₦airaland Forum

valves:
You need to understand intersexual dynamics. ladies (and guys too) have a timeline, but most are oblivious of it until much later in life when it's almost too late.

Ladies are at their peak period when they are between ages 18-24 (for some it extends to 26). At this stage they are approached by all kinds of guys, obviously because they are young and beautiful, but this attention they get makes them to feel like they are on top of the world, like goddesses and gifts to humanity. Among those approaching at this stage are people who genuinely want to settle with them for life, but they are not ready to forgo all the attention they are getting from the other guys. They basically want to explore and date different people.

When they approach ages btw 28-34 they realise that they are no longer as attractive as they used to be and are not getting the attention of guys as before (this is the epiphany stage). Then they become desperate to settle down but most guys/suitors have already gotten married or switched their attention to much younger ladies. So the top guys they were interested in during their peak period are no longer available to them. Most ladies at this stage will still adamantly refuse to lower their standards and settle for someone who isn't (in their minds) "up to their (unrealistic) standards", and they keep aging while waiting for "Mr Perfect."

For guys the story is different. Guys peak around 32-36 years. At this age they have worked very hard and made money, are financially independent and ready to settle. But most of them will settle for ladies who are younger (ladies in their 20s), only a handful will go for ladies in their 30s.

Also, our generation is losing it. Some ladies find it hard to keep a man because they do not know their roles as women. They have consciously or unconsciously become hard-core feminist. Reality is most men don't want to settle with such ladies.

Summary is no lady will truthfully say that guys (well-intentioned guys) never approached them in their twenties (peak period). But they are on top of the world at this stage and belive they have all the time in the world and can attract anyone just because they are young and beautiful.

If you are a lady in your 20s (especially mid 20s) pls while you are getting all the attention from guys try and identify a potential suitor to settle down with. The older you get the more difficult it becomes.

You took this out of my mouth, leaving me with nothing to say!

/

There is not much for men in marriage.

Take away procreation, most men will be better off single. All other peripherals like sex, companionship, cooking, etc are equally available in non-marital relationships. Go figure!

/

faithfull18:
A lot of Nigerians, men especially thinking process is unidirectional. A lot of factors affect different people as regards life, marriage inclusive. They are reasons why people do what they do. I don't even waste my precious time educating ignorant people.

Now tell me who needs to be educated if not ignorants

Penguin2:
Are we supposed to believe this?

I'm not lying and I didn't post the comment to make people feel impressed or oppressed but to encourage the bachelors and spinsters out there

revolt:
Feminism. Feminism feminism... it destroyed the western women. Destroyed their marriage institution as men are no longer interested in marriage. Sexually liberated women and ofocs gave rise to babymamas everywhere and generally destroyed the quality of men who were raised by single mothers. It's also starting to creep into nigeria. Lagos is almost gone. It'll be a miracle to find a wife in lagos now. Nearly every chic is sexually liberated. As they call it. Synonym for promiscuity.

My problem is, I can no longer eat this fruit without feeling disgusted.

SmartGadgetz:
What about you sweetheart?

Men do not benefit from marriage.
Men say marriage is prison to them.

I am no jailer. Follow alata.

pocohantas:
Yenyenyen! They ignored guys in their prime. But when your gf breaks up with you to marry a ready man, you will come crying on Nairaland.

Some of you here have been dating your gfs for years without marriage. If they leave you now, another wailing go start.

You marry early? All Naija women want is marriage. They don’t build themselves.

You say make you stand before marriage? Double wahala. Evening newspaper, borehole pussy. Edede! Who go marry this one?

Abeg make una getaut!

we no dey see you again for our Ashawo thread...please come back, the trolls are gone!

zed7:
There is always going to be the issue of bad luck, some people just can't get a partner. More like not being destined to marry.

That aside, many people are too choosy. Whom they want doesn't want them, who wants them, they don't want.

This is just the hard truth. A summary of the reality.

No one wants to settle down with a partner they don't desire. Many will stretch the search for who they desire for as long as they can, but settling down for an undesirable partner, they won't.

Others are talking of feminism, others materialism. All na wash. If a feminist (by Nairaland standards) meets a man she desires, she'll denounce feminism just so as she can accommodate him in her world. If the man is not who she desires, she'd rather be a hard-core feminist if that's what it takes to keep such men away.

Mock her, Shiloh-shame her, age-shame her. E no go work, especially if she can support herself financially. The reality of living with an undesirable partner is worse than being single for many women.

Women are really not that hard to understand.

Brightw278:
I was discussing with a friend of mine during one of his visits this past weekend, we talked about politics, football and a whole lot of interesting topics. We were in the middle of discussion when we tuned in into this popular reality tv series on dstv, “finding the one”. So we switched topic

I was trying to explain to him why we have many ladies looking for suitors in Nigeria and the main reason being this harsh economy. I told him no man would want to settle down until he has something to fall onto and has a good job that can sustain a family but my friend thinks otherwise.

He said the reason why some ladies get really old without suitors coming their way is because they must have ignored a lot of guys during their prime (20-28) and once reality set in they become desperate.

I told him I have a sister who is perfectly fine and doing well but good men ain’t just coming her way, but he just wouldn’t agree. I can’t believe people still think this way in this 21st century. He was telling me no matter your looks and all someone must approach you, I had to calm him down what if those coming your way ain’t even somebody you can settle with. Guess his reply? You just have to endure and get married like that.

This a guy went on for some hours before I just decided to call it a quit and told him we should just enjoy our football match.Personally to me I think nobody should be forced into marriage when he /she ain’t ready.

I just want to seek you guys opinion, he will also be on nairaland reading this. Should the sole reason of not being able to find suitors be attributed to youthful exuberance alone? Do girls who find it difficult to find a man must have been to choosy in the past? Your opinions will be highly appreciated

Your points are legit and your friend is not well informed about Nigeria and marriage
In Nigeria marriage is an investment
That may yield profit during old age!
Having kids to take care of u during old age
Or having kids to take over your investment
But where I get really annoyed with people is having children just to continue a linage without having a source of income to at lease give them education, food clothing and shelter is evil and Bible frowns against it..
If you got none don't make God angry by bringing in innocent humans into life just to suffer just because of stupidity..

Kenneth10110:
Your friend is a wise nigga with dope points especially when the ladies are in higher institution or from age 20-25 they prefer to hoe around with the highest bidder no love or future goals.

Its called the hoeing phase and they all do it. That age range is a no no for any naija man seeking a true relationship. It will only end in tears

Eriokanmi:
Keep low and you'd get who/what you want.

How many guys want to marry into one room apartment with a separate kitchen ? How many gals want to endure with a few men who wish to marry into a room apartment with the description above? Everyone is just chasing shadows. Men too are busy craving a lifestyle which is often a mirage, before they think of getting married.

In my case, once God approved of our union with proofs even from more than one man of God who barely knew each other, we proceeded. I married my wife into a room with a separate kitchen outside. Once it rained in those days , we'd be busy diverting erosion away from the kitchen.

Today, we've achieved everything man has come to earth to achieve. I've dined with world leaders including Barak Obama on a special invitation to Washington DC. As I type this message, I'm inspecting my new edifice in lagos (the best in the whole estate). God has also blessed us with intelligent and God-fearing children all in a boarding secondary school in one of the best schools in Lagos.

My salary was 11k while my wife's was almost same when we got married. Barely a year after we got married, I began to change jobs like clothes and always with official cars, brand new to cap it all.

Money isn't everything when it comes to marriage too otherwise, DJ Cuppy wouldn't have been looking upandan for blind dates. It's God's institution. Try it and see things fall in pleasant places for you. Pray for your own and it would come, don't look at that pocket before you take a decision on this.

:
This advice is very risky
Wat if I tell you I know many that did the same thing you did but ended up stagnant in life ?
Grace differs bro

Eriokanmi:
I'm not lying and I didn't post the comment to make people feel impressed or oppressed but to encourage the bachelors and spinsters out there

U fit run me 5k transfer?

Or alternatively, can you buy a car for me to do Uber? I promise to be religious in my weekly remittances until everything is settled.

This is supposing you stay in Lagos.

pocohantas:
Yenyenyen! They ignored guys in their prime. But when your gf breaks up with you to marry a ready man, you will come crying on Nairaland.

Some of you here have been dating your gfs for years without marriage. If they leave you now, another wailing go start.

You marry early? All Naija women want is marriage. They don’t build themselves.

You say make you stand before marriage? Double wahala. Evening newspaper, borehole pussy. Edede! Who go marry this one?

Abeg make una getaut!

See anger,so much bile.But you are right.

pocohantas:
Men do not benefit from marriage.
Men say marriage is prison to them.

I am no jailer. Follow alata.

Men say this, men say that.
But the question you should ask yourself is what do you say? It's all that matters.

Real Living and real love is all that matters.
Las las this is vain world.

BigBashiru:
I hate when marriage is called an "institution"....its a nightmare in which guys have to cope with greedy selfish women

we are sorry for the inconvience, buh we can't because of nigeria rename or redefine marriage.

valuehub:
It's better you enjoyed your football game. Those kind of your friends ehn, e go hard to teach them.

How will you teach someone who knows more than you!?, to me sef this life na scam, so the smarter one is the better for the person.

SmartGadgetz:
Men say this, men say that.
But the question you should ask yourself is what do you say? It's all that matters.

Real Living and real love is all that matters.
Las las this is vain world.

Forget about what I say. Abi you want me to marry you? Hope you have money o. This one you are already gisting me of poverty.

AutoChick4U:
you don't believe in fate?

I actually do. There are things initially outside your control, the status of the family you’re born into, your nationality, opportunity for education, your physique etc. These factors tend to predetermined one’s fate.

However every human possess extraordinary power to change their fate. No matter what hand fate deals, the writing is still yours.

Women should start approaching men, this gives them real equal rights. Waiting to be toasted gives men the upper hand in dating.

Not all celebrities are so beautiful but we still call them beautiful. It is the way a lady builds herself that matters. A skilled and intelligent lady that has an average beauty is considered more beautiful than a physically attractive lady.

Responsible guys prefer responsible ladies because they know that even when the physical beauty fades, personality will remain. If beauty is the key, then why are all beautiful ladies not married, the truth is some beautiful ladies are just like objects to guys, guys use them and dump them. Ladies should stop trying to please every guy because no lady can be every man's taste, a lady can only be a lot of men fantasy. If one lady belongs to one guy, why are some ladies trying to be a fantasy when they are not sluts, there are millions of guys out there, all of them cannot want the same thing, everything you are hearing and seeing on internet about beauty is not true, it is just fantasy.

We ladies have to try to be more confidence. We should not allow anybody make us feel inferior, a lady might not be some guys but she is definitely some other guys taste.
If you don't want to eat a food, why spoil the food by adding too much salt to it, somebody else might like the food the way it is, if a guy does not want a lady the way she looks, he should leave her alone and look for his taste, he should not disturb her emotionally or health wise, ladies should stop enhancing their looks or their bodies because of a guy. As long as a lady is neat, intelligent and confident, she is good to go.

I personally don't like it when guys emphasize on my shape and my facial beauty because there are so many beautiful ladies like me out there with good shapes and beautiful face but what makes me special is my personality. Your beauty is in your ability not in your face or your body.

Modified
For a lady to find her own kind of guy, she has to put in some effort. A Lady that is looking for a suitor should not be rigid, she should free herself and go out to places, she should attend different events, she should eat out at restaurants and fast foods and visit new places.

pocohantas:
Forget about what I say. Abi you want me to marry you? Hope you have money o. This one you are already gisting me of poverty.

Lol.
I don't want you to marry me neither do I want to marry you. Nobe like this person dey take marry Nah.

Again, you are a mature lady from all indications following your comments and reasoning. I presume you are also a beautiful one.

As for money, nobody can tell who you are quoting and reqouting here on naira land that's why one needs to be careful about it and ignore clowns. Lol.

Poverty and wealth is a thing of the mindset.
The mind is underrated. Shiiit.

[s]

valves:
You need to understand intersexual dynamics. ladies (and guys too) have a timeline, but most are oblivious of it until much later in life when it's almost too late.

Ladies are at their peak period when they are between ages 18-24 (for some it extends to 26). At this stage they are approached by all kinds of guys, obviously because they are young and beautiful, but this attention they get makes them to feel like they are on top of the world, like goddesses and gifts to humanity. Among those approaching at this stage are people who genuinely want to settle with them for life, but they are not ready to forgo all the attention they are getting from the other guys. They basically want to explore and date different people.

When they approach ages btw 28-34 they realise that they are no longer as attractive as they used to be and are not getting the attention of guys as before (this is the epiphany stage). Then they become desperate to settle down but most guys/suitors have already gotten married or switched their attention to much younger ladies. So the top guys they were interested in during their peak period are no longer available to them. Most ladies at this stage will still adamantly refuse to lower their standards and settle for someone who isn't (in their minds) "up to their (unrealistic) standards", and they keep aging while waiting for "Mr Perfect."

For guys the story is different. Guys peak around 32-36 years. At this age they have worked very hard and made money, are financially independent and ready to settle. But most of them will settle for ladies who are younger (ladies in their 20s), only a handful will go for ladies in their 30s.

Also, our generation is losing it. Some ladies find it hard to keep a man because they do not know their roles as women. They have consciously or unconsciously become hard-core feminist. Reality is most men don't want to settle with such ladies.

Summary is no lady will truthfully say that guys (well-intentioned guys) never approached them in their twenties (peak period). But they are on top of the world at this stage and belive they have all the time in the world and can attract anyone just because they are young and beautiful.

If you are a lady in your 20s (especially mid 20s) pls while you are getting all the attention from guys try and identify a potential suitor to settle down with. The older you get the more difficult it becomes.

[/s]

SmartGadgetz:
Lol.
I don't want you to marry me neither do I want to marry you. Nobe like this person dey take marry Nah.

Why you come dey quote me since as you no wan marry me and you no want make I marry you?

pocohantas:
Forget about what I say. Abi you want me to marry you? Hope you have money o. This one you are already gisting me of poverty.

Come to lekki, sagontedo. Lemme pick you up just for fun.

.

pocohantas:
Why you come dey quote me since as you no wan marry me and you no want make I marry you?

Come to lekki. Let's roll.

Lol, you are now being funny. .

Communication first first, understanding second second, love third third then marriage.
Don't forget.

Brightw278:
I was discussing with a friend of mine during one of his visits this past weekend, we talked about politics, football and a whole lot of interesting topics. We were in the middle of discussion when we tuned in into this popular reality tv series on dstv, “finding the one”. So we switched topic

I was trying to explain to him why we have many ladies looking for suitors in Nigeria and the main reason being this harsh economy. I told him no man would want to settle down until he has something to fall onto and has a good job that can sustain a family but my friend thinks otherwise.

He said the reason why some ladies get really old without suitors coming their way is because they must have ignored a lot of guys during their prime (20-28) and once reality set in they become desperate.

I told him I have a sister who is perfectly fine and doing well but good men ain’t just coming her way, but he just wouldn’t agree. I can’t believe people still think this way in this 21st century. He was telling me no matter your looks and all someone must approach you, I had to calm him down what if those coming your way ain’t even somebody you can settle with. Guess his reply? You just have to endure and get married like that.

This a guy went on for some hours before I just decided to call it a quit and told him we should just enjoy our football match.Personally to me I think nobody should be forced into marriage when he /she ain’t ready.

I just want to seek you guys opinion, he will also be on nairaland reading this. Should the sole reason of not being able to find suitors be attributed to youthful exuberance alone? Do girls who find it difficult to find a man must have been to choosy in the past? Your opinions will be highly appreciated

I will have to agree with your friend, I think pastor David Ogbule also talked about it some months ago. In life there are seasons, not maximizing the opportunities a season brings has dire consequences. A lady will menstruate 400 times in her life, that's 33.3 year, 7 of those years are to help grow into full maturity, so she has 26.3 years to enjoy sex and have children. The peak period in a lady's season is 20- 29 years, if you don't have a strong relationship at that period, it could be somewhat problematic. Secondly, in Nigeria we worship money, everything has been denominated to money, the very process of our marriage culture is heavily monetized. In many cultures abroad people get married after high school and many of these marriages make it, in the past people were willing to build together their life, family and career but now we prefer to build individually. Some men will take the chance of building with a woman but most women are not interested not until it's very late. Let's not go into the irresponsibility and bad habits of men or the fact that many men are poorly trained.

siofra:
I think it's love. People place too much value on finding romantic love. The media has set ridiculous standards for love. Everyone wants to experience that feeling of being in love (romantic love)

Some are not even ready to commit themselves and sacrifice. They just want people to love them. After all with the way media has shown it (thanks to romantic movies, novels and reality shows) it has to be a sweet, wonderful feeling.

what is it supposed to be before? what you describe here is not marriage but mating.

pocohantas:
Yenyenyen! They ignored guys in their prime. But when your gf breaks up with you to marry a ready man, you will come crying on Nairaland.

Some of you here have been dating your gfs for years without marriage. If they leave you now, another wailing go start.

You marry early? All Naija women want is marriage. They don’t build themselves.

You say make you stand before marriage? Double wahala. Evening newspaper, borehole pussy. Edede! Who go marry this one?

Abeg make una getaut!

If you gimme your ponyor, I promise to drill it well for you...

Firstcitizen:
Its called the hoeing phase and they all do it. That age range is a no no for any naija man seeking a true relationship. It will only end in tears

another wise man

tayo60:
Everyone differs. What may be what is delaying someone might not be what another is experiencing. In this life, everyone runs a different race. Some married early and d marriage couldn't last while some late, and are enjoying their marriage now. So never mock someone who is yet to be married, so far they have not done it doesn't mean they will not do it. Everyone's time is different!

Sorry! Are you married? I have a question for you.

bilton6:
The older they get the wiser they become.. it's even better you're matured enough before you think of getting married because marriage is not for teens. To get good suitors always be reserved.. A perfect suitor will approach you with this observation.. being reserved,mature and always coordinated anywhere you find yourself.
Mind you! no one wants to settle down for a runs girl.

but it's the runs girls that are getting married every Saturday, life is really not balanced.