MrBrownJay1:


selfish because he wants the best for his future children and doesnt want to bring into this world a child they arent able to care emotionally/physically/financially for the next 18yrs?!?!?



funny how you are quick to talk about god, yet dont simply say:"when they are both ready, god will provide them with a child"



who cares about her menopause? what you should instead care about IS the wellbeing of a child. you cant raise a child properly if you arent ready and/or didnt desire that child. thats how bad parenting and neglect happens. stop being selfish and solely thinking of your narrow minded self.



only parents would know whats best for their family...the fact that you would assume that their family should do what yours is doing, just because thats "your" dream in life, is wrong, every family is different and as much as women are desperate for marriage and children, that does not mean that you should do either recklessly!

You see, life doesn't always go the way you analysed this (an ideal situation)...but life is funny, it is unpredictable (realistic situation). With total of about 170k per month and with proper planning, I can tell you the family will do just fine even with 2 kids, while he continues to develop himself.

The husband of the OP could be smart and ambitious but he clearly lacks wisdom.

The bible says, Wisdom is the principal thing, get wisdom and in all thy gettings, get understanding.

Looks like you were the one who pushed him into marriage when he was not ready.

Raalsalghul:
I like your husband already.

Hahaha, una go kill person with laugh for nairaland.com

2special:
kids comes with blessings, how? But most Families prefer having 4 maximum children ( blessings) to having 100 children (blessings).

leave the guy..... Most people don't that it takes more than air and omomo to take care of a child.... Na billing things....

@least when op husband ready him go get two kids like Arnold Schwarzenegger......

Seeking advice on nairaland can even make one to commit and misbehave,people are been carried away with the rapid increase in civilization thereby making it difficult to act and behave rightly and culturally. It's a pity,our society is downgrading in values.



OP,I think you have to understand that child bearing is one of purposes of marriage.
Then what is the value of money you have without children,can you tell what will happen tommorrow?

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Why didn't you discuss before marriage, typical me won't allow my wife for atleast 3 years to give room for more love.

sisisioge:
Wow! What did you guys discuss before marriage? Did the topic of kids never came up? Hmmmm....see this life, you married a man obviously still struggling like a singleton and you expected his mind to be ready like a family man....what was the haste with this particular guy biko? He wasnt obviously materially, financially and emotionally ready for marriage. Whew!
Anyways, you really dont need him to determine when to get pregnant if you really want a baby....the shot is mostly yours. After the fact, you can then have a convo.... abi he is keeping his peepee away from you?

No come cause trouble ooo. Dis one for me fit end marriage as no more convo after you act. My only concern is "what was discussed about childbirth during courtship?"

He is my kind of person. Always in search of better chances of survival.

The only difference is, I will not be married when i know I'm not ready to have kids. So, he is kind of selfish and thoughtless.

The way out; find his mother, buy her bounvita, Milo, coth, shoes, necklace and all sorts of allurement. After you must of endeared yourself to her, tell her of the madness of her child. She too will tell your husband father who in turn who inform his own uncle. They will call family meeting on top him and his issue.

He will be angry at you, but he will have no choice than doing your bid.

Mariangeles:
Your husband is deceiving, defrauding and emotionally manipulating you.
Shine your eyes and refused to be deceived.
I will not be surprised if he already has some kids stashed up somewhere.

Also, pay no attention to those deceivers up there.
They're enemies of marriage.
What if when he's finally ready, you find it difficult to conceive, what then?

My question be say OP and her husband for don dey nack since three Yeats now. How cum no preg

There's a problem - a big problem.
There could be a secret - his past or his future plans or nothing.
He's someone no one can talk to - a much bigger problem.
May it not end in regrets.
I wish you good luck.

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Pay to freeze your eggs, I think that's safer

babtoundey:
He is my kind of person. Always in search of better chances of survival.

The only difference is, I will not be married when i know I'm not ready to have kids. So, he is kind of selfish and thoughtless.

The way out; find his mother, buy her bounvita, Milo, coth, shoes, necklace and all sorts of allurement. After you must of endeared yourself to her, tell her of the madness of her child. She too will tell your husband father who in turn who inform his own uncle. They will call family meeting on top him and his issue.

He will be angry at you, but he will have no choice than doing your bid.

Good you choose not to be selfish. I was like him. No marriage until I attained my minimums.

As for his selfishness, there isn't a thing his family can do. What matters is what they agreed on during courtship.

Qmoneyhigh:

Why are you shallow with your reasoning
At 32 she should be rounding up with child bearing and focus on how to raise them while she still young and able ,so you want her to still have kids in primary school at 50?. Scientifically it has been proven that child bearing above the age of 35 can stress a woman body system(making them age early) and at 40+ she has a high probability of giving birth to a child with down syndrome( trisomy)

Are you minding all these kids we have on nairaland

geosegun:
You see, life doesn't always go the way you analysed this (an ideal situation)...but life is funny, it is unpredictable (realistic situation). With total of about 170k per month and with proper planning, I can tell you the family will do just fine even with 2 kids, while he continues to develop himself.

please do tell us what else you see in your crystal ball... and BTW stop assuming that because some are doing great with 170k, everyone should therefore have kids if they earn the same. jide isnt Ahmed nor is he Chris.

The husband of the OP could be smart and ambitious but he clearly lacks wisdom.

this issue has nothing to do with ambition and/or wisdom, but all to do with LIFE CHOICES. you cant force someone to do what they are not read/willing to do (just because thats what you want)

The bible says, Wisdom is the principal thing, get wisdom and in all thy gettings, get understanding.

here are some bible verses to consider:

1 Peter 5:6
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Raalsalghul:
Black man, black mentality: children will bring blessings and other rhetorics that you folks will use to defend poverty.

Where did the Op complain that the man is not performing? Where?

If they have kids now and that man cannot meet up to his responsibilities, this same Op will give him hell. No be una again.

Kolawole2130 if you can't stand the heat, leave the kitchen.

don't mind her...she's talking about her 70k which most of us are aware that that money is hidden somewhere without her support....

Three advice: advice 1 is invalid if your husbands comes home everyday of the week.

1. If you husband doesn't come home everyday or he disappear after some time, then he probably has all the children he needs in the world for another woman you are not aware of. He is only catching fun with you perhaps.

2. Ask him to give you a timeline or the year he will be ready so that you all work towards it.

3. It;s only a woman who can decide when to have kinds. Use your head and have what is legitimately yours through him

Jidemoo:
Did you two not discuss about it before you got married to him?

Good question. Folks these days just marry, no discussions of the uneasy sides that could pop up, they discuss the sweet things. Smh

Hope say una two dey Bleep Sha, he fit be impotent make you no know lol


Sorry tho, but on a norms 170k monthly is still enough to bring a kid to the world... Two could be a crowd but the view is best seen with him

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

if u like go and carry one mumu pregnancy to him from outside because of this your desperation, you are doing yourself. you think you are too old at 32? 40+ women are out there without a kid. better align with him and be happy later

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Na wa oh.


I keep wondering where Nigerian ladies de see all these type of men they date and marry. Na wa oh.


It is well oh

Some times I wonder if you people are serious, marital advice is a serious business.

From what you said its best you split, you didnt seek out the guys vision, other wise you wouldnt marry, he is not ready for kids period, he can stay for 5 years with out kids still marry and have kids, you on the other hand are close to menopause( didnt say how many abortions you did before you met him)

Its better you split and find someone who is ready to have kids with you immediately, but remember to born football team no be problem na to get the money to train dem .

You reaction shows you re short sighted and immature, you dont think about the future only the present short term enjoyment, typical of an average Nigerian girl.

TheSimiloluwa:
Hope say una two dey Bleep Sha, he fit be impotent make you no know lol


Sorry tho, but on a norms 170k monthly is still enough to bring a kid to the world... Two could be a crowd but the view is best seen with him

Do you know the updated cost of delivery today? baby food, clothing, toiletries, house rent, utilities, personal adult expenses, parental duties etc are all men deal with. A woman earning 70k is pressuring her hubby to get a kid. Man isn't ready for those expenses on his meagre salary.

peeps earning 500k gan dey beg God. He wants to improve their worth let him. If they try now and she bears triplets what will happen? your guess is as good as mine

egunna:
allow d mumu nah,person dey earn 170k jointly in a month,u no fit plan for two and a half ppl,how him wan come make am for life.life na struggle ooo,who rest na who don die.Dangote with all him money still dey fly up and down.plan ur life for where God put u now first,no look anoda person life take plan ur own coz our destinies different.i no wan talk pass dis one before him go tag me prophet of doom.

The man just wicked walai. Maybe him dey impotent. So him dey use vexation take scare the woman. Money no dey do person o. Person wey dey earn 1M monthly still dey complain. The more money you earn, the more your expense equals your earnings. That's just the theory of money. What changes? Your lifestyle. So make him appreciate God for the one him get.

007s:
My advise to you....

Stop discussing issue of Chid bearing for now..(say 1 to 3 month)

Anytime you do the do and oga release, try to get hold of the condom and empty the content where you prefer it to be.

You may consider switching to female condom, so you have control (over the condom after use), also you may consider punching tiny hole at the end of the condom.

Avoid wearing pants (inside your room) so you are always ready.

Lastly, if God finally answer your prayer, ensure 80% of child care expenses comes from you, cos na you plan to borne

Bad guy.

Something doesn't seem right on both sides . how can a woman be demanding for pregnancy from her husband. Is it that for 3 years you have not been fucking each other.? The guy know something which the wife does not know and his family also know this but kept mute. Madam use your sense naa

May1st:


if u like go and carry one mumu pregnancy to him from outside because of this your desperation, you are doing yourself. you think you are too old at 32? 40+ women are out there without a kid. better align with him and be happy later

Do you think money is happiness? Nobody is promised tomorrow. Make the best of today. There is joy with children. At 40 you want her to be attending PTA meetings. Why not give birth on time and enjoy old age in peace? I wish I had my first child at 25.

MrBrownJay1:


FIXED

Maybe if they were just dating. But they're already married.

The man is selfish. Many people have advanced professionally with less income. Except the op is deceiving us in saying that she has been supportive, then I don't see any reason why he would be behaving like the burden of raising the child would rest squarely on him. It is callous of him to ask her to seek for divorce if she cannot wait.

A good time to discuss this would have been before you got married, but it's time to put your cards on the table. Tell him you definitely want children. If he's adamant that he doesn't, then you are at a fundamental incompatibility in your marriage and it's time to end it. Better NOW than later.

juman:


Abi.
She should use her sense.
She does not need that begging. Dont beg him anymore.
Even if you need to do sperm test if you get it difficult to be pregnant with raw, use style collect his sperm and do the test.

She's too naive. No need of begging, consultation didn't work. She should use her natural seductive ability plus wits. Very easy for her to get pregnant. Missionary style or cowgirl style will get the job done, IF and only IF she has a bomb pussy though. Men are very obedient during sex, if the pussy is fire

mechanics:
hmmmm, you don't like responsibilities abi?

That guy is very irresponsible. Go through his past comments, you'll see what I mean. He hates kids and women.