Advice Needed - Family (7)

Advice Needed - Family (7) - Nairaland

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Re: Advice Needed by ugbanante: 6:51pm On Sep 10, 2021

Took some times to read your perspective. Am married with a child, i can tell u that no partner is completely absolved from blame when the marriage faces crisis.
Before u leap and faint, get to talk to people whom ur husband respect, they could help u seat him down and talk sense into him since ur own communication link with him is tensed now.
God will help u

1 Like

Re: Advice Needed by Collins4u1(m): 6:53pm On Sep 10, 2021

I bụ nnọọ ife a sị na ị bụ.

Re: Advice Needed by Darreytinho10(m): 6:54pm On Sep 10, 2021

You were never married jor grin

Re: Advice Needed by Yoighaman(m): 6:55pm On Sep 10, 2021

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

You sound like you really want to go back to your EX which is not bad in itself since he is divorced but please do your best possible to make your marriage work.

You need to find out why your EX is divorced, could it be for the same reason why you want to leave your matrimonial home? Could it be that he is a serial cheat and his wife also caught him on several occasions?

Don't go from frying pan to fire, the grass often looks greener on the other side.

Be careful.

Re: Advice Needed by Nobody: 6:56pm On Sep 10, 2021

97% has given you a good advice, but you and I know you are not going to take them.
You are already cheating emotionally with your ex and came here seeking validation to take it top notch.
You also know your not being submissive is the very reason for the tension in your home.
You also know nothing anyone says will stop you from taking this dive into bed with your ex.

Now take that dive and learn from your own experience. Udo!

3 Likes

Re: Advice Needed by NaijaHelper1(m): 6:56pm On Sep 10, 2021

InTheCloudySky:
Focus on your marriage. As long as your husband hasn't fathered a child outside the marriage, work things out with him. You've been cheating on him as well, with this your ex, so you're just as guilty as he is.

The ex you're considering leaving him for may not be a saint or the grass may not be so green on his side, or why didn't his own marriage work out? Look before you leap.

What an insightful woman!
Your type ought to be protected at all costs.
Too much sense.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Advice Needed by jaystar(m): 6:58pm On Sep 10, 2021

The main reason why marriages eventually fail is lack of tolerance and see finish.
What's the tendency that your ex who has seen you finish will not re-see you finish again.
Remember beginnings are usually sweet!

Re: Advice Needed by Nobody: 6:59pm On Sep 10, 2021

Women have really suffered and will continue to suffer in the hands of African communities.

A man cheats on his wife but doesn't feel any remorse about it by confessing to his wife, yet people are blaming her for her husband's wrong-doing. How can anyone say she should ask her husband why he cheated on her? Really? Will this same energy be given to a woman if she cheats on her husband?

I just wish Prenuptial agreements will be signed into law in Africa, this is the major thing that will reduce the rate of cheating. At least, if you don't want to loose your money to your wife, you would learn to keep IT between your legs!!!!

One reason why I always says Ladies should be financially dependent before going into marriage!!!

Re: Advice Needed by Nobody: 7:00pm On Sep 10, 2021

neyoohhh:
Let's interpretate .

I'm glad my husband cheated on me, it gives me an opportunity to get back to my ex who probably has more to offer. I never loved my husband anyways. I am with him because of a leech arrangement disguised as marriage.

Let me play victim with the cheating on his part even though I'm equally a cheat.

I'll also play mental gymnastics on myself by looking outside for advice since I was never matured enough to be in marriage.

I'll listen to the advices but ultimately my decision lies with whether my ex really wants me because I can't be too sure and may lose the leech arrangement I currently have with my place holder husband.

I'm also entitled, I need to have a say because that's standard in my family( feminist shenanigans), whilst I contribute absolutely feck all to the home.

Ultimately, I'm emotionally bereft and will gladly walk right into a glaring mistake.

Na joke's oh..

Nice summary grin

1 Like

Re: Advice Needed by Nobody: 7:00pm On Sep 10, 2021

InTheCloudySky:
Focus on your marriage. [b]As long as your husband hasn't fathered a child outside the marriage, [/b]work things out with him. You've been cheating on him as well, with this your ex, so you're just as guilty as he is.

The ex you're considering leaving him for may not be a saint or the grass may not be so green on his side, or why didn't his own marriage work out? Look before you leap.

For a man who cheats, what's the probability he hasn't already fathered a child outside?

Re: Advice Needed by Potch: 7:00pm On Sep 10, 2021

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

Lady, cheating comes in different forms. You are already cheating with your ex, the only difference from your husband I think is intimacy. If you were too good for your ex or he was the one for you, you wouldn't have become exes. It is only a dog that goes to its vomit. You want to go back to someone who is also divorced? Don't you think that is a red flag? If a peaceful resolution with your husband is impossible, may be divorce is inevitable, however don't be a rebound for your ex. Get skills and make yourself independent.

1 Like

Re: Advice Needed by Aurelius1(m): 7:01pm On Sep 10, 2021

Zuchey91:
Our upbringing is totally different, he comes from a family where women are supposed to be suffering and still be silent...this I found out after marriage...and I come from a family where women have a say.

I know how it would end if I tell him about it and I am not ready to go down that road. I am tired of the constant quarrels.
I can say I have gotten to my elastic limit and I have no strength of fighting for this union anymore in me.

Then leave the marriage if you feel you can't take it anymore. Rest assured that the so called ex of yours won't marry you. After he's through with you it would be the turn of all those small small yahoo boys. Na then your eyes go clear.

2 Likes

Re: Advice Needed by rigarmortis: 7:01pm On Sep 10, 2021

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

Your ex wants some of that goooooooooood slippery babycat.

When you enter a new town, it can be stressful getting a good loyal "resting place"...........who is better than "a place you have visited"

He brings snacks and gets the knacks, after a while, the feeling of playing house loses his novelty, and he starts noticing that nasty stretch mark, that your gap teeth and bow leg....and voooom.,....he is gone.

An ex is an ex, never to be experimented with again, but then.....okafors law....

1 Like

Re: Advice Needed by Leader02: 7:03pm On Sep 10, 2021

I think even been a married woman her mind is still in her past relationship.. That's why it's easy for her to cheat with her ex..... Olosho in disguise

1 Like

Re: Advice Needed by saintobing: 7:03pm On Sep 10, 2021

my dear u re getting it wrong. first express your mind to your husband to hear the truth. and secondly your ex is only after ur puna shikana...so better stick with your husband and pray. no perfect married ask ur mother about that

Re: Advice Needed by farmboyy: 7:04pm On Sep 10, 2021

You are not just mad but you have been the problem of the marriage from your testimony here. Please just leave and allow the guy to have peace of mind.

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

1 Like

Re: Advice Needed by gannod(m): 7:04pm On Sep 10, 2021

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

How old are you and your husband? Every marriage has it teething issues( permit me to use that)
For a successful marriage, sacrifices have to be made by the parties involved. You are both behaving like teenagers. Adultery should be the last thing on your mind. Your husband has not only cheated on you, he has sinned against God. I will suggest you perish any thought of getting even with him. Think of your child,that child should not suffer for daddy's indiscretion. Forgive him, sit him down and tell him this marriage has to work.
As for that ex of yours, discontinue any form of conversation with him, he is going to ruin you. I wonder why married couples still keep in touch with their exes.( it is a recipe for disaster)

1 Like

Re: Advice Needed by sheffyUTD(m): 7:04pm On Sep 10, 2021

All these people coming online for validation of their intended action.

The only reason you haven't cheated also was because the guy is not close. Your feelings would have grown faster and beclouded your reasoning if he's here. By the way, why did he divorce? And as you should know, things always look better from outside. Please go ahead and do what intended to do. Cheat and add more to your misery.

What you must know is that every single marriage without exception goes through confrontation stage, and the fact you didn't court for long makes yours more stormy. After this, it will smooth, but not perfect. Cheating or divorce is not the solution. But do whatever guarantee your peace, and don't do this because of 'feeling' for another man. Ire o

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Re: Advice Needed by Ikwerelastborn: 7:04pm On Sep 10, 2021

CSTRR:
Even Virgin dey get ex.

Boys dey use eye see fine girl?

Virgin no get ex, ex is person who has actually had sex with you just like this op

Re: Advice Needed by Leader02: 7:05pm On Sep 10, 2021

even been a married woman, she is still in love with her ex... that's why it's easy for her to cheat with her ex.... Olosho in disguise

Re: Advice Needed by Phenommy: 7:05pm On Sep 10, 2021

Ewo

Re: Advice Needed by Ikwerelastborn: 7:06pm On Sep 10, 2021

CSTRR:
Even Virgin dey get ex.

Boys dey use eye see fine girl?

A virgin has no ex,ex factor is mostly when sex was involved, lol.wnd that's the okafors memory that makes them go back grin

Re: Advice Needed by gannod(m): 7:07pm On Sep 10, 2021

na2016:
OP: As someone who is married, I feel you should know that:

1) A man will go to any length to please a woman who respects him. Men value respect a lot. When you say you don't agree with him and you have been quarreling, it suggests to me that there may not be respect from your end. if I may ask, what makes you not agree with his view?

2) When you saw the evidence that he cheated, you should have brought his attention to it and at least hear what he will say. I personally hate bottling up things cos it causes more problems.

3) It appears to me like you don't really love your husband and you are waiting for funds for you to either elope or move away.
4) As long as thoughts of leaving remain in your mind, you will never fix your marriage.

Now I think:
5) You should cut off with your EX else your home will be irredeemably broken. You don't have anything doing with an EX no matter what!
6) Speak with your husband about the cheating on his part and just hear what he will say and resolve it. Better still, report it to someone he respects a lot and listens to but be sure it was really cheating that you saw.
7) Work on yourself, look at things that you are not doing well, things that cause the quarrel, and stop doing them. There is absolutely nothing in a marriage that can't be fixed except abuse.

I pray God to give you the wisdom to navigate this successfully.

I agree with you 100%.

Re: Advice Needed by Leader02: 7:07pm On Sep 10, 2021

even been a married woman, she is still in love with her ex... that is why it's easy for her to cheat with her ex

Re: Advice Needed by ugotaya: 7:09pm On Sep 10, 2021

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

Op. come let me tell you something as a sister to sister. let lives Enlish grammar out of this...lol.

First, you want to retaliate because your husband is cheated on you ... You have suddenly forgotten as a woman that your integrity is as stake here
Secondly, you want to go back to your EX. that doesn't find you worthy as a wife
Thirdly, you want to break your marriage vow which you plegde infront of God and men therefore this can lead to reproach, sin and diseases.
And have you ever consider the situaton you are going to put your child because of your actions and the consequences?

Nigeria men are well know to chop and clean mouth, Yes, they are notorious for doing this...we hate them for it but think of your baby and let this marriage work.
If you really love this man then you can invest in this marriage and it will work for you.

Here is a little test for you:- JUST PRETEND THAT YOU HAVE LEFT YOUR HUBBY AND ASK YOUR EX. TO TELL YOU THE NEXT STEP IN YOUR ''adulterous RELATIONSHIP. if he still continue to pick your call after 2 weeks then you are the queen for him.

a word is a enough for the wise

1 Like

Re: Advice Needed by Omoluabiii(m): 7:09pm On Sep 10, 2021

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

Before i give my advice, i ll like you to give me answers to these questions......
1...are you an african?
2...Is your hasband an african?
3...Are you both living in Africa currently?

Re: Advice Needed by Luak(m): 7:12pm On Sep 10, 2021

I think your husband needs help. His background maybe a contributing factor in what you are passing through. Now that you have a child with him; routing for your ex may not be a solution. First thing is to stop him from cheating on you again. Once he realizes how important it is for him to be more dutiful and responsible to his family, everything will fall in place

Re: Advice Needed by alextywo(m): 7:15pm On Sep 10, 2021

kingthreat:
Your husband cheated on you. Now you want to cheat on him with your divorced ex? Baba wan use Okafor's law chop you and you still dey let the feminist in you carry you into another wahala? If you are any virtuous, you should explain your anger to your husband, try and forgive his cheating, seek to resolve your marriage issues unless you will become a multiple baby mama. Your own go worse pass Pero, at least she born 3 for one superstar. You go born for 2 of your sweethearts. your ex of exes go wan try him luck too sef

Dear madam for clarity sake regarding okafor's law as mentioned above.

OKAFOR'S LAW also known as OKAFOR'S LAW OF CONGO DYNAMICS state that

C1 + P = C∞
Once a congo has been shined once (C1) , it can always be shined (C∞ ) provided it was shined properly ( P) .

OKAFOR'S LAW can also be termed as law of repeatable action "if you have done something once, you can do it again. If you have been somewhere before, you can still go back there"(but mind you in your situation going back there again(To your EX) it would either end up in SAMBISA FOREST OR YABA LEFT).

In a nutshell What was fvcked can never be unfvcked. But can be refvcked provided the fvckee reconnect with the fvcker and the desires remain constant.

There's also something unique about this Okafor's law as applicable to your situation. Its conform to NEWTON'S LAW OF GRAVITY.
What do I mean? While YOUR HUSBAND is acting as the motion of the moon, Madam acting as a body failing freely on EARTH provided there's an existence of YOUR EX acting as a FORCE OF ATTRACTIONS for soft landing.

Madam please apply your IQ , don't allow your EQ to play fast one On you.

May God help YOu

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Advice Needed by mrmachine: 7:17pm On Sep 10, 2021

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

Re: Advice Needed by Omonigeriarere: 7:18pm On Sep 10, 2021

You can leave if you want to leave, so far you are mentally incapacitated to thrash issues out with your husband.

Even if your Hus band cheats on you as you alleged, have you not cheated on him emotionally?

Worst still, you reconnected with an ex who is divorced, who will use you and also ensure that you become a divorcee.

Leave the union aunty, as your mind is no longer there. You are only in it because it is a poverty alleviation medium.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Advice Needed by Lightorder: 7:20pm On Sep 10, 2021

chatinent:
If you have evidence your husband is cheating and cannot remain in the relationship, you leave. If you are not leaving, you are still married to him! At least, I believe the only grounds for divorce is adultery.

Can two wrongs make one right?

Your reconnecting with an ex is a payback, yeah?

What if everything was a mirage and the end brings you this dropped eyeballs that your husband wasn't cheating actually? Can you unscrew the screwed? Or you wanted a reason to cling to to return to the arms of this new 2face?

Why condole cheating if that's the case?

If you cannot accept it, you leave the union. That's the only ground morally acceptable to regroup with your new 2face.

I doubt you have feelings for 2face...it's this new attention he's giving you when you so need it that's translating to emotions, pills, and feelings.

Hanty, I will not mince words.

You are afraid of your tendency to meet your ex and ...history history...yeah?

What is the assurance your ex would make a good husband? If he would, you wouldn't have left him!

You are still a married woman whether or not you accept it!

How do you manage an ex who knows you are married but wants to screw you! Doesn't it ring the bell to you he only misses your body?

Wetin dey happen for this world sef.

Abi is it only my brain that has no downtime?

nice

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Advice Needed by Lightorder: 7:24pm On Sep 10, 2021

Madam, get to understand him. Concentrate on what brought you together at the first place. Get your ex out of your life. Marriage is not friendship. He may have done well in your friendship days but may not do well in marriage. An evidence is that his crashed. The Pasture is always greener until you get there,
Just less than 10 hours after my wedding, I told my wife that I was not sure we could continue. Ego on both sides almost destroyed it all. But when we laid down every self and got to study ourselves, things got best. Today we know ourselves better and she is my best friend. Your ex should be your past and keep him behind you. Your past is where he belongs now

1 Like

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