₦airaland Forum

Queenisha:
Why can't we have constant electricity in Nigeria.

Because the administration governing energy, as well as the federal government, sucks. Badly. But that has nothing to do with this particular situation. It makes no sense for the two to stay together, knowing that she will never get the satisfaction that a wife should get from a husband. Her husband will continue sleeping around. The marriage is not going to work in this state, and you all are saying that it will certainly fail if she confesses. I say confess and clear your conscience. You never know what may come of it, and it just might be a step forward for possible reconciliation.

DeepZone:
I'm not particularly against confessing to her husband but it can be daisy. Why should she offer such  information to him when he's not suspecting her? If she's truly penitent, she should hit the floor and ask god for forgiveness and get it over with but i suspect it's more than that because it sounds ludicrous that a married woman who painted a virgin picture of herself as a spinster will open her legs wider than 45 degrees angle because she wants to satisfy her sexual needs. What's this about "painful" sex with her husband? Why can't she talk it over with him and look for a solution as a couple?

Africa is not a place a woman can tell her husband that she cheated because he is cheating otherwise her load will be in her fathers house the next minute. Even her relatives will side the husband and treat her as a leper. That being said, she may want to reconsider her rights et al.

I bet you, if she gives her husband an STD from her waka about, she'll be the first to accuse him of getting it from prostitutes. Either way, she's screwed and her only option now is Jesus.

Funmi detests adultery in it's entirety.

I can see where this might become a problem. In this case, I think that I rather have her sent to her father's house with a clear conscience. It makes no sense to be in a relationship knowing your spouse is an unforgiving, unrepentant adulterer. However, you also said that God can do many things, so why can he not help this couple realize the error of their ways and repair their marriage?

sistawoman:
No they should stop cheating but how fair is it to transfer your guilt and cause pain to someone you love just because you don't want to feel your guilt anymore?

It's not fair, but neither was cheating in the first place. There is a time in all this where people have to stop worrying about each others feelings and start being truthful. The relationship is only going to get worse if you don't confess. At least when you do, you can now focus on where the relationship went wrong, and work on trying to fix that.

DeepZone:
There is no limit as to what God can do. God is beyond problems and can fix a faltering marriage. Her issue sounds more spiritual than natural and I seriously think she's just  looking for a placebo in nairaland  because she'll definitely go back and sleep with her EX(if the guy is truly her EX) over and over again.

The  inclusion of her philandering husband  looks egregious and forged just to justify her infidelity. You can deceive and pull a cloak over everybody but you cannot deceive God and yourself.

Funmilayo

Somewhat true, but I have always been taught that God helps those who help themselves. You can't simply repent and sit back and expect God to do all the work. There is no better way of being sincere with God than for her to repent, and still tell her husband the truth. I feel that is the only way. To rely on God simply to take care of such a problem would be taking advantage of him. I say she should still tell her husband the truth. She can repent now, but if she takes no action, she will just fall back into the same activities she was doing before.

DeepZone:
Adultery?



                                                                     Gross!!!


Y'all need to repent, believe the gospel and accept Jesus Christ as your personal lord and Saviour  and that is the only viable solution.

Yes, yes, but after which, you will still have this situation to deal with. Do you have any suggestions that are relevant to this particular problem? We can all sit here and act holier than thou, and feel good afterward, but at the end of the day, the physical problems still aren't solved.

As unpopular as it may seem, I would have to agree mostly with redsun with what Mugabe is trying to do. Mugabe seems to be trying to start a revolution, trying to change around the effect of years of colonization by the Europeans. Unfortunately, when you turn your back on the west or Europe, everybody suffers.

Mugabe's efforts may not be completely innocent, but it is admirable that he refuses to be a puppet for the west, or anyone else for that matter. He is making moves that all of the other so-called leaders are too afraid, or too comfortable, to do. There is suffering everywhere, and it is probably the same case in Zimbabwe, but what is happening and what the media tells us are two completely different things.

KarmaMod:
I like how you say what she SHE infected him with a STD and not what if HE has infected her with his voicemail LovePeddler

If you are trying to make me out to be sexist, it's not working. I am saying that that silence from both ends is not healthy at all. She is entertaining the idea of letting her partner know what happened, so let her be the one to break the silence. If he confesses first, then he confesses first.

HCH3COO:
if sexual satisfaction is important to her, then this marriage should be over.  no questions asked.  i wonder if she has kids though.

in a perfect scenario.  if he's a coldhearted cheat he won't feel the least bit remorseful about what he's done.

That's why I said ideally. It probably won't work that way, but at least she will know that she did right by telling him. You don't want a secret like that on your heart when you die.

KarmaMod:
sexual satisfaction SHOULD be important to every couple

Why should she be the first one to confess first? Keeo in mind he accused her of cheating before they got married. I assume you know what they say of people who throw around false accusation? THEY are usually the ones GUILTY of something so I would NOT be surprised if he's been cheating on her way before they even got married.

She doesnt owe him a confession. She didnt even want to marry his deceitful ass in the first place.

If so, she was a fool to marry him in the first place, but the damage is already done. You can't go back in time. If the two continue to act as if nothing is wrong, then it will only end badly. For example, what if she caught an STD? She will have already transmitted it to him, and he probably affected others, many lives potentially ruined because people want to keep secrets about things like that. It's an extreme example, but not completely out of this world. Both parties owe each other a confession, but it is likely that the husband won't say anything. The fact that the poster is asking what she should do indicates that she is at least thinking about confessing. Someone needs to say something, and she seems more likely to do so.

KarmaMod:
Orimill

Why should she 'confess" when her husband hasnt done the same?

I think that confessing will at least clear her conscience. Ideally, it would also shame her husband into also confessing, as he knows that he hasn't been honest either. Also, there are the voicemail messages. . .

Meh,  I really don't need CNN to tell me what being black in America feels like. I experience it every day. I'll probably be in the laboratory tonight anyway, or studying.

chika98:
Sexual compatibility shouldn't be about work. Either it is there or it ain't there. Period!

That's exactly why most relationships fail in some way. People in such relationships expect everything to come easy to them. As much as two people are alike and share the same tastes, the reality is that both people are still completely different. You cannot simply know what the other likes and dislikes in the bedroom, therefore, it is not a question of whether compatibility is there or not. In a marriage, two individuals become one, and as with any process in the universe, it requires energy, some form of effort for such a union to happen. Relationships tend to fail because they expect things to be easy, and therefore, don't put in the effort required for the relationship to work. When the relationship doesn't work, they blame it on the other person and try to look outside the relationship for someone else, thinking it will be easier for a relationship with them to work. Surprise, surprise, that doesn't work either, and it becomes a cycle. I have not seen one marriage where people go outside and "find" a "more compatible" mate. This westernized/Disney/MTV idea that people have for relationships need to stop.

chika98:
You'd be surprised oo.

Then they're obviously not working hard enough.

Hannibal:
Ohhhhh, so they had SEX just once before marriage?? What an effort??

I am talking about a dozen trials before wedding not just a scrappy and painful kizzack.
Sexual compatibility is a must otherwise i am going to me in-laws for a refund.
I won't be happy with a faulty commodity.  So either they replace or they refund me in CASH.

The whole sexual compatibility thing is just an excuse to lay with someone outside of marriage. I think any couple can be compatible as long as both parties involved are willing to put some work into it.

@poster

Everyone here is giving you bad advice for something as big as that. You can try to take it to your grave, but it's not going to work. One way or another, both of you are going to know about the affair. It is going to be extremely disastrous for you if you allow him to find out about it from some other means than yourself. You have to tell him what happened.

Will he be angry? Yes, he will be, but not nearly as angry as he will be if he found out from his friends, or anyone else, including the guy that you had an affair with (yes, I have seen this happen). At least if you tell him, there is a chance that the both of you can work things out. If not, and he finds out, your marriage is over, as you didn't respect him enough to tell him. Not saying anything is equally as damaging to your marriage, as the both of you are going to grow very distant from each other as the guilt builds up.

You have a choice of either taking your hits now, or taking even harder hits later. There is no easy way out of this, and I suggest that you take the responsibilities or your actions. You made a mistake, and your marriage is on the line. You have to fix it.

As for sex advice, I am the wrong person to ask about that, as I'm not married, but how about talking to him about what you want from sex?

LadyT:
Tell him you guys either marry NOW or never. This is time wasting. Theres a one in four chance you will have a child that has full blown sickle cell. You may never have one or all could suffer from it. This is where your prayer should be directed. Not praying your geneotype should change lets give God some respect and quit these silly prayers.

I agree. There's a 25% chance each pregnancy of getting an AA child. Pray and all your children might be AA.

WebMonk:
i used to be afraid of this until i SAW someone's testimony.

the Friend and her fiance were AS/AS, bottom line she prayed, and it changed! Explain that!! (3x tested)

So now, i ain't got no fear. No be God?

Look at your topic title. It surely is not optimistic. Mabybe Life is trying to tell you something like "how long will you go like this?"

Dude, there comes a time in everyone's life where you SIMPLY DECIDE THAT THINGS MUST CHANGE!

That's me for you. Believe!

No one is doubting God at all, but common sense says you that you can't change your genome. However, what could have happened is that your friend received a false positive the first time. This happens more often than you think.

I wonder, if someone puts up a thread called "Nigerians, A Bunch Of Whiners Or Are Their Grievances Justified?," would there be a similar reaction? Who will attack this argument? Who will defend it?

I see a great many people on this forum trashing AA's, but I don't think that we're in a position to say a thing, as long as we have our own problems that people complain about all the time. Seriously, people here talk about black Americans as if we're the perfect example of black people in the world. Honestly, I think all the hypocrisy should stop, as it takes us nowhere.

*prepares to get flamed*

http://www.beijingboyce.com/2008/07/18/um-really-scmp-claims-beijing-to-ban-blacks-mongolians-at-bars/

While I think the Chinese can be racist (why not? everyone has a right to be), I think this story about them banning black people from bars is a bit exaggerated.

onyiidon:
We have been dating for 3years ,last two years when he proposed marriage to me and i accepted,we now went for a pre-marital test and found out that both of us are sickel cell carries(AS). i tried to end the relationship and he asked me not to that he loves me so much,that he will still marry me no matter what.
Both of us can not do without each other, i love him too.Since that time till now, he is not making any move about his promise. Anytime i asked him to come and see my people, he will refuse, if i ask him if he will still marry me he will say yes. But iam confuse i don't know what to do now, he is not making any move and he does not want me to marry another man either.
What he is asking me now is to be prayerful that God can change our genotype to "AA" one day. We have prayed for two years nothing happend, he even went to some powerful men of God with my pictures for "AA" MIRACLE and nothing happend.
PLEASE WHAT DO I DO, TO CONTINUE PRAYING AND WAITING,WALK AWAY OR MARRY WITHOUT TELLING HIM? SINCE I DON'T KNOW HIS MIND

Here is my take. You wanted to end the relationship with him because you both are sickle cell carriers, but he refuses because he loves you. It seems that you are the only one in the relationship acting with any logic. The fact that he's not making any moves towards remedying this situation is enough to show that even he is unsure that he wants to continue either. The whole "I don't want to leave you because I love you" thing looks as if he has no idea what he wants to do, but still wants the assurance of going back to you. He doesn't want to see your people, so it is possible that he might be looking for someone who isn't a carrier of the genotype.

I know that with God, anything is possible, but as someone in the sciences,  you can't change your genotype. The genotype you're born with is the one you will die with. However, miracles do happen, and, God willing, you might find out that one of you are not AS, that the both of you have gotten the wrong results all along. These "powerful men of God" are not going to do a damn thing for you, and I suggest that you stop going to them. The fact that nothing happened should be enough to show you their authenticity.

If the two of you do marry, you have to understand that you are taking a big risk, and that the chances of your offspring being AS carriers are about 50%, while having a child affected by sickle cell, SS, is about 25%. While AS carriers do not show show symptoms of sickle cell, you must know that they will one day have to go through the same trouble that you are going through now. There are treatments for sickle cell, but they are expensive and not easily accessible if you live outside the US or the EU. There is also a 25% chance that you might produce offspring that have the AA genotype, but I don't know if I would take such a gamble.

It's up to you whether you want the two of you to marry or not, but you have to know what you are getting into. God can perform miracles, but he also gave us a brain. You have to think reasonably about what you're going to do, because this decision does not affect only you, but also the people that you two might bring into the world.

First off, I am going to assume that you are female, and that you didn't set your profile properly. Secondly, I don't think you are in love. You are probably just infatuated with this guy because he's saying all sorts of things to you. I would probably just remain good friends with him for now. Trust me, you will find out far more about this person by being his friend than from being in a relationship with him. If you both still feel the same way about each other afterward, the two of you should probably marry, but do so with common sense, not driven by love feelings, as that's a good indicator of the marriage not lasting.

ijapa888:
My genotype is AS.
So, scientifically if i marry a lady who has thesame genotype as me i would eventually bear kids with the sickle cell anemia.
I've had to end three long relatioships because of my genotype.
I'm into another relationship and we've started talking serious but am scared of asking to know her genotype.
It's not funny being a sickle cell trait carrier but i wonder if theres any shortcut to overcoming this nightmare.
I want to go ahead and marry this new lady even if she is a carrier too.
I need assurance!

Have you considered looking for someone outside your region? I've noticed a great many threads concerning sickle cell carriers, and I'm wondering if it can be due to the gene pool of your specific area. I'm going to read more into this, but I think if you will have a better chance of finding someone who is not a carrier if they are not in your area, possibly far enough that the gene pool has more variation (less chance of finding an AS). I know very little about this at the moment, but I have some time to pull some info from the databases at my school.

You don't want to take a chance with your current relationship either. You are going to have to be honest with her and find out her genotype. It's better to know now, and end the relationship, than to knowingly bring a suffering child into the world. There's no 'love' in the world worth that. As good as adopting a child sounds, I'm sure you want your own, and that adoption feels like a cheap compromise, which is completely understandable. If you really want to be with this new girl, It's your choice whether to marry her or not, but it will be foolish on your part to not find out her genotype. If she is a carrier, you have to understand that your options are very limited. Think about this situation logically.

debosky:
. . . . .then I'm your guy, twins run in the family

It doesn't quite work like that, haha. The mother would have to be the one with twins that run in the family. However, you might have a daughter that could have twins. . .

I don't like either one of them all that much. I much prefer Chiwetel Ejiofor to have some of the roles that Washington and Smith have. He is an excellent actor, and I'm sure he will do a much better job than the two.

Nope. Can't think of anyone at the moment.

Nice. I haven't seen this thread here before.

Get a new number. Don't tell your friends. Throw away your old phone. Problem solved.

Eventually, he will stop trying to get in contact with you.

This is funny. The New Yorker puts out satire crazier than this on a regular basis. However, as soon as Obama shows up on the cover, everybody wants to cry and scream about it. Get over yourselves, it's just a picture.

mazaje:
This is just another cheap shot weather it is parody or not,(but i thought the new yorker was a left wing magazine?)

It is, actually. They do satire all the time, so this coming from them is not really news to me. It's actually pretty funny, considering the connection it makes to how the media (especially Fox News) treats Obama and his family. As usual, however, people are going to get overly offended by everything they see. I can't stand political correctness at all, as people choose to whine about everything hurting their feelings these days.

It's clearly satire, and nothing more. It's a play on Fox News' portrayal of Obama and family. Anybody who reads the New Yorker knows this clearly. Sometimes, people take things too seriously.

4 Play:
@Orimili

Were those ones launched by Nigeria?

Of course!