Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

He might have an issue which he doesn't want you to know.
Use your head.

Raalsalghul:
I like your husband already.

don't u think he is greedy?. Why would he marry wen he is not ready to have a child and he didn't discuss it with her before marriage.

Klass99:


My goodness .

Please stop talking/commenting already.

How you can associate the Lord with this very opinionated post of yours is beyond me.

deut 28 vs 46 Then everyone will look at you and your descendants and realize that the LORD has placed you under a curse.

MrBrownJay1:


you have a narrow minded view on the issue because you are focussing on the wrong things.... aka your desperate bodyclock etc
your man tells you he aint ready...so you can either WAIT with him or go find a man who has the same views as you...but dont try to change a man..

You are wrong, Young man.. The husband is very selfish. He can't hang the family life while he seeks personal development. Both can grow together. By the time he is ready, and pregnancy/kids are not forthcoming, what will he do. Oh, so you dont know that it is God that gives children at HIS time and not by the husband's own decisions?

The wife is now 32, What if her menopause comes early? (God forbid). Even the IVF that people rely on now, many couples are finding it difficult to get fertilised by it. If babies are not coming, he will now go out and start impersonating anything in skirt.

One good advise to the young man- personal development is good but not at the detriment of the family's growth. Both should be pursued together. I am positive, he will regret this decision in the years to come if he did not make effective changes ASAP

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Tell him that you guys need to start now that you still have the strength to work and train the kids, the only thing that you guys need to do is to stop at two or even one for the time being but waiting for the whole money to come before you start bearing child, considering you guys age is risky because you may start bearing kids at the age of 40 and 37 respectively then what will be his age and yours when the first child turned 14 when he/she will need enough money? I was earning 50 when I got married and my wife was earning 30 and still doing a program but with focus, plan and commitment things are far better now.

.

Klass99:


My goodness .

Please stop talking/commenting already.

How you can associate the Lord with this very opinionated post of yours is beyond me.

45Moreover all these curses shall come upon thee, and shall pursue thee, and overtake thee, till thou be destroyed; because thou hearkenedst not unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep his commandments and his statutes which he commanded thee:

46And they shall be upon thee for a sign and for a wonder, and upon thy seed for ever.

Beblessedbaba:
I so much like your husband. A very sensible man; you want to bring children into the world without proper planning on how to cater for them.

He has asked for patience for you guys to sort things out first. Madam better be calming down. By the way, you married a very focused and responsible man.

I do not understand what you mean that age is not on your side at 32. Please don't plunge this young man into 3rd level generational poverty (his parents got nada & his grandparents were peasant) rather divorce him quickly and marry a man who is ready to be popping children year in year out. Pity his ancestors as this young man out of the millions that we have has taken a better route instead of ritualism called Yahoo or scam that will still end of messing his later years up or cut down his life in it's prime or mortgage his children fortune.

NB: Do we even wonder why the Babalawo or Dibia that does juju or fetish rituals for Yahoo boys does not do likewise for his own children or himself. The answer is flowing in the wind.

So he didn't know that before he called for marriage? Anyway I blame the girl, because she is d one that is still listening to him, abi the guy dey use condom?

Beblessedbaba:
I so much like your husband. A very sensible man; you want to bring children into the world without proper planning on how to cater for them.

He has asked for patience for you guys to sort things out first. Madam better be calming down. By the way, you married a very focused and responsible man.

I do not understand what you mean that age is not on your side at 32. Please don't plunge this young man into 3rd level generational poverty (his parents got nada & his grandparents were peasant) rather divorce him quickly and marry a man who is ready to be popping children year in year out. Pity his ancestors as this young man out of the millions that we have has taken a better route instead of ritualism called Yahoo or scam that will still end of messing his later years up or cut down his life in it's prime or mortgage his children fortune.

NB: Do we even wonder why the Babalawo or Dibia that does juju or fetish rituals for Yahoo boys does not do likewise for his own children or himself. The answer is flowing in the wind.

Why are you shallow with your reasoning
At 32 she should be rounding up with child bearing and focus on how to raise them while she still young and able ,so you want her to still have kids in primary school at 50?. Scientifically it has been proven that child bearing above the age of 35 can stress a woman body system(making them age early) and at 40+ she has a high probability of giving birth to a child with down syndrome( trisomy)

ElPayaso:
The only narrow minded person here is you. She is 32 years old

narrow minded exhibit #1
desperately thinking about her age instead of thinking about being ready (emotionally/physically/financially) to bring a child into this world.

and she is edging closer to her latter stage in life.

narrow minded exhibit #2
desperately thinking of her bodyclock instead of thinking about being ready (emotionally/physically/financially) to bring a child into this world

What is the assurance that if she fails to give birth when the man is ready, he won't go outside and get a younger girl pregnant.

narrow minded exhibit #3
even if she has a kid, a man can still go outside and get a younger girl pregnant...stop being an insecure woman!!!!

Be realistic here. In as much the man is trying to create a future for his offsprings, one kid won't kill...

narrow minded exhibit #4
a man do not want to have kids now, what part of "i dont want to have kids now" dont you understand?!?!?!

They are earning close to 200k in a month. What if the man should die tomorrow?

narrow minded exhibit #5
- what if SHE dies tomorrow?
- what if they both die tomorrow?
- what if they lose their jobs tomorrow?
... with IFs, BUTs and MAYBEs, we can claim any nonsense under the moon.

What will be her fate?

narrow minded exhibit #6
what will be her fate as a widow with a child in Nigeria?!?!?!

I'm sure her mother-in-law or her husband family will soon be pestering her that she needs to see her grandchildren and her MF son is busy chasing bag

narrow minded exhibit #7
who cares what the in laws think? are they the ones who are gonna feed/clothe/shelter/educate that child for the next 18yrs?!

I still don't know how people get comfortable raising kids when they are very old

FINAL narrow minded exhibit
age isnt important, whats important is for people to raise children when they are READY and its obvious this man isnt!


May your sister suffer the same fate the OP is going through.

.

Klass99:


Okay, I will check it out.

My apologies if I was rude, I was just genuinely shocked by your comment.

That doesn't mean I agree with you or accept what you said, I still disagree but we can agree to have divergent views.

oh no you were not rude. its OK.

Jbiz2008:

I get your point but I think he is also considering their self con apartment. He might not want to give birth to a child in sef con apartment, because friends will want to visit and see the child, mother or mother in-law will want to come around for omugwo so all these can't happen in a self content. The apartment might actually be what he is considering

That's not an excuse. Even couples that live in a 1 room apartment are able to move on. One thing, he should do is to plan and agree with his on is future plan and not be distracted from his personal development plan. In as much as he has sold his plan to the wife, no sane woman would want to negate her husband's good effort.

This man should have not married instead of wasting his wife's time...just imagine how old the child would have been.
Nigeria is simply not Europe where price of items can stay for 5years unchanged. 3 years ago,pampass was going for #2,300 but today it's now #5100 and I think he might be waiting for Buhari to step down.

And if care is not taking,his salary has still not changed for the past years I just mentioned...such is life.
Whether he agrees with his wife or not,the price of items in the market waits for no man.

100% in support!!! Let me tell you a bit about my story, I married when salary was just 44k as a junior staff of FRSC, precisely, I married 30th of March 2018, baby come Sept same year, do you know what? I got a good Job (better) next Apri, which my salary is 248k after tax and now it's increase to 297k after tax... Am presently doing my Master also a student of CITN. People don't know what God plan every individual

Raalsalghul:
Black man, black mentality: children will bring blessings and other rhetorics that you folks will use to defend poverty.

Where did the Op complain that the man is not performing? Where?

If they have kids now and that man cannot meet up to his responsibilities, this same Op will give him hell. No be una again.

Kolawole2130 if you can't stand the heat, leave the kitchen.

OP, are you saying you have never been pregnant for him ?
I'm assuming you guys have been having sex for 3 years now.

And there is how, at least one out all would have resulted into pregnancy even though you guys have been using contraceptives or pull out which fails at times.

or did you abort it ?

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

OP u are just acting like a man and not a woman. Use your woman power and get pregnant and after 3 months u tell him that u are pregnant and see what happens next.

geosegun:
You are wrong, Young man.. The husband is very selfish.

selfish because he wants the best for his future children and doesnt want to bring into this world a child they arent able to care emotionally/physically/financially for the next 18yrs?!?!?

He can't hang the family life while he seeks personal development. Both can grow together. By the time he is ready, and pregnancy/kids are not forthcoming, what will he do. Oh, so you dont know that it is God that gives children at HIS time and not by the husband's own decisions?

funny how you are quick to talk about god, yet dont simply say:"when they are both ready, god will provide them with a child"

The wife is now 32, What if her menopause comes early? (God forbid). Even the IVF that people rely on now, many couples are finding it difficult to get fertilised by it. If babies are not coming, he will now go out and start impersonating anything in skirt.

who cares about her menopause? what you should instead care about IS the wellbeing of a child. you cant raise a child properly if you arent ready and/or didnt desire that child. thats how bad parenting and neglect happens. stop being selfish and solely thinking of your narrow minded self.

One good advise to the young man- personal development is good but not at the detriment of the family's growth. Both should be pursued together. I am positive, he will regret this decision in the years to come if he did not make effective changes ASAP

only parents would know whats best for their family...the fact that you would assume that their family should do what yours is doing, just because thats "your" dream in life, is wrong, every family is different and as much as women are desperate for marriage and children, that does not mean that you should do either recklessly!

uthlaw:
if your wish do come true,you should have wish yourself to be like otedola...how old is your father!

old enough to be ur grandfather.

Raalsalghul:


Never have, never will.

hmmmm, please don't say that.

egunna:
old enough to be ur grandfather.

okay,I need to respect him for that...when next you want to mentioned, do that with common sense!

Beblessedbaba:
I so much like your husband. A very sensible man; you want to bring children into the world without proper planning on how to cater for them.

He has asked for patience for you guys to sort things out first. Madam better be calming down. By the way, you married a very focused and responsible man.

I do not understand what you mean that age is not on your side at 32. Please don't plunge this young man into 3rd level generational poverty (his parents got nada & his grandparents were peasant) rather divorce him quickly and marry a man who is ready to be popping children year in year out. Pity his ancestors as this young man out of the millions that we have has taken a better route instead of ritualism called Yahoo or scam that will still end of messing his later years up or cut down his life in it's prime or mortgage his children fortune.

NB: Do we even wonder why the Babalawo or Dibia that does juju or fetish rituals for Yahoo boys does not do likewise for his own children or himself. The answer is flowing in the wind.

Assuming this lady is your sister, would you give such advice? This lady is 32 years and you are telling him to wait? My candid advise is that if the guy is not ready to procreate, connect to the available young man.

Jidemoo:
Did you two not discuss about it before you got married to him?

I doubt..that is the problem with intending couples. They won't discuss important and serious matters..all their talk na I love you , love me. Moving from one eatery to another.

Joke aside, I can be of help

I don't get,ur fiance or ur husband...cuz u said people around u are getting married

Drug that idiot and force him to impregnate u biko, time is not by ur side as u said

A simple Yes or No would have been preferable. But that's alright.

na2016:


People are different. If I knew prior to marriage that she is barren and I went ahead, nothing can make me change that stance.
Raising a kid is a difficult task, and goes beyond impregnating a woman. If a man tells you to hold on till he finishes his exams or things improve, listen to him.

RiyadhGoddess:
First question First, Can Oga's engine START? When it starts, can it MOVE (produce)?
Secondly, those comments up saying Oga is focused & responsible is very very wrong!!!
There is nothing wrong with having 1 child in a room self contain then she gets a family planning done to wait for when they are mentally, physically and financially ready to welcome another baby. Majority of us, our parents started from a room self contain or room & parlor and increased on every sides from their small room. No be the small room my mama and papa born me dem still dey today.
She said she earns 70k & husband earns 100k, all they need to do is plan their finances properly. Sis, you and your husband should go for counseling ASAP! That will fix it except if there's something Oga is hidding from you, oh yes I have seen a situation like this, Oga & his family knew something except the wife & her family. That was what prompt my first question up.
It is the joy of every woman who is legally married to have children of their own, no man should deprieve his wife of this right!!!

And please, every intending couple should always discuss & agree on discussions like this before marriage hence the purpose of Premarital classes in our churches today.


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You are funny oh, you are talking about family planning when baba never even agree to produce one child, it seem like her husband is not the type that loves sex. He is too focused on his Ambition in life.

Those asking why she didn't discuss this with her fiance before marriage, that's a silly question to ask, how many topics would they discuss and continue to discuss, you can't know it all or discuss it all, it's as you live with the person, new behaviors and attitudes just keeps coming up.

My advice is to give him Goli it's a sex enhancer, like a gum, just push it into his mouth and tell him you bought a chewing gum for him, walaihi after he finishes to eat it, he will ride you into a bouncing baby boy , ensure you are ovulating. Thank me later ma

Raalsalghul:
Black man, black mentality: children will bring blessings and other rhetorics that you folks will use to defend poverty.

Where did the Op complain that the man is not performing? Where?

If they have kids now and that man cannot meet up to his responsibilities, this same Op will give him hell. No be una again.

Kolawole2130 if you can't stand the heat, leave the kitchen.

You're right man, I have this Canadian woman who has been my mentor over a year now, I was surprise when she told me she doesn't have a child and she's in mid 50s and happily married, I ask her why she refuse to have children she said is not necessary and what matter is happiness, she has been married over 20 years till date no kids her and her husband are both happily married.. Oyinbo life too sweet and no body dey put pressure on them. They choose who they wanna live their life

oldienavie:
A lot of terrible advise on this thread, this is a 32 year old woman and it is perfectly within her right to demand for pregnancy. What a selfish and wicked being.
It is unfortunate that OP is in this terrible situation, did you not discuss about this before getting married ?
What exactly were you guys discussing during your courtship ?

Help ask her what they were discussing...

RiyadhGoddess:
First question First, Can Oga's engine START? When it starts, can it MOVE (produce)?
Secondly, those comments up saying Oga is focused & responsible is very very wrong!!!
There is nothing wrong with having 1 child in a room self contain then she gets a family planning done to wait for when they are mentally, physically and financially ready to welcome another baby. Majority of us, our parents started from a room self contain or room & parlor and increased on every sides from their small room. No be the small room my mama and papa born me dem still dey today.
She said she earns 70k & husband earns 100k, all they need to do is plan their finances properly. Sis, you and your husband should go for counseling ASAP! That will fix it except if there's something Oga is hidding from you, oh yes I have seen a situation like this, Oga & his family knew something except the wife & her family. That was what prompt my first question up.
It is the joy of every woman who is legally married to have children of their own, no man should deprieve his wife of this right!!!

And please, every intending couple should always discuss & agree on discussions like this before marriage hence the purpose of Premarital classes in our churches today.


Already preparing for next year 2022? Let's help you with your social media content calender for 2022 & if your business isn't online yet, DM me to get started!

100k is the only visible money in the union....