GboyegaD:


I will ask more because if his immediate family cannot understand his plight then he will be better off without them.

Better off without his family?

As if it were that easy.

mariahAngel:


Yes.

Ok o

mariahAngel:


Do you think your people can support you in any way?

Honestly I don't know because this kinda thing maybe you have 100 then you're asking for support for the rest 50 I don't think one can wake and call on his family to come and sponsor his in-laws burial you can only ask them to accompany you and support you not raise the whole money for you.

mariahAngel:


I chiga ochi?
Ya wurukwanu s’owu nna ya nwuru, owu o gahu e li ya?

Ya wuru nna ya, and he has no one else to do it, he will find ways to...But avoid borrowing what will send him to depression...

Ya kara ya mma, na nwoke mmadu no na mortuary chere mgbe OP matara ego o ji eli ya.

Ihuru mme mme wu ihe m na agahu agwa mmadu ga biri ego mee o...Do according to your pocket...To ensure your peace of mind.

Karlman:

Honestly I don't know because this kinda thing maybe you have 100 then you're asking for support for the rest 50 I don't think one can wake and call on his family to come and sponsor his in-laws burial you can only ask them to accompany you and support you not raise the whole money for you.

You have to ask them to support you.
There’s no shame in that.
Are you Igbo?

The Nigerian situation cannot get any better if we keep trying to hold unto what is not. Some people are given burials that they never had a taste of a tenth of such while they were alive.

OP, my advice once again, do not live to please people. The dead is gone, do what is necessary (support the family with your words of hope even at this trying time) and leave the rest. Dem no dey catch person wey no contribute and should anyone want to talk you down about not contributing, cut off such a person. You are grown enough to recognize tantrums and avoid such.

GboyegaD:


Seems you are more bothered about pleasing people than to be true to yourself. If you hurt yourself with excessive thoughts and injure yourself, dem go still carry on with or without you. Oga, you have done your best, don't over stress it.

Thanks bros the stuff really choke but I can't outdo myself over it. It is what it is.

mariahAngel:


Better off without his family?

As if it were that easy.

It is way too easy. If you kill yourself to please people, those you intend pleasing will be the first to mock you. No one can love you more than you love yourself.

mariahAngel:


You have to ask them to support you.
There’s no shame in that.
Are you Igbo?

Of course but that only if have enough already to cover the principal items.

GboyegaD:

Why the share of cost to start with? The family shouldn't so more than they can afford. There's no need pleasing the people at their expense.

People subscribe to cultures and traditions that make no sense to me. I am simply trying to be as understanding as possible to that which they subscribe.

For me, funeral na simple thing. One dies, one is buried. Hopefully the dead had life insurance to handle cost of burial. The end.

cococandy:


Well the same poor people still sometimes have to borrow and go into debt to make the funeral happen. Why should it be so? Even if they eventually completed the funeral ceremony, they still experienced some form of extortion and had to haggle price or negotiate their way out of performing some “requirements”. At a solemn moment in their lives.

I call it extortion because sometimes the community mentally measures the pocket of the deceased’s children and they are tasked according to what the people perceive they should be able to afford even if it’s accurate or not. That means it’s not even a real requirement. It’s just an opportunity for them to mooch off the dead person’s children especially if they think they have money.

Poor or rich, should a grieving family even be dealing with that in the first place? I don’t understand why you would classify something that happens in the majority of cases as me distorting the truth. That’s very insincere of you.

Or maybe you can say it’s different where you come from and I’ll be like “alright”. But where I am from it’s how they do and it doesn’t sit well with me. That’s all I’m saying.

It’s not a competition of whose culture is better because I can already tell that a few of my brothers and sisters are going to be in here getting hurt over the truth. It is what it is. Other tribes have some weird things they do too that makes me .
You should be able to say something is not cool even if it’s your folks that are doing it.
while this may or may not be true, I’m not prepared to delve into that traditional marriage issue now.



Oh cool. So that means we the living can say the truth about what we see and maybe change things for our children.
I have nothing against extravagant ceremonies. As long as it’s not being done to fulfill an obligation rather it’s being done by the family on their own volition. If I can afford to, I would do Obi Cubana style funeral for my parents without any pressure from anyone but I would really detest for some old man I’ve never met in my life telling me I owe him 5 cows as a requirement before they will let me bury my loved ones.

The OP's reply to my foremost post here lies the reason anyone might go into debt because of burial or marriage - they go into debt because of feeble-mindedness or pride, not culture. As a person, when one doesn't stand for something worthwhile, hir falls for anything.

If I were in the OP's position, I'd simply act based on my submission that I directed to him in the foremost post. The issue is that most people, like the OP seems to be, will rather do what they know is unjust/they can't do in a circumstance like this rather than to call off the bluff of everyone else regardless of any conventional norm or popular opinion all in a bid to impress.

Should the OP go into debt now instead of calling off their bluff if they fail to reason with him after telling them his constraints in honesty, tomorrow he'll blame culture.

Mr. Man don't kill yourself, if they factor you into their program they will consult you about a convinent date

GboyegaD:


He just resumed his job as such, he might not be able to get much days off. He better hold up his job than tell more stories in the future.

I have even forgotten the bolded, he can just attend the ceremony then.

Karlman:
My In-laws are doing their father's burial and I don't have money kindly advise.
This is really a serious matter as I have only two weeks left.
Elders in the house kindly advise a brother.
Thanks



Chief Lalasticlala ... Mynd44 Dominique and all mods kindly uplift this post as I am on very hot seat please.
Thanks

You better don't kill yourself on top in-law matter
You don't have, simple

Is your wife not making money
How much will she contribute if your own father dies?
Does she not have brothers or sisters who are working?
If your wife is disturbing you to find money by all means,better para for her and go and tell her to borrow from LAPO

If you like,goan take loan you cannot pay only for the loan apps to send insulting messages to your wife,her family,your boss, your friends leading to worse outcomes

If you like,steal.
If you like,fvck up the new job you just got.

When my father died,we were all students yet we brought out the little we have and have the man a nice burial without doing pass ourselves

The heart attack wey u dey find,u go see am one day
God forbid I marry in this country,na so I go use my hand carry person wahala for head

Karlman:

Thanks bro but shame wouldn't let me show my face there if can't do what I am supposed to do and too is not a one man journey so normally I have to come with my people and of course those elders can't follow you anywhere to go and present themselves empty handed its a shameful journey my people will never undertake. Just like you said if in the end I was only able to send my wife as that's all my salary can cover then so be it.

I understand your point as culture varies but I think its better to attend without doing anything financially than not attending your in-laws burial. Even if your people don't come with you, attendance is important.

Kobojunkie:
People subscribe to cultures and traditions that make no sense to me. I am simply trying to be as understanding as possible to that which they subscribe.

For me, funeral na simple thing. One dies, one is buried. Hopefully the dead had life insurance to handle cost of burial. The end.

You are right but it isn't the traditions most times, it is people using the tradition as their excuse.

mariahAngel:


Op seems like he’s afraid, but there comes a time in one’s life when you need to step out your comfort zone and do what you have to do.
Sometimes, we allow ourselves to be unnecessarily overwhelmed by a situation, when there are options we’d rather not take.

O wu afraid to borrow?


In this case, ya mee ihe no ya n'uche....Ma ya agakwala gi i biri ego o na agahu akwucha li..ma owu gawa ohi..

Ma owu nwaanyi i ga kwawa iko..

Mpa m si o nwere challenge ga a bia kwute mmadu, onye ahu a di forced to i mu agwa ojor.

Munzy14:

O wu afraid to borrow?


In this case, ya mee ihe no ya n'uche....Ma ya agakwala gi i biri ego o na agahu akwucha li..ma owu gawa ohi..

Ma owu nwaanyi i ga kwawa iko..


Mpa m si o nwere challenge ga a bia kwute mmadu, onye ahu a di forced to i mu agwa ojor.

O rubenuhu otu ahu.
Owu ihe m jiri si ya mee otu ike kwere ya.
Ya wurugodi I bite ego, ya bitetu nke o ga kwufuli.

mariahAngel:


O rubenuhu otu ahu.
Owu ihe m jiri si ya mee otu ike kwere ya.
Ya wurugodi I bite ego, ya bitetu nke o ga kwufuli.

Ya si gi ihe o ga akwuli wu 5k kwanu...

Munzy14:

Ya si gi ihe o ga akwuli wu 5k kwanu...

5k cha? Mba, ya wete pam ise.

Three big goats. Eight yams. Four cartons of beer. Four gallons of palm wine. ...is a 150 k expenses where do I go and borrow that at this time.[/quote] I Would have loved to help u with that amount, but how will u pay back seeing that this is a faceless forun! I understand ur predicament in this matter.

Karlman:


Three big goats. Eight yams. Four cartons of beer. Four gallons of palm wine. ...is a 150 k expenses where do I go and borrow that at this time.

Hahaha Igbo people, una no go kill person with laugh

GboyegaD:
The Nigerian situation cannot get any better if we keep trying to hold unto what is not. Some people are given burials that they never had a taste of a tenth of such while they were alive.

OP, my advice once again, do not live to please people. The dead is gone, do what is necessary (support the family with your words of hope even at this trying time) and leave the rest. Dem no dey catch person wey no contribute and should anyone want to talk you down about not contributing, cut off such a person. You are grown enough to recognize tantrums and avoid such.

Toh you said my mind, but I don't want to talk much, before them "culture has to be respected and upholded" people come with their wahala even if the culture is evil or a form of extortion, they forget that change is constant in life.

Op do you abeg.

GboyegaD:


It is way too easy. If you kill yourself to please people, those you intend pleasing will be the first to mock you. No one can love you more than you love yourself.

Ke me kyau ne

Kobojunkie:
People subscribe to cultures and traditions that make no sense to me. I am simply trying to be as understanding as possible to that which they subscribe.

For me, funeral na simple thing. One dies, one is buried. Hopefully the dead had life insurance to handle cost of burial. The end.

Hahaha not in Nigeria

Is it a sudden funeral or it has been planned for some months?

For the sake of your mental state, do not borrow this kind of money for funeral. However, you do need to contribute something.

Try and bring around 40k. Give to your wife and let her tell her family that this is what you can bring for now, due to your financial situation at the moment. Let the remainder become a debt you may have to pay later, when things are financially better.

I beg you, for the sake of your wife and how your in-laws see you, do not try to negotiate the 150k lower.

Karlman:


Three big goats. Eight yams. Four cartons of beer. Four gallons of palm wine. ...is a 150 k expenses where do I go and borrow that at this time.

JovialJune:
Hahaha not in Nigeria

I have never been in favor of the idea of parents being a burden on their children. Parent wey make decision say na im kids must buru am with dem money, wey no get life insurance or at least burial insurance just means wickedness to me.

JovialJune:



Hahaha Igbo people, una no go kill person with laugh

Is that all you have to say?

And what is really funny here because am not really smiling at all o as the matter choke.

mariahAngel:

There is something he can do. It is not impossible.
If he looks for a solution, he’ll find it.

I agree. Maybe go and steal, commit fraud at work, or better still, you can lend him the money. A lot of Nigerians put themselves through unnecessary stress to please others. I stopped doing that a long time ago.

Karlman:

Is that all you have to say?

What do you want me to say? It's your culture na, so you shouldn't change the norm, either you provide what they want, or you don't attend the burial.

Karlman:



And what is really funny here because am not really smiling at all o as the matter choke.

Tor no vex, I wee nor smile again