Oga!! Abort mission

zyphr:
I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend since September 2019. I intend to marry her.
The problem is that, I don't desire her sexually. Any intimate touch from her feels like the touch from a blood sister. Very uncomfortable.
She is a strict Christian with a policy of no premarital sex. So we have never had sex except for occasional kissing and romance which I sometimes initiate.
However, since January this year, I lost sexual attraction towards her and I avoid even simple touches. In fact, last Sunday we were walking down the street and when she placed her arms round my shoulder, I stylishly evaded it. I don't feel like this towards every other woman.

I'm currently not seeing any other lady but I have had sexual flings with two different ladies including an ex.

Question is: Is sexual attraction/desire neccesary for marriage? Is it normal not to feel sexually attracted to your partner? Can this be a basis for break up as I fear it might persist in marriage and make me cheat on her.

Jman06:
Me I believe that before I marry any girl, we must be sexually in sync. I must be so free with her to the point that she would have known all my sexual psychology while I know hers.

Marrying someone you're not sexually compatible with is a recipe for disaster.

Yes oh i must sample the good before i buy. As i am like this, i cannot marry sb i haven't slept with.

Enginiaman1:


Kai nah,why you day expose the guy. Though fornication is bad! But your comment funny

fornication is normal

zyphr:


True. It's supposed to be the other way. I mentioned it to her but she said its okay I feel this way. That it's because we've not been intimate. I just don't want to gamble and enter into marriage and start regretting.

Ask her to suck your dick

How do you people agree to all these rubbish?
You think saying no sex before marriage makes her a great wife?
There are ladies who are sexually open and available, hard working and decent who will go to the end of the world with you.
Your mumu na hiin too much
Ode

LilMissFavvy:
Yes of course, attraction and body chemistry is very important in marriage. Help her to spice up her looks.

my attraction is naughty girls

Kriss216:
Why will she say no sex before marriage? Is she a virgin? Who confirmed her virginity?


A Nigerian girl deflowered with noodles and eggs telling you no sex before marriage is mere manipulation and demonic.

Flee from such shackles!

lol man said deflowered with noodles and egg

Bro!.... Una two be hypocrite. No sex but una dey Kiss dey press bobby join (That one self na part of holiness & purity?).... Pple like you be like Yahoo boi wey dey call arm robber thief; which of them go go heaven.
Alaye, if you wan do the do, do!. If you no wan do, make una dey do Bro & Sis till wedding night.
BTW, stop talking about some Christian shiii here where you're still getting involved in Lil sins

zexy2030:

There wouldn't have been room for pre intimacy...if a lady could allow pre intimacy before marriage...just beware. Something is wrong. You can't be hungry and suffice with water to claim u r satisfied. If you r hungry eat food not water. Rather stay away from food totally, deny hunger. Water cannot replace food. Drinking water to delay hunger is flushing the system but to the honest, more injuries would happen, if u take water for too long waiting to break with food at a particular day.

The water analogy though..lol

Bimpe29:
Call it quit bro, let it not be like Nigerians experience of one government widely believed to bring about Change but later regretted by them.

haha u are too funny...sey we no see d change? Dnt be an hypocrite...sey change no dey as everything cost? Sey change no dey as we can not protest in peace again? Change dey abeg....well on the matter up there I am also a victim so I will advice d guy not to try it at all I contemplating on breakup right now in fact as I am reading everybodies comment here I know I chose the wrong partner...good day to u all

Per chance have you been masturbating? That can affect attraction.

Ignore those who are insulting her because of the no sex. It can end up one of two ways - either she is lying or she isn't. I have known ladies who were virgins when they got married. I have known those who pretended.

Ask yourself why are you no longer feeling attracted. What recently happened? What changed?

OscarChisom:
Op sex before marriage is wrong nomatter what anybody think or say. Wrong is wrong and people being peer pressured to do it still doesn't make it right. Having agreed to her on the 'no sex' since 2019, that says you might be a Christian. Continue on that good path even with future relationships. You should also look in wards to find what may be the cause of this lack of feeling as it's definitely NOT caused by your abstinence. Maybe something about her physical appearance, scent, dressing etc might be irritating you unconsciously. Sexual attraction is very much needed in marriage.

Please respect her stand and don't coarse her into what she doesn't want to engage in due to her faith.

And then Op, this is 2021☺️ 3years since engagement, abeg do something. Una sopoz don study unasef finish and 2021 is about rounding up..�

I have just the same problem with OP. Only your response made sense to me. At the bolded i think are the problem for me. Plus i think her hygiene practice may not be up to my standard. Please can these issues be fixed? I need your advice.
PS: we started dating nov last year And yes she's a deeper life member. Thanks

Bro I condemn every sexual act before marriage. Total abstinence

NobleSeed:
what is wrong should also be condemned in totality. Didn't you read were the young man said there has been occasional kissing and romance? So romance and occasional kissing should be condone right? Food way you no eat them no dey test am.

Simps and SEX.

OscarChisom:
Op sex before marriage is wrong nomatter what anybody think or say. Wrong is wrong and people being peer pressured to do it still doesn't make it right. Having agreed to her on the 'no sex' since 2019, that says you might be a Christian. Continue on that good path even with future relationships. You should also look in wards to find what may be the cause of this lack of feeling as it's definitely NOT caused by your abstinence. Maybe something about her physical appearance, scent, dressing etc might be irritating you unconsciously. Sexual attraction is very much needed in marriage.

Please respect her stand and don't coarse her into what she doesn't want to engage in due to her faith.

And then Op, this is 2021☺️ 3years since engagement, abeg do something. Una sopoz don study unasef finish and 2021 is about rounding up..�

Religion addles the mind for real...

zyphr:

You guys have very different fundamental values. And it was really naive and foolish of the both of you to go into a relationship knowing this.

You already resent her for not putting out and sexually frustrating you. And the problem is that If you open up about this, she might be feel pushed to having sex with you, against her values; to save the relationship and that would definitely make her resent you.

But the truth is that your relationship is basically over, just tell her you're no longer attracted to her, give your reasons and tell her that you wouldn't want her to compromise her values and that she should stick to them. It might seem like a cruel and shallow reason to end the relationship but it's better so that she wouldn't have to endure an emotional abusive marriage with a cheating husband and you wouldn't have to endure a marriage with a wife you're not attracted to

DrFunmisticGlow:
Oga!! Abort mission

Completely Abort!!
Some peeps Here are so Funny, or should I say Ignorant..
Saying the OP only wants to Fvckk her..

Sexual Attraction is d Spark of any Relationship..
When the Girl sees d Guy, she should be able to have Naughty thoughts about him..
same as the Guy, he should be able to think about Sex with her @least once in awhile, When they haven't Done it..

But if d Partners don't feel any of these, Dat Relationship is a Sham and will Crash very soon!!

I have been in d OP'S shoes..Babe went Churchy, always preaching, wearing long Skirts, talking about wat her Female Pastor/Mentor told her..
It wasn't Easy@All!!

If I haven't done it, I won't be advicing it. Hard it is alright, but it is doable. The Spirit quickens our mortal bodies�

Osas4lav:
Easy to say because you've not being there. I'm totally against sex before marriage. The effect though is what I don't think you fully understand. I dated a lady for 3 years without it. And like the OP said, I totally lost the desire to be intimate after the first 2 years. No response in your body even when she tries to tease you. She then began to think I had developed ED. To be honest I was scared I did. But when it ended and I met someone else, it was like magic. So I believe its the brains way of dealing with the reality being "No sex" so why bother responding. Time apart would help like someone advice and there's a big chance that after marriage it would come back. BTW something else made us breakup not the sex.

AchalugoNwa:
mana ina ala ya steady
ediotu

Adadike my love this will never be our portion

your ukwu looking at it only gives me 100% erection

nkogheri! How you take know na 'ona la ya steady'?

zyphr:


I have tried to no avail. She is a staunch member of one of these churches that feel certain appearances are "unchristian". I can't even confidently buy her a dress because she may likely not wear it.

Just quit this relationship already. It's doomed

OscarChisom:
Op sex before marriage is wrong nomatter what anybody think or say. Wrong is wrong and people being peer pressured to do it still doesn't make it right. Having agreed to her on the 'no sex' since 2019, that says you might be a Christian. Continue on that good path even with future relationships. You should also look in wards to find what may be the cause of this lack of feeling as it's definitely NOT caused by your abstinence. Maybe something about her physical appearance, scent, dressing etc might be irritating you unconsciously. Sexual attraction is very much needed in marriage.

Please respect her stand and don't coarse her into what she doesn't want to engage in due to her faith.

And then Op, this is 2021☺️ 3years since engagement, abeg do something. Una sopoz don study unasef finish and 2021 is about rounding up..�

You have said it all..
Words from an elder indeed.
Lemme join my voice, kindly read 5his above message and pls and pls ignor those agent of darkness who left the point and be talking about she sleeping around or why you haven't had sex with her. Focus on this your path for so many online are depressed and are not worthy to give advice. Find out your turn off in her, try to correct her in that, if you still feel that way then make a bold decision, either to live with it or call it off.
May God help you

Bro, since you have discovered what your issue with her is, it can easily be taken care of. Of course those issues can be fixed. Though while at that one should tread carefully so as not to end up hurting the psyche of your partner. You know, it's a sensitive something and not many people will see it that you're actually trying to do the best for them.

But in all, you will talk about it, you might not be the only one noticing it. But Instead of direct confrontation which might make her withdraw, use subtle teasing about her wack(don't use this word o) attires/ dressing, on a day, you might be like like, 'you're looking good today Aby, but eh, that you pencil red gown will make sense with these sneakers ' and then quickly cover the statement with another statement or compliment so it wont seem as if you're dwelling on that dress.

Also when she dresses up well, the type you like, make sure you compliment her well noticeably so it will register on her that you actually find her more attractive when she puts on a certain kind of attire.

If it's permissible, you can get her slippers perfs, soaps etc as gifts, you might say, you saw this slippers, watch etc and you felt they will feet this her so so shirt well, you can bring the gifts on special days to avoid suspicion sha... Thread carefully o. But in all, may yours work out and turn out a fruitful relationship, remember that God is the center of this romance..God bless

PS. My thoughts werent organised much forgive the poor writing

bhouze:


I have just the same problem with OP. Only your response made sense to me. At the bolded i think are the problem for me. Plus i think her hygiene practice may not be up to my standard. Please can these issues be fixed? I need your advice.
PS: we started dating nov last year And yes she's a deeper life member. Thanks

Aunty is saying that if she does no sex before marriage, she MUST be faithful bemy default

LOL

CharisEleos:
Just let the holy sister be.

Carry as e dey do you go front. You'll meet your Match. Just don't come here to complain she's a love peddler and you can't satisfy her.

What you people like is the one that will let you use her the very minute you meet her. Tomorrow you'll start crying over DNA of another man's child.

Okuda:


This is pure bullshit. I dont know your religion but I am sure whichever you belong to, sex before marriage is prohibited. That is why both of you have forever to learn eachother and sync. somteimes the syncing does not come at the beginning but as times goes by, it must surely come. This is pure deception by devil to make people think that two people must sexually sync before they get married. God wey create prick and toto no be mumu.

Would you religious zealots allow someone to divorce on account of sexual incompatibility? Of course we know you won't. You'll rather start telling us how sex is not food and other bullshit while the couple are left to find fulfillment outside. Nonsense and ingredients!

Not an easy thing as it's needed .. if it's gone doest mean it can't be reignited

zyphr:


She really doesn't. Quite bland. Wouldn't wear earrings etc. But there was moment when I liked her like that. I'm just lost at the moment. I really do want to feel attraed to her again because she is quite good on other aspects. My only fear is if the lack of sexual attraction would cause issues in marriage.

Sexual attraction my foot, you better don't listen to all the 'you must test drive before marriage sayers on the forum'

The only reason why you are feeling this way is simply because deep down you really don't fancy the no sex before marriage stuff but you really like the lady and you were ready to follow her rules till the marriage, if truly you are an advocate of NSBM by choice and not by circumstance all these talk won't crop up.

You saw that she's bland, doesn't wear earrings, you went to meet her, you didn't go and meet jewelry and makeup wearing church sisters.

If God forbid she decides to have sex with you the attraction will come out from where its hiding sharp sharp You better don't deceive yourself and let the devil deceive you.

See the way all of them are talking about sex as if its the only thing in marriage. Once theres a post about a lady not wanting sex without marriage, the vultures will always descend and say so many rubbish.

Jeez so many annoying comments.

If you know you will not marry her let her go peacefully abeg, since 2019 is it not even enough to get married after 2 years?

vickydevoka:

Bros sex no follow again for marriage
Buhari regim go make u forget say u get prick

Abeg no kill me with laugh

Stupidquestions:
Stop deceiving yourself, she told you no sex before marriage and you are too ashamed or weak to press on for sex, so u allowed it as a brother cos she's a holy church sister right?
.
Truth is her not allowing u to fvck her since 2019 lol, has lead to frustration on your part...and the frustration has turned to subtle hatred and bitterness against her touch that u are now under denial and disgust of her sexuality....

Same church sister is being piped doggy style from all angles in one secrete room every weekend.
.
Truth is u are acting weak..and u are hating her and urself for being weak and unable to control sex btw both of u
.
All those things u wrote up there is just living in denial and communicating subtle frustration....
.
The day u man up and fvck her letft right and centre to stamp your power, that's the day u will realise wot uve been missing and cure that frustration u interpret as not having sexual interest for her.
.
You sound like those weak church boys sha

This is wisdom. Talk sense into the guy jare

You've had flings with two different ladies and an ex while dating your girlfriend who denies you sex �...of course you won't be sexually attracted to her again after crossing the line.

Guy stop wasting her time and call it quits you don't deserve her and that's on period!

zyphr:
I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend since September 2019. I intend to marry her.
The problem is that, I don't desire her sexually. Any intimate touch from her feels like the touch from a blood sister. Very uncomfortable.
She is a strict Christian with a policy of no premarital sex. So we have never had sex except for occasional kissing and romance which I sometimes initiate.
However, since January this year, I lost sexual attraction towards her and I avoid even simple touches. In fact, last Sunday we were walking down the street and when she placed her arms round my shoulder, I stylishly evaded it. I don't feel like this towards every other woman.

I'm currently not seeing any other lady but I have had sexual flings with two different ladies including an ex.

Question is: Is sexual attraction/desire neccesary for marriage? Is it normal not to feel sexually attracted to your partner? Can this be a basis for break up as I fear it might persist in marriage and make me cheat on her.

Yes sexual attraction is necessary for marriage. Or is your marriage going to be all talk and no sex?

Amos 3:3; You are not on the same page with her. Go your separate ways!