is not ready for a serious relationship with you. Please japa.

Alaigbopress:
Please Elders in the house I need a serious advice because I don't want to make mistake.

I met this girl about four months ago, I approached her and after some weeks we started dating. She told me that she broke up with ex boy friend last December because her parents were not in support of the marriage. She told me that she has nothing to do with the said boyfriend.

But recently I noticed that she still share the pictures of the ex boy friend on her Whatsapp status and even still use his pictures as her phone wall paper. I confronted her about that and she said it does not mean anything. Since we started dating she has not for one posted my pictures on her Whatsapp status but has posted that of her ex up to o three times.


The one that got me sad and made me threaten to dump her is that she posted a WhatsApp Status requesting that anyone who mention her Boy Friend's name will get a credit card rewards and most of her friends were mentioning her Ex's name and she was cool to post the screenshots of where they mentioned her ex's name. Know it that some of my friends are also her friend and they saw the status and they have been asking me if the girl is actually dating me or someone else.

Please Elders in the House what should I do. Should I quit this relationship or should I confront her and hear her out?. Please Mod move it to front page I beg You.

OP please for God's sake, do not destroy what you have taken years to build. Every man is a serial polygamist. There is a Yoruba adage which says ( Eni ti oju ba mon ba ni Ole. Ti ile ba da, gbogbo wa ni ole.) You have to have it at the back of your mind that your man can cheat on you at anytime and have peace of mind. But pray He does not bring disease to you. Encourage him to be using condom. Cheers. I wish you well in the journey called marriage.

Cheerycherry:
Good evening family landers, I created this account because of this and I need advice from people that have been married for a while.

I've been married for almost 3 years now and we were in a relationship for more than 6 years before then.

Since I married my husband, I've noticed that he's an emotional cheat so to speak. One time I stumbled upon a chat with a girl saying things like if I catch you I will wound you with d ick.

When I bring it up he will tell me he was joking and even swear with his life that he will never cheat on me he's just joking.

Earlier this year, I stumbled upon his chat with a girl who I happened to know as well, a very young girl sending his shirtless pics and asking her if she knows how to ride d ick well if she can kiss and suck his whatever well.

Asides this, he sent her money up to 13,000 in the space of a week while he kept telling me he had no money and I was managing my personal money to run stuff.

He apologised and said its because I don't kiss him when we have s ex and he didn't even intend meeting the girl that it was him catching cruise.

This week again I stumbled upon his chat with another girl, he has known this girl for a while tho and I've met her too. He sent her a message saying Je ki n do e kara e bale in yoruba which means let me f uck you let your body calm down. I've been mad since I saw this one cos he apologised and afterwards said he was just joking.

I'm tired of the disrespect the whole nonsense brings to me and I'm considering leaving. I have a well paying job, I take care of my personal expenses and send money to my parents and siblings myself and we have a child together.

It's not s ex cos we have sex not less than 2-3 times a week; very satisfying s ex.

I need inputs from married people please.
We have an ongoing building project together which we are both sponsoring 50:50. I'm not an uptight person at all, I talk, I make jokes, I'm not boring!

Candidlady and Goodharddick, I like the way both of you are rolling together on this forum. Keep it up. Something might come out of it. Cheers.

OP please note this advice I am giving you now. Men generally are polygamists' in nature. We love to sample different pussies, but any woman who want a man to stay with her should give to him more than her pussy. Do not blame the man for what has happened. Find a way to move around the situation if you really love him. I wish you the best of luck in your relationship.

missimelda01:
So I made a post earlier about how my partner wasn't interested in growing emotionally, well we continued having issues because of his behaviors (complains a lot, petty, prefers to keep malice instead of communicating and so much more). I finally decided to break up with him.

The next day after the break up, he messaged me on Instagram (I blocked him on every other platform and forgot this), he started begging and promised to communicate better. I didn't pay attention to him until after two days, then we started calling on Instagram and it was as if things were getting better.

My birthday was two days ago, he came to my house with gifts, said he had made plans for them before we broke up...lol he ask me out again and I said yes (don't blame me, I find it difficult to detach from people I love).

I was at his place and was using his computer to work and messages kept coming in from one particular girl, I was ignoring it until it was too hard to ignore, opened it and saw the shock of my life (his mac is sync with his iPhone). This guy had unprotected sex with a girl he met on a dating app the same week we ‘broke up’

I'm angry, disappointed and confused.
What do men want? You meet a girl who's loyal, independent, cares for your family, plans with you and you still ruin everything.

P.S this guy was so in love with me, he's been so pressed about meeting my mum, he already knows my siblings...I’m beginning to think he has mental problems.

OP I am going to advise you to go with your heart. Women do change after marriage. Please sit her down and tell her the shortcomings you have noticed about her. Give her a maximum of six months to change her behaviors and after that if you do not notice any positive change, you can run for your life. I wish you well.

bewov:
Please guys, I have something bothering me so much, I will really appreciate it if I can get a matured response.

These might be long, but please bare with me

There is this girl have been dating since March 2021. Although, we met in University days and we have been dating since 2017, but because I was graduating and she has 1 more year to spend in the school, I left her and travelled to Lagos to work, because I got a job in a company in Lagos, immediately I graduated. I needed to concentrate on my future so I told her I want to pause the relationship to focus, but I will definitely be back for her, I promised her this. She was a virgin then!

After working in the company for 2years, I also learnt some IT skills online while I was working in the company, and I was earning cool money from it, so I decided to quit the job and focus more on the online business.

My business have been doing well and I have about 2 other virtual assistant helping me out, anyway I was kind of comfortable, so I thought of fulfilling my promise to my girlfriend. I called her one morning, and she was shocked! We chatted a bit and I told her I want us to see urgently, we schedule a date for her to meet me in the hotel, because I was staying in Lekki and he stays around Surulere, I wanted an hotel close to her house, so she can return early.

We met at the hotel and I can see she missed me so much, around 3pm I told her I'm back and I want us to continue dating and I'm ready to settle down, she agreed and we have been dating, all this happened around March 2021. Around April, I travelled out for about 2months, but I was very communicating with her, and when I got back around June, I discovered she had sex with another guy in May. Now, I wouldn't say she did it because of money, because I pay her 20k every month for upkeep, sometimes I just pay her 30k! She is not a wayward girl though, and she is not a type that sleeps around with guys back then in school, but once i came back into her life, I see a different girl entirely, when I came back she wasn't a virgin anymore, it's not my problem anyway, because the truth is I never forgot her during all those years I left her behind.

I didn't tell her I knew she cheated on me, but all I do tell her was that she did something bad to me and I want her to open up to me about it, but my girl kept on denying it, she sworn with her life, that she didn't cheat on me, that night I was shocked. Then, I didn't talk about it again till September, I gave her those months to regret her actions and confess to me, but she never did, also I didn't stop helping her financially, I still pay her monthly for upkeep. I know you will be wondering why I give her money, right? This girl was with me and loyal to me when I had nothing, like nothing at all! She was raised by a single mother and she is struggling a lot, after graduating she decided to go for Hair Stylist training, that is where she is currently. So I just give her money monthly just to stay strong.

So around September I decided to tell her she cheated on me, although it was that once, she begged, cried and told me she was drunk and regretted it, she told me she doesn't want to tell me because she knows I will end the relationship, well to be candid I love her so much, so I decided to forgive her, but since that day, trusting her was very very difficult for me. Although, I do watch her and since then I have never seen anything of such from her.

January 2022, her mother stopped her from coming to my place, she wants me to come see her first before she can allow her daughter to come visit me again. So, I went to see her mom last month and I made my intentions known to her, I told her I will want to marry her daughter and she said she is okay with it, if her daughter is okay with me.

This girl is my type of girl but, she has some behaviours that sincerely I don't think I can deal with.

She has this mindset of "A woman should be equal to a man".

She doesn't respect me, she chats with random guys and if they invite her for outing, she goes with them, even if I tell her not to go! When she visits me, she says I must join her in doing the house chores, she will say "It's either you clean the house and I will wash the plates and cook, or she wash the plates and cook, while I clean the house". And sometimes if she wants to cook for me, she will want me to come to the kitchen with her and do some works, maybe Grind pepper with blender or slice onion, if I dont, she gets annoyed, saying will she be the one to be doing all?

She did something that annoyed me this morning, around 6am today I went to the filling station to get petrol, well she knows I eat early always, maybe 6am or 7am, I would have taken breakfast, but she has never dished me food at that time, I always do it myself whenever she is around. When I got back from the filling station, I still met my girlfriend on the bed pressing her phone, I told her I'm hungry and I will want to eat Spaghetti with tomato sauce, and she replied "Baby, please cook it yourself, you said I'm your queen, pamper me na" Really? What does that have to do with you cooking for your fiance?

Well, I was annoyed, I went to the kitchen and prepared the food myself, the truth is when the food was ready, I only dished my own and ate, she said "What about her? Won't she eat?" I didn't answer her!

Aside from this, sincerely sometimes she talks to me rudely, and one thing she and I knows is that she is very very stubborn and not ready to submit to any man. Sincerely, this attitude is making me scared of settling down with her, I want to propose her this year and do the marriage rights but with all this behaviours I'm thinking the marriage will be hell for me.

When she came over yesterday, I prepared food for her before her arrival, and I served her, all she could say was "What is this? The food taste bad! Is this food or poison?" She never gave a good compliments about the meal, yet she finished the food and went for second round.

Last night before we went to bed, I told her to warm the rice and the stew, she said it won't get spoilt that she will do it in the morning, I asked her if she is sure, she said Yes. And I went to the kitchen before preparing my Spaghetti, I saw the rice is already bad and can't be eaten, I showed it to her and she was like "haaa she doesn't know it will spoil"

Also, the chicken I bought yesterday to cook her the meal, I couldn't use all, I left some in the pot, and I forgot to warm it last night, my girl saw it while washing the plates this morning, and she was like "What is this?" I told her chicken and she said "And you didn't warm it" she left it there in the pot like that without doing anything to revive it. Before I went to the kitchen to do it myself!

She only washed the plates, bath and went to church this morning, she didn't arrange the bed, nor sweep the room littered with all we ate last night. I'm sure of the message she is passing to me... "Have washed the plates, you clean the house".

Please guys, I want to propose her around August and settle down with her in November, but this behaviours are the things turning me off.

Will she changed and act normal when we get married, or this will continue? The guys she chat with, which I told her I don't like it, she replied that "She will never and ever leave them". All these types of attitudes and not showing me respect, do you think she will change after we get married or she will continue?

Please guys, I'm very confused here

OP. There is no love there. The girl is a manipulator. Please run for your life.

darkstar6971:
Hey Nairalander pls I'm here purposely for advice.

I have a girlfriend of mine which we have been together for quit long time and we share everything together even reach a level of buying her an iPhone 11 while I'm managing my Samsung phone...

So one day some incident happened to me that led me to prison for almost 4 months yet for all this period this girl has never tried to pay me a visit...

After winning the court trial, this girl came to me and knelt down asking me to forgive her for what she did yet I have been forgiving her for the previous mistakes.

Guyss pls I really need advice. Is she manipulating me or is this love?

Go back home and stop smoking. The act of smoking is not good. You can die young. So, please stop smoking. Do not be a loss to your father. Generally, we fathers do not have patience for a misbehaved child more so that your mother is no more. Please take this advice and go back home. Change to a new creature.

adetula148:
There is this lady I love so much, we work at the place, and we were good but she happens to be a Jehovah witness.

We have been dating for a year and half now but most times I have issues with her texting other guys and she kept saying they are just friends.

You can call me a fool but sometimes you love someone so much that you don't want to loose them.

Anytime I try to tell her about how I feel about her texting other guys giving them impression that she is single and always looking out for someone who happen to be a witness but always tell me it's me she loves and those guys are just her friends . Going out to see other guy's on a date and sometimes lie to me , she get mad and never for once say sorry . And when she says sorry, the same thing repeat itself.

Then I just let go and assume those guys are just her friends and I can't stop her from texting her friends but there is something within me that keeps telling me something is wrong. Like I love her so much but I still have this trust issues ,like I want to be convinced that I am wrong and try work on my trust issues.

Just yesterday I just login to her Facebook because she gave me her phone sometimes to help her format it and restore her apps back but she could not remember her password, so I had to reset it and get them working.

So I login to her Facebook then I realized she has been sneaking out to see another man who happens to be a witness because my place of work . We spend 2 months in and 2 weeks out , even her time off she plan on going to see him yet lied to me she wanted to go write exams and look out for other opportunities and she told me we would see when we out and spend time together .

Like we go on leave and off days same time ,for me we were so close and we even kissed and hugged that same week. Like she was already certain to end up with this guy yet she still call me and tell me she loves me . But one thing about me is I can't keep things to myself I got mad then I texted her .

She greeted me well then I suddenly asked her about the guy . She denied it totally and asked if I had a prove . Then I sent a screenshot then she said "did I not tell you that I can't marry someone who is not a witness then I was like Bleep". This same person we talk almost everyday , see everyday , kissed and do crazy stuffs even at work now say all these to me. Like I almost died yesterday. I told her all this then she said " I just love you as a friend and you are my best friend" .

Then I asked since when ? She just ignored me all through then line busy. I just blocked her and delete her number because she was not even sorry .

Here is my question, why are witness like this ?

This will be my first experience with them and I will say this really hurt me. Like I can't even think well. So a relationship of almost 2 years just a waste?

So all those I love I love you were just jokes? I just pray God heal me fast .

Like I really loved her. Now I don't know what to do. The job I am managing for now we both work there. How do I face her? Like am still looking out for another job but now I just have to leave this job and move on.

I just decided to share this with you all so you can learn from my foolishness and advice me on what to do.

Do have a nice day .

Adetula148, don't you know that birds of the same feathers fly together or did you not read in the Holy Bible that iron sharpens iron? Why going to an extent of loving her. Please forget her and move on with your life. God will provide you with your own flesh as a wife.

No be today e dey happen like that. One mans meat nah I'm another person don't chop ripe. Don Baba take heart.

The Artist is upcoming and doing well for herself.