₦airaland Forum

sisisioge:


I'm in on the quest! What could be wrong with you? How old are u? Do you have disabilities? Are you slow in thoughts and attitude? Are you a slobby kisser? Are you a garrulous person? Do you have attitude issues? Are you too broke? Etc. Let's find out what the problem is !

Although, life is funny. It is actually to your advantage that girls who don't want you avoid you, managing you might be to your detriment. Guys who turn to cashcows and doormats aren't really wanted...

I'm close to 30 years old. I'm very physically fit with no disabilities. I don't think I'm slow. I don't know how well I kiss. The last time I've kissed anyone was years ago. Im not sure if I have attitude issues, and I'm not broke.

crackhaus:
Your problem is less about you thinking most girls want someone experienced and more about you trying too hard and beating yourself up...
And over what? Chics not returning your calls? Dude, don't!

If you're so unsure of where to go or what to do, then make her pick the spot...or better still, use a conversation to find out things she's interested in and pick a spot for a date that revolves around her own interests.
Remember, its all about distracting her enough for her not to notice that you're not very sleek...

Learn from each past date, and improve on them on your own by paying attention and manipulating scenarios to get the desired effect... Don't be bothered about what to say or what to do, just SAY and DO!
You will win some, and you will lose some...that you're still on your losing streak doesn't mean you won't win somewhere down the line - with women, it's not that serious.

NEVER seem desperate!

That seems like good advice... If I ever make it that far. It seems that if I ask them to choose a place, it would look like I don't know how to lead.

I remember one girl asking me how long it's been since I've been on a date, and I replied "about five years." She then asked me what was wrong with me, if I were gay.

That last date, the girl stopped talking to me when the topic of sexuality came up and I told her I am aa virgin. She took shock to it and said it wasn't normal for someone my age to not have had sex on a regular basis. She stopped responding to my communication afterwards.

I never seem desperate. I play it as cool as I can, but inside, I feel more dead and useless as the days go on.

...

crackhaus:
Make some money...or if you already have some of that, learn how to use it to your advantage.

Anytime a girl you're interested in visits, you don't have to talk too much...just put on the TV and leave the remote with her to select what she wants to watch while you go into the kitchen to prepare something, even if its indomie and eggs.

Trust me, if at the end of this she still considers you boring...then your village people are after you.

Most of the time, we would go out somewhere. I'm a full time student, and work at night while building a large savings. I don't have much of a night life, nor am I too worldly, so I am unsure of where to go or what to do in the rare instance that I have a night off.

On top of all that, it seems like most girls just want someone who is experienced in every aspect of life. I worry that I have nothing to offer in such a modern world.

Bisjosh:
You are not an interesting person

Many guys that have this disease of been boring don't seem to know and the keep disturbing you that "whats the problem"

See spice up your life and you will see changes.

And how do I "spice up my life" in a fashion that a woman would think I'm not boring?

niggi4life:
I have also been in your shoes before so remember you are not alone.
You must remember one thing, communication is a two way thing, just take a walkie talkie for example, if u at End A says hello, the other at d end must respond, if the person doesn't you end the call.
It must be mutual, i guess you just haven't find someone that tickles your fancy and therr is nothing wrong about that, don't force yourself to make anybody happy, u will end up displeasing yourself.
Take time to go out, meet new people face to face and laugh more

But none of that works when you say hello one day, and there is no response. It's difficult now to want to go out to meet new people when you know that this will be the outcome 100% of the time. Every single girl I have met has gone silennt and disappeared within weeks.

I feel like I'm getting older, and will, at some point, be unattractive to anyone of child bearing age. I don't know what it is about me that makes me so undesirable.

MzNelly:
Maybe they all thought you were a bore.

You need to stop pleasing them at your own expense.

If I am, I wish someone would tell me than to just disappear, every single time.

It has gotten to the point where I have started to develop an anxiety around meeting new peoole actively avoid it.

Mindfulness:
Send some of these girls the following message:

I understand you do not want to communicate with me anymore and this is why you do not answer my calls and text messages but I SINCERELY need to know why so that I can avoid such scenarios in the future. I would appreciate it VERY MUCH if you HONESTLY told me why you are no longer interested in dating me. Thank you very much.

I've done this before, twice. In both instances, there was no answer. I know at least one read the message because she has an iPhone, and the message app indicated that, not only has she received it, but that she actually read it and did not reply.

I seem to have this common problem with dating:

After a few weeks of talking, and/or one or two dates, communication ceases without warning. I would send a text message every few days wishing her well. If I call, the phone will just ring to voicemail. If I send any text messages, it will not be returned.

If this had just happened once, I'd quickly get over it. If the girl would simply tell me that she doesn't want to continue, I'd be okay with it. This cessation of communication has been from every single girl that I have talked to, and it has always occured in this fashion.

I don't know what is wrong with me, or what I'm doing wrong. It has gotten to the point where I fear that God doesn't want me to marry, or have a family someday.

Can anyone advise me on what to do?

Enockia:
huh have u tot of the fact dat u bore these ladies with too much attention?

How much is too much attention? It's not as if I constantly call or text them. I just text them every day or so, wishing them well. Is that too much? Should I just not do anything and wait for them to initiate conversation?

pinceprinz:

What, is that terrible?

ultraviolet27:
@Op How old areyou? sorry to ask this question I think you should complain to your pastor or visit a very powerful Church where a deliverance session can be done for you it might not be ordinary.because how can you explain? communications that ceases between you and female folks whether girlfriends or just friends without you doing them any wrong. From your choice of words I sense you aren't getting younger.I also think you should check yourself character wise too.

I will say that I'm closer to 30. I've never been in a real relationship, nor do I feel like I have a good understanding of what expectations there are in one these days.

I suppose I can just give dating a break for a few years while I try to improve myself.

I just feel like I'm getting older and less attractive to young women. I want to have a family in the near future, but it seems less and less likely.

Jayola:
maybe you are too serious, overdoing things, to much calls and texts, OR its spiritual

Is one text daily or call once every few days too much? I'm not sure.

I've asked others if I do seem creepy, but everyone says I'm fine.

I don't know... I don't really have experience with dating

I seem to have this common problem with dating:

After a few weeks of talking, and/or one or two dates, communication ceases without warning. I would send a text message every few days wishing her well. If I call, the phone will just ring to voicemail. If I send any text messages, it will not be returned.

If this had just happened once, I'd quickly get over it. If the girl would simply tell me that she doesn't want to continue, I'd be okay with it. This cessation of communication has been from every single girl that I have talked to, and it has always occured in this fashion.

I don't know what is wrong with me, or what I'm doing wrong. It has gotten to the point where I fear that God doesn't want me to marry, or have a family someday.

Can anyone advise me on what to do?

Gurgle:
Yes, please do. Sometimes there is a generational divide because the children of the people running it don't attend often or only do it because their parents made them. So they need somebody to help bring them forward a little

I really hope you find what youre looking for. At least you have taken some steps towards making sure you don't allow yourself to get lost culturally. As you don't yet have a family, it will be easier for you. Good luck

Thank you, this is probably going to be a very tedious experience, but I'm going to connect to someone. I haven't been able to reach anyone yet, but hopefully my emails will be returned.

Gurgle:
yeah these unions were set up by our parents'/grandparents' generations, who are not the most technically minded a lot of the time the phone number/ website have not been updated for years. Things are usually done by telephone, networking and word of mouth. But often when you actually manage to locate them there is a very large and vibrant community of people

Onitsha Ado National Improvement Union http://www.onitshaadounion.com/files/ABOUTUS/AdoUnionHistory.html

Nnewi Union New York Tri-State - http://www.nnewiunionnewyorktristate.org/

These people seem promising.. at least there are some signs of "2015" on their site lol

I will definitely look into these. If I somehow get in contact with the Igbo organization NY, I would definitely offer to maintain the website regularly.

Once I have some free time today, I will begin making calls.

This is really important to me, and I hope that I can start on things soon.

Gurgle:
Yeah there are a lot of you guys around if you recognize anybody using any Anambra state like phrases then maybe you could follow them on here and read their posts, because they cant really go 5 minutes without speaking Igbo

Have you got an Anambra State Union? Anyway let me check

Have you heard of any of these?

Igbo Organization of New York (718) 527 – 5659·

Igbo Community Organization of Rhode Island (ICORI)

Anambra State Association of New York

You may be able to connect with more people there. and it will be better for you since theyre your statesmen so you can pick up some words, cultural things, you know

Do you know the name of your hometown? Awka, Nnewi, Onitsha? because Anambra state people are quite numerous abroad they tend to split into their own town unions rather than the state because they have more in common with them

The Igbo organization of New York is the closest to me, but it seems to be inactive. the phone number is also disconnected.

I'll look into the Anambra Association of New York. hopefully, that will get me somewhere.

ICORI is about 2 hours away, but I will check it as well.

My father's village is closer to Onitsha, and my mother's village is outside of Nnewi.

Masterclass32:
I suggest you make Igbo friends wherever you may be. Sincerely ask them to teach you the language. Tell them you are serious. I believe you'll find at least one or two that may help out. My friend in the US actually speaks Igbo to her two boys who were actually born there. What's more? They are learning the language. She even gave them Igbo names.

When in Nigeria, you may wish to visit the east more often. Set apart periods of time when you must hold conversations with your friends in Igbo. With time you go pick up like pick-up van.

Believe me, I've asked around. I will tell my igbo coworker if he has time to help. As far as visiting Nigeria, I only wish to go to the east. There is so much that I never got to learn or be exposed to.

Gurgle:
what state are you from by the way?

Anambra State, and thank you for the information you provided. There is a cultural center in NYC, but it seems to have been inactive for some time. I will attempt to visit again, but I don't expect the situation to be different.

Gurgle:
You have to save money and go back and stay in your village for a while, its the only way

I wish I could do this, and that work would allow me an extended leave for it. Have many people tried this with success?

chudidonas:
Is there anything like language tutor app over there for teaching languages lke spanish etc?

I have an old PDF and mp3s of the FSI language course. It hasn't been updated since the 1960s, but its a start. There are apps that barely cover common Igbo phrases, and do not go any further in depth. They all lack the vast content comparable to resources that teach most European languages. If there were a good and decent set of books or apps, I would pay good money for them, but, as far as I know, they are nonexistent.

chudidonas:
It is important. Start with making Igbo friends over there. They can help

I love this idea. The question is where is a good place to start making friends? I have Igbo friends. Of those, the ones who actually do speak Igbo aren't serious about teaching me. I would ask them to speak exclusively in Igbo to me, but that's usually met with laughter and dismissal. The others, even those born and raised in Nigeria completely abandon the culture in exchange for assimilation into American culture.

Title says it all. I was born here, and never learned to speak. I'm in my late 20s and, for the past few years, I've been struggling to find resources that would help, with no results. I would ask others to help me learn, but the response usually ranges from dismisal, to general non-seriousness, to ridicule for not having mastered the language and culture at a young age.

I will not go into detail about my upbringing, because the end result is that I don't know much. I'm at the age where I should be thinking about starting a family, but I am uncomfortable with it, as I have become more aware of the rich igbo culture in which I came from in the past few years, and I want to be able to raise a family in that culture. I want to speak Igbo to my future wife and children. I want my children to have Igbo names and be proud of their heritage.

The problem is that I don't know where to start. The only cultural center I found in NYC seems to have been closed down for years now. Books I've found have only scratched the surface and do not begin to go into great depths of the many complexities of the language. Not one person I've met takes me seriously when I discuss wanting to learn.

Is there anyone, or anywhere I can go to in this city, or even within the US that can help me start on this journey?

I don't see anything wrong with OP's arguement. He's considering his offspring, and that's very admirable, as many people fail to see beyond feelings of love/lust. I'm 6'5" and I want to marry a woman that's at least 6'.

To OP, you have to make up your mind whether you want to marry her or not. If height is a major factor for you, you shouldn't ignore it and live, feeling you made a mistake.

Also, why did you wait so long to make this decision?

Pornodude:
come see me see nonsense whey happen o.

i somehow reconnected with my ex-gf cos we still had feeling for each-other. one thing led to another and we had sex (unprotected). But i made sure i asked her when she had her last period, and she said she just finished it 2 days before. Na him your man come pound the chick like say tomorrow no dey.

You know what this evil girl did? like 2weeks later, she began to complain to me that she had malaria and all that bu i told her to take her medications, etc and she felt better after a few days. She then called me a few days later to tell me that she had a recurrence of the malaria and i advised her to go and take typhoid drugs but she should do a test before taking any medication.

Na him this useless girl sms-ed me a few days later to tell me that the doctor told her to take another test for pregnancy and that the test was positive; she said that she was 3 weeks pregnant (nice timing considering when it happened). i was at work when the sms came in. come see as you guy almost get heart attack. i swear. but as a sharp guy, i calm down come buy 5oonaira credit come dey follow the girl talk. she talk say she no go fit abort. i remember one of Chris Rock's jokes in which he said, "if a woman get pregnant for you, you are allowed to say only two things. if you want the baby, say, 'oh thats so great. if you dont want the child, say, 'oh you are pregnant? so what are you gonna do about it.' NEVER SUGGEST ABORTION TO A LADY". I kept asking her what she was going to do about it but she kept pushing it back to me. Until i used sense to know say, na after her period i do the nacking, so e no fit dey possible. so i begin tell the girl say i no go father any naughty person cos it is not my own. She then confessed that she wasnt pregnant, that she was just testing me.

SEE ME SEE NONSENSE O!! I ALMOST HAD A MAJOR HEART ATTACK!
NOW THIS BABE HAS BEEN TELLING ME THAT SHE IS MISSING ME AND THAT SHE NEEDS TO SEE ME, etc. I KNOW HER Hot BEHAVIOR COS WE DATED FOR 2 YEARS, BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU, THAT IS NOT ONE PUSSSSSSY I AM GOING TO TOUCH EVER AGAIN.

LADIES ARE WICKED O!!!!!

You can't be serious. You have unprotected sex with someone and didn't expect any pregnancy to occur? Do you not know that it is still possible to impregnate someone at that state of menstruation?

You call the woman wicked, yet you do not communicate with your girl concerning her health. The both of you had sex, and she is pregnant as a result, yet, you expect her to know what to do by herself, taking advice from a comedian? From what I am seeing, it is you that are wicked, and need to be a man and take responsibility for your part of your relationship.

Wow, who brought this thread back up? It has to be at least 3 years old, and I'm sure Uju has kissed someone by now.

angelgirl1:
Why not Afri American guys? Well most not all but too many African American men live by the laws of their pagan gods (Tupac, Biggie) and follow in the footsteps of their pagan angels (50 cent, Snoop Dog). Their bible is called hip hop or rap. It is hard to find an African American guy who is not HipHopligious. They are so rare. My sister is not into organized religion. So,  this is no scam and when I said get I meant into serious relationship that will eventually lead to marriage. Do you think that American women and Naija men are too culturally different for my sister to imagine such a thing?

Oh, I totally see where you're coming from now. Your sister is probably looking in the wrong places for a man, because not all Black Americans are aspiring hip-hop artists or wannabe gangsters. I think what the problem may be is that she is the one doing the looking for the man, and usually finds the wrong ones. Good men from any culture are going to be hard to find, and your sister should be more patient, and have more faith that she will find the right man for her.

I also agree with Sistawoman completely, that you and your sister should be focus on education and let the relationship stuff come later. A successful, educated woman will attract good quality, responsible men, as that alone will intimidate and filter out the thugs, mixtape artists, and others that surround her.

St☆rStruck: The animations need to stop.

platinumnk:
Im in summer school too, but i think it starts on a thusday, u cant afford to come?

I just texted all my buddies looking for a hotel roomie! I wanna see the naija boys, I gotta crush on the thick one n the rap group
so they have one in cali too?

i heard they have one in houston, but it must not be as big as the one in vegas because the naija boys are going to be there and they are from houston.

I really wish i can find a travel buddy

I'm actually starting my medical program in July, which makes it worse. Even if I could afford to go, I won't have the time, and it would probably be ill advised for me to go.­.­.

Pittbaby:
to answer your question

she can attend the Nigerian Reunion in Vegas this year . Biggest Secular gathering of Nigerians I can think of
http://nigerianreuniononline.com/?page_id=83


if she is looking for a God fearing man try the RCCG Conferences
https://www.rccgconvention.org/registration/AttendeeRegister.aspx

Wow, I'm going to miss yet another reunion, and I've never been to one. If I didn't start school in July, I would be all over this!

pepperyboy:
i really want it to be special and unique. was thinking of putting the ring in icecream and letting her discover it but wat of if she swallows it and, or kneelin down in d midst of a large crowd, pls ladies and guys wats your take on this

I think just proposing to her would be special and unique in itself. Don't try to go out of your way, believing that it will impress her. She will be fine with the proposal itself. And whatever you do, don't put the ring in anything that is edible, that's just plain tacky. This isn't Hollywood(or Nollywood, for that matter). All of that showboating is not going to be any more effective than just simply asking her to marry you.