₦airaland Forum

https://www.nairaland.com/6843005/why-people-improve-themselves-after#107482371

This post is on front page and I think is high time we make somethings clear.
The first problem in marriage of today is people getting married with hidden motives in mind.

Why do you want to get married....it doesn't make any sense for someone to start complaining about taking care of the home or providing for the home after marriage....just like you wanting to have a degree and after getting admission you start whaling about studying (my sis and bro it isn't meant to be easy).
Most times woman who complain about home duties are actually people who don't like doing all this when they are single.....a lady who hardly cook for herself, do her laundry, do her groceries will find it difficult when she get married....it isn't rocket science.....she can't even cook to feed her mouth and you expect her to cook for a whole family ofcourse she will be crying everyday about how stressful it is.

You getting married to someone who all she does before is watch Instagram from morning till nite,watch zeeworld,chat all day and now kids are here and it affecting her time to watch this things....ofcourse she will complain about how taken care of her own kids is extremely difficult.

On that thread some ladies were just deliberately been naive about the reality of today marriage....gone are those days were the woman do everything at home.....before me and my wife separated I was the one who clean the house on weekends,I go on errands and I fix everything that fault in the house and I never complained about it,most of the meals she cooks 80% is consume by her because am not always that around due to work(like she just cooking for herself ).....is always annoying when ladies paint this picture of the man just sleep and wake up in the house without doing anything aside from bring the money.

Marriage will only be a bondage to you if the reasons why you married the man/woman isn't achieve (your hidden motives)....then he/she start painting narrative that suits best.

We are all hypocrite and biase when it come to issues in marriage.....God made it clear in the bible each role ...
For the male 1 Timothy 3:1-5
For the female Titus 2 :1-5 (if you are a Christian).
Marriage isn't meant to be easy.....It is stressful and require lot of sweat and tears....if you can't stand the heat don't enter the kitchen.....if you are expecting to be celebrated for a job you signed up for then there something wrong.
Providing for the house is the man duty whether he is celebrated or not baba must provide likewise a woman must take care of the home....if you expect a man to be praising you for taking care of your own kids then you are sick.

On that thread it was evident no woman want to have a conversation about attitude and character which is the main reasons why marriage/relationships are crashing this days.
As a man it is stupidity if you have a very nasty attitude with terrible character and you ain't making any conscious effort to change but expect to be accepted that way likewise a woman too.

For me am not going to be crying everyday about what I go through to make money to provide for my family because is what am expected to do.

A woman who embrace the fact that going into married her first duty is taking care of her home won't be seen complaining everyday about it.

A man who truly loves you won't kick you out because of body shape after given birth but trust me he will kick you out if you nagg the hell out of him.

Lastly let us all know this not every family will be super rich.....no matter how hard you work you will find yourself in one financial class......so the question is what are you doing as a woman to support whatever your man is bringing home??

Hi guys.......I want to renew my car papper and I came across car paddy after they sent me a message as regarding the expiration.

Have anyone done renewal with them before and how was it please.

I want to try paying online for it with there app is it ok??

Sharon6:
What's your last price? Any issues?

That the last price....no issues at all.

Working perfectly

wongboxtv:
how much?

20k

Sd

Very clean

Sharon6:
Still available? Where in Ogun state? I'm in Abeokuta

Am in Abeokuta......are u still interested

Closed

Closed

feminineA:
Where are you located? What's the brand of the pot and also the best price

Location is in Ogun state....the last price is 20k

They wont hold this one accountable is buhari they will shouting up and down

Ishilove:
See them. The keeping malice crew. We know you people. Don't you know that keeping malice is a very bad habit and very unhealthy for any kind of relationship, be it marital or non-marital? How you can love someone and still keep malice with that person is beyond me. It shows you are not broken and have not submitted yourself to the holy spirit. Even the bible says we should not let the sun go down on our anger, but humans select which scriptural exhortation to ignore, and which to obey. You think you're fooling God but it is only yourself you are fooling.

God is really merciful.

Moses bad anger issues.... even if you are filled with the holy spirit that doesn't mean you won't have personal flaws.

I keep malice and I admit everytime Is a bad thing.....am willing to change.

But my malice saved me alot from actually landing her in the hospital.....I was provoked, threaten and dare my times.

You are a woman so am sure you know how you people run your mouth..... trust me if I was your brother you give me an applause for taking all those and I never lay a finger on her.

Lollittaa:
[color=dodgerblue]as usual, trying to lean on "men are logical, women are emotional" nonsense.
1. This is the third or fourth post he's making on the same issue of divorce.
Red flag : Attention seeker.
2. I never exonerated his wife. Although he has written so much about how wrong she is, she is yet to defend herself. Don't you men yap about "hearing from the other side"? Why the hypocrisy?
3. He has extremely toxic traits that even if his wife wasn't stubborn, will be hard for any woman to cope with.
4. What's with always mentioning her womb? Did he or did he not know about her womb before agreeing to get married? Why shaming her?[/color]

Obviously you have comprehension problem.

Just try and read my post with your brain charge....I clearly wrote she had miscarriage twice....can someone without a womb have miscarriage??

It was when we Carried out test we got to know she has weak womb (cervix imcompence) ... which was is due to abortion she had back in school and I wasn't aware of until that day.

So stop been emotional.....read to understand and stop embarrassing yourself.

Lollittaa:
[color=pink]you have divorced her, let's hear word. Immature boy like you. Keeping malice, extremely vengeful. No earthly woman can live with this, not even your own mother. Next time make sure you marry an angel living in heaven [/color]

Are you the one I divorce.... because I don't understand why you are paranoid.

If your submission was actually sensible she should have left me instead long time ago

After going through people comments on my last thread....I felt I need to answer questions asked.

Why i decided to break my marriage.
Honestly isn't easy.... only i no the pain am passing through....is not easy to let go of someone you wake up beside for like 3yrs.... sometimes I just go blank, depressed, I never wished for this but is a pain I have to bear for MY PEACE OF MIND.

I was told by a pastor to read proverbs 31:10-31 and after make a decision about my wife and marriage when things was going bad.....I was stalk on it for 2 weeks and my wife wasn't close to what the passage talked about.
Am not a perfect man....but one thing I never do is wish someone evil because he/she offended me, I never cheated and I provided all we needed in the house yet my best was never good enough.
We lived in 2 bedroom apartment, I have a small car and I make lil thousands.

My flaws is I keep malice and the main reason is because I prefer keeping my mouth closed when angry...it was something I had to learn to avoid saying bad words....I keep late night and I believe in doing what you do to me back.

I believe people abuse that word SORRY...... people will intentionally do terrible things to you and feel all they need to do is say sorry and that will be all..
I feel sorry is meant for things not done intentionally.

I don't have issues with the cervix imcompence neither do I blame her for doing an abortion....am not a saint either .....we were referred to a teaching hospital to see a doctor but she insisted it was a spiritual attack from her side... after series of argument I just left her because I cant tie a rope to her neck and drag her down there.
(She believes alot in this spiritual pastor things).

The major problem was I married someone who always wanted to show we are equal...she even joined this women human rights (NGO)..... She can't be submissive.

I say one she say 1 million.....is just who she is ..some men don't have issues with that but I have.
I have the way I want my home and life to be but obviously she wanted a house where talking crazy and insulting should be seen normal.......I can't take that.

Lastly: Some people picked an offence regarding my statement about ladies raised by single mother....I didn't just make that up it a research I had to make and cancelors submission we met.....Even she confessed to those things.

You can go do research and watch videos regarding this on YouTube..... (just type)
major problem most men who marry ladies raised by single mother face.

Not all them are like that but most hate men because of there father....Have never seen any single mother pray for the father of her kids or say good things about them.
Am not mocking them but just stating the fact.

Once again guys if you're a Christian go read proverbs 31:10-31......if she doesn't fit into the type of woman God talked about....the decision is yours.

(Even God is against women that has nothing doing) is in the BIBLE.

ubola:
Op, did the Doctor tell you that her weak womb is as a result of the abortion she had in school? Or you are just assuming because she told you about her past. Men like you are the reason some women will take some secrets to the grave. She doesn't deserve this banter, if you've divorced her, go your way and get madam perfect. Stop using damaging words on her. Another man will do very well with that lady and appreciate her more. The fact is that you went into marriage not realizing that you are the man. Just two years and you started burrowing from her, meaning you also had alterior motives b4 marrying. Av always adviced men to be financially independent b4 marriage. That same lady who ask for refund after burrowing from her can still pay for your and children fees if you know how to manage her well,as the going says "every mad woman get lover". Be matured and independent b4 you get involved in the next one, else it won't get better. Men goes into marriage not boys, okay!

She is single now.....I can forward you her number... seems you know the best way to handle her and how things should be done.

Kiezodumah:
This might not be true. You said she had an abortion right ? So that means it was once. Induced abortion come in different forms: injections, oral, intra vaginal tablets ,evacuation or D&C
What method( s) were used ?
Now if it were tablets and or injections I don't think that shud cause issues going forward.Same cud be said abt evacuation.
However, a D n C cud pose issues and not jst once but rigorous or multiple times.
She might just be suffering from cervical incompetence, which is the inability to carry pregnancy to term. It cud be congenital acquired or no causative factor at all.

So she suffering from cervical incompetence is my fault.....or she not telling before about the abortion is my fault......I just don't understand.

She has a problem she caused herself but I should be one running around to solve it for her??

FYI i was ready to pay for medical solutions but she insisted it is spiritual attack from her side......so what am I supposed to do tie a rope to her neck and drag her to the hospital??

Fountainofyouth:
@Pecoleee345 you are the cause of your problem not your wife, your wife is never at fault

1) You admitted you were carried away by beauty and whatsapp status instead of doing due dilligence

2) You did not table out how financial responsibilities would be shared before marrying her, if you did, you would have simply bounced out if you are not cool with taking full responsibility, you cannot force your mentality you feel is right, on another person who feels her own mentality is also right,

3) You admitted she told your family members and hers lies and truth, so why didn't you tell us the truths that is your fault? Why did you instead choose to tell us only her faults?

4) You said your family also joined in castigating you for all she said, even the lies, that means you were also castigated on her truth of your own faults, why didn't you clear the air and also tell them about the weak womb if you were that innocent as you opined?

5) There are so many reasons why she keeps having miscarriage, as much as having an abortion may be one of them, that doesn't mean she can't give birth, so many women have had abortion and they have kids today, also, women who have never had any still have issues of childbirth today. Now the case of your wife can easily be solved if you would have simply Google search what causes pregnancy incompetence and how it can be solved, then you can go to a good and reputable OB/GYN for consultation, you shouldn't just pack up and give up just because you were told she has a weak womb, except you were looking for a good reason to divorce her.

*first pics below are causes of cervix incompetence, 2nd pics is a common and successful solution to solving the issue, yours may even be rhesus factor if thorough tests was actually done for her.

And lastly, the nonsensical notion of avoiding single mothers or their daughters has got to be the most foolish rant coming from nairaland dings, should we also say men brought up from single mothers should be avoided like plagues? What of ladies raised by their dads? They are also damaged? So many idiots on here capitalising on this stupid notion comes from stable background but are very damaged, bitter, and thoroughly mentally ill, should we now say children from stable background should be ignored too? Let's kuku not date or marry anyone na since there is a high probability of meeting damaged people from every home, abi we should only date stone? Idiots, see how all the resident nl manboys have already capitalise on the single mothers ish forgetting same mumu Op already said not all of them are like that, na so una blind reach, to the extent that one said he would break up with his gf of a single mother, they prefer to follow bandwagon instead of using their brain to think, very daft set of people.

Get well soon.....i will have a conversation with you when you get married.

It is a simple 2+2=4 to you....when you get married then you will understand.

rosalieene:
Well, he might be a FEMINIST but if he is demanding for respect and EQUAL FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITIES, then he is not a feminist ooo.

This whole wahala could have been avoided during their courtship.
They should have raised this topic of finances. It would have saved them the drama of this day.

Have been reading your comments and the other lady......well you are entitled to your opinion.

My question is are you married
You people forget people Change and what really matters in life is character and attitude.

I will just answer with this.....I married a lovely woman with terrible character.

Learn to always speak for yourself my dear ..... marriage is another ball game entirely.

Always remember people change.

She is in father house.....I don't expect her to spend her money.....her father should continue from where I stopped.

They want right but not equal responsibility...

Rozcol:
Please let us hear word and for your information she's right about that number 2,in marriage a man should provide everything and its solely depend on your wife's decision to assist you or not,its not a mandatory task.Women are care givers and not providers, you can't expect a woman to provide and still respect you it usually don't happen that way.She's not hear to say her own side so nobody has the right to condemn her yet. No be Nigerian men again mtchewww

Mogadishuu:
The op is now an elder because he just shared an experience of his for we the single guys. Background check isn't just about her WhatsApp or Facebook... Go to her area, ask about her.
In the olden days, that's what our parents did. They made research into the family they intend having a union with

And as a woman/man if you were raised by a single parent endeavor to go for counceling before wedding

Yes my brother.....I don't want single guys to make my mistake

Arrogantbro:
You've done well. Hope she hasn't given birth to a child for you ?

No.....she had miscarriage twice
It was two year into marriage I got to know she had an abortion while in school.

She has a weak womb according to test results.

TarOrfeeek:
My current GF is from a single mother home.

Immediately I finished reading this topic. I will break up with her mentally.

Is she exhibiting those characters I mentioned
Not all of them are like that oo.

DaddyRochie1642:
Well, We learn everyday,

It seems you didn't do your due diligence before you got married, now your eyes have Cleared.

The Best Lessons we learn in Life is when we "Learn it the Hard way".

Life is an Excellent Teacher.

l
Yea.....i messed up in that aspect..... Especially the background check and way of life.

The worst one was the medical check it was two years into marriage I found out she had weak womb due to abortion....

Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6653469/another-marriage-crash

So over last weekend.... I called family meeting my mum, elder brother and I went to my wife parents house... her family members were present.

They wanted to resolve things between us but no one gave a Bleep about me....they asked her to speak and she said alot of things both truth and lies.

I was lambasted from both sides and I let them finished properly before dropping the bomb......I looked into her eyes straight up and told her am divorcing you.

They were all stunned.... they were now interested in my side of the story.

I decided not to say anything.....am not the type that bad mouth people to score points or look good (my ex-wife is very good at that)....I just told her family to demand the truth from her.

My advice to young men.

1. Make sure u know the background of the lady u wanna get involved with....the way of life etc.

The mistake I made was not evaluating her background...... We came from completely different backgrounds....eg where she comes from people talking crazy and shouting at one another isn't a big deal but me it was a Taboo infact in my parents' house u can't talk with high tones for normal discussions.

2. See forget love and looks...... Make sure you know the main reason she wants to marry you.

I know she loves me but she had another motive which is am meant to give her everything she wants in Life.... She had that mind set of her responsibilities is totally dependent on me.

She told me she can only spare or borrow me money towards doing anything in the house but it is my duty to provide anything she wants even the riddicules ones.

3. For your peace of mind stay away from most ladies raised by single mothers because most her poison to hate men right from teens by their mother.

They are mostly insecure....they believe all men cheat and can never trust.
Comes with mad jealousy

They mostly have anger issue.... they will tell you I don't take shit... trying to show they are strong and can't take what their mother took despite you not doing any shit.....they want to have say in everything just to show you are equal.

They are always quick to be on the defensive
Just to mention a few

I once told my wife am not like your father when I couldn't take the policing, sneaking and threat anymore.

See as a man no one gives a shit about you..... people are sympathetic towards the female and expect you to take whatever she throws at you but you need your peace of mind.
The society has made it possible for women to get away with lot of things.

If you found a woman you want to marry please put love aside and get to really know her background well......cohabit with her for 6month......lastly even if you don't have money, please borrow and go for comprehensive medical check up with her.... (check your sperm count and the state of her womb) please.

Four

Most people don't understand what married men like us passing through.


I can really relate with that part of someone frustrating your life because she is your wife.

He kept on hammering on that word...... frustrating my life!!!

That what am experiencing

U

Patriot9:
How much and where is your location?
I live in Ibadan

55k last...am in abeokuta

Closed

Team only big yansh and breast can make you rich in life......smh

dacblogger:
You will live long...only God knows what the poor woman is going through in his hands

Always the thing.

Is always the man fault and she the poor woman.

Well is a society problem......they are always the victim.....Even if the phone she threw at him broke my head am meant to walk off and ignore becos a angel known is better.