₦airaland Forum

I just broke a tear. The quest for a better life. Hmmmm!

Alexaonfleek:
the reason why ladies were bashing op is because he made so much emphasis on the fact that ladies should not gain happiness from their marriages,that they should wait untill they have children before they can be happy in life.op didn't talk about what to do if he's cheating,he made it seem like women should not expect their husbands to make them happy.

A lovely Sunday to you too

Lol! Honestly we all read and comprehend differently. Cheers!

Alexaonfleek:
ok.i get your point now

No be my pint sister. Nah the point of the OP but I wonder why ladies are bashing him when they should be thanking him.

I rest my case. Have a wonderful sunday.

Phenomenal16:
I'm a very dark skinned lady, before now I used to have low self confidence about my skin....... I also noticed that I av a light skin and any small thing bleaches me.... Leaving dark knuckles on my legs... Now that I av worked on my self esteem..
I need a good cream that will bring out my glow.. Including soap too.
Am tired of Ppl saying my skin is dull.... Forgive my typos pls.... Thank u... Patiently anticipating ur reply

You too fine as you dey. Please use jist moisturizer and don't try lightening up.

Blackmiserable:
You're a realist, to be honest. This is the question I have always had to ask American FEMALE Redditors (reddit.com) who would often say "My husband heated on me and I got to know through blablabla...." and all its different variants, you get. It blows my mind that every single time the kind of comments I read is basically this: He doesn't deserve you. You deserve better. Breakup.

Any woman who is not mentally ill should go for option C. There were ladies, Toks, who kinda reiterated your position while I served in a local government as a Corp member. If you get fidelity from your man, fine, but if you don't, just focus on your children. I think it makes sense. It makes no sense to me to breakup with your husband because he's cheating. That your B funny sha.

This is perfectly my understand of the OP write up but I'm so amazed to see ladies bashing and even attacking his personal life and it only goes to show that ladies hate the truth and they prefer to read things that align with their reasoning.

I think his threads is not meant for nairaland cos the forum is dominated by very young ladies who are still in their fantasy stage.

My advice to toks is to stop bothering himself writing on nairaland and should create a career as a down to earth relationship expert. The guy go blow.

Alexaonfleek:
i get your point.there are some strong ladies who can take care of their children independently.yes,a woman who has the misfortune of hooking up with a lousy and irresponsible man shouldn't kill herself over it.my point is that the op is justifying philandering men,he makes it seem like it's not a bad thing for men to be irresponsible,and also that a woman does not deserve happiness from her marriage.i dunno your religion,but in my religion as a Christian,marriage is also for companionship and also for love,then children.

Wizkid has babymamas and he's rich but doesn't take care of his children,it's not the right thing to do.abeg let's call a spade a spade and men should just try to take up their responsibilities and stop looking for excuses

I honestly understand you and I'm not rooting for the OP but I'm making my contributions based on my own understanding of the message he is passing across

You can't justify a norm and whether he supports philandering or against it can never change the fact that most guys philander and some ladies are very lucky to be with a faithful guy.

However the question you should ask is this. "What if you end up with a philanderer"? I guess the answer is what the OP addressed.

Nobody can stop men from philandering or acting polygamous so don't bother your head getting angry with anyone giving advice on how to cope with it. Everybody deserves happiness but I guess the children should make a woman happier and not what a man does with her life. This is my understanding of the OP write up.

merit1988:
I got married as a young virgin...probably didnt understand what love was all about then....I've never really felt love or being loved in my marriage..coupled with some other marriage issues..I wear the shoes and I know where it hurts...all I need is advices on how to build my love life and not yabs pls...it's very hurtful

Was this not what a thread I just read was trying to address? Go and read that thread by toks2008.

Women are suppose to reason beyond the feeling of love when it comes to marriage and family.

If the man is responsible enough to be a husband and a dad just learn to respect him and with time, you will be alright.

Alexaonfleek:
[/sup]so a guy who is broke should have 4 wives with 9 children to take care of abi?
Haq haq haq

Lol! Babe forget o, there are some places where a man who can't even afford 3 square meals dey control many women and they have babies for them.

From the stories we real everyday even wizzy with all his money is believed to be lacadasic towards his children which ones again justifies the point of the OP.

Abeg I don tire to dey respond to this matter. All I know is that ladies attacking the OP are only allowing their emotions to block their logical sense of reasoning cos the narrative of the OP is what is the norm these days. I even know a woman who is presently the breadwinner of her family and many single mums are out there even taking care of their baby daddy.

truthsayer009:
I know a lot of women who never want to become second wives. Also the Rich being allowed to marry many wives is not an "African" thing. Arabs, Free thinkers & Non-christians who have a lot of money can also do this at will.

The point I still see in the write up is that the OP is asking ladies to focus more on improving their lives and that of their children and ignoring any possible madness of their husbands rather than leave their marriage thereby exposing the children to the consequence of a broken home except ofcourse it is inevitable. So I really don't understand the attack on him.or even the write up except people have other reasons behind their baseless attack. Everyone must not agree with his opinion but it is foolishness to attack anyone cos of their opinion no matter how bizarre it may sound.

Your guy left you cos you shaved your hair.

Anyways I'm sure he never wanted you in the first place.

This thread is both hilarious and down to earth.

What I keep pondering about is the fact that if polygamy is allowed in African marriage then why should any lady bother herself with her husband being faithful to her. I don't think all these arguments from women make any logical sense.

Oh I forgot to add that Polygamy is very acceptable only if the guy is rich but a taboo for a broke guy. That is the level of hypocrisy with Naija babes.

Toks2008:
O.M.G!

What a 360degrees turn around. I pray that your testimony remains permanent and GOD will lift you from glory to GREATER Glory in Jesus name..AME. WoW!

AMEN BABA.

GOD bless you too.

Toks2008:
Whilst I totally agree that it is perfectly ok to set a standard as regards the type of husband you want, it is sacrosanct that you do not cross that line from realistic standards to fantasy and you can't pray to GOD to give you a good husband and at the same time give him conditions...if you want GOD to lead a good husband to find you then allow him to do just that.

[color=#990000]*Work on yourself to be independent financially and you won't care if your man is jobless, broke or earns 30k per month at the moment cos the state of being broke or poor is relative and temporary.

Hmmmmm! I got so emotional and shed tears when i read this part. at this time in the last 3 years i was so broke and i remember borrowing 1k from a niece but today i earn about N1M a month when converted to the same Naira i borrowed and this is just the starting point for me.

Indeed the state of being broke or poor is relative and temporary.

GOD BLESS YOU TOKS BABA for your never-ending insightful threads. I just hope ladies learn.

Even china

Gistring:
Juliet Ibrahim appealed to women to quit their 'unwholesome marriages' as she opened up on her divorce during her book launch in Ghana.

The Ghanaian actress admonished the public on not judging people who want to end their marriages as she told Citi News that hers left her in a dark place where she was miserable.

”People have had their own perception about what led to my divorce.I have sat down for many years and have had to deal with the pain and insults from the public who had no clue what I went through as a person during that period and how it affected me.

“The depression and all that happened. All I will say is you should never judge someone who wants to come out of a marriage. Because sometimes it is better to come out of it than to stay in it. For your own sanity and mental stability it us always good to take a bold decision for yourself. For your kids, if there are kids involved take a bold decision,” she said.

Juliet Ibrahim had before now revealed that her marriage was a mistake which shouldn't have happened while pointing out that her ex-husband's family was never in support of it. She reportedly married Kwadwo Safo in 2010, after she got pregnant for him in the course of their friendship. They were however granted divorce in June 2014, after he allegedly cheated on her.

See more here; http://gistmore.com/juliet-ibrahim-opens-up-on-her-divorce

Confused woman.

Most pisceans easily break up their union without any strong reason.

Next story please!

nairalanduseles:
Ronald is not even close to messi..........

At all

Sweettwenty8:
Finaly i decided to create an account

What's up Nairaland, Please Pardon my English.

So me and my man been married for a year now but here's the thing he does that pisses me OFF!!! TOTALLY!!!! ehn, every time I cook rice and stew (fried stew/fish/meat) he'd ask me to go outside the estate to go and buy Ewa(beans) (I'm using Ewa because that's how he pronounces it. So I noticed this earlier and I started Cooking beans anytime I cook rice. He'll still request for 'Ewa' the Mama put beans made and sold by the roadside

While we dated he'd even ask me to cook for himself and his friends and if my cooking was bad, I'd have gotten feedback somehow.. how can I serve food and he'll ask me to go get 'Ewa' at Shangisha Outside Magodo Gra to mix his rice even when we have visitors he will send me a whatsapp message to still go get Ewa most times he'll even book uber if i tell him I'm too tired to drive I'm tired of going to buy Ewa!!

How do i get to know what the problem is, because it's definitely not my cooking, 2 of my office buddies they don't buy lunch because i bring enough food for 3 of us everyday and they'd have stopped eating it if it was bad

Go and learn how to cook that particular beans he always sends you to buy.

Even me sef love ewa agoyin but it's so expensive here so I learnt how to cook it so I won't spend the money buying it.

And this made front page. Indeed there was a forum called nairaland.

And come to think of it; what is bad about the outfit?

Tellemall:
But are the expenses the same? No, so why use that as a comparison?

Simply say that public infrastructure is better.

Why is it so hard for you guys t get it? What expenses are you talking about?

Don't you make expenses in naija too? Go and read my subsequent posts to understand better.

Even after expenses most people who hustle well abroad still have savings that is far more than what an average naija employee will earn in months.

aolawale025:
Anything to trend

Anything o and nairaland dey help their ministry.

After watching indulstreet by sceneone production I stopped believing all these poos .

Celebrities can do anything to trend.

ABSTRUSE:
One question I'd like to put to you.
How do people survive and manage to stay out of law enforcement agents when they are abroad unlawfully, that is, without their papers?

Nice question.

Just make sure you abide by the laws and if you must work without p then do it wisely without forging any document.

millionboi2:
Oga minus cost of living

Won't you live in naija too? Abi you save all your salary in Nigeria.

My point is this..on the average a graduate in naija earns about 60k compared to U.K where a stark illeterate can earn £1500 which is about 800k and if you remove all expenses you may be left with over 200k meanwhile in naija the salary can not even meet up your expenses.

ABSTRUSE:
Pls cn be you a lil more specific by giving examples/scenario. And pls consider tax and standard of living when giving your examples/scenario.

If you have work permit then you go work tire cos work full everywhere if you are not too picky.

After tax you can have like £1500 which is the average earning after tax.

You will have savings of £500 every month after all expenses if you are not a waster.

And ofcourse many earn over £1500 after tax. So compare to Naija after expenses wettin go remain that is even if you earn enough to meet up your expenses.

Bigcowhorn:
The Hausas issue has baffled me too. I believe they are all in the Nigerian Army. You are wrong about the Igbos though unless you are in Europe.

I am Igbo

Yes i am talking about Europe.. U.K precisely.

Reelmii:
they take selfies, wash dead bodies, wash plates, sweep the main roads, some are care givers, they do security jobs, they wash toilets, they wash the pants and bras of white women



all of these are things they wont try in Nigeria

The funny twist is that even after tax they make in one month what many employees in naija will make in a year.

Just that it is not easy until you have a work permit.

wacuc0:
I have a philosophy, that what I cannot do and will not encourage others to do, I better ask people not to involve in it.
If I take masturbation as bad, I will preach against it. If somebody gets it through a habit I must not encourage it. Most of these habits are formed through peer groups in schools while growing up. Nobody is born to be that. Most people into it are praying in their secrets to put a stop to it. Whether it is god or bad. I will definitely say it is a bad habit. If so lets preach against it. Thanks and God Bless.

Yes i perfectly agree that masturbation can be a very bad habit due to its addiction and I will advise against it too but to call it a sin is the issue I have.

Many people have condemned themselves to hell cos of this heretic teachings especially this type coming from this lady.

Just like alcohol intake, eating and several other habits can turn bad if not checked.

God bless.

folks4luv:
You have not answered or mentioned how masturbation equals rape. Not that you were right with all you said though

I think i understand where the pastor was coming from but she only articulated her explanation in a rather funny way.

Lust and imagination seem to sound alike but they are different.

When you imagine you only think with no strong intent to... but when you lust you are actually driven by a physical visual object with an intent to


Now when you masturbate with pornographic materials or a picture of any type you are actually lusting after the object in the video or picture which is tantamount to fornication cos you are lusting after the actors in the porn movie of the person in the picture so invariably you have raped that person in your mind. "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" Matthew 5:28

Where she goofed was when she now equated imagination to lust. They are two different things.

wacuc0:
Please I advice you enter into discussion not quarrel. We can learn while discussing not quarreling. Make your point I can learn from it. I do mine and if you have any issues to raise do so. Calling me names does not make your points perfect. We are humans not angels.

When I was working with WHO I had a boss from Norway, anytime he gives you a project no matter how bad you have done. He will encourage you and path you on the back and call you up for a better approach. At last you will come up with a better end product. Not calling somebody's work a trash.

I am very cultured but when you start a comment to my quote with innuendos you don't expect a pat on the back do you.

Go back again and read the opening phrase of your post and you will understand why i lashed at you..nevertheless One love.

wacuc0:
It seems you are in the business.
There is high possibility for somebody to prove the wrong he is doing for others to follow.
There is marriage to solve the problem of fornication and high sex urge. Go and get married if you have such problem. Masturbation is a sin and will continue to be. I have not seen any church where masturbation preached to be the way of God may be Christ Embassy if I am not wrong. God did not tell Adam to masturbate rather He gave him a wife. Please follow such and be Godly. Can you allow your wife to be involve in masturbation? Remember anything that is good is good in all cases. I might not be surprise if you encourage man to sleep with animals.Every sin starts from an urge, not only fornication. Stealing, lies, cheating etc all will start from an urge.

If you have given your life to Jesus, just do like Him. He never encouraged masturbation, fornication, adultery. He said One man One wife

Another trash from a mindless unintelligent ''My pastor said'' individual.

Bro i am a holy ghost filled heaven bound believer in christ who unlike you do not have a mindless follow folow mentality..i study the word to show myself approved.

Can you read your post again and you will see how lame and empty it sounds... i was even expecting some quotes from thescriptures to back up your comment but instead you made reference to pastors and churches and using lame psycology.

And let me blow your mind..i dont even know how to self-service but i put to you that you are definitely one of the hypocrits who masturbate by second but will come online to write trash against it.

I am not interested in lame pendullic chit chat this morning. I have made my point and my advise to anyone masturbating is that they must never give up their quest for salvation and the fact that they self service does not make them less than a born again and even if they self service till deaith, Jesus will never condemn them...

However as i wrote before, it is a habit and not a sin but like other habits, it can be very addictive and can affect you if you allow the act to control you and i guess it is because of the addictive nature that many presume it to be a sin. GOD bless you all.

wacuc0:
This woman is talking spiritual. Look at this message spiritually you will understand what she is talking about. It is not really easy to fully give your life to God and be in spirit. Physical rape is when you have a sexually knowledge of the opposite sex without he or her consent. Before rape is done the spirit of that immorality will overcome you and in the case of masturbation there might not be a physical opposite sex around but this is evoked in the spiritual realm for the feeling to manifest in you, I know for those who does not have the spiritual idea might not understand this. But at this level you are spiritually engaged with somebody, that is why the (Sex) masturbation can really take place. Can you imagine how people can evoke others spiritually and do some wicked acts?

You are writing trash! from the pits of hell and it is this type of teachings that make it extremely difficult for people to give their lfe to Jesus.

Colossians 2:8 "Don't let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ."

It is quite unfortunate that one of the greatest weapons Satan uses to drive many souls to hell is false teachings and the most unfortunate twist is that the devil uses the same pastors in the Christian faith to confuse and make it so hard for people to come to Christ by preaching from their heads rather from the scriptures and many pastors now define sins based on their perspective and philosophies of what they feel is right or wrong.

IS SELF SERVICING A SIN?

The simple straight forward answer is a BIG NO...self servicing is not and was never called a sin anywhere in the Bible but it is simply A HABIT like any other habit that can be very detrimental to our health and can also be beneficial depending on our indulgence in it.

We must understand that sexual urge is a natural instinct just like wanting to urinate or defecate. GOD created it in us for our pleasure and it is very healthy to have it, YOU CAN'T PRAY OR FAST IT AWAY and no matter your anointing, as long as you were formed by man's fluid, you can't avoid the urge but you can only exercise self-control over it.
Nevertheless, some people have a strong sexual urge that they find very hard to subdue and they tend to burn with passion or simply put...indulge in the act of self-service to calm the passion rather than outright fornication.

This was why Paul addressed single people struggling with sexual desires. Interestingly, Paul did not condemn them but advised them to marry (1 Cor. 7:2, 9). If Paul had a problem with people masturbating, that does not come across in 1 Cor 7. He said that if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry, which is better than burning with passion (vs. 9). Paul never condemned them for lacking self-control, but just gave them an escape out of it.

Self-servicing is a habit people develop as a spontaneous move to calm their natural sexual urge and it is perfectly ok and a better alternative to fornication BUT WAIT FOR THIS.....just like every other seemingly innocuous activities like eating, drinking alcohol, smoking, and several other acts,... self-servicing can be very addictive and once you become addicted to it, you have just crossed the line cos it can become an activity that can have much negative consequence for you mentally, physically,
socially, biologically and the addictive nature is the red flag and the sinful twist to it..BUT THIS DOES NOT MAKE THE ACT IN ITSELF A SIN AND THIS DOES NOT MEAN ANYONE WHO INDULGES IN IT WILL GO TO HELL but such should try as much as possible to avoid it by getting married or exercising great self-control over it.

-Shall we say it is a sin for a married person to sexually think of the spouse when indulging in self-servicing?

-Shall we say it is a sin if someone indulges in self-servicing for medical reasons?

-Shall we say nurtural emission(Wet dream) is a sin?

-Shall we say it is a sin if an individual eases off because such does not want to get involved in fornication?

So when does self-servicing become a sin? (This i guess is what she tried to explain but did it wrongly)

I always asked; when you masturbate how do you do it? what goes through your mind? I really don’t think a single man or woman will be thinking about a football game or a tractor when self-servicing but probably about sex and I don't understand why it becomes a sin for a human who GOD created with a sexual urge to think about sex.

But when you watch porn or indulge in pornographic induced self-servicing then you have actually committed fornication ..."But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" Matthew 5:28

This means when you self service while "looking" at pornographic materials, it is only natural to lust after the men or women in the film or magazines and that makes it outright Adultery/fornication making it 100% sin and in-fact looking at the opposite sex lustfully even without masturbating is a sin and the moment you get addicted to the act of Self-servicing and allow yourself to be enslaved by it, you have just crossed the line because any form of addiction is a sin.

CONCLUSION

Self-servicing is a habit that can be very unhealthy for many people due to its addictive nature and everyone should try to develop self-control over it but the main message here is that no one should condemn him or herself to HELL because of self-servicing and people should stop spreading heretic teachings as regards the subject matter.

Chai! these are the type of pastors that the devil is using to send millions to hell through self-condemnation.