| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by sixtus3606(m): 1:42pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
sixtus3606:
Say wetin happen?
I had my first son at the age of 25 when I was earning just 30k. I was living in a room apartment. I didn't give up. I didn't follow anybody's advice. I simply stuck to my very own advice.
Fast forward to today, I earn close to half a million and this was possible thorigh hard/smart work, and ofcourse professional certification courses. I got my first car at the age of 32 and I now live in a flat.
What works for me may not not for another man. And what works for another man may not work for me.
Kolawole2130 , I advise you have a heart-to-heart discussion with your partner. If at the end, he doesn't want to see reasons with you then if his decision is something you can go with, then go with it.
In this life, we one way or the other agree to disagree.
Baba wan blow before he starts making it. What if he starts making it when he's 50. How him wan take enjoy his children?
On my part, at 50, my children will probably be planning on having their own partner (tbis means I'll be on the verge of becoming a grand dad).
Biko talk to him. Look out for opportunities. You can also create opportunities for yourselves. No be until una do 9 to 5.
Both of you should think out of the box.
Good luck! Kolawole2130, On deeper thought; you said this husband of yours categorically stated that if you cant wait for 2years (after he's done with his certification course), you can go ahead and divorce him. THIS A RED FLAG Secondly, I have never come across (Read or heard) of any certification course that runs for a period of two years. ANOTHER RED FLAG Take a deep thought on the red flags. Do your findings. The ball is in your court. Good luck 1 Like |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by sync(f): 1:43pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
My dear, take in by “mistake” |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by egunna(m): 1:45pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
uthlaw:
okay,I need to respect him for that...when next you want to mentioned, do that with common sense! no point respecting him,if u cudnt respect my father by bringing him into ur talk,u can't now pretend to respect my grandfather. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by NaijaCover(m): 1:49pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
That money is a peanut ooooo |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by NemoDatQuod(m): 1:52pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
You made the right point which I completely agree with. But your use of language was very ungenerous and almost cruel. Her "desperate body clock"? If you are a woman, you would not have written that. Without women, me and you will be.... I don't even know what. Let's always put ourselves in the shoes of others. It helps! MrBrownJay1:
you have a narrow minded view on the issue because you are focussing on the wrong things.... aka your desperate bodyclock etc
your man tells you he aint ready...so you can either WAIT with him or go find a man who has the same views as you...but dont try to change a man.. 1 Like |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by phemmyfour: 1:56pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.
Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.
I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.
The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already. I can understand his fears but with what you guys earn, you should be able to raise a kid conveniently. It's time you guys visited a counselor |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Kobojunkie: 2:05pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Kolawole2130:
I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.
The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already. Relax! There is always surrogacy!  My guess is the age issue is what you are most worried about. Rather than worry, take your time to investigate the options available out there for couples who don't have age on their side. Gain expert knowledge if possible so that when he is finally ready you have answers to guide you both through the process. Honestly, if it isn't the case that he just doesn't want to make babies with you because he already has them with someone else, I see no reason why you are worrying about this. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Onyiiobi7735(m): 2:09pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Fiscus105:
You haven't married ooo
Be on look out.
Meanwhile, are you not having sex? What happens to several sex you had in the past?
I guess ur man is sterile and dnt want you to know about it.
My candid advise, report him to his people and threatening him for divorce if he refuses to follow u for medical check up.
Ur time is ticking second by second and closer to menopause. Gbam! The man is most likely sterile and hiding it.What married man in his right senses gives such dumb excuse? |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Onyiiobi7735(m): 2:10pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Raalsalghul:
I like your husband already. Oga,there is nothing to like about him.The man is most likely sterile and hiding it from the wife. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Abidemi101: 2:12pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Maybe he was forced to get married in the first place
I come in peace.. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Onyiiobi7735(m): 2:12pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.
Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.
I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.
The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already. Ma'm your husband is most likely sterile and hiding it from you.Be extra vigilant and find out what he's hiding. No married man in his right senses gives such dumb excuse. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by migeoart(f): 2:13pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
I comot cap for your husband you won’t understand now till you have kids your 70k will be like 5naira 4 Likes |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by ElPayaso(m): 2:19pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
MrBrownJay1:
narrow minded exhibit #1
desperately thinking about her age instead of thinking about being ready (emotionally/physically/financially) to bring a child into this world.
So a woman of 32 years and a man of 35 years is not ready emotionally and physically to procreate? The part where they both earn close to 200k is self explanatory
narrow minded exhibit #2
desperately thinking of her bodyclock instead of thinking about being ready (emotionally/physically/financially) to bring a child into this world
narrow minded exhibit #3
even if she has a kid, a man can still go outside and get a younger girl pregnant...stop being an insecure woman!!!!
For your information, I'm not a woman. At least she won't be on the loosing side.
narrow minded exhibit #4
a man do not want to have kids now, what part of "i dont want to have kids now" dont you understand?!?!?!
Then why did he bother to get married? Why can't he chase the bag then marry later?
narrow minded exhibit #5
- what if SHE dies tomorrow?
- what if they both die tomorrow?
- what if they lose their jobs tomorrow?
... with IFs, BUTs and MAYBEs, we can claim any nonsense under the moon.
This is dumb. So a woman should not bother about her future cos she is married to a self centred MF
narrow minded exhibit #6
what will be her fate as a widow with a child in Nigeria?!?!?!
A woman earning 70k can survive on her own.. what will be her fate if her husband dies and she is without a kid? Won't her husband family chase her out? Or you expect her husband family to fold their hands?
narrow minded exhibit #7
who cares what the in laws think? are they the ones who are gonna feed/clothe/shelter/educate that child for the next 18yrs?!
So her husband family most especially her husband's parents should not see their grandchildren cos of a future that is not certain? What is the assurance that all the wealth he is acquiring won't turn to dust before the arrival of the child?
FINAL narrow minded exhibit
age isnt important, whats important is for people to raise children when they are READY and its obvious this man isnt!
Age is important. Don't reason like a nit-wit. The time they are meant to rest, that is when they'll be running helter-skelter in training a kid or you thought raising a kid at a latter stage in life is easy??
My father will always regret the stupid decision he took by having kids at a latter stage
May your sister suffer the same fate the OP is going through. What was the man doing when during his youthful days?? Why did he bother to get married when he knew he was not ready to father any kids. May a man waste your sister life the same way the OP husband is doing to her now |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by sisisioge: 2:22pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
GboyegaD:
Are we sure they did not sieve this and madam felt in at most 3 years he will be ready and now he's obviously not?
A friend's experience was that they will wait till the wife starts her residency in the UK since she had passed PLAB. When that happened and they started trying, they realized madam had endometriosis. Long story short, they had to pay 16k pounds for IVF as they couldn't wait for the NHS list.
I think they can try one and then wait till he achieves whatever they planned before thinking of another. Your thought is reasonable but OP's oga is not being reasonable at all. He is compro.ising her chances by his unwillingness to even discuss the matter. Hian! |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 2:26pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Raalsalghul:
There is nothing you folks will not say to defend generational poverty on Nairaland.
Nothing!
So you think most people are happy to be in this cruel world just because they were bundles of joy to their parents on their date of birth?
This thinking reinforces the selfish nature of humans one of which is currently being displayed by this Op: birthing kids which leaves them happy, bubbly and high with all other things not mattering.
Haba! Raal, you can decide not to birth kids till you clock 70 years, who cares? If the OP's husband didn't want kids as soon as possible even until this moment, why didn't he just spell it out during their dating phase? Well, I guess they were eating shawarma and ice creams when they were supposed to have been spelling out their No's and Yes. He is deceitful and cunning. Back to your bickering, does the OP and her husband seem like they are down the dregs to you? Let them birth one, they won't die. The child will even spur them to sit up when they start thinking of diapers and cereals for the baby. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by ImaIma1(f): 2:42pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
amnesty7:
Imagine! Oyinbo capitalist mentality. He never knows that the kids will definitely come with their own blessings. And who promises or guarantees him tomorrow?
He may have to raise the kids in his old age. Those ones that are starving and wallowing in poverty, didn't they come with blessings? Planning is important though the OP's husband might be quite extreme. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by HEAVEN4444: 3:02pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
UyaiIncomparabl:
You're just a sadist and a narcissist. Were you a curse to your parents? When they say children are blessings or bring blessings, it necessarily doesn't mean they bring heaps of money. Just their presence is enough to bring joy into a home. Don't be unfortunate and stop talking rubbish.
Who even give these kids phones to type rubbish here? Go and grow up. 
|
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by lextube: 3:12pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Solsix:
170k can start a small family while hopeful for better things to come. If your husband is not ready for children, he shouldn't have married in the first place. He is frustrating the young gal. I agree with you �. Nothing stops them from having one Child. 1 Like |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by GboyegaD(m): 3:20pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
sisisioge:
Your thought is reasonable but OP's oga is not being reasonable at all. He is compro.ising her chances by his unwillingness to even discuss the matter. Hian! My fear with such people is when he is ready and there is delay, he will take a bold step out. He sounds very selfish by telling to opt for a divorce if she isn't comfortable with the decision. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Fantazy(m): 3:24pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
I will have supported ur husband if you the wife is at least still in your twenties (25 - 27 yr old) but u are 32 already.
When he finally wants to settle down for children, you (OP) might have gotten a bit too old for bearing children, hence being able to birth only one or two, which he (ur husband) might not be satisfied with, as fertillty in woman has a lot to do with age.
Sit him down calmly, let him know the disadvantages, especially on your own side as the woman. He will reason with you (only if he doesn't want you to be the mother of his children).
At least having children can't stop him from doing any professional exams. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by fanzine(f): 3:27pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Madam no mind him o. My Husband said the same when we first got married, in short all my 3 kids he never supported my been pregnant at those times. But now he is grateful i insisted ,this is because of miscarriages and other complications am having now that he is ok for us to have more children 12 years in marriage. Women anatomy is not same with men. Your chances at a stable pregnancy decrease with age. Be wise. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by PennywysCares(m): 3:28pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.
Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.
I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.
The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already. las las we know there are intellectual brothers among us. Call him for me I have an award for him 1 Like |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Nobody: 3:39pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
How do you hope to support a child with your income.
You earn 70k right now, are you able to work during pregnancy and after childbirth? That 70k may well vanish if unable to work after childbirth and then you again will mount unnecessary pressure on the guy financially.
Your husband na correct focused guy. You are lucky to have someone like him. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by CSTRR: 4:04pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
MrBrownJay1:
you have a narrow minded view on the issue because you are focussing on the wrong things.... aka your desperate bodyclock etc
your man tells you he aint ready...so you can either WAIT with him or go find a man who has the same views as you...but dont try to change a man.. But her body clock is essential. It's a serious factor to consider, so she is definitely not looking for the wrong thing. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by CSTRR: 4:08pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Skyview01:
Aunty, how fo you hope to support a child with your income.
You earn 70k right now, are you able to work during pregnancy and after childbirth? That 70k may well vanish if unable to work after childbirth and then you again will mount unnecessary pressure on the guy financially.
Your husband na correct focused guy. You are lucky to have someone like him.
The man is actually very selfish. He has failed to put himself in his wife's shoes. Her biological clock is ticking. It's a fact. By the time he is ready, she would be out of child bearing prime. A considerate man would atleast make his wife happy with one child for a start. If the woman were my sister, I would advise her to start considering divorce and get an alternative on time. 1 Like |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by CSTRR: 4:13pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
@Kolawole2130
That man does not love you.
You need to start considering your options.
You are more or less still single as far as am concerned, and he is blocking the right suitors from coming. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by queenblossom(f): 4:23pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.
Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.
I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.
The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already. I like your husband kind of mentality but let him try and reconsider and have just one child first then when he blow, he can now add other children to the family. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by pedrilo: 4:28pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. . I want to give you a suggestion to remedy the mistake you made b4 settling down i.e. discussing about such important issues before marriage. Now, go to your hubby. Tell him you are ready to submit 100% of ur salary so he can add it to his own to make 170k as the family income. Then you both will sit down and draw up your family budget. 1. Decide on how much to save as a family monthly from the 170k. 2.Decide on how much to feed urselves for a month. No eating out in the office at all. You will wake up early and prepare food then dish in a flask for u both. 3. Decide on d tfare for two to work, 4.House rent monthly deduction, 5. utilities 6. Data and fone sub 7. Your hairdo n a token like 4k 8. His hairdo and a token like 5k Open joint account and save the money there. Two to sign b4 withdrawals can be made. If you can do this, I bet ur oga will succumb and get u preggy immediately But most ladies love money too much and they will never ever do the above. Dm me for more advice online. I am a married man. U r safe |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by mechanics(m): 4:30pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Raalsalghul:
I just said the truth.
It is what it is! hmmmm, that's not the truth. |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by duduade: 4:32pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
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| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Hkff: 4:38pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Really |
| Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Fhowe: 4:43pm On Dec 30, 2021 |
Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.
Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.
I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.
The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already. how is your husband frustating you ? the total annual income in your home is less than $5000 (2 million naira) and you feel the next thing is to start bringing children into the world ,better go and acquire more skills and self development the way your hubby is going about it .before you are 40 you can still have 2 kids |
