₦airaland Forum

Victor was a good looking and charming young man who desperately wanted to marry this girl, but Victor didn’t have a job and wasn’t searching for one, Victor wanted to be a photographer, he was passionate about photography, he was then, broke and not money conscious, and instantly this lady ruled him out as unserious and immature.

She really loved Victor but the memories of her poverty, her father’s irresponsibility and the words of her mum wouldn’t let her commit to him in marriage.

Now she’s thirty eight and still single.
Victor on the other hand pursued his photography dream and today, is one of the most sought after photographer in Hollywood USA.

He is extremely rich and famous, she however is still in the bank, working hard, still single, still searching.

She is full of regrets, she wished she said yes to Victor. Her fears misled her, now she carries a huge burden of regret.

She suffered so much lack, deprivation, shame and disgrace as the first child and daughter because she had a lazy and uncaring father, her mother provided everything for seven children.

While at the university she had only two pairs of jeans with a collection of many second hand tops, she went hungry most days and couldn’t afford to buy books, handouts and many things she needed in school.

She suffered a great deal hence after graduation and securing a fine job with an up class bank, she became very careful and sensitive in matters of relationship and marriage.

If she saw any traces of indolence and complacency in any suitor, that suitor had no chance whatsoever.

She didn’t know he had prospects, she didn’t know he could ever become anything great in life.

She had suffered so much growing up in a family where the father was totally irresponsible and the mother labored very hard to raise all seven children.

She grew up dreading getting married to an indolent man who wouldn’t live up to his responsibilities.

She was also daily told by her mother to be careful in choosing who to marry and shouldn’t be blinded by feeling like she was. Her mum wouldn’t cease to remind her that marriage is much more than feelings, it’s a commitment to great responsibilities.

how?
by imposition?

.....They’ll insist, blackmail, put up acts, exaggerate and make you feel rigid and inflexible; ignore them. Go through the motion with them without the emotions and at the end of every drama still do what you have to do.

Dear friend, feeling bad after every sacrifice and gift giving is not worth it, if you don’t want to give it out, don’t give it out.

Don’t keep yourself in a self-constructed prison of manipulative relationships. You’re so unhappy about the friendship yet, you don’t want them to know – you don’t want them to know how their demands affect you, you admit it was your choice after all. Hmmm

Dear friend not wanting to appear unkind can make you very unhappy because most of this so-called friends really don’t care how you feel –you’re just a tool to them, when they’re done with you, they’ll move on. Get smart. Be careful with people.

FRANKLY SPEAKING WITH MUYIWA AFOLABI

http://www.muyiwaafolabi.com/today-on-frankly-speaking-the-people/

Be wary of people who always talk about themselves, their needs and are never interested in yours.

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about taking care of yourself and buying good and expensive things for yourself. It is your money, feel free to enjoy it, it is not your fault they can’t afford what you can afford.

If they can’t handle your happiness and your pleasure, they’re not good for you.

Buy what you want to buy and wear what you want to wear without guilt; it’s your life.

Don’t let anyone make you feel selfish and don’t give away anything you still love if it’s going to make you unhappy giving it away, simply say no and keep a straight face. Let no one make you feel guilty about taking care of yourself well, if you do, they’ll make you feel selfish and make you give them everything they want....

It’s time to stand up to them in gentleness and respect, argue your point without shouting at them and hey, it is okay to say no without giving any explanation, you don’t have to explain everything.

When necessary, refuse with a logical explanation, if they choose not to understand, stop talking but go ahead and do what you want. You don’t have to convince them, don’t try to make them agree with you, just do it. Learn to decline without feeling guilty and confront without being mean.

Bending always to unfair demand will always leave you bitter, upset and grumpy; you’ll be unhappy and depressed most times.

Dear friend, decide today to review all friendships and relationships and reposition yourself in good context.

Liberate yourself from every manipulation and the grasp of so-called friends and relatives who are control freaks.

They tell you what to do, how to do it and for whom to do it, they refuse you use your mind, will and initiative; when you reject their advice and counsel, they sulk and become cold and distant – blackmailing you emotionally.

Come on its time for all these to stop. Decide to start enjoying your own freedom to choose and do what makes you happy and satisfied.

Think, consider all your friendships and relationships right now.

Is there any friend directly manipulating or controlling your life simply because you really love and care about them?

Is there any friend controlling and manipulating your life today simply because they helped you or bailed you out of a situation in time past?

Is there any friend controlling and manipulating your life simply because you shared a secret with them and you don’t want them to tell anyone hence, the desperation to ensure they don’t betray you?

Is there anyone controlling and manipulating you right now because you’re related so they’re asking for what they would never do for you should they be in your shoes?

As much as I believe it is noble and right to be kind, generous and considerate, I also believe everything must be done in moderation; modesty is the honour of any venture. When anything is overdone it backfires.

You keep giving and giving so very much yet they don’t see or appreciate, rather they grumble and complain and criticize your efforts. Now I’m talking about people who wouldn’t even lift a finger to help you when you’re in need.

They ask and keep asking even if it’s most inconvenient they will still ask for it and when you’re reluctant they begin to nag and complain and make you feel terrible about your reluctance to help. Even when you’re ill, they still expect you to have the answers to their issues.

They hardly see your issues, no one bothers to ask how you’re doing, they just Assume and conclude "you’re fine", even if you’re dying, they believe you’re strong enough to take care of yourself and your issues.

They feign weakness and inabilities simply because they want you to do for them what they can do for themselves but don’t want to. Hmmm. My dear friend, what’s the cost of your friendships and relationships?

The illusion they experience thinking you can’t do without them drives them further into all kinds of attitudes and misconducts. They begin to exert on you psychological and emotional pressure. They begin to oppress you, take advantage of you, cheat you and at times abuse you in the relationship.

The worst case is when you have this tendency towards every friend you make. Everyone would then want something from you, no one ever considers giving to you. They begin to assume you’re strong and on top of all your issues, that’s why you have the time and energy to care about them and their issues not knowing your issues may even be worse off than theirs, it’s just in your nature to care for others.

Now if you really analyse the relationship, you’re the one doing most of the work; you’re investing the most in the relationship in time, attention, caring and giving, they really don’t care as much and don’t give as much yet, they are the ones that really need the relationship not you.

When you become so nice and kind and considerate of some people, there is this tendency for them to begin to assume they mean so much to you and you can’t do without them. They begin to overrate their importance and relevance in your life and would begin to call the shots in the relationship.

They’d want everything done their way and in their convenience. You’d do most of the caring, checking, visiting, calling, texting and giving, they will hardly appreciate and in fact still complain about the measure or quality of your sacrifice.

You wouldn’t really know when you begin to get that way, you just begin to respect their feelings unnecessarily.
You don’t want them hurt, disappointed or upset with you, so you do all you think you feel is necessary to keep them perpetually impressed with you.
You want them to approve of everything you do no matter what it costs you. You keep hurting and feel so uncomfortable with the whole relationship, but somewhere at the back of your mind, you wouldn’t want to do what you’d rather prefer to do so that these people will not think or will not say something you don’t want them to think or say about you.

Friends, family, relatives, colleagues, employees and even strangers fall within our targets when it comes to making good impressions and having them on our side. However, with time, our desire to keep doing this can entrap us in that we move away from a point of decision to be seen as good to a desperation to be seen as good.

Consequently, we begin to love ourselves less and prioritise the desires, needs, and expectations of others over ours.

Many of us naturally want to do what will make people happy with us, love or at least like us and be kind to us. We are very sensitive to the way people see us, think of us and speak of us. We try as much as possible to be seen as good, nice and kind, we want a good reputation; we want everyone to reckon with us particularly as touching our being good. So we often go overboard in trying to register this very good impression and reputation.

It was just one day, I sat down and really began to think about it. I have tried very hard to ensure I keep every major area of my life in check. Not so easy but I chose to do the right thing and do my best to excel. I try to manage my finances well, my career effectively, my relationships effectively and my health in good condition. I just keep doing all I can to live a happy and comfortable life. But for a long while, I kept experiencing upsets and real hurt from time to time. As much as I tried to remain happy it was difficult, so that day I had to take a look at my life and deal with the root cause of my unhappiness.

After considering all the issues, I suddenly discovered the major source of my unhappiness. – People. People.

Perception is very important in life, even when you do good people want to make you look bad, much less you’re doing bad things steady.

Please don’t deceive yourself saying you don’t care what people say, it is their problem, no it is not, it is also your problem. Today I’m careful about this lady I met at the retreat. It doesn’t matter who she really is, she has a bad reputation and it’s affecting her opportunities with me.

Your name matters, your reputation counts, protect it, guard it jealously. Ladies and gentlemen, ask yourself this important question today, what is your name?

FRANKLY SPEAKING BY
MUYIWA AFOLABI

http://www.muyiwaafolabi.com/today-frankly-speaking-name/

As a married man what is your reputation, as a married woman what is your reputation, as a bachelor what is your reputation, as a single lady what is your reputation? What is your reputation on social media? Could it work against your possible marriage to a fantastic, kind and loving spouse? Could it work against you in employment?

Ladies and gentlemen, what is your name? When you cheat, when you swindle, when you’re dishonest, when you’re oppressive, when you’re corrupt, when you steal, when you demand a bribe from innocent people, suppliers and vendors they may give you alright but they will broadcast your name and build you a reputation in the industry. A bad reputation can close great doors against you as an employee, a businessman, an artisan or employer.

Your name is an embodiment of your reputation. Every time a name is called and it’s followed by the question who is he? Your reputation narrative is what follows.

The dangerous thing about your name and reputation is that its use, power and deployment does not lie with you but with others. You don’t own your reputation, people do and what they say it is, is what it is. The innocent lady I encountered at the retreat had no clue her best friend, her driver and even her boss had talked to me about her reputation without her consent or knowledge. Her reputation though hers is meant for others to use as they deem fit.

As humans, we are not permitted to live and behave as we feel or like, we are expected to behave and do things as it’s right. By nature, all humans are selfish, indiscipline and immoral. We want to indulge in fleshly things, we want to act as we like, dress as we like, talk as we like and do what we like, however; all we do daily, keep adding value or diminishing the value of our names.

The power to excel, succeed and achieve greatness is very much connected to what our names symbolize. People want to connect, relate, and work with you based on your reputation. Your reputation is a consequence of the things you do daily, either good or bad.

Your words every day, your choices every day, your appearance every day, your association every day and the quality of your work every day is building a reputation for you and this reputation will determine how the world and life will react and respond to your name either good or bad.

Dear friend, again I ask, what is your name? What is the meaning of your life to the people around and in your life? What is the summary statement that follows the mention of your name? What do people think, how do people feel when your name is mentioned?

One of the greatest investment you should make in this life is in your name. Your name should mean something positive, you name should symbolize something powerful, you name should communicate something great, your name should inspire something phenomenal.

Are you building your name or destroying your name? Many of us are too busy loving ourselves, doing what we like and behaving as we like with no respect or reckon for our names built through reputation.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I say this morning that your name is actually not just about identifying you, your name is not just about differentiating you, your name is not just what people call you, in actual fact; your name is you.

Your name is the total sum of your person, your character, your behaviors and your reputation. Your name belongs to you but it’s for other people to use and interpret.

Your name my dear friend is actually your reputation. Your name is the summary of your record in life so far. The interpretation people give to your person when you are mentioned is your name. How people feel when you’re mentioned is your name.

How people react when you are mentioned is your name. The conclusion people draw when you are mentioned is your name.

Ladies and gentlemen, what is your name? Many of us simply think of a name as what someone or something is called. We simply interpret a name as a word that identifies or references a person, place or thing. We see a name as the word that differentiates people, places and things.

We name things, we name people and places so that when we call or mention, people can identify them easily.

I presume you’ll simply define your name this morning as what you’re called. Your name is what people call you and you respond to, your name is your identification word. Your name, is simply what you’re called, you may think.

However, I’ve heard it said several times and in several places that a good name is better than silver and gold. So what is it that makes a name good or bad? Is it the sound or meaning of the name? I do not think so.

A couple of days after I arrived Nigeria, the leader of the team I went to engage called me to thank me for coming and as the gist continued, he suddenly asked about this same lady who was his head of protocol, he asked if she’s been in touch with me, I said no, suddenly he said it summarily, just watch out, she’s not someone you want to be close to, especially if you’re married, she is a good person but be careful with her. I suddenly became weak. Her best friend, her driver, now her boss? No this is too much, this is bad.

I got into the car of the beautiful woman that was being talked about and as I made my way to the airport with her driver behind the steering wheels, he suddenly looked at me in the rearview mirror and began to speak.

I saw you speaking to my madam for a long while earlier, she is a good woman but be careful with her, she can trouble your marriage.

I was shocked her driver too is saying the same thing her best friend had said about her earlier, I said nothing, I ignored his comment and focused on a book I was reading.

I concluded a 3-hour speaking engagement and interaction with a team in a high profile company somewhere in East Africa and as soon as I was done, a very attractive lady, in her early thirties as it seemed came up to me and began to talk about the company. She talked about the business ambition, the challenges encountered, and how they’ve tried very hard to inspire and motivate the team to do better. She spoke quite well about the leadership of the business and how they are very smart, ambitious and passionate about success. She spoke well of her colleagues too and began to tell me how they would ensure they apply the principles I shared on effective teamwork for sustainable growth, expansion and transformation in Africa.

She was also the head of the protocol team that received me and as soon as she was done with the gist, she went to call up her driver who was to take me to the airport. Immediately she left, another lady she earlier introduced as her best friend walked up to me and whispered a warning with a concerned expression on her face, she told me to be careful with the lady, that she is very cunning and she’s a home wrecker. She told me this beautiful lady is a single mother of two and she has a reputation for wrecking people marriages.

I was surprised this information was coming from a so-called best friend. I thanked her and said nothing more.

Are you such that remain silent, or encourage wrongdoing because many people are doing it?

Do you castigate those speaking the truth; mocking them and calling them names because you benefit from the wrongdoing they speak against?

You may not be directly involved, but be rest assured, when you least expect, Karma is coming for you. The yahoo money you chopped, the ritual money you enjoyed, the loot you shared, and the silence you kept when evil was being perpetrated right in your presence and in the land – don’t worry,

Karma is coming for you, maybe not today, but someday, perhaps when you’ve completely forgotten – it will show up and strike, then you’ll say, God why me?

Dear friend, collective consequence is real, it’s time to repent.

FRANKLY SPEAKING BY MUYIWA AFOLABI
http://www.muyiwaafolabi.com/today-on-frankly-speaking-collective-consequence/

Ladies and gentlemen, it is hard to fix a country where people remain quiet or defensive when corruption tends to serve them right or work in their favour.

Many people are perhaps crying and complaining today because they are no longer benefitting from corruption, and learning legitimate ways to earn is too hard for them to embrace.

There is collective consequence my friend even for nations.

A bad road can kill your son, hospital without drugs, good equipment and power supply can kill your daughter in labour, and unemployment can derail your graduate child and make him or her embrace crime or prostitution.

A colleague at my office recently shared with me her disappointment and shock at how many Nigerian youth were in support of internet fraudsters and scammers popularly called yahoo, yahoo and how many young Nigerians think it was a smart way of making money.

I simply told her, those in support of internet fraudsters are mostly those with empty bank accounts and their parents also have empty bank accounts. Scammers don’t go after broke people so the broke have nothing to fear.

Eventually when they make money however, the scammer will succeed in scamming them and taking away their life earnings overnight, then they’ll cry God why me? Keep supporting, keep encouraging crime, there is collective consequence, Karma will one day knock at your door.